Defending other CDers while in drab.

[Sarah-Anne]

Hi, I was wondering if any of you have had similar experience to me. I was at work in my shop, when a transgendered person comes in. Now I don't know whether she was CD, TV or TS, but she was clearly of the man to woman type. She came to me for assistance, probably because of my long hair and pink bracelet, and I said "how can I help you madam?" I could see my rather sad male colleagues smiling and pointing in the background, but I ignored them and helped the customer out. Afterwards, they said to me, "don't you know that was a man?" I wasn't sure what to say, so I just said "what do you mean, that was a woman," to which they tried to explain about the Adam's apple etc. They don't know I dress, and I didn't want them to start getting suspicious, so I couldn't really explain that a transgendered person who apears to be female wants to be treated as a female and should not be described as a man. I said that "some people are born in the wrong body," to which I got some moronic replies, but that was all I dared to say. I believe they just assumed I was just drawing on my experience in psychology rather than my own personal crossdressing, but I did worry for a while. It's painful to be stuck between defending those misunderstood people like me and keeping crossdressing a secret at work. That being said, I now wonder if they (with the exception of one fool) are actually more accepting than they seem, because they have great respect for some of the gay employees of the company (at other branches) and seem to find it quite endearing that i like to use a pink hairbrush and wear pink socks at work. Anyone else had a similar experience?

[Denielleinheels]

You did good. It is always a hard call. I do always defend but I am at a point where I don't care too much what people think. My normal answer is people are people... I thought prejudice was dead. You did well tho'. It isn't worth a makor contest because you handled her the right way.

[CaptLex]

They don't know I dress, and I didn't want them to start getting suspicious, so I couldn't really explain that a transgendered person who apears to be female wants to be treated as a female and should not be described as a man.
Sure you could. You don't have to be transgendered or a crossdresser to know about and speak up for someone who is being bashed or discriminated against for their gender identity and expression. Just like you don't have to be a member of an ethnic minority, any particular religion or sexual orientation to speak up for someone being mistreated for that either.

[MJ]

i say respect regardless of race creed color of skin . just because some look different does not mean we can laugh or hurt there feelings

[RebeccaLynne]

Capt Lex, you've pegged it. It is our responsibility to at least attempt to "educate the masses" regarding the rights of individuals to be themselves. Intolerance is intolerable. Everyone should be willing to speak out in defense of freedom of expression. Take a stand and make a difference.

[Rebecca_Annette]

I think you did rather well, actually, you certainly showed respect to your customer, hang what your work colleagues think. :)

I had a similar experience about 18 months ago with a TS truck driver. I called her miss, my workmates adopted a similar attitude to that adopted by yours, I simply said that "Miss" was how the person wished to be addressed, and left it at that.

[KimberlyS]

Sarah, I think you showed your co-workers a good example of how the situation should have been handled.

How we deal with discrimination and bashing is a tough one no matter who is being bashed or discriminated. How we will handle it will greatly depend on where we are and who the people are. While I have not dealt with any CD/TG/TS issues I have on several occasions dealt with the gay/lesbian and other types of issues. Similar to CaptLex, I just try to stick up for them as a person with rights also.

[Stephenie S]

Think this through before it happens again.

All of you, remember:

1.) You don't have to be black to condemn racism.

2.) You don't have to be Jewish to condemn anti-semitism.

3.) You don't have to be gay to condemn homophobia.

4.) And you don't have to be a CDer to condemn prejudice against CDers.

PLEASE stand up against prejudice everywhere and everytime you see it.

This is very important. Far too many of us on this forum let prejudice pass in fear of outing ourselves. Just saying that this person was a customer and so deserved the same respect every customer gets does not "out" you to anyone.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[Ruth]

The French have an expression 'esprit d'escalier' which roughly means 'what I would have said in a particular situation if only I'd had the presence of mind'. We all get it after the fact.
But I think you did pretty well. You were true to yourself. You can't make every one of these encounters into a set-piece.

[JoAnnDallas]

You could always point out that if they think that way, then what do they think of George Washington? If they asked what you mean, ask them to take a look at his portrate. I did this once in a similar situration you found yourself in. I pulled out a history book, found a picture of George and asked them what they thought about how he was dressed. They thought he was dress OK. Then I pointed out the wig, makeup, lipstick, lace shirt, caprie like pants, and the high heels. I then told them that in your thinking, old George was a crossdresser and left at that. They never said anything about the other TG persons that came thru our area. LOL

[Fab Karen]

You had a decent response, reminding them that she deserves to be treated with respect like anyone.

Of course I live in an area where diversity isn't a four-letter-word, but once I was on a bus ( toward the back ) & saw a T-girl get on & sit near the front. I watched to see if any idiot was gonna say anything, and try to think of something to say to defend her. No-one did, the only comment I hear was after she got off, one guy mentioned to someone about some sports figure who "used to be a guy."

[O2B Barbara]

I understand your concerns about outing yourself at work if you defend to strongly, that is a real fear. Would you still be as nervous if the situation had been racially motivated?

You still did good by not letting it just slide by.

[trannie T]

Some outstanding responses here. If we have any hope of being accepted by others it is important that we act against prejudice. If we speak against bigoted attitudes there is a chance of helping others form an informed opinion if we remain silent the dark forces win.

[Dixie]

It wasn't really a CD, but a guy in town wears a utilikilt to work all the time. My brother made the comment that "That faggot aiways wears a skirt to work" I said "Sounds to me like your jealous!"
He later found out that it's akilt and now he wants one. Yes he is that dense sometimes.

[lowlavalentine]

Kudos to you. I think you handled the situation with the anti tg neanderthal comments admirably and you certainly made that tg's day.

[Lady Phoenix]

But you did exactally as i wouldve done in the how she was treated by yourself.

[kerrianna]

You did treat her well. Work environments are tough because you can't choose your workmates. Sometimes you have to put up with some pretty obnoxious people. I think you kept a pretty good balance between your own work safety and educating your co-workers. If they don't think you have a personal interest in something then you do grab their attention more when you model good behaviour.

Of course if you're using a pink hairbrush and wear pink socks they might already have some 'guesses' (maybe not that accurate) about you.

I never ran into a situation quite like that working in retail, but there were times when I made a point of modelling good behaviour towards someone my co-workers were being judgemental about. Every liitle bit in the right direction helps. :hugs:

[Sally2005]

One way to respond to co-workers... you can always say, your not about to risk your job by being discriminating...and say the world would be a pretty boring place if everyone was the same. Also, you ask them how they would have handled the situation.... mostly it is about male ego and keeping face with other guys...stupid isn't it. Most of it is just talk, but hurtful to hear.

[Ekatcha]

I used to work in an office with a woman. We referred to each other as roomates and when any co-workers of hers came in to girl talk / gossip, she always said not worry about me, I was 'one of the girls" (always loved that part about her). We were fairly close as office-mates go, but one day she started going off about those bi-polar mental nutcases... totally illogical for her normally, but there it was. Im not sure what came over me, but after a bit of it I finally blurted out "well, you work next to one" and proceeded to share some experiences that I have with that field. In retrospect, I should have kept my mouth shut. There was a slight change in the work environment after that... and then I changed jobs and moved elsewhere a few months later. I guess my lesson from that was, there's a time & place for everything. I'm less apt to use the personal experience tact again, not that it doesn't have its place, but work might not be it.

Given the circumstances, I think you did pretty good. My brain tends to lock up when overstressed (and that'd probably done it), and I certainly don't think fast on my feet with any amount of wit. It's really a shame that people have to be like this... but I don't think intollerance is going to end anytime soon (if ever). It might shift focus... but I don't think its on its way out the door. When I think of people in groups versus individuals, I remember the MiB quote from K: "A person is smart; people are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals and you know it."

[RachelDenise]

You were respectful to the person, and you tried to educate your co-workers while keeping your life out of it. I think you were a star! :hugs::love: