Mental Transition

[Phyliss]

We all experience that particular "mental transition" when we put on the makeup, wig and dress. Many of us don't have that happen any more because of a "physical" transition and that is good. What I wondering about is those of us who make the "mental leap" when putting on the final touch. ie "the wig", or "the lipstick" or whatecer is that final piece to the puzzle that says to you mentally, "Now I am,...." THen when it comes time to put ourself back in the closet, we make that return shift back to guyhood. BUT somehow a small piece of us remains. Be it the way we walk, hold our hand, open a door, general attitude, some "something" remains. I've been noting, that for me it seems to be a larger part stays each time. There are days that, while to the outside world, I appear to be "just another guy" by way of my clothing, which if you look closely really isn't guy stuff anyhow. but I digress.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm finding it rather disturbing to me to be thinking and acting more and more like "Phyliss" than the person I was born and brought up as. Could it be that I've always been Phyliss and not really Phil? Only now "she's" getting a chance to fully expesss herself and doesn't want to "go back in the bottle"
Like I said, I find it rather disturbing, not frightening,........ yet. Should I begin thinking of "going full time" to the exclusion of my family, friends and job, then perhaps I might get scared.
"Be careful what you wish for,....you just might get it"
As a kid I so wanted to be able to wear ladies clothes, now I can and don't want to stop, BUT I want to have the choice to be able to stop, only I'm finding that the possibility of my having that choice is becoming less and less.
THAT is the part that is worrying me. I'm "on the train and don't know where it's going, and can't get off"

[Marcie Sexton]

Could it be that you are really seeing who you really are ? Perhaps what you see is scarey, but fear not dear we all have been through that stage at one time or another...I found Marcie after a long voyage and love what I see...

Enjoy Phyliss, she is not only your best friend, but knows you much better than you know yourself...

[MJ]

Only now "she's" getting a chance to fully express herself and doesn't want to "go back in the bottle"

when you let the genie out of the bottle she's very hard to put back in


THAT is the part that is worrying me. I'm "on the train and don't know where it's going, and can't get off"

Phylis the problem is this :- what do you want ... this is not an easy road we travel only you can answer that

[Phyliss]

MJ , I know what I would LIKE, but I'm not sure if I WANT it.

This is going to take some time for me to figure out. Any assistance or input would be happily welcomed.

[O2B Barbara]

Hi Phyllis,

Kind of a dilema in some respects for me also. Only I wonder if I should share more with the people in my life, kids, neighbors and special reiends. I think that given the time and acceptance to be dressed as whomever, Phyllis or Phil, as you want and when you wnat you just might strike a balance. I can be comfortable as Bruce, and there are times when I just want to be a guy without worrying if the walk is right, do things match, did I tuck... There are also those times when Barbara has to be around to give balance and peace. The two are able to live together quite comfotably most of the time. My only problem is when Barbara has to stay in the closet for a time longer than she wishes. I am very fortunate to have a supporting and understanding wife.

Give it time for Phyllis to explore and see how much she needs to be dressed. As you have said, Phyllis is always around even when Phil is wearing the pants.

Hugs,

[Kate Simmons]

It's gotta be because you are wearing that meat and eating that fur, Phyl.. It all comes from awareness and self belief. If you are convinced you are a woman, you will be, whether physically or not. I'm the point where I don't consider myself one or the other really, only maybe how I choose to present at any given time. Much easier for me to reconcile by definition that way and I don't have any specific parameters to fulfill other than appearance. Seems to work better for me anyway.:happy: