I have this friend...

[theboi33]

I have this friend that just moved to my city about four months ago. When she first arrived here she was really femme, and since she's been hanging out with me she has started buying boys clothes, cut her hair, and now calls herself genderqueer. I can't tell her that she's not, I would be pissed if someone tried to tell me what I am or am not. But I also feel like she simulating me in her presentation and actions. What, if anything, should I do? Just leave it be?

[ZenFrost]

They say imitation is the highest form of flattery, personaly I consider it to be the highest form of mockery but that's just me. It is possible that she thinks you're cool and wants to be like you, I've had friends and younger cousins that looked up to me and tried to be like me in style of dress, taste in music, etc. So she might just be trying to fit in with you by being like you.

However, there is a possibility that being around you has made her realize something about herself. Maybe she feels comfortable around you and can drop the act she used to put up, or maybe you got her to stop denying what she was.

Either way, if it's bothering you, bring it up. Problems don't go away when they're ignored so talk to her about it. I'm a big fan of bluntness but if you think that will ruin your friendship then try a softer approach. You could bring it up casually.

It could be a phase, it could be for real, it could be because she's insecure and feels the need to fit in with you... I don't know and you wont either until you talk to her about it.

[RevMoonSerpent]

I think Zen has the right idea when it comes to how you should deal with the situation. You need to talk to her about it but, in the interest of keeping your friendship on good terms you might try just bringing the subject up in casual conversation. Start talking about when you realized that you were different and get her started along the same lines.
Bringing up the subject that way should keep you from having problems with your friendship and give you the answers you are looking for. Who knows, it may even make your friendship stronger.
Good Luck.

[Nigella]

Your friend could have been hiding all these years, like most of us have, it could be that you have given her the opportunity to "be himself".

Tread carefully, remember how you felt in the beginning and remember that we do not have the rights to transgenderism.

[Kieron Andrew]

it might be that 'she' feels comfortable in your pressence to be able to express 'he'..........and maybe up until now he hasnt been able to do it?.....maybe suggest that he joins here, we'd love another boy around the place :)

[Robin Leigh]

Maybe you should watch Desperately Seeking Susan (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0089017/) together. :devil:

Seriously though, we are all affected to some extent by the people we associate with, but you can't really turn a straight person queer, or vice versa.

Of course, it's possible that you've helped your friend to think deeply about gender issues for the first time, & so now she is exploring her own gender. You are simply providing an environment where she feels safe & comfortable to do this. I think this sort of exploration & experimentation is generally a good thing. It can help people understand what their feelings about gender & sexuality really are & help sort fantasy from reality. Of course, it's possible to lose perspective, & get lost in fantasyland, so having a level-headed friend to help keep it real is a big advantage.

Talk with your friend, theboi33, and help her to understand where she's at. Give her support, but let her know that she doesn't need to be genderqueer to be your friend.

:hugs:

Robin

[John]

I never axepted that I might just posably be a little trans untill I spen a few LGBT meats chating to a transguy there, so it's quite posable you're friend just never realised/axepted it untill it was thrown in their face that it's around.

Or... she could just be trying to fit in, though I'd find it kinda unlikly that someone would reclasify themselvs genderwise in order to be like someone elce.

I would offer advice in dealing with it, but I'm verry bad with people, and would probably just cause more agro.

[false_dichotomy]

I had something similar happen to me recently. In my case, the "friend" just got on my nerves so much that I really never see her anymore. But she was being very obnoxious about it and kept talking down to me and acting as though I don't pass (which I know I do), etc. I would hate to tell you to do the same thing I did if she is a really good friend except for this...

Is your friend's presentation the only thing that's bothering you about her? Like, is she generally hypocritical or something else that would make you wonder if she's calling herself genderqueer for the wrong reasons? I think it would be appropriate to ask her what "genderqueer" means to her, or what she means when she calls herself that. See what her answer is and maybe that'll help you understand why she suddenly started dressing that way.

I don't know how to word this sort of thing without treading the line of possibly being offensive-- but I don't mean to be. The problems I had with my friend probably make me biased...

[bi_weird]

Did I miss something or do we have a new boy?! Hello and welcome! Why don't you head on over to the intro forum and start yourself a thread! There's a prize if you do... :-)
As for your friend, that's an odd one. I just finished undergrad and am very frustrated with your typical college female bisexual - they give the rest of us a bad name. No one believes my orientation because so many college girls get drunk and make out with girls, and it's led me to be skeptical of many bis that I've met. So I know where you're coming from.
Of course, on the flip side, everyone gets to pick their own label. If your friend says she's genderqueer, then I spose she is. I'd agree with everyone else that you could try talking to her, see what she things about her gender identity and how that relates to yours. It's very possible that she's been feeling this way for a long time and being around someone else in a new town is giving her a safe space to let out her other side. It's also possible that she thinks you're cool and wants to be like you. Heck she may even be attracted to you, dunno. So yes, I'd start by getting into a discussion with her about being genderqueer and what that means. She where she's coming from.
Btw, if I'm wrong in using female pronouns, do tell.

As a totally unrelated aside, I love the google ads on here sometimes. They obviously don't know what to do with the content of our site a lot. Right now I've got one for urinary incontenance and another for training bras.

[Cai]

I'm wondering if your friend might just be in love with the idea of being different. She sees you bucking the norm, and has adopted a similar method in order the achieve that.

But definitely talk to her. Ask her to define her use of the word genderqueer.

[Cai]

As a totally unrelated aside, I love the google ads on here sometimes. They obviously don't know what to do with the content of our site a lot. Right now I've got one for urinary incontenance and another for training bras.

I've got hair transplants and a nude resort. :laughing:

[CaptLex]

I think you got good advice here, boi. Your friend may think you're so cool, she'd like to be more like you. Or she may be seeing something in you that she feels about herself, and has begun exploring it. Maybe she doesn't even know why she's doing it herself, except that it feels comfortable for her. I hope you can have an honest chat with her and find out. She may welcome that, but not know how to initiate it.

BTW, why don't you tell us more about you. You can do an intro thread in the New Members section and let us get to welcome you properly. Nice to have you here. :welcom:

[Lovely Rita]

I would just leave it. She obviously looks up to you as some one to emulate and rightly so.

My two cents.