Final Approach to Full Time

[tori-e]

Hi there,

Anybody out there full time?

In the past few days the path is clearing for me to go full time. The magic date is August 7th. That's when I'll be starting to go work as Terri.

I know I should be thrilled. This is the moment I've been waiting for my whole life. But I'm finding myself waking up and lying in bed and wondering if this is the right thing to do. At the office we are starting to do a lot of planning. How to respond to customers. How to get staff ready and a million other details.

How do I know that I really need to do this? How do I know that once I get there it won't be a mistake? If it is a mistake it will be hugely embarrassing. Or am I just going through the same kind of jitters that people go through leading up to a big wedding?

Has anybody else been here before?

Any words of wisdom greatly appreciated.

lots of love,
Terri

[Joy Carter]

Tori-e. Just stand up strait, head up and ware a smile. You will show them your confidence and grace. How could you not accept someone showing those qualities.

The Best To You Joy :hugs:

[Stlalice]

The whole purpose of the Real Life Test is to let you work out the answers to problems of this sort and see if you can function in your target gender role. If you didn't have any doubts or fears that what you are doing is indeed the right thing for you it would be something to wonder or worry about. Some jitters are the norm so relax, do what you need to, and things will work out. :2c: :hugs:

[LisaRose]

I wish I could be there to hold your hand so you could do the same for me someday.

[GypsyKaren]

Feeling a wee bit nervous is perfectly normal and understandable, but it's something that will soon pass and you'll think nothing of it. I can tell you that for me, going full time was the best decision I've ever made, and doing it is simply wonderful. Instead of second guessing yourself, why don't you think of some goals, like what do you expect to achieve through all of this? This will be a very good time to learn about yourself, and you will cherish every moment.

Karen

[Rita B]

Go for it Terri. I wanted to go through SRS so badly, but I could never get approval because of medical problems. I had already had one by pass surgery and a couple of heart attacks and the counselors and doctors did not think that I could have handled the stress. It has haunted me all my life. I have had to keep this secret life inside me for many years and twenty plus years later , I would still want to make the change. Up to the moment they wheel you into surgery, you can always change your mind. Good luck to you.:hugs:

Rita

[Sharon]

You have already told your co-workers and you don't mention any difficulties with them. As a matter of fact, it sounds like they are really supporting you by all this preparation they are doing, when it is still two months away. Are you "somewhat" transitioning in your appearance now? If you are, it won't be that big a deal when you finally go all the way and totally present yourself as a female. If not, then you should consider it.

Making that final leap to living full-time is a huge step, and one that no one takes lightly. And there are no easy ways to do it. I know that it was a time fraught with anxiety for me, but my determination and belief that this is the right thing for me to do was enough to push me forward, even though I am a total wimp and worry way too much about what other people may be thinking.

Good luck to you and I hope you continue to post both before and after your emergence. :happy:

[joanlynn28]

I have been full time at work almost 3 months and now it just feels like this has been the way I have always was like at work. Just remember to take little steps towards it everyday and you will soon find yourself one step towards your goal. Just be prepared because there are going to be coworkers that are going to be unexcepting of the new you, but just stay strong and keep going with a positive attitude the best way to deal with the jerks is just be yourself and keep your head high. Be proud and just be yourself it is the greatest feeling in the world.:hugs:

[tori-e]

Thanks to everyone for their responses and encouragement. I think that I’m past some of the initial “I can’t believe I’m doing this!” I still find myself at that 3:00AM pee going “Do I need to do this?” But everyday it is just getting easier. Outside of the office I am pretty much full time and everyday I spend as me it all gets easier and feels so much better.

I am a one third owner of my business and my partners have pledged their support over a year ago. So I’m not so concerned about anybody giving me any problems. But I am very concerned about not upsetting my staff and clients.

Thanks again to everyone. I’ll let you know how August 7th goes.

Terri

[MJ]

i hear you , it's just the jitters Hun , i went through all that too you have a date set make sure you hold your head up high and for god sake SMILE and don't ever look back .. it's the best move i ever made ....
now there will be some nay sayers at work and you will get the looks and the jokes and the but " it " can't use the womans washrooms or give him a month sort of deal .. all i can tell you is keep at it you will do fine .. you can do it Terri if you need someone to talk to you can im me or pm is fine all the best
hugs Marissa

[Calliope]

Since I did the fulltime thing the easy way - a whole new town - all I can offer ya is good luck, and if ya act like life is normal for you, the world will (eventually) tag along.

[April410]

terri,
You are doing something grand ;I can only imagine that you must be scared out of your mind! Perhaps , this late fear of is this complete transformation a mistake ,or can I really become this new women is the final roar of the element , in you , who , for what ever reason, stood at the threshold and kept you from trespassing into that land the bulk of you wanted: the land of your femininity .
Heres a hug for courage and tell me how the 6 turned out
take care:hugs:
April
still very , very punchy from her entrance into the trans world

[barb M]

Go Terri,
and don't look back.You're a good looking woman,enjoy it. I wish you all the luck in the world! Hopefully ,in a few months I'll be where you are now.
Barbara

[AmberTG]

I'd like to be in your position, nerves and all. I'm just not far enough along this path yet, but I'm working my way there. I think you'll be just fine once you jump in, you already got both feet wet, you'll swim just fine!

[tori-e]

I still have a few weeks to go. But I have to say that everything seems to be falling neatly into place. In fact I think the waiting is killing me now. Like a kid on Christmas eve.

This coming Friday I have our peer counsellor from the TGHP (http://www.vch.ca/transhealth/) coming to give a presentation to my entire staff (about 20 people) (me excluded) and following that we have a "meet Terri" wine and cheese at my partners house. Should be cool! The counsellor is a long time post-op FTM and one of the coolest trans people I know.

July 27 I start vacation. That is my actual FT date. Then August 7 is "T" day at work.

Will let you all know how it goes.

Terri

[CindyFinalyFree]

Congratulations, both now, and in advance of the big day. Alice pretty much told you the same thing she told me. To state it in a quote by an unknown source.... "Only the truely sane question their own sanity." I also agree with April. Despite the fact that we are women on the inside, our physical bodies, and at least a portion of us, however immesurable, was 'born' male. The steps we take on the path of transition threaten that part of us, and it should be expected that it will scream out to defend itself.

This event in your life is a definative step towards leaving that part of you behind, potentially (and hopefully!!!) forever. If we're lucky, we were taught 'NOT' to burn bridges (normally sound advice). This is one bridge, however, that I will be happy to burn once I've crossed it. <holds up a match, and prepares to stike it on the 7th for Terri>

And yes.... you are a very beautiful woman. You have done, and will continue to do quite well for yourself. Best wishes, and lots of support are sent your way.

:hugs::love::hugs:

[tori-e]

Well on Friday evening we had our "Meet Terri - Wine and Cheese" at my business partner's house.

All but two employees made it, and some of the ones that did come, brought there spouses. The evening was, I think, very successful. I had a chance to talk to everyone and they all treated me as though I'd always been Terri. I think that the evening served to show that this is not all so weird and that is will be manageable when FT hits at the office.

Prior to this there was a 2 ½ hr. presentation in our office's boardroom on transgender issues. I think that this presentation was key. A few of those that had been quite uncomfortable seem to have a new sense of understanding for my situation.

For me, one of things I've been dreading the most, has come and gone. Whew! I'm so glad that is behind me!

Next big date: August 7th, FT at work!

Terri

[AmberTG]

It's always a good thing when something actually works as planned!
Congratulations on a successful major step in your transition, I hope the rest of it goes as smoothly.

[tori-e]

Well on July 26th I came home from work and threw my man shirt out the window, (My daughter was quite amused) got in to girl mode and that was it. I haven't looked back. I had a weeks vacation then back to work for the past two weeks.

I have to say this has been fantastic and everyone has been wonderful. Work has been good, the neighbours still talk to me and the neighbourhood kids still come to play. And Brenda and I still...:hugs:

During all this I got my name change certificate and my new drivers license. On the back in black and white it has "Sex: F"

I don't think I've ever been more happy. This has been like a dream. (Hoping not to wake up):D:D:D

Thanks to all that offered their support.:love:

thanks,
Terri

[Sharon]

Very cool, Terri! I know how you're feeling, and how liberating and "real" your life is now, so I wish you all the happiness I have had myself in the past year. :happy: