Having difficuly with wife's acceptance

[Darlene Rochelle]

Girls,I still don't have total acceptance of my wife. She feels like she has to understand why,before she can accept my femme side. It has been a long,uphill battle,and it gets frustrating at times. Hugs,Darlene..

[Tree GG]

Personally, I felt it was easier to start coming to terms with when I stopped trying to figure out why.

[Nigella]

One word ...

... Patience

They say that Rome was not built in a day. Not many people know why, just that it is. Answer her questions with total honesty, don't push for what she is not willing to give and just give the one thing she needs the most ...


... TIME

[Valerie Nicole]

Unfortunately, I think the general consensus is that we can't find any real answer to that question. The best thing I think we can say is "because this is who I am." Other than that, I don't know what to tell you.

[Marla S]

Most likely Tree is right.
There is no answer to the Why and it doesn't need one.

You like (have) to express feminine aspects of yourself via clothes. The clothes support your feminine aspects. That's all. There is nothing more to understand.

A complete different question is if you express these feminine aspects in a comprehensible way. Meanig the way you dress feminine and when.

Do you jump from one disguise (drab) to the other (drag) or are you able to merge both aspects into one person ?

(To be honest, being a CD myself, I see arguments for the Jekyll and Hyde syndrom and the fun of it, but I don't understand it myself. A SO probably does even harder to understand it.)

Do you try to emulate a real woman or do you try to emulate the male phantasy of a woman ?

(Some GGs seem to be a bit irritated here, because they seem to have complete different associations with a certain style than we.)

Maybe here is something that is hard to understand for your SO.

[Emily Ann Brown]

I think Tree hit it on the head....for some questions the correct and only answer is because.

My ex is still asking WHY, and every time I try to start the explanation of my lifelong gender confusion she says "That's not an acceptable answer!". Well it's the only one I have besides BECAUSE.


Emily Ann

[Sandra]

For her to understand why then you do to...

[Marla S]

My ex is still asking WHY, and every time I try to start the explanation of my lifelong gender confusion she says "That's not an acceptable answer!".

:lol2:
You could try:
I got some strange toxins as a child.
I have these feelings since I crashed with my Bobby Car (http://www.big.de/images/1303_2_k_347.jpg) into a wall.
or something like this.
Could be more acceptable.

[bgirl]

For her to understand why then you do to...

Sandra, I am not sure I would agree with you. I don,t know why even after fifty years of trying to figure it out. I quit trying to figure it out. My wife has come to terms that I do crssdress. If she wants to know why, giving my previuus experience at figuring that out, that answer may take awhile.
Lovingly Beth

[SandyR]

Its built in us. I don't believe there is an explanation......Hang in there.

Hugs.

SandyR

[Denielleinheels]

I think too much is put on "Understanding why we do" and more should be put on understanding each other. Ganted I am blessed with some one who not only gets it, but she loves the fact that I am a soft kind person who understands her. She has been in relationships with normals so to speak and there were problems. With us we get each other. So just be patient and understanding with her as you want her to be with you.

[O2B Barbara]

I wondered why for a lot of years, still don't know but no longer wondering. Finally gave the wondering away and picket up some self acceptance and along with that a lot of stress removal as a result. Things take time, be patient, at least she isn't saying she can't handle it.

Hugs,

[Sheila]

Darlene,

how long has your wife known ? and is she a member here or if not would she join? If so after her intial 10 posts she could apply to join the GG section where she might find some answers or at least see that she is not alone.

:hugs:

[Darlene Rochelle]

My wife has known for as long as we have been married(18yrs),but only in the last few years has my desire to dress all the way come "full circle". She thinks it's an addiction.

[Toyah]

Girls,I still don't have total acceptance of my wife. She feels like she has to understand why,before she can accept my femme side. It has been a long,uphill battle,and it gets frustrating at times. Hugs,Darlene..


Why do you expect total acceptance surley some is better than none ???

[Ranae]

The main things is to be openly honest and very understanding to her as she is confused about this far more than anyone can think we are.

Heck, I am still trying to understand myself as most of us are, so we sure can't expect someone else to be more understanding than our self.

It takes time and a really hard up hill stride. Just don't try to push her or you will loose ground on her acceptance.

:GE:

[Di]

Girls,I still don't have total acceptance of my wife. She feels like she has to understand why,before she can accept my femme side. .

About the total acceptance...there are all kinds of acceptance between partners...from total all out to partial....to ok...dress only when I am not around and DO not want to hear about it...to none at all......................It has to be where you both feel comfortable and what the TWO of you can work out.


And about she has to understand why....to me that would be impossible to say why.....two quotes come to mind...not trying to be rude...........it is what it is.......and What is...just is...and nothing more


She is welcome to come here to talk and read...learn....and get support.

[Holly]

Girls,I still don't have total acceptance of my wife. She feels like she has to understand why,before she can accept my femme side. It has been a long,uphill battle,and it gets frustrating at times. Hugs,Darlene..Some questions just don't have a single, simple, correct answer. "Why is _______ your favorite color?" Your reasons may not make any sense to me whatsoever, nor mine to you. But is my acceptance that ________ is your favorite color necessary for me to accept and love/like you as a person? It isn't for me. My wife does all kinds of things that I just don't "get"... but I still love her. And I know I do things that she doesn't understand. Love isn't about understanding, it's about acceptance and commitment and support.

[Deanna2]

Just appreciate the fact that you can wear femme gear. I wouldn't worry about the femme 'side' . Try one thing at a time.

[battybattybats]

The other side of the 'why?' question is.. 'why not?'. I am yet to hear a satisfactory answer for that one either. The best ones I've heard are either sexist, bigoted, conformist or selfish.

I don't think that the 'Why?' question needs to be answered until there is a good 'why not?' answer.

[Seville]

Just appreciate the fact that you can wear femme gear. I wouldn't worry about the femme 'side' . Try one thing at a time.

As others have said, a little acceptance is better than none.

[kipkat125]

I think some acceptance is better than none. All would be best but how many of us have that with anyone?

[gillianCD]

My wife has known for as long as we have been married(18yrs),but only in the last few years has my desire to dress all the way come "full circle". She thinks it's an addiction.

Darlene,

I had the same problem with my wife. I could never get her to understand. Now we're divorced (and the CD thing was not the cause of it...I had gone into a deep purge that held for the last 3.5 years of my marriage), and I am free. I've done some thinking on that question and the answer I found for me is that I am a collector of experience, and that I want to experience gender from both sides (as much as that's possible without an operation). I'm curious, and that is why I try and dress as a "normal" woman rather than a Diva.

However, I also just love the way a nice pair of black thigh highs, satin panties & bra feels. However, most of why I do it is unexplainable.

The truth is even if you could find a way to understand why you do it, you may still be unable to communicate it to her. You cannot make her understand or accept anything...that is something she will have to come to on her own.

And that is my:2c:

[Rita B]

I understand your pain. In the same canoe.

Rita

[SarahLynn]

Marla S wrote: "You like (have) to express feminine aspects of yourself via clothes. The clothes support your feminine aspects. That's all. There is nothing more to understand."

Lets word this just a bit different and i think Marla has nailed it.

You wish to express the feminine aspects of you personelity and the clothes support that aspect of your personelity. It lets you go beyond the touchyfeely aspect of "modern manlyness" to the complete emersion of your being into the feminine aspect of who you are.:happy:

SarahLynn

[Chantelle CD]

I think there will never be a answer to why we want to cross dress, just like there is no physical proof there is a god, but if you have faith in god or the principles of god/love, then miracles happen, same goes for cross dressing, if you dont have faith in it, and in yourself for it, you will for ever be fighting it, start to have faith, and you will flower. It just simply is....inside of us. And the obsession part, is because it is there, spark it, and it wants to express more, and more, and more, until there is a balance. I think that is why, i feel like i dont want to dress, for a week at a time, and at times all i want to do is dress.

I honestly dont think a lot of GG do not understand it in us, because they see themselves, the way men see themselves, nothing special, normal, being a woman is every day, and cant fig out why we want to feel what they do so much for.