Bothered/Offended

[Sandra]

This is for to everyone to post.


I do try to always speak of Nigella as she/her or Nigella when talking to others, some times I do slip up but that is not very often, most people that we know also say she/her, if any one does slip up she doesn't get offended or upset, but does just give them a gentle reminder that she likes to be addressed as she/her.

So how do you feel if you are addressed as "he" etc when enfem? and how does your SO address you.

[Kate Simmons]

My wife always calls me Richard (even when she sees me dressed) as she will not acknowledge my femme side, which is fine. As far as friends, I really don't care which pronoun they use and don't even mind if they call me Rich when I'm Sal. It's the truth, no? In fact I kind of like the fact that they are comfortable enough to do that.:happy:

[rose382832]

since im not realy passable or even trying to pass i dont get upset if someone gets the gender right or wrong. my wife always calls me girlfriend when dressed , or honey. no problem.

[Marla S]

I havn't been in this situation yet, because I don't force it to look like a woman.
But I have experiences the other way round and have been called Mam (one a first glance only) sometimes when I really didn't expected it.

It feels a bit weird when you are called Mam and two minutes later Sir, but what do I expect. Life is not the Life of Brian.

So, I am not offended this way or that way, as long as I know that they talk to me.

[Fab Karen]

We expect sometimes getting the wrong words from the ignorant masses, but if you have any familiarity with the community, you should know to use "she/her." It should be a rare slip-up.
BTW, not everyone here has a SO.

[EricaCD]

When en femme, it would bother me if someone routinely did not refer to me in accordance with my presented gender. (Fortuntely it has never happened.) The occasional slip-up is perfectly understandable, and even if it bothers me I would not make a fuss about it. We need to remember that we often present a genuinely perplexing question to the general public, and a little thick skin is in order.

Helene studiously avoids using pronouns when referring to me en femme, though I think she would still call me "he". I have told her that this is absolutely acceptable to me. If a special dispensation were ever called for....

Erica

[Sheila]

when dressed I call my cdr Claire, hun ........ if talking to my cdr about Claire I tend to use she or refer to her as Claire, I am sure I will have slipped up on occasion but never deliberately

[Gina_darling]

I make the effort to look as natural and feminine as possible so that I look as good as I feel on the inside. I am Gina, a girl and so being called she/her etc should go with that. If someone does slip up I'm not cross, I too just give a gentle reminder. I have been called pal and mate when dressed and have been a bit disappointed, but I'm told by a gg friend that she is also called pal and mate and I shouldn't let it bother me. In short it makes me feel good about myself when presenting female to be treated female.

However if my family (who do know) were to call me Gina it would feel strange, but to be called by my male name by them when dressed would also be strange! I'll deal with that when I am dressed in front of them which they're not ready for just yet!

[GypsyKaren]

Hello my dear friend

I do this everyday, and I know that I get read more often than I pass, and I get called sir just about as often as I get a ma'am thrown my way, maybe more. It used to bother me, but I can truthfully say that I could no longer care less. All I'm after from the public is to be treated with the same courtesy and respect as I always give them, and to be treated as a person, nothing more, nothing less. They could call me a dalmation for all I care, just as long as they do it with a smile, that's all I ask.

Kat rarely uses pronouns when referring to me, she just calls me G.K. all the time, but she does say she or her whenever it's called for.

Karen

[SherriePall]

The only ones who have known me both endrab and enfemme (a few SA's)call me by my male name when they have seen me enfemme. They knew me by my male side first, so I don't say anything. One SA did tell me a story about a TS who came in the store and she didn't know how to address her. I told her to use the gender that the person is presenting.
It wasn't much, but it was a bit of education for that SA.

[Holly]

Of course I prefer the female pronouns but that isn't always done. Thick skin is definately called for. Although I do try and educate whenever the opportunity presents itself,

[O2B Barbara]

Since there is no way to pass at the momnet, my wife addresses me as both, depending on the mood she is in. Always with respect and support of course.

[Stephenie S]

I kinda agree with Gypsy on this. As long as you are polite, I don't really care how you address me. I have a pretty male body, after all. I think anyone who spends any time really looking at me can "read" me. Most people just don't look, being much too busy with their own problems to take on mine. Incidently, I think that's why we are read so easily by groups of teenage girls. They have nothing better to do.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[Dixie]

My wife calls me..........., well I can't say,but it is a term of endearment. I have been called ma'am and sir both and it doesn't bother me.

