Told my girlfriend last night.

[Courtney A Anderson]

I told my girlfriend that I was a cross-dresser last night. With the look of horror on her face, I knew maybe it was the wrong thing to do.
We met only 15 days ago, and this was our 3rd date, I wanted to be up front with her about who I am, So I told her. We spent all night talking about it and this morning she said that she didn't think she would be able to handle it, and wanted a clean break. She did thank me for telling her now instead of later.
Is it really possible to fall in love at first site? I know I've only known her for a few days, But, I think I did fall in love her. From the first time I saw her I knew, and I think she felt the same way.
Was I right to tell her so soon, or should I have wanted till we knew each other better ? When is a good time ? What is the best way ?
I'm not sure what tomorrow will bring, But, today was full of heartache and tears. :sad: How does one do it Being a CDer and dating ? I want to be honest and up front, but, I don't want to have another day like today.

[MJ]

aww Lori i am so sorry to hear that, i feel you did the right thing Hun it would be worse as time went on .. keep looking you will find the right one
you were honest thats what matters

[Kate Simmons]

Be sure of your own feelings before anything else, even telling a person. Also, ask yourself(and be honest with yourself)when you do find that very special woman, which would you choose if you had to make the choice? Her or the CDing?:happy:

[Courtney A Anderson]

Thanks for the kind words MJ

[Holly]

Lori, I wish there was some magic formula, but alas, there is none. But for what it's worth, you took the high road and did the right thing. It is likely little consolation to you now, but it is better to find out now, relatively early on than later when an even heavier emotional investment has been made in the relationship.

[marie354]

My SO just looked at me, smiled a bit and said "OK". That was 6-1/2 years ago and we're still together. I did however, keep it totally in the closet and hidden from her until last November when she said I could dress freely. Now I dress every day.

Your day will come. Honesty is the best policy.
:hugs:
P.S. My SO thanked me for being honest and up-front with her from the very beginning and that was one of the things that she liked in me. I have never lied to her, or kept any secrets from her.

[Marlena-4now]

Lori,
You were so brave to tell her up front knowing what it could cost you ......you have my utmost admiration. Don't lose hope yet. It was a shock to her and if she is open minded and really feels for you she may reconsider her decision. After all - it,s a woman's perogative to change her mind !

[Priscilla Ann]

Lori, put me down as another person who feels you did the right thing.

[battybattybats]

If it was truly 'meant to be' she would have accepted it or at least been willing to try. You did the right and ethical thing. Waiting just might have made it even harder on both of you.

[Sedona]

Lori,

Congratulation on your courage. But. . .

I know you're hurting right now, but I'm breaking from party lines, IMO it was much too soon to tell her. Honesty is great and all, but women who can accept CDing right off the bat, with little else to go on are a needle in a haystack. I give it a minimum of six months to build up memories and a history with a girlfriend before "the talk."

Best,

[Chantelle CD]

You did the right thing sister, I'm so sorry, <hugs>

I told my SO the day we met, and was OK with it, she even helped me with it all, but left after a year saying she just couldn't deal with it, but came back to me, knowing what kind of man i am, and how good i am to her, she never had that kind of trust in her life before, and now is OK with my dressing.

Unless you want a life of hiding it, with chances of being found out, telling them right away is the best thing you can do. I remember other relationships before i met this SO, i tried to quit, and the desire to dress again was always there, and never stopped, and i knew they were the type that could never accept it, i have been blessed with my SO i love so much, i never thought i would find someone like her, and i gave up all hope, i thought i would be alone for ever, and gave up, and then it just happened.

My heart goes out to you :hugs:

Chantelle

[sandra-leigh]

Is it really possible to fall in love at first site?

The first time I met my SO, I knew she was special, someone I wanted to know. I didn't even talk to her much that first time (we went to a concert); when I met her again two days later (concert series), a senior lady from work was with me and we all had dinner together, and when my now-SO moved out of earshot for a moment, my senior friend from work turned to me and said, "She seems really nice!"; something in her tone implied that my work-friend assumed that my new acquaintance was my girlfriend and that she thoroughly approved of my choice.

