On being me!!!

[Felix]

Ok this is how I'm feeling right now. Also a few comparisons if I may? Is genderqueer like being bi-sexual I wonder? Please don't take offence it's just thoughts I'm having!!! I play the male role in the home but I'm confused. It's clear I take the male role but to take the step of becoming is a huge one at my age and with all the other factors involved. I'm definitely seen as both or maybe not cos I'm compared to other males and what they do but then I'm not a genetic man. Even if I took hormones I would not be a genetic man rationality tells me this. I feel like I am torn between two worlds, male and female. My female side wants me to do certain things things that a woman would want to do like go to park with Yachica and the kids and her sister and baby but the fact that I take the male role somehow means I shouldn't do that. Instead I should stay home and do the gardening or something.OMG! I feel so torn. Is this like being bi-sexual and liking both men and women? I feel like I'm fence sitting and I should make my mind up!!!! No I think it isn't like being bi cos bi ppl seem quite happy to be with either gender I'm not. Sorry if I've got this wrong tell me. Ya know just when ya think ya settled it all comes hitting ya in the face again!!!!
I'm stuck, I feel like I'm not a man and I'm not a woman this is serious s***!!! I feel somewhere in between although more male as thats where I'm more comfortable.
My son came this week and my hair was like not jelled he said 'Mum ya a man' or 'Ya like a man'. Whatever he said what he saw. How confusing is this stuff. Not only for me but my partner and yet I think she uses my gender as she sees fits like depending on what we are doing. Feelin like I've took one step forward and six huge steps backward.
I watched Sex Change Hospital last night it was brill can't wait to see the other five. Any ways that's how I feel right now. This is no slant on anyone it's just how I feel :straightface: xx Felix :hugs:

[kerrianna]

aww Felix, you are feeling confuddled (that's Poc's term), and with good reason.

Maybe you are what is called Two-Spirited. It doesn't mean you're bi: don't forget, gender and sexuality are seperate things. It does mean you have the capability of seeing life with both male and female eyes (sometimes both at the same time!) Two Spirited people have been revered among many cultures for they see beyond ordinary gender roles, and were often shamans or mystics. Is that such a bad thing to be?

Yeah, I know...somedays it would be nice to just say "I'm a boy!" or "I'm a girl!" But really, most of us are more than just that. Some of us happen to be a LOT more than just that.

Yachica seems to get it if she can see you differently at different times. Maybe it shouldn't be dependant on WHAT you are doing, but how you are feeling (although the actions often trigger the feelings) .

I've been thinking about this stuff tonight too. I was just looking seriously into what SRS entails for a MTF TS and thinking nope, can't say I know I am just a girl and that will complete me. I know I am more complex, and equally confuddled :heehee:, so that leaves me adrift... which isn't a bad thing really... just unnerving sometimes.

The main thing is... what kind or PERSON are you?

And you seem to be a caring, intelligent, brave and loving person. That makes you okey-dokey to me. :happy: :hugs: :love:

[Kieron Andrew]

Felix have you ever thought about talking to someone in a professional manner, because over the last few weeks it is very apparent you are all het up and confused over alot of issues, I guess the hardest thing is to accept ourselves and having someone professional to help us do that is no great shame.....maybe seek out a gender related counsellor in your area, i can search out one if you wanted, in the meantime of course we are only too willing to listen and support you, I know that when you first entered your relationship with your other half you most probably yourself identified as a lesbian couple, but can you honestly say thats how you see it now that you are exploring your male side more and more, I know that gender and sexuality are two different things but when merged together they can cause conflict if not sorted out in our minds, i know!!!, ive taken that journey myself, i once identified as lesbian because i hadnt even thought about the possibility of being trans at that stage in my life, when i did discover my male side it was quite apparent to me that infact i am a straight male :)......i hope you can sort though those issues in your head :)

oh and there are lots of GMs that take on feminine perceived roles in the home, lots are stay at home dads, caregivers, lots are the cook in the family (dont forget some of the worlds best chefs are male ;)).......

If you do want a UK based gender therapist http://www.pinktherapy.com/ heres a good place to start, thats where i got Poccy's from, with recommendation from someone else i know

[pocoyo]

AWwww Felix... I think you're getting all worried about what role you're meant to be fulfilling... what you're supposed to be acting like.
But, you really don't have to.
It's not like... all women are one way, and all men are another...
lots of traditionally "male" and "female" activities cross over the genders.

I think that you just have to be you... do exactly what you want! Go to the park if you want, or stay home gardening if you want... but don't do it because you think you should, or have to, to be more of a man/woman.
Just do the things you actually want to do in your heart.

There are many men that have female traits and vice versa.


And btw if you transitioned, yes you would be a proper real absolute man.

Hmm I think I'm rambling (meant to be doing a bit of work but got engrossed reading threads hehe bad pocs!)
But what I'm trying to say is...

It doesn't matter WHAT you do... that does not actually define your gender.
The only thing that can define your gender is you saying "I am a man" or "I am a woman" or "I am genderqueer".

And just wear the look/bodyshape that makes you feel most comfortable.

It is a difficult and confusing journey, this one of our self awareness... but it's worth it. Sometimes it does get a bit bumpy, but we actually learn from the bumps!

Hope you are feeling much better soon :hugs:

[bi_weird]

Haha sounds like you're in a nice solid sensible place...(yes sarcasm)
That's sorta like being bi... While most days are in the middle, I have days where I only like men and days where I only like women. You just appear to be combining the equivalent of the two. *laughs* I feel like we're exactly the opposite gender-wise: if you're the gender equivalent of bi, I'm the gender equivalent of asexual. I usually just don't feel a strong identification with either side and here you are getting both.
I dunno, I figure it's a problem if you think it's a problem. Does it really bother you to want to do both masculine and feminine things? Or do you feel like other people won't like it? Seems totally fine to me to want to be a guy one day and a girl the next, and some days do a lot of both, if that's what works for you. But yeah, maybe it's time to talk to someone with a degree in this stuff. Especially if this is causing you distress.

[O2B Barbara]

Hi Felix,

Prior to joining this forum I was ignorant of a lot of these issues and felt very alone with my feelings of wanting to dress as a woman. I had never even thought about the ftm side of crossdressing. This has been a real growth experience for me the last few weeks. As for what has been said previously I agree with most comments. I also have some of those same feelings as you. I am a man, I should love sports, play football, leer at women, drink and talk crude and so on... What I enjoy is a good book, quiet times alone & quiet times with my wife, I even cry at sad parts of movies! Not much of a man am I! Well let the world take a step back, I am what I am and there isn't much else to see. I will do as I wish as long as it doesn't hurt anyone and if people can not understand that I like lace & frills, their problem - not mine.

Be yourself, do what feels right and trust your heart.

Hugs,

[Kate Simmons]

Felix, I agree with everyone else. It is the PERSON you are who counts. You are a person who identifies as a man and so are a man in my opinion. We are all a mixture of both for that matter and should not be ashamed of anything because it is who we are. When all of my children were babies, I fed them, changed their diapers, cuddled them close when they were crying. I was every bit the Mom, short of physically and I was Richard and I was loving it. I like all sorts of things that are considered either "feminine" or "masculine" no matter how I am presenting and don't care who knows it really. If I'm doing something "feminine" as Rich or something "masculine" as Sal, people who know me will say, "Oh that's just ........being himself or herself and they accept that behavior.
It matters little to me because, while I used to do it before, I no longer pretend to be someone else or act differently for the sake of others, it just doesn't work for me any more. I am me, simple as that. I accept everyone else for who they are, I just expect the same consideration in return. Like Kieron says, the gender aspect does tend to blur the lines sometimes but when all is said and done, it's the person who remains and that is who others respect and appreciate. Just be yourself, my friend. I know and love you for who you are and so does everyone else here.:love:

[CaptLex]

When we're born we don't know what it means to be male or be female. We don't know what males or females are "supposed" to do, feel, like, etc. Society teaches us these things and we go along 'cause we don't know any different. But we, here, now know different, or are learning it. It's not what we do or like that defines our gender, or lack of a definitive gender, and what we do or like is just a reflection of our inner selves.

Do whatever you like, Felix. Be however you want to be, but be happy and don't worry about whether it's what you should be doing as a man or a genderqueer person. Incorrect rules are meant to be broken. Just be you and be happy, dude. :hugs:

[Dasein9]

"One is not born, but rather becomes a woman."

When Simone de Beauvoir said this, she hit the nail right on the thumb! And it goes for being a man too.

