Telling your SO

[Sandra]

This is for everyone to reply to



There has been a lot of thread recently about when to tell your SO about your cding, but "how did you tell"? "how was you told"

Did you just blurt it out, have a talk all lined up, showed pictures and kept quiet or got blazing drunk and came out with it. :D

For me we had been joking around one night and she said she would like to try a basque on that I wore on our wedding day, so jokingly I said "go on then".

She came down stairs with it on and I just laughed, then she said " I really do like to do this" and me being the naive twit I was then said "what" to which I was told "wear womens clothes".

So thats how I was told lets hear how you went about it. :happy:

[sara_also]

I discused my courousity for ladies clothes during our e-mailing and chatting on line with my SO. At the time we had not dated a lot, but I was of the mind set that I was not going to hide anything. ( we met on an internet dating site ) I sent her some web sites to explore, and read to discover for herself just what I was speaking of. This was also the beginning for me. We learned together, and today she is fully involved and supportive.

[Bernadina]

I told my wife after we had been dating for a few months.

I said we were going out for dinner with some girls, and that everyone was to be dressed as a girl. She said later she thought it was a bit odd but not a problem. She helped me to dress and showed me how to do makeup etc. She's been supportive ever since.

[AmberTG]

I told my SO (now ex) about it one day when she was at the place where I was living at the time. She was exploring "exotic" sexuality at the time and I sort of just blurted it out in an embarrassed way. She immediately wanted to see my clothes. I was a bit reluctant to show her but I did. She commandeered one of my tops that day and I never did get it back.:eek: I will admit, she filled it out much better than I did.:heehee: She's a 38D. She actually wore it fairly often when we went out, for a while.

[Sheila]

found a pic of him on an old phone of his I was tidying up to give to our son:eek: he was naked apart from a bra and Jimmy was hidden, taken in our bathroom, when asked he lied, then I found some texts on the same phone which he also lied about:Angry3::Angry3:it was only when I said that I would see the lads that had supposedly sent them that he came clean.................. Absolutely not the best way to find out. We weatherd the storm and here we stillare:happy:

[Mitch23]

In my case it was really subtle and diplomatic. The conversation went something like this Q. What the heck are these bra and panties doing in the bathroom? A. Well dear, its like this ....

Mitch

[TxKimberly]

Hmm . . . I wrote a long post about it somewhere but can;t find it! lol
We were on a VERY long cross country train ride that lasted about a week all told. So close all the time. so much time to think, and I just kept feeling more and mor guilty. Finally I sat there accross from her, so scared my legs were litteraly shaking, tears in my eyes, and told her "look, there's something I need to tell you". It went from there. I got all the usual questions "Are you gay?", "do you want an operation?, etc. Got it all out, and she looked me straight in the eyes and said "It's OK, I love you."
Sigh . . .
She has now put up with me for 20 years. She is the love of my life, my best friend, and the mother of my two beautiful children. :-)

Kim

[Stephenie S]

I told my wife before we were married. I really can't remember exactly what I said. I think she found a bra in my briefcase and of course thought it belonged to another woman. It did. Me!

Unfortunaltely, she thought it would all just go away. I knew differently but we did not talk about it much between the time of our marriage and, recently, when I decided that it was time to DO something about it. So it was a bit of a surprise to her that it hadn't all "just gone away".

Lovies,
Stephenie

[jessie_cal]

I did't start dressing until after my wife and I were together. I never had the opportunity to do so previously so I never had a desire. I asked my wife it she could put lipstick on me while we were intimate. She was a little taken aback, but willing. Then it grew to some forced feminization stuff which was really my attempt at crossdressing without guilt (i don't want to because I'm not weird but if you want me too :o) Finally, she told me that i should stop being ashamed and just except it. That's right, she told me rather than visa versa. She has since help me progress to the point where Jessie was born. She even named me. She is a wonderful woman and I love her alot.

[herfantasc]

My adventures as a CD started from a suggestion my SO made one night. She had told me many times how sexy my legs where and I thought she meant for a man. Then one night we where messing around and she took off her glittery thigh highs and told me to put them on. Well, the rest is history, after feeling how good those hose felt on my legs I knew I had to take it a step further. Now I have a complete wardrobe, thanks to her many suggestions, and dress up for her as often as I can.

Tammy

[SherriePall]

Chalk one up for "blurting it out." We had been married almost 25 years when one night in bed I just came out with, "I'm a transvestite." Well, she was not a happy camper, asked a couple of the usual questions and then left the room.
I was a wreck going to work the next day. I didn't care if I lived or not. A couple of days later she came around and we talked. She is still not thrilled, but she does give me time. She hasn't seen me yet, but every so often says she may be ready to do so. Right now that worries me more because I really don't think she can handle the way I look when I get all dolled up.

[linnea]

I don't know that I'll ever have the courage to tell my SO, but I must say that these accounts give me more hope than discouragement.
Thank you all.

[rose382832]

my wife bought me my first pair of panties, after my therapist sugested that i get more in touch with my female side as a way of defusing the anger and frustration that i was feeling. since then we have never looked back.( i think):happy:

[Caroline]

I always made a point of telling girls I dated about it on the second date, so my wife of 28 years has known about since then.

As to the 'how', well I simply stated the facts, that I liked what I'd got to know about her, and would like the relationship to develop further if that was mutually acceptable, but there was something that she had to know about me to enable her to decide if she wanted to go on. I then explained about my CDing.

Incidentally, I was never rebuffed using that approach, and the reasons that other relationships ended never had anything to do with my CDing.

[Joy Carter]

I told my wife a month after we married (Jan 70'). She didn't take it well and never will. Although she has acknowledged this part of me, she wants nothing to do with it. I just can't help thinking that this being such a personal thing, such a part of who I am and is what makes J--, J--. She has no problems with him. But Joy will never be any part of our life together.

[Chantelle CD]

I told my SO the second time we talked on the phone, we met on line, and lived just a few blocks away LoL i knew right away that she was the type of person, that wouldn't judge me, but at that time i was also fighting it inside of myself still, and also said i want to try to give it all up, and said that i could, well i though i could anyways, I was so at ease talking with her right from the start, i new i could tell her right away, and she wouldn't run away.

[Ruth]

Well I had been married for a long time, had always had the idea of CDing at the back of my mind but never had the opportunity. Then after the children left home and we started pursuing our own interests more, I found myself home alone frequently, and realised I could do this, so I started buying clothes.
After about 12 months of this it felt too dishonest so I sat down with her one evening and told her about it. I knew very little so could only tell about myself - I stressed that I was not gay, did not want to be a woman, continued to love her as a husband. It went OK - she was not happy but has over time become more accepting, to the extent of admiring some of my clothes and saying she must get some new things to compete!
Coming out to her and showing my feminine side has paid dividends in other ways: I am much more demonstrative in my affection for her and apparently I'm much easier to get along with than I used to be.
I feel much better too, my work is going better and I feel generally more at ease with myself and those around me.

[Nigella]

This is for everyone to reply to



There has been a lot of thread recently about when to tell your SO about your cding, but "how did you tell"? "how was you told"

Did you just blurt it out, have a talk all lined up, showed pictures and kept quiet or got blazing drunk and came out with it. :D

For me we had been joking around one night and she said she would like to try a basque on that I wore on our wedding day, so jokingly I said "go on then".

She came down stairs with it on and I just laughed, then she said " I really do like to do this" and me being the naive twit I was then said "what" to which I was told "wear womens clothes".

So thats how I was told lets hear how you went about it. :happy:

But to tell the truth my SO found out when Sandra and I told her . It was just after deciding that we would not hide behind the curtains anymore. Bev has been a :la: with it since :hiding:

[Sandra]

Thanks for the replies I didn't expect so many so soon.

It's good to see that there isn't a hard and fast rule as to how it is done and perhaps others will see someway that might just help them to tell.




But to tell the truth my SO found out when Sandra and I told her . It was just after deciding that we would not hide behind the curtains anymore. Bev has been a with it since


Oh I wondered when you'd show up :D

Before any one gets the wrong idea, Bev is a very good family friend and is willing to have a laugh and a joke with us.

Now can we get back on topic :Angry3:

[Joy Carter]

I'm much easier to get along with than I used to be.
I feel much better too, my work is going better and I feel generally more at ease with myself and those around me.


Ditto's Ruth, Ditto's.

[Daintre]

My ex and I were married in August 1974, a month later I was transferred to a very small town miles away from our families, we were our own best friends. I had tried desperately to stop dressing, did for 6 months and withdrew into myself, became moody and very short with my ex.

We sat down and had a major talk where all kinds of land mines surfaced, the biggest being my cross dressing, she tried to embrace it, I got less moody, but she went the other way. When I was finally transfered to the city again, everything fell apart. We tried to save our marriage but it was to much for her to handle.

[Joy Carter]

My ex and I were married in August 1974, a month later I was transferred to a very small town miles away from our families, we were our own best friends. I had tried desperately to stop dressing, did for 6 months and withdrew into myself, became moody and very short with my ex.

We sat down and had a major talk where all kinds of land mines surfaced, the biggest being my cross dressing, she tried to embrace it, I got less moody, but she went the other way. When I was finally transfered to the city again, everything fell apart. We tried to save our marriage but it was to much for her to handle.


Were is that unconditional love I hear about ? So sorry Jenny. :hugs:

[Mariah]

not a SO (dont have one) but my best friend I got drunk off my ass and broke down in a mass of mubling self hate. that was 3 weeks ago... don't know how it going over all have to see...


hopes to all
keris

[Holly]

Sandra, I actually have this forum to thank. It was only a few days after finding this place that I sat my wife down next to me at the computer, logged onto the site, bought up one of my posts and said to her, "That's me." She know that I liked to dress up in women's clothing (I had been doing it every Halloween for over 20 years- should have been a pretty big clue) but wasn't aware that I was doing so at other times as well. We had a fairly lengthy conversation and she asked most of the usual questions. I really owe crossdressers.com a lot. They helped me finally admit to myself and accept myself as a cross dresser. All those wasted years, feeling so all alone. Thanks for asking the question.

[sandra-leigh]

She hasn't seen me yet, but every so often says she may be ready to do so. Right now that worries me more because I really don't think she can handle the way I look when I get all dolled up.

I just had a look at your profile, Sherrie -- and that larger picture on the right, that smile could be mistaken for a clenched-teeth snarl (at least at that resolution.) That look could frighten anyone off :D

[SherriePall]

Gee, thanks, Tess-Leigh. LOL. Those were professionally taken studio shots.
Actually, I was not happy with my smiles either.

[Elaine Lynn]

One night I asked the wife to let me take a few pictures of her in her bra and panties and she said ok. While I was taking her pictures I just said wait till you see me in my bra and panties I wear them to . She said O YA and I said YA> Afew days later after a few glasses of wine I asked her if she would like to see me in my girly mode and she said yes . So the fun started and she actually taught me a lot like how to do my own hair with a curling iron how to do my makeup and how to collor corridinate things. Been with her for 31 years and love her deepely for putting up with me.:love:

[sandra-leigh]

There has been a lot of thread recently about when to tell your SO about your cding, but "how did you tell"? "how was you told"


I was ambushed when I wasn't quite awake. "How come you have some fake boobs downstairs?". Well, you can make up excuses for very small quantities of some garments ("It belongs to an old girlfriend of mine and I never threw it away"), but fake boobs are a bit harder to dismiss!

Though, by that point, I was really wanting to tell her anyhow, getting tired of the misrepresentations; that and I knew she was worried about my lack of social life and I wanted to let her know that I was meeting new people and doing a lot better. It just wasn't a good time to raise the subject (she had other important things on her mind and didn't need the distraction). So when she asked, I took the opportunity to come clean: I had already promised myself that if she asked about it that I would tell her, and she did, so I did. But it was still nerve-wracking to actually admit it to her, because of the risk to the relationship. A number of people (especially SAs) knew long before my wife did. Even my next-door neighbours knew before my wife did.