[Chrysoprase]

To me if it is a mistake or slip, it's no big deal. I prefer "she" even at the rare times that I'm in pants.

[paulap]

We cannot settle on a an enfemme name. We have Paula and Suzy. i would like an identity but we do not seem to be able to focus on one.

[spaceycasey GG]

I have slipped a few times when talking to Diane and called her by her male name. It did offend her, I don't want to hurt my girl, so now I try to be very conscience of what I'm saying while I'm talking with her. You know what has helped me though, is refering to my spouse as Diane when we are talking even when he is not en femme. It has helped me a lot. And probably her, too. I hope?:2c:

[Wendi {LI NY}]

My wife has called me her and my female name ,but she has slip and called me him . I guess it is hard for her at times ?:straightface: She has called me some pet names that I thought were just my ,but I heard other wife's call their husband too . like a-- hole !!:heehee: Which I said ,Hey,hon he has my pet name too!!:D

[TxKimberly]

This is for to everyone to post.


I do try to always speak of Nigella as she/her or Nigella when talking to others, some times I do slip up but that is not very often, most people that we know also say she/her, if any one does slip up she doesn't get offended or upset, but does just give them a gentle reminder that she likes to be addressed as she/her.

So how do you feel if you are addressed as "he" etc when enfem? and how does your SO address you.

You married a man. You have probably spent years with that man. If you "slip up" and call him "he" or "him" when he is dressed it is hardly a capital offense. One of the first functions my wife and I went to together, she kept reffering to me as "he" and someone took it upon themselves to "correct" my wife. This irritated my wife and postivly pissed me off. After 20 years, my wife knows very good and well who she married and has earned the right to call what ever she likes (including some not nice names. lol)
To make her even more uncomfortable than she already was while trying to show support and be with me, was unforgivable, even if it was done with the best of intentions.
I guess the point is, if you are speaking about your husband, you should stick with what is comfortable to you.
Kim

[Sandra]

Thanks for all the replies



but if you have any familiarity with the community, you should know to use "she/her." It should be a rare slip-up.

Agreed but after 18 years of knowing someone as he/him it can't be changed over night and Nigella has only just asked to be refered to as female since she changed her name by deed poll.


BTW, not everyone here has a SO.

I am well aware of that, that is why my question was not just how SOs address you but how you are addressed in the wider community.




Hello my dear friend

All I'm after from the public is to be treated with the same courtesy and respect as I always give them, and to be treated as a person, nothing more, nothing less.

Well put Karen.

[Denielleinheels]

I am refered to as Deni all the time. When dressed or not you can't see if it ends in a "Y" or and "I". But SO uses the fem when I am dressed and sometimes when not.

[Chantelle CD]

My SO calls me as always Hon, Babe, or Sally, a nickname she started calling my femme side. I was going to use that name, but think chantelle suits me better :) I dont really have any gender issues, so its no biggie if she calls me by my male name at all while dressed, i turn to her and say whats up hon, in my normal male voice anyways <chuckle>

[Tree GG]

Lord only knows! It's usually blurted out before I even think about it and you get 50/50 odds on what you'll get. I use whatever gets his attention. Last time it was "Hey, you!" (The room was crowded, he didn't answer to either name)

Ooops, I used "he".

I said it again!

[Tamasina]

I get called my male name i am not offened i am a male who likes to dress and look female. I do use her and she when chatting online with others like me an dont mind being addressed that way.

[kerrianna]

I don't present en femme in public so everyone knows me as a guy but sometimes I feel kind of sad when they refer to me as he, etc. It's not like I think they can read my mind, but it's the one time I really think that transitioning or living 24-7 would be the only solution.

Most of the time I'm okay with it because that's how it's always been. I KNOW who I am.

As for Carol, well this is pretty new to her and she has always known me as he too, so I'll let that slide too. I noticed last night she used both forms in a post (s)he which is kind of cool... because in reality I guess that's what I am. Both.

I try not to let pronouns and labels and names get the better of me.

[susie evans]

it happens so you migth as well get used to it ,it could be a lot worse :heehee:

susie

[marie354]

My SO will probably always refer to me as Sam , he, him. That's OK because I respect her and I'll always be there when she needs me.
But when I'm called Sandy or Marie or Ma'am, I love it. Doesn't everyone?
One of my old friends calls me Sandy once in a while and that's nice.
My new friends... Mostly call me Sandy. I like it.
But, I don't take any offense in whatever I'm referred as. I am after all, a little of both.
:hugs: