Jill
06-05-2007, 11:05 PM
This post could be long, really long, rediculously long, so I'll try to keep it short, sum it up, the readers digest version.
Some of you might remember many moons ago when I posted about having to move home and live in my parents basement thanks to some professional and financial trouble. Well, me being a crossdresser, this scenario already presents some obvious privacy issues. The house is small and originally I moved in thinking I would be here only for a month or two. That month or two has turned into 9 with future moving plans in the next month or two. Since both of them are old and my dad is a double amputee on his legs, there's not much time in this house where I can have it all to my own and have some privacy to dress up. Last week I was working like a horse because I was working three jobs, I had no free time and almost no private time. Today I knew that I was going to have a chance to dress up, with the folks out of the house and the day off. From the moment I woke up I could feel the strain. I hadn't dressed in awhile and as I waited for the time to come, I started to get anxious and frustrated. I felt tense and upset and extremely impatient. I felt so strained that I was feeling incredibly frustrated with my life and myself. Feeling angry and depressed about my life, like it's a dead end and very lonely. It was very strange.
Once the coast was clear, I couldn't get out of guy clothes and into girl clothes fast enough. Once I was dressed the feelings of strain and frustration started to subside. I realized that today, I needed to dress to regain a sense of normal. I needed to scratch an itch to keep from going crazy. It bothers me that I have to do this in order to feel ok, in order to feel normal and to breath again. I feel like the dressing controls me and I can only put it off for so long before it starts to call to me and break me down until I cave into it. That just bothers me.
Well, with all of this weighing on my mind, I ended up spilling the beans to a female friend, someone that I just know over the internet. She lives about 45 minutes away from here but I just had to talk to someone about it, have a person to turn to about it. She was there and I spilled it to her. I was nervous and anxious, I've done the same thing before in the past and was incredibly scared to do it but she was awesome about it. She thought I was kidding at first and just jerking her around. And of course there were the typical questions, am I gay, do I want to be a woman etc. She asked a lot of good questions and helped me through it. Strange day in all, another battle fought, only one direction to go from here, forward.
Thoughts on any of this from anyone? Thanks in advance for your input.
Some of you might remember many moons ago when I posted about having to move home and live in my parents basement thanks to some professional and financial trouble. Well, me being a crossdresser, this scenario already presents some obvious privacy issues. The house is small and originally I moved in thinking I would be here only for a month or two. That month or two has turned into 9 with future moving plans in the next month or two. Since both of them are old and my dad is a double amputee on his legs, there's not much time in this house where I can have it all to my own and have some privacy to dress up. Last week I was working like a horse because I was working three jobs, I had no free time and almost no private time. Today I knew that I was going to have a chance to dress up, with the folks out of the house and the day off. From the moment I woke up I could feel the strain. I hadn't dressed in awhile and as I waited for the time to come, I started to get anxious and frustrated. I felt tense and upset and extremely impatient. I felt so strained that I was feeling incredibly frustrated with my life and myself. Feeling angry and depressed about my life, like it's a dead end and very lonely. It was very strange.
Once the coast was clear, I couldn't get out of guy clothes and into girl clothes fast enough. Once I was dressed the feelings of strain and frustration started to subside. I realized that today, I needed to dress to regain a sense of normal. I needed to scratch an itch to keep from going crazy. It bothers me that I have to do this in order to feel ok, in order to feel normal and to breath again. I feel like the dressing controls me and I can only put it off for so long before it starts to call to me and break me down until I cave into it. That just bothers me.
Well, with all of this weighing on my mind, I ended up spilling the beans to a female friend, someone that I just know over the internet. She lives about 45 minutes away from here but I just had to talk to someone about it, have a person to turn to about it. She was there and I spilled it to her. I was nervous and anxious, I've done the same thing before in the past and was incredibly scared to do it but she was awesome about it. She thought I was kidding at first and just jerking her around. And of course there were the typical questions, am I gay, do I want to be a woman etc. She asked a lot of good questions and helped me through it. Strange day in all, another battle fought, only one direction to go from here, forward.
Thoughts on any of this from anyone? Thanks in advance for your input.