"Why are you putting this off until the last minute?"

[Cai]

My mother asked me that question on the phone a few minutes ago. She wants to know why I don't have an outfit for my sister's graduation on Saturday. My sister made me promise that I would show up in a skirt or dress. (She doesn't know, but considering I haven't worn a skirt since my own graduation, she just assumed I wouldn't unless asked).

So we come back to the question of why I am putting this off until the last minute. Because I really, really don't want to have to go to the mall in girl mode and buy a dress. Because I haven't shaved in going on 8 weeks now, and since my hair is dark, it'll be just a little obvious. Because I don't like what's currently in style, especially not on me. And again, back to "I don't want to."

I hate making a big deal out of this - it's supposed to be my sister's day. But there's a reception afterward, and a party the next week, and a family reunion the weekend after that, and for all of these I have to wear the d***ed dress.

I'm actually seriously considering measuring myself and going to the mall and telling them I'm looking for something for my sister or my girlfriend. Heck, I'm halfway considering trying to look like a MTF CD'er, instead of a girl.

Yeah. Did I mention I don't want to buy a dress?

[pocoyo]

awwwwwwwwwwww poor thing :(

Hmm... maybe you need to (kindly and politely) let them know that you really are not comfortable in a dress but that you are more than happy to wear something smart which is not a dress/skirt (but male or genderless) as a sort of compromise?

Would they listen?

*hugs*

Awww, I know how bloody frustrating/annoying/confusing these things can be. I hope you sort out some sort of compromise.

[CaptLex]

My sister made me promise that I would show up in a skirt or dress.
Why would someone demand a promise like that? :rolleyes:

Can you compromise by getting a very nice (ladies) pants suit? Or maybe a gender-neutral one that you can dress up with a pretty blouse for the occasion, but then wear with a cool masculine shirt after all the festivities are done? Why be forced to buy something you'll probably never wear again? I feel for you, hun. :sad:

[Cai]

Why would someone demand a promise like that? :rolleyes:


Because she wants me to "look nice." Which means skirt or dress in her eyes, unfortunately.

Though the compromise might work for the reception and parties, because I do have a very nice pantsuit that I wear to speech competitions. I'll bet I could change into that after the ceremony.

[Lisa Baby]

Has she seen you in your pants suit? With your best lace and/or ruffle blouse?

The "demand" for you to wear a skirt or dress is, in my opinion, unreasonable. Even if thus were a weddig, she would still be out of line. (Unless you were one of the brides maids.)

Tou are not the center of attention at this affair and should be able to dress in a maner you find comfortable.

I wish you the best in solving this delema.

[bi_weird]

Ouch, that's sucky. *hugs* I think it's totally an option to show up at the store with measurements like you said and pretend it's for someone else. *laughs* you COULD get a skort...I've always loved them despite anyone I know who cares about fashion hating them like the devil. Other than that...I guess grin and bear it? Give yourself a reward for the shopping, and again for each time you wear it. Like junk food or a new book or something fun.

[Cai]

A skort? Do they still make those? :heehee:

And Lisa, it is her day, so I do understand why she wants me to look nice for it. I'm going to be meeting her friends, many of them for the first time, and she wants me to make a good impression, I think. That's why I haven't told anyone at home that I don't want to buy a skirt - I don't want to steal focus from her graduation, and a fight over something as minor as what I choose to wear would make me feel bad.

[Tristan]

Awww Cai :hugs::hugs::hugs:

My sister's a lot like that. She'll even offer to buy me the dress to get me to wear one. Sighs I had a panic not too long ago because her and her bf are very serious and expected to be engaged soon and it hit me as her only "sister" I'd probably be asked to be in the wedding party and the thought of wearing a dress in front of all those people made so incredibly sick to my stomach and it's not even close to reality just the thought of it makes me shudder. Maybe show up in a real sharp outfit and apologize later that you couldn't find a dress that you were comfortable with. I doubt she'd make a fuss over it in front of everyone else and to everyone else a pantsuit or etc would be seen as dressy enough for the event.

[ZenFrost]

Can you go for a kilt? Otherwise I'd suggest a long skirt (ankle length) because they usually aren't as feminine as, oh, say, a miniskirt. And they cover up hairy legs. I usually go shopping en homme, people just asume you're buying for someone else.

[Laurie909]

Hey! Skirts or dresses are not for everybody. Why would anybody force anyone to wear one. Not everybody looks good in a dress (I do....but only cause I have pretty legs! Lucky me!) But skirt, dress, pants....whatever....as long as you look nice, neat and presentable what possible difference does it make?

[John]

aww :itsok:

I don't supose you could just turn up in trousers? As was said, chances are they won't make a fuss there and then (though I don't know you're familie, they might *shrug*), though you're have to deall with the fallout later :rolleyes:.

[Sally24]

I'd also go with the long skirt. You could probably get away with just shaving your feet and ankles.

[Dasein9]

I don't recall whether we talked about this when you were up here, but just in case... When I still thought I was a girl, I liked those broomstick skirts. Why? Because they're long and usually made of sheer rayon, so they're actually cooler (temperature-cooler, not way-cool-dude-cooler) than shorts. Basically, they keep the legs in the shade all day long. And underneath, I'd wear a pair of exercise shorts or cut-off leggings, so I was still wearing something that felt like pants.

Anyway, since you're in a part of the country that's very warm, that might work for you. Oh, and they tend to be cheap, and you can save it to use as a tablecloth or curtain later on. Also, they're kind of hippy-looking, and if your family aren't hippies, then they may not ask you to wear a skirt again after you've shown up in one of these. ;)

[CaptLex]

I don't want to steal focus from her graduation, and a fight over something as minor as what I choose to wear would make me feel bad.
Yeah, but it's not minor to you. And if it were really minor to her, she wouldn't care whether you wore a skirt or pants, just as long as you look nice for the big day. It's not that I don't understand the situation, Cai, it's that it pushes all the wrong buttons on me. I hate to see you so unhappy during an occasion that you should be happy, comfortable and relaxed about. It's not fair to you. :hugs:

[Felix]

Cai I can relate completely and feel totally sorry for you :hugs::hugs: I think the gender neutral idea is good :hugs: xx Felix

[Cai]

I went to the store in boy mode and got a dress. It's ankle-length and navy blue/white. I was doing all right in the store ("I don't care what they think. I don't care what they think.") until after I'd paid for the dress. I'd gone up to the young men's department to de-stress (not that I can afford anything right now) and one of the SA's looks over and goes "Miss, are you finding everything alright?" like I was lost or something. I just nodded and fled.

But I don't dislike the dress I picked. It fits, it's comfortable, and when I look at it totally objectively (like I put a hand over my face in the mirror), it does look good on me. And I have a blouse/pants outfit that I'm going to put on for the reception and subsequent parties.

[ZenFrost]

I went to the store in boy mode and got a dress. It's ankle-length and navy blue/white. I was doing all right in the store ("I don't care what they think. I don't care what they think.") until after I'd paid for the dress. I'd gone up to the young men's department to de-stress (not that I can afford anything right now) and one of the SA's looks over and goes "Miss, are you finding everything alright?" like I was lost or something. I just nodded and fled.

But I don't dislike the dress I picked. It fits, it's comfortable, and when I look at it totally objectively (like I put a hand over my face in the mirror), it does look good on me. And I have a blouse/pants outfit that I'm going to put on for the reception and subsequent parties.

That's great you found something that works. I'm sorry you had trouble when you were trying to de-stress, but at least the dress buying experience is over with.

[bi_weird]

Dude congrats on surviving shopping! Too bad the saleslady chased you out, but you survived to tell the tale! Go Cai!

[CaptLex]

You did well, Cai. Glad that's all over - I hope you can just relax and enjoy the festivities now. :happy:

[pocoyo]

I went to the store in boy mode and got a dress. It's ankle-length and navy blue/white. I was doing all right in the store ("I don't care what they think. I don't care what they think.") until after I'd paid for the dress. I'd gone up to the young men's department to de-stress (not that I can afford anything right now) and one of the SA's looks over and goes "Miss, are you finding everything alright?" like I was lost or something. I just nodded and fled.

But I don't dislike the dress I picked. It fits, it's comfortable, and when I look at it totally objectively (like I put a hand over my face in the mirror), it does look good on me. And I have a blouse/pants outfit that I'm going to put on for the reception and subsequent parties.

urg stUpid shop assistant. *growls menacingly*

Bloomin' well done on doing that though. *hugs*

It doesn't sound too bad at all either.. fits, comfy and looks good!
And u get to change out of it woo!

Good one dude :hugs:

[Dasein9]

I do hope you got your mom or your sister to pay for it! :rolleyes:

[Cai]

Yes, my mother paid for it because I'm too broke to buy anything right now.

My triathlon coach (a major friend of the family) told me at the ceremony I looked like a "girly girl" in it, and I wanted to jump off the bleachers, headfirst. But then she joked about feeling betrayed, because she hadn't come in a dress and wasn't expecting me to either. I felt a little better about that, since she sees me in a different way than the me in the dress.

Had kind of a shock looking over some of the digital pics this afternoon, because I didn't recognize myself at all. I guess it's the new-ish haircut, but I really look different than I remember.

[CaptLex]

My triathlon coach (a major friend of the family) told me at the ceremony I looked like a "girly girl" in it, and I wanted to jump off the bleachers, headfirst. But then she joked about feeling betrayed, because she hadn't come in a dress and wasn't expecting me to either. I felt a little better about that, since she sees me in a different way than the me in the dress.
Well, I haven't seen you in this outfit, but having met you in person, I can't imagine you looking girly in anything. Maybe she meant that it looked girly compared to what you usually wear. Can we see pics of the new haircut?

P.S. Glad you didn't dive off the bleachers headfirst. :whew!:

[Cai]

Lex - it's actually the same hair you saw, but I've only had it since the end of the semester (about a month ago) so it still feels new.

And the masochist in me feels the need to share the pic of me in the dress, though it's not a full-length shot. So that's what I look like as a girl. The quality is poor because it's a digital shot of a physical photograph, so sorry about that but nothing I can do.

Ummm...I feel silly requesting this, but if any of the girls could hold off on telling me that they're jealous, I would appreciate it.

And now I hit submit before I chicken out.

[CaptLex]

Whoa . . . I can't believe that's you, Cai. Well . . . I recognize the smile, but that's about it. :happy:

[Kieron Andrew]

Whoa . . . I can't believe that's you, Cai. Well . . . I recognize the smile, but that's about it. :happy:
hes got a sister right? thats it isnt it?

[Cai]

hes got a sister right? thats it isnt it?

:laughing: I do have a sister (it's her hand on my shoulder in that pic) but no, that's really me. My sister doesn't look anything like me, really, because she's got my father's bone structure and figure, while I got mine from my mother. Plus my sister has much fairer hair than I do.

Lex, I'm not surprised you don't recognize me, like I said I barely recognized myself!

[Dasein9]

Wow. Boy in a dress!

Sorry, but I already know you as a guy.

[Kieron Andrew]

Wow. Boy in a dress!.
at the risk of getting lynched by the girls, i'll send you what i was gonna say in PM lol

[Cai]

Wow. Boy in a dress!

Sorry, but I already know you as a guy.

Don't apologize, I kinda appreciate it, and anyway, that's how I felt the whole day!

[Lovely Rita]

Hey Cai, seems like that old addage is true, One woman's poison is another man's whatever.
Too bad MTFs can't some time be standins for FTMs and vice a versa.

Would'nt that be cool if we were able to attend those perfunctory occassions for one another. Just dreaming again.