Not exactly a situation of "Love at first sight", but it was a definite "This woman could be very important to me" at first sight.

[kerrianna]

You know how important CDing is to you Lori, so you did do the right thing by telling her early. Who knows, she may think about it some more....

But in any case it would have just got messier and both of you would have got hurt worse.

Do I believe in love at first sight?

I did when I met my first L at F S. That relationship burnt me out of that romantic notion, and since then I realize that love isn't often so easily gained.

You'll find someone who will accept you for who you are. Keep telling the truth. :hugs:

[sandra-leigh]

I told my girlfriend that I was a cross-dresser last night. With the look of horror on her face, I knew maybe it was the wrong thing to do.

Odd as it might sound, the fact that she wanted to make a clean break suggests to me that she does have noticable feelings for you, and wanted the clean break because she thinks she might be tempted to continue to be involved with you if you keep meeting. If so, then an important question will be whether her pride will keep her from "un-breaking" if she later she starts thinking that she was too hasty.

But I could be misinterpreting that point. There are people for whom cross-dressing is Wrong / disgusting / perverted / "okay as long as it is strangers I don't have to deal with, but I wouldn't want to marry one!". Cross-dressing often gets confused with gay -- you say "cross-dresser" and each time she hears "gay". Sometimes people can overcome that, and sometimes they can't, and sometimes they maybe could but it sounds like too much effort (and I don't mean to trivialize the effort involved.) Then too, I haven't read your past postings, so I don't know what cross-dressing means to you; I haven't gone back to look to see if you consider yourself TG or TS or Bi or "just a dresser".

[Sheila]

Lori,

I am sorry that you are hurting, I too believe you did the right thing in being open, honest and upfront ..........

sending you some:hugs: and hope that your honesty brings you great rewards in the future:hugs:

[Emilia]

I don't think there's any good/easy way to tell someone (at least not that I've discovered yet!), but it's better to get it out in the open early if possible. Like after a few dates, if you think it could develop into something serious. If you wait it'll just be a harder and uglier breakup.

[Mitch23]

Sorry to hear that. Yes you did the right thing even though it hurts right now. I wish I'd been as honest and courageous as you ...

Mitch

[Sandra]

Lori,

Firstly I think you did the right thing intelling her I'm sorry of the out come though but you never know things might change.

Juts think though it may have been a lot harder and nasty if you'd have left it longer.

[Suzie S.]

Lori, I too, believe you did the right thing by telling her. I am so sorry it turned out this way. Like others said, it would have been harder as time went on. It was very admirable of you to be honest with her.:happy: There are women out there with that will accept you for who you are with an open mind. When the time is right, you will find her. :hugs:

[Victoria Anne]

Lori I am sad for you but know this you did the right thing. I told my wife on our first date,that was eleven years ago. I hope , I know it will work out for you.

[Joy Carter]

This is really hard to judge. One, she couldn't have know you or vice versa in such a short time. So she can't really know you that well. Yes, I do agree that it was the right thing to do. But if I were confronted with this situation again in my life I'd wait till she knew the guy me first.

BTW my "Special One" told me when we were first dating that I was not like all the other men she knew. "Gee Ya Think ?" LoL

[Vicky_Scot]

Should I have wanted till we knew each other better ? Yes

I feel for you but you have only known her for 15 days. Telling her you crossdress only knowing her this short time is a big decision and IMO a wrong one.

I really hope you are out to everyone as a cd because now you have told her she can open a very big can of worms.

Sorry but there is no way she will be able to keep this to herself.

[O2B Barbara]

Hi Lori,

I agree with the others that you did the right thing. You are probably better off with her knowing up front and making a clean break than waiting and having her think you deceived her. Wy wife knew on the first real date we had. We had talked in the store I worked part time on a number of occasions so had a friendship started but no dating. I made an off hand comment that first date and while she did not say so at the time she had a pretty good idea of my underdressing. I came out with it a couple dates later and she is alright with things. She is actually my biggest critic and best teacher a girl could have.

Hang in there, keep being yourself and honest and that gem of an SO will eventually arrive.

Hugs,

[lynn27]

Lori,
You were so brave to tell her up front knowing what it could cost you ......you have my utmost admiration. Don't lose hope yet. It was a shock to her and if she is open minded and really feels for you she may reconsider her decision. After all - it,s a woman's perogative to change her mind !I was thinking the same thing. Don't break your ties with her completely just yet. She may see the good she sees in you outweighs the "baggage". Give her time. You might send her a short note thanking her for the "dates" and tell her how you feel about her...

You did the right thing, maybe the timing was wrong or she just isn't going to accept being with a CD'er. Better to know now that after a large investment of time and emotions. Good luck:hugs:

[Courtney A Anderson]

Thanks all for all the encouraging words I do appreciate them, And if I could do it all over again I think I would wait a little longer to tell her.

[Kerry Owens]

You did the right thing, and yeah it wasn't easy but Lawren did the same telling me also, about the same point in our relationship. It kinda did take me back, but he provided me with a source of information and I could take the time (and I did) to learn.
As I've often said, crossdressing is not a biggie, once you learn what it is, and you understand more. It's when you are dealing with a lack of knowledge and misunderstandings layered of by lies that real disasters lurk.

[TxKimberly]

Lori,

I a, SO sorry it turned out badly but you should know that you DID do the right thing. Sometimes when you care for someone, you must put their happiness and well being ahead of your own and you have just done that. You treated her with decency and respect, and while you may be looking through tears, at least you CAN look yourself in eyes in the mirror.
It must have taken an immense amount of courage and I am proud that you are part of our group here.

((( Lori )))

Kim

[Di]

You did the right thing....as hard as it was......I'm hoping she will think about it some more....and comes around...you never know....best wishes...hoping the best for you.:hugs:

[glossy]

I think you did the right thing...although I think waiting for another three dates might have built your relationship a bit more and you might have weathered this.
I told my wife two years after we were married. She caught me wearing a silky bed jacket and glossy panties when she awoke one night.
She went into shock and we struggled with our relationship for years. Eventually, we split up and I lived alone where I could cross dress every night to my heart's content. But we missed each other and eventually I called her up and we began to date all over again.
This time, of course, she was aware of my dressing needs and decided she could accept this side of me.
Our love has grown as we matured and she is a wonderful participant now. She helps me buy my panties and bras and nightgowns. We now share nightgowns which I find to be a wonderful turn-on. She puts lipstick and lip gloss on my lips before we make love and we kiss to exchange our lipstick.
It is a wonderful relationship now...one of mutual trust and loving, caring support.

[lindsaycd75]

It is possible to fall in love at first sight. I have done it twice the first time, she never really felt the same about me. She was more attracted to older "bad boy" types. The second time was with my wife and she did feel the same way, the 6th aniversery of our first date is coming up in august.

[Angie G]

Sorry your hurting now but you did the right thing hun :hugs:
Angie

[MsJanessa]

trust Me hon--you are both much better off in the long run--and it was the right thing to do to tell her now, rather than later---and you will eventually find Ms Right

[Girly Sara]

Lori,

Although no consolation, you did the right thing in telling your girlfriend. That was a very unselfish and respectful thing you did.

Remaining positive, keep on persevering and you will find her as i have done.

All the very best!

Sara xxx

[EricaCD]

The fact that it hurts tells you that you did the right thing. I am very sorry indeed that it did not work out for you. Given the honesty you showed, it's her loss...

Erica

[Michelle04240]

Thanks all for all the encouraging words I do appreciate them, And if I could do it all over again I think I would wait a little longer to tell her.

Nah..then you might would be talking about a 2 year relationship that went down the tube. I say you did the right thing, I'm sorry it went the way it did.

[Ruth]

As a couple of people have mentioned, it's not all over yet. Try to fix up another meeting. She has had time to become a little curious about it. You may get a chance to tell her more. And she may like you a lot, enough to try and take this on board.

[RebeccaLynne]

Lori, this so often is a case of "damned if we do, damned if we don't"; a "no-win" situation.
Dare we risk rejection based on our affinity for dressing in women's clothes?
Would failure to disclose our expression of our femininity through dressing constitute a deceitful lack of candor?
If only I knew!
I believe this to be the most vexing problem facing single CD'ers in search of a relationship.
As if dating itself was'nt difficult enough!
I think you were brave, and had her feelings, and best interests, at heart.
I hope she calls.

[Kitty Sue]

Lori I also hope you are proud of being so honest. That took a lot of courage. You took a risk and although it did not turn out how you would have liked you did the right thing. Do not feel bad, you are not alone. I too am hoping to meet that special lady. I am sure you will meet someone in time.

I for one do not believe in love at first site. It is a nice concept but I don't believe in it. I think love involves, trust, vulnerability, giving, sharing and being there for one another when things are going horribly. It is so easy for people to say they love each other when they are not having any problems.

All the best and glad you are posting what is going on in your life., KS:hugs:

[CDinAthens]

ditto that dear

[Courtney A Anderson]

Again, thanks all. It's great to have a place like this to come to, everyone here is always so nice and helpful. One more thing, can any one suggest a good web site with information about cross-dressing, (besides this one of course) that I could suggest she take a look at ?

[Joy Carter]

I had forgot this but several months ago, my wife (married 37 years) told me had she know she wouldn't had dated me. Talk about getting hit in the gut.

[Kelsy]

I know most will disagree with my thoughts on this on this subject . Cding is probably the most intimate and personal part of yourself and to share secrets of this nature with any chance of acceptance can only be revealed after a deep love relationship has formed. I have been told by a girlfriend of mine that if she had known in the beginning then there would be no relationship.
She also said that she will avoid anyone that cds. Most likely she will ask up front and then say sorry not interested. untill you are both in love and the relationship is on solid enough ground to stand a shock of this magnitude then the majority of gg's will escape the entanglement. I am sure that most gg's have some secret or two that they are not likely to share up front and you would be likely to find out about it later when you know that being together is the most important thing. Trusting someone with these details has to be at a time when you can trust them. Other wise just tattoo " I crossdress" on your forehead and see what success you will have. Sorry if this offends anyone:sad:

Jennifer

[Ericka2]

with Jennifer, i met my girlfriend in a chat room, and we fell in love few weeks later, we met in person few months later and as the relationship formed i told her, it wasn't easy, i remember that night when i said to her that i had a secret to tell her and she ask me how many people i've killed, we both laughed and i felt so relieved when i told her about my crosdressing and she said that she loved me and "Ericka" could become her best friend, we been living together for about 5 months and is looking great, yeah, my advice would be that you should've waited, sorry you going thru this but i know you'll be o'right darling.

Love Ericka

[Sedona]

Jennifer, Ericka,

In agreement. All three girlfriends who I've told about my CD all told me that without exception they would have dumped me had it been only a few days. They're all smart, liberal, but that's just reality. As I gave it a minimum of six months, my CDing was far less significant.

I don't know what an equivalent negative might be, but if a woman I had just started dating sprung something similar on me, I'd say "thanks, but no thanks." After a history is built up, lots of things change.

Look, I think that it's just pie-in-the-sky unrealism to say that "If she doesn't accept your CDing after one date, then who needs her!" Relationships are about love, undying respect, and also the ability to compromise. Who builds all this after a date or two?

[Samantha Thomson]

hello lorri amanda i met my gf 6yrs ago we live together i told her about 6 months into the relationship and she said she was cool with it kind of liked it and has help me with shopping and everything else to but you were right to tell her early if you waited for a wile you might of got hurt worse i know how it feels my 2nd gf i told couldnt handle it but my current one is a real sweet hart well wish you luck you will find somebody just remember there somebody for everybody good luck

[suzanne]

Everything I have ever seen in this entire forum, not just this thread, tells me you did the right thing with her, even if you got the wrong result this time. It's her failing, not yours. Your posting suggests you have too many wonderful qualities to go unappreciated forever. You will find that SO you deserve. Patience and persistance will pay off handsomely (beautifully?)