Are you Proud??

[Kelsy]

Lately there have been many posts that have highlighted the struggles we face a Crossdressers, The pain of rejection by gfs that can’t accept and the humiliation we sometimes face when out shopping. We have issues with acceptance from our SOs and issues with acceptance of our selves. Is it worth it? I just spent a weekend with my son who is in the navy and I began to feel a little guilty and ashamed with the things I do. I underdressed while with him and his testosterone friends. I even dressed in my hotel room at night when they went back to base. So I begin thinking about this question. Am I proud of what I do. I think the question may rise out of my continual struggle for self acceptance and self understanding. so I ask you "Is CDing something to be proud of ???"
If it is then why do we hide it?

[JenniferR771]

Same problem, Jennifer,
Only, my daughter is in the Navy.
And no I have not accepted myself fully yet--not proud. Willing to out myself to sales girls, but reluctant to tell men. Wife found out--but I have not told my friends or relatives.

[Kelsy]

my quandry is this Jenn. We tell ourselves that this is OK it is who we are If only society would accept us etc. Don't you think that if it is really ok that we would just stand up and want the world to know about us??

Jennifer:(

[Valerie Nicole]

I'm proud. I've got over a dozen people in my life who know about me. There are some people in certain places that I'd rather didn't know (because I volunteer where I teach children), but should they ever find out, I would not deny it and I would do my best to educate them about it and hope I didn't lose my position. Ever since I came to terms with this, it has been my goal to be totally out at some point in my life, and to live this lifestyle completely without the fear of society's judgment. That's how proud I am of what I am.

[Charleen]

I'm finally at the point where I accept my CDing. Can't say I'm proud though. That's not the right term. Saturday nite I was around the whole spectrum of LGBT's and was not ashamed nor did I feel quilty being dressed as I was.
"Why do we hide?", she asked coyly. My answer is that I don't want to put up with the hassles from those who do not, and in a lot of cases, will not understand. I dress en fem when not at work and look like an effeminate guy, though I have been addressed as Ma'am on occasions or just a stammer. My nails are long and polished wear gold filigree hoop earring, my hair is long, wear 5 to 6 rings 2 all fem, and a bracelet at all times! I guess I ain't exactly hiding! My son doesn't know, but will. He's been having a tough time lately and doesn't need to know that his dad can and will replace the hole that his mom's death left, though I have been filling both roles for a few years now, especially in the last year when I allowed myself to embrace being Lily after denying her for years. When he comes to visit, I'm in my button up blouse, fem jeans, and fem sneaks. I just dont' want or need to hit him in the face with me right now, but I'm still being me. Later on when his life gets on track..........
Love and xxxx, Lily

[Kelsy]

Thanks girls for responding. It seems I'm passing through a self doubt stage.
I want to feel good about all of this but sometimes my inner war begins to take over - you know? - as I'm posting I have been filing my nails sitting in my VS panties just too crazy sometimes:rolleyes:

[SweetCaroline]

Over the weekend, I, for the first time, told a very good friend I was a cross-dresser, tho it was maybe a wrong place/ wrong time type thing. The first thing she did was pull me in. Hug me. And tell me how proud she was of me.

I loved it.

Tho I suppose i wasn't too proud, since I spent most of the next half hour crying into her, and a friend of hers, shoulders.

I'm proud in the sense that, yes, I am finally beginning to tell those I love this about me. But also proud that's it's none of there business. I only tell those I choose to tell. I wish more people would understand. But I decided to not keep it a secret either.

[Charleen]

Jenn, the self doubt will come up. For me growing up CDing was never talked about except in a negative context. Do I have to tell you how screwed up that made me? I'm surprised I'm this far! When I came to the understanding, with the help of this forum, that this is who I am, and there ain't a damn thing wrong with me, just how others percieve us in their ignorance, What A Revelation! Do I still have self doubts? You betcha! Regular! I went out Saturday for the first time dressed to the nines and was going to be around hundreds of people. Did I sit in car and wonder WTF am I doing? Hell yeah! But I got out of the car, walked into the bar where I didn't know a soul, met some of the girls who also were going whom I also didn't know from Eve, and had a BLAST! Does mean I will no longer have doubts? No. But it makes it easier to be me.

[Jenny Beth]

Proud? I'm not sure I'd use that word but I know I am not ashamed of what I am. As for keeping it hidden I think most of us would be more open if we didn't fear what the costs might be in terms of relationships or financial security.

[Phoebe Reece]

Jennifer,

It is possible to be proud of yourself without being particularly proud of every single thing you have to do. During my career it sometimes fell on me to fire some individuals that worked under my supervision. I would rather not have been the one to end their jobs and throw some chaos into their lives. It was not an easy thing to do, but necessary. But doing that did not make me less (or more) proud of how I performed my job. Sometimes you are just not given reasonable alternatives.

You can be proud of yourself as a crossdresser and still do what you need to do to protect yourself from a generally non-accepting society. I am proud of who and what I am, but I will never knowingly "out" myself to everyone I know.

[Lovely Rita]

Lately there have been many posts that have highlighted the struggles we face a Crossdressers, The pain of rejection by gfs that can’t accept and the humiliation we sometimes face when out shopping. We have issues with acceptance from our SOs and issues with acceptance of our selves. Is it worth it? I just spent a weekend with my son who is in the navy and I began to feel a little guilty and ashamed with the things I do. I underdressed while with him and his testosterone friends. I even dressed in my hotel room at night when they went back to base. So I begin thinking about this question. Am I proud of what I do. I think the question may rise out of my continual struggle for self acceptance and self understanding. so I ask you "Is CDing something to be proud of ???"
If it is then why do we hide it?

I don't know if Proud is how I would categorize how I feel. I certainly don't feel the guilt pangs I used to when I saw military marching bands and felt I was less the person I was supposed to be because of my dressing.

I have worked very hard to get rid of those feelings of low self esteem due to not fitting the criteria for macho behavoir that had been programed into me.

On second thought I would have to say I am proud, but not in an arrogant way but more of a fulfilled way. I am proud that I no longer have to live up to the image I was trained and conditioned to behave like. I am proud that I no longer have to feign, hypocritically the role that never really was me. I am proud that today I am more the person I trully am. I am proud that my life is more honest about things. I am proud that I have finally taken the steps needed to trully accept and embrace who I trully am. The journey is still unfolding but I believe I am going in the right and healthy direction.

So I have to say that I am proud. So many people live the roles they are expected to live and wear the masks they think they should wear. I probably still have many layers of masks to remove but I am proud that I have begun the process.

I wish you the best. Hope some day you will not suffer those guilt pangs.:love:

[Kelsy]

:happy:thanks again ladies! I'm feeling better already. Fact is no matter how a feel at any given moment , I do love experiencing my female side and I also know it's not likely going away!
Jennifer

[Charleen]

:happy:thanks again ladies! I'm feeling better already. Fact is no matter how a feel at any given moment , I do love experiencing my female side and I also know it's not likely going away!
Jennifer

It might ebb, mine does, but it always comes back stronger than ever, and stays alot longer !:happy:

[Virginia]

I hope you girls realize that it ain't gonna go away. You can deny it, supress it, repress it, ignore it, but it is part of you and for this girl -- it is truly a "gift." Something to be nourished, cherished, protected, and most of all shared! You don't have to be dressed to share the feminine characteristics that come with this gift. Love, caring, empathy, listening, touching, all part of the giving, so accept it, don't fight it. It is part of you love it, live it, it is truly a blessing to have.
Virginia

[Charleen]

I hope you girls realize that it ain't gonna go away. You can deny it, supress it, repress it, ignore it, but it is part of you and for this girl -- it is truly a "gift." Something to be nourished, cherished, protected, and most of all shared! You don't have to be dressed to share the feminine characteristics that come with this gift. Love, caring, empathy, listening, touching, all part of the giving, so accept it, don't fight it. It is part of you love it, live it, it is truly a blessing to have.
Virginia

DO I HEAR AN AMEN?

[Holly]

Hi sis... remember me? :D You didn't think I would let this go by without saying something, did you? Look, honey, having doubts about life is not something that is unique to cross dressers! It happens in everyday life, well, everyday (profound, huh?). Did I make the right career choice? Did I give my kids the right values? Should I have bought this house?

If there were no Jennifer, how would you feel? Yeah, me to. I think you can be proud without being prideful. Does that make sense? You can be proud that you have chosen to develop the full you and not suppress an important of yourself because of social pressures. You can be proud that you have much love and compassion to share with those around you you, even if they do not completely understand just why. You can be proud that you are true to your values. Now, if I could just get you to answer my email...:tongueout

[Kelsy]

You're all so sweet! And encouraging! You don't know how much it means to me to have your support and understanding. Thank you all. To my big sis Holly
You have to know that you are very special to me so Ignore the bloke who is ,very much of the time, unresponsive it is in HIS nature - luv ya!

Hugs Jennifer:happy:

[Marla S]

Proud might not be the right term for me.
Due to having found a way to live it 24/7, due to sorting some things out (i.e. sexual aspect and no need to emulate a woman), I am a happy person over a longer period for the first time in my life. I feel to have come closer to myself than ever, and I am eger to explore and learn more, I am eager for life.

If that maintains, it was worth all the struggles, guilt and shame feelings and miserable days in the past and the ones that most likely will come in the future.

I am not proud but happy to be me ... usually ;).

[Kelsy]

I am not proud but happy to be me ... usually ;).

Thanks Marla

Happy to be me is where I want to be!!:happy:

Jennifer

[Joy Carter]

Proud. Well I'm very proud of my family. My past carrier. And even my life to an extent. But this CD thing is who I am. I have accepted my self out of a need to be whole. It has been a hardship on my spouse though, something I'm not proud of.
I was at a gender conference and during a seminar, there where friends and family on a panel who expressed there views on honesty. I really wanted to answer that question with all sincerity. But two words into my answer I broke down. I have built my life on being honesty. I just cant BE honest with my family over this issue. Why ? Because of things in their lives. Parents are elderly, daughter has cancer and son is developmentally delayed. I don't want to complicate their lives because of me. I'm not scared for me in the least bit. I am scared they would not understand and what others may say or think of them. I will tell you that a GG and and another girl did approach me and hugged me. And I know others knew what it's like to be the one who others depend on and look up to.
No, I'm not proud, but I'm doing fine and I'm happy to be me for the first time in my life.
Someone have a tissue ?

[rose382832]

we can be proud and scared of the consequenses at the same time.some of us have jobs that are not tolerant of anything.others can work from home and others have jobs that encourage creativity.for those that have jobs where there is no tolerance we are still proud of who we are but safety is the first priority.

[Kelsy]

Joy,

I feel the same way in many respects. I don't want to complicate the lives of others. I'm not blowing wind up your skirt when I say that you and the people on this forumn are some of the most wonderful people I have ever met.
Thank you

:hugs:Jennifer

[Donna506]

For the record, I am in my 60s and just now truly coming to grips with my need to CD. Over the past month, I have learned so much from this Forum. I can see and feel drastic positive changes in my life. Life is looking good. CDing is truly a gift that I want to embrace to the fullest as it makes me the kind of person I have always longed to be.

:2c: If we are really honest with ourselves, we question why we were born with the need to be CDers. All the struggles we have trying to conceal it from those we love and care for take a heavy toll on our self image. We find ourselves unwilling to accept most of the feelings our fem side is trying to exhibit. In so doing, many of us become insensitive and sometimes cruel to those we are supposed to love most. Assuming we survive the traumas and pain we help inflict on our loved ones and they do also, we suddenly come to grips with the fact that our lives have accumulated so much baggage. We question if there is any hope for mending the damage.

One day we find that the role of CDing in our lives has played a significant part in determining how we relate to our loved ones. If it has caused us to relate poorly, we will find it hard to accept it as a positive force. I am afraid I fall in that category.

As I now begin to accept that I am not a deviate and am not alone in the need to CD, I begin to feel some liberation. However, the mess I have made over the years still remains. There is no way I can take pride in that. If I blame my bad behavioral traits on CDing, maybe that will relieve some of my guilt. However, if I am honest with myself, I could have done as poorly with relationships even if CDing was not a factor. This leads me to question if CDing made me a bad person or if it was not to blame. In either case, the damage is done and must be dealt with appropriately.

As we begin to embrace CDing in our lives, we most likely experience great relief from the guilt and shame associated with keeping it secret. The euphoria many of us experience leads us to suddenly feel good about ourselves and want to continue developing the positive aspects of our fem side. We expect our loved ones to share our new found acceptance of ourselves as a defining moment in reversing the negative aspects of our prior life with them.

But wait, they say. You may have begun to heal, but you are disregarding the damage that has been inflicted on us. You need to help us heal also since you have been such an influence in our lives while concealing your secret. Unfortunately, that influence has caused pain along with the good that you may have instilled.

In summary, I think before we can take any pride in the role of CDing in our lives we need to clean up the messes we have made, ask for forgiveness, and demonstrate new healthy character traits that CDing can unleash in us. After a while, we may reach a time that we will be able to point with pride to the accomplishments that we are making. For some of the younger ones on this Forum, it may happen fairly quickly. For others, that day may never fully come. I truly hope that I and everyone going through this process can see the positive changes as a result of our embracing the role of CDing in our lives.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I guess it has to do with the "reality" of the world I live in. While in my house, around my wife, or on this forum. I feel that being a CD is completely normal. When I am out in the world it is completely different. I've done much to build up my life and career in male mode.

I know basically that I would lose most of my friends, and most likely be unable to find another job in my line of work. I'm also not ready to lose the relationship I have with my parents and family. I know from comments that not only my friends have made but also my family, that being transgendered is about the most "strangest" thing a person can possibly be.

I remember plenty of conversations starting with "he was dressed as a woman" and everyone goes on laughing and a tirade againtst cross dressing. Also I have my wife's family to consider. Both of us believe her family would probably want her to leave me if my femme side were ever discovered.

So I guess in summary while I feel at home here on this forum and I feel quite normal. I guess the world I live in just does not allow this part of me to be discovered. Don't get me wrong I love being a CD, and am very thankful that I have been blessed with this "gift", and I will never stop being a CD. I'm not ready to have my drab side be permanently ruined because of my femme side. Plus my drab side is what makes the money for all of my dresses.:D Jocelyn