Sure, we have these biological classifications for bodies, and a lot of people think that it's a scientific fact that bodies are born male, female, or intersex. In fact, bodies are just born, and then have the labels attached. And it's hardly surprising that such a simple system of classification doesn't suffice to describe actual human bodies.

Then... just because people like to simplify what isn't simplifi-able, we get this notion that these bodies are supposed to fit into certain social roles. So we have these concepts of "man" and "woman" that everyone assumes we'll fit into. Men do this, women do that. And it gets really complex, because then we add in economic class, ethnicity, and a bunch of other factors. So how we fit into society is possibly even more complicated than biology!

But people persist in trying to make it all sweet and simple, when it just isn't.

So, sure, you're confused. But I submit the notion that you're confused because you're a really sensible person who happens to be living in a society with really non-sensical ideas about how to classify and categorise human beings.

In short, you're a sane guy living in an insane world.

[Kieron Andrew]

And btw if you transitioned, yes you would be a proper real absolute man.
i meant to touch on this comment too, no way does the fact you were born with a female body make you any less of a whole man, expecially post-transition!!


Like Kieron says, the gender aspect does tend to blur the lines sometimes but when all is said and done, it's the person who remains and that is who others respect and appreciate. Just be yourself
:yt: Sal put it so much better than i did!

[happyfish]

Every one's said pretty much what needs to be said, and I can't think of anything to add, so here. :hugs:

[Dasein9]

i meant to touch on this comment too, no way does the fact you were born with a female body make you any less of a whole man, expecially post-transition!!

I've long believed that people who think their manhood is seated in their being born with a penis are absolutely correct.

Some people just don't have anything more than that going for them.

Sad, eh?

[Kieron Andrew]

I've long believed that people who think their manhood is seated in their being born with a penis are absolutely correct.

Some people just don't have anything more than that going for them.

Sad, eh?
i totally agree with you there!!:rolleyes:

[Felix]

Thanx ya'll for you wonderful replies, kind words and inspirational comments :hugs::hugs::hugs:

OK a few more thoughts since we last spoke... I know I'm not bi sorry if I confused anybody didn't mean to. I love women too much :heehee:
Don't think I need a bulge in my pants to be seen as male cos those who don't know me see the male in me anyways. It's how I feel, I like having the bulge it feels right somehow even if it don't work :o I also don't think that I need a penis to fully present as a man, that's not what I meant. It's what's in my mind I know I can feel like a man please don't take offence but logically I can never be a genetic male. I can do everything else, present even change things by taking hormones if I so wish at some point. I could have my name changed and all the other legal stuff. This is why I said I don't feel the need for a faulse p**** to be given me through surgery because I don't feel that it is all about that even though society seems to think power lies there. I say poo to that cos look how many great women there are in the world and they don't have well ya know. What I'm saying is it is what is in my mind that counts far more than what is in between my legs. Although it does seem to help lol!!!
In my mind I feel extremely masculine, I love to strut up the street looking good for Yachica and myself. I think to myself I feel good like this nobody is gonna take it away. Thanx again peeps luvs ya all xx Felix

[Cai]

Felix, I have to say I've had the same feelings as you, that even if I fully transition, even with SRS (which I can't really see in my future), I won't be a GM. But we don't need to be GMs. We can just be us, and that's good enough.

But it seems you've realized that on your own. :hugs:

[Felix]

Thanx Cai so much you get where I'm coming from exactly :hugs::hugs: xx Felix

[O2B Barbara]

Felix,

You have the best position of all, can be a man and only need one head to think with. And they say women are the weaker sex!

[kerrianna]

Thanx ya'll for you wonderful replies, kind words and inspirational comments :hugs::hugs::hugs:

OK a few more thoughts since we last spoke... I know I'm not bi sorry if I confused anybody didn't mean to. I love women too much :heehee:
Don't think I need a bulge in my pants to be seen as male cos those who don't know me see the male in me anyways. It's how I feel, I like having the bulge it feels right somehow even if it don't work :o I also don't think that I need a penis to fully present as a man, that's not what I meant. It's what's in my mind I know I can feel like a man please don't take offence but logically I can never be a genetic male. I can do everything else, present even change things by taking hormones if I so wish at some point. I could have my name changed and all the other legal stuff. This is why I said I don't feel the need for a faulse p**** to be given me through surgery because I don't feel that it is all about that even though society seems to think power lies there. I say poo to that cos look how many great women there are in the world and they don't have well ya know. What I'm saying is it is what is in my mind that counts far more than what is in between my legs. Although it does seem to help lol!!!
In my mind I feel extremely masculine, I love to strut up the street looking good for Yachica and myself. I think to myself I feel good like this nobody is gonna take it away. Thanx again peeps luvs ya all xx Felix

With a different slant in the other direction this is EXACTLY how I feel Felix. I KNOW how I feel and what works for me, and if that doesn't fit into society's boxes, well, like you said "poo!" :eek: :heehee:

Like others have said here, a lot of this is about how society tries to round us up, and we are way too complex of spirits for that. I consider this a gift I have been given, because it has allowed me to see how limitations to my being are placed on me from outside sources, and half the battle is recognizing that. The other half is having the courage and resolve to walk in your own light. And it sounds to me like you are developing that resolve day by day Felix.

Me too. :happy: :hugs::hugs:

"I think to myself I feel good like this nobody is gonna take it away." Felix the Cool Dude

[Charleen]

I ain't a guy, I ain't a girl. I'm both. Yeah I got the male equipment but that don't mean much to me, I hide it all the time anyway. So biologically I'm a guy. Big deal. I was given the wrong parts. I know who I am, and even though I denied it forever, looking back, Lily was always there and in control even when I was trying to prove I was a man to the world and I guess to myself as well. It's what's inside that counts. Heard that alot growing up but only lately coming to terms with who I really am is it making sense. Karren like to say she has the best of both worlds. In her situation it looks so. But alot of us here are grappling with issues surpassing CDing. I admit I have been and continue to be gender confused. People look at what we're born with and expect us to behave that way. Yet we know different that we're different, yet try to conform to what is expected of us 'cause of the plumbing we have. No wonder we get discombobulated!
Felix, it took years of that "programming" growing up. We, you and I, have only recently started to come to terms with the truth of who we are. Tell ya what, let's slow down, take it a day at a time(to coin a phrase) and try to enjoy who we are. If that means like in my case, dressing like Charlie sometimes, though even when dressed like Charlie I'm Lily,so be it. It's been said already that we, as a whole, are both. Everyone! You're more male, I'm more female. Maybe at this point, Karren does have it right, best of both worlds, but I think you and others like us have it a little better as we can see both sides where others can't.
I guess what I'm getting at is that we are who we are. Yeah, it's tough getting a grip on occasion, which I seem to loose regularly, but Inside you know you are Felix as I am Lily, and you know what? I think we have a leg up on 99% of the "normal" world!
Stop worring so much what a "guy" would do. Do what Felix wants to do! There ain't no right, nor wrong, only artificial stereotype behavioral obstacles that we have to get around, and if you think about it, most stereotypes, and thankfully there are few walking around, are cartoonish anyway if you think about it, and that's both GGs and GMs, so stop with the worrying already! BE YOU!
Love and definately XXXX, Lily

[Dasein9]

We can just be us, and that's good enough.


Heck, better in a lot of ways. :D

[pocoyo]

Hmmpf! Well if I transition I'll be gm... already feel like I am in a lot of ways.
I will absolutely consider myself as bona fide 100% pure male.

Because there isn't such thing as gender anyway ... it's not defined by chromosomes, for instance you get "gg's" with "male" chromosomes etc... the lines are really not clear cut.
And if it's defined by upbringing then I must definitely be a gm, or at least intersexed lol.

But yeh. no such thing as gender, just slightly different body shapes and hormones. (The body shape things are all made out of the same material anyway, just arranged slightly differently).

But I do totally get and love your point. That its not your physicality that makes you a guy... its how you feel inside.
And I like what Cai says about being us.

[CaptLex]

Hmmpf! Well if I transition I'll be gm... already feel like I am in a lot of ways.
I will absolutely consider myself as bona fide 100% pure male.
Agreed . . . even if you don't transition, if you feel 100% male, then you are 100%, as far as I'm concerned. But some transguys don't feel 100% male, even after transitioning, and that's okay too. As you said, "it's how you feel inside". :happy:

[Felix]

Thanx for your thoughts they are all so deep and personal, thanx for sharing it helps soooooooo much :hugs::hugs::hugs: xx Felix