Aargh the frustration of being seen wrongly

[pocoyo]

Urgh.

I am fed up of people seeing me wrongly.

It really "hurts"... not like physical pain... but hurts somewhere deep in my heart.

Yeah you guys & girls on here see me right... (apart from the odd person that doesn't really know about ftms and gets it wrong).

And most of the people in my life do (because my main life is online because I've cut any other unneccesary "real life" people off due to them seeing me wrongly).

So I have this whole internet life where I am allowed to be the real me.
And it f*cking gets to me when people in real life (for instance a new friend that I was basically forced to befriend) totally gets me wrong. Especially as he/she is apparently transgendered themself.

Makes me want to yell at them (scream in their face is how I put it to them via text message lol), and show them my videos and photos and prove it.

But it's like the only way to PROVE that I'm a boy is to transition.
And I'm not sure I'm ready for that/should do that.

Bring on the f*cking verdict of "intersexed" so I can have the girl bits lopped off and get on with being a boy. Gah!

Bah! :mad:

[Cai]

I have no advice, but I'll leave these.
:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

[pocoyo]

Awww thank you very much!

Also Cai.. I wanted to say to you thank you for the 1st comment you left on the hug thread... because I was posting at the same time as u... i had missed it until I read that thread through again the other day. So.. thanks dude very much appreciated :hugs::hugs::hugs:.

[Cai]

Awww thank you very much!

Also Cai.. I wanted to say to you thank you for the 1st comment you left on the hug thread... because I was posting at the same time as u... i had missed it until I read that thread through again the other day. So.. thanks dude very much appreciated :hugs::hugs::hugs:.

No problem. I've been working on some of those same questions myself, so it was good to know I'm not alone in wondering.

[pocoyo]

2 of the texts I sent:

I just feel like screaming at you I AM THIS DUDE... LOOK!
But don't feel bad. Lots of people don't get me.
I could show you these videos and more photos then you would.
But it feels like an invasion of my "real life". That no one in my actual life will get unless I transition.
Yep I can make a pretty girl & put on a girly act. But that don't mean that's who I really am or should be.

---- and

I'm perfectly well thank u, apart from tonsilitus. I am just sick to the back teeth of people seeing me wrongly, I have a whole proper real life where I'm a boy & it hurts so much when people don't get me. Especially apparently transgendered people who should understand. :( it just makes me want to say leave me alone.

I have also realised it's his/her PUSHYness that's upsetting me as well.. really wanting me to speak on the phone, even though I'm not comfy with that.

And saying he/she can really see the real me.. my soul.. past gender....
Well I can feel for a fact that they can't!! and yet because they are from a psychic family they seem to think they know everything about stuff like that!
And it's so controlling... apparently his/her mum (who is psychic) said that we are meant to be together.. she just knows it.
Euurgh!! No we are NOT!!!! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr :mad:

Yeah i think I forgot to mention that.. btw this person sort of really likes me and wants to be with me *sigh*. They seem quite pushy about that too. (Even though I have repeatedly made it clear I don't want a relationship).

[Kieron Andrew]

Poc have some more dude

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

I dont know what to say, yes it totally bites that people just dont get it sometimes, but if they are not willing to at least meet you half way and understand are they really worth knowing and trying to explain to......you know who you are and thats all that matters....and those that care about you know too....

[pocoyo]

Poc have some more dude

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:
thank you dude :hugs::hugs::hugs:


I dont know what to say, yes it totally bites that people just dont get it sometimes, but if they are not willing to at least meet you half way and understand are they really worth knowing and trying to explain to......you know who you are and thats all that matters....and those that care about you know too....

You are 100 % right. Thank u dude.
*more hugs*

[Kieron Andrew]

*more hugs*
hmmm you're just wanting the hugs from me for the sake of it now arent you :heehee:......typical i dont give em out often and he wants more lol

[Marla S]

Urgh.

These miserable feelings creeping slowly up the backbone, circling a while in the brain stem, and doing handshake with some old frustrations, before they smash right in your face are evil as hell.

Fight them. Don't let them control your life.

.... stupid me ... I myself have no recipe to do that ... but I constantly try.

Bla bla ....

I wished I'd had something useful to offer ... but I don't.

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

You are the MAN (besides the other here) even if they call you mam. Be aware of that.

[pocoyo]

hmmm you're just wanting the hugs from me for the sake of it now arent you :heehee:......typical i dont give em out often and he wants more lol

Yus :sad: *sulky little boy face*

[pocoyo]

Urgh.

These miserable feelings creeping slowly up the backbone, circling a while in the brain stem, and doing handshake with some old frustrations, before they smash right in your face are evil as hell.

Fight them. Don't let them control your life.

.... stupid me ... I myself have no recipe to do that ... but I constantly try.

Bla bla ....

I wished I'd had something useful to offer ... but I don't.

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

You are the MAN (besides the other here) even if they call you mam. Be aware of that.


awww thanks Marla *hugs*

hey your hugs were very useful :)

btw.. if anyone called me ma'am I'd really correct them at super speed lol

[Kieron Andrew]

Yus :sad: *sulky little boy face*
oh ffs!!! here you go:hugs::hugs::hugs:
now dont go asking for more, otherwise everyone will start wanting them :heehee:

[bi_weird]

Aww Poc! That sucks muchly. What me to be up that person for you? That sucks that they're being so pushy and annoying. *hugs*

[pocoyo]

Hehe Kieron! Thank u very much for extra hugs!

Bi yes please... and yes the pushyness sucks. Hehe aww thank you *hugs*

[Kate Simmons]

Poc, her Mum being "psychic" means absolutely nothing, nada, zip, zero, zilch. Especially for a person such as yourself who knows who they are. You are the master of your own destiny my friend, don't let anyone tell you any differently. I've seen who you really are and you are an absolutely pure being who knows where you are going. Not only that but you have all of us in your corner. When the doubts pile up, remember all of your friends here and how they feel about you. Life, any life is as virtual or as real as any of us make it. We believe in ourselves and we believe in you, never forget that my good young man.:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::love:

[CaptLex]

Well, you know what I think . . . she may be more "psycho" than "psychic", and when people push us, it's okay to push them back. A real friend will see you as you are, not as they want you to be - it's not worth your time to be with people that won't accept you.

I think Kieron ran out of hugs, but you can have mine . . .
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: . . . get 'em while they're hot! :bighug:

[Kieron Andrew]

Well, you know what I think . . . she may be more "psycho" than "psychic", and when people push us, it's okay to push them back. A real friend will see you as you are, not as they want you to be - it's not worth your time to be with people that won't accept you.

I think Kieron ran out of hugs, but you can have mine . . .
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: . . . get 'em while they're hot! :bighug:
nope didnt run out but dont want him getting greedy for em lol

[Tristan]

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::h ugs::hugs:

I feel your frustration little buddy. :( Sorry you feel so down.

[ZenFrost]

One of the best things about the internet is that you can find people who understand you and like you because of who you are no matter how far apart you live. I don't think I have any real life friends that 'get me' and I know how frustrating that can be. The good thing is that many of the people here do. My strategy for getting people to think something about me is to correct them at every turn (like when I get people to call me by my male name). If this person is being pushy about dating you, then you can be pushy right back about being a boy. Bluntness may not be the nicest way to go, but if this person is being frustrating then be blunt and just tell them off.

[John]

:itsok:

[Ms. Donna]

Urgh.

I am fed up of people seeing me wrongly.

It really "hurts"... not like physical pain... but hurts somewhere deep in my heart.

...

But it's like the only way to PROVE that I'm a boy is to transition.
And I'm not sure I'm ready for that/should do that.

Whatever you do, do not transition just to prove a point! Yea, I know you know this, but it's worth repeating.

And I share your frustration in my own odd little way. :hugs:

As we don't really (at all) know each other, I'm hoping the good Captain can vouch for my sincerity. That said, I'd like to share the following for your consideration:

Originally posted May 16 2007

I've been feeling a bit 'vulnerable' as of late with respect to my 'needs' with all of this trans stuff. Perhaps what I need most is to be recognized by (or recognizable to) other people. People see a me, make their assumptions (mostly incorrect in all likelihood) and I'm dropped in a box.More...

It was suggested that if one takes the 'gender-f*cking' route - i.e. the refusal to admit the power of the gender binary (whether inspired biologically or socially) - then one willingly adopts the position of David against Goliath - requiring a hell of a lot of 'chutzpah' to carry it off. However, there are those of us who do what we do because of who we are. It's not a 'refusal to admit the power of the gender binary' - quite the opposite. I fully acknowledge the power that the gender binary has in society: I am painfully aware of it. And here is the simple fact of it: It does not work for me.

I want it to - really I do. It would make life so much easier: for me, for others - just all around the board. But I wound up melting down years ago because I desperately clung to the idea that I was (or had to be) a man. And when I sorted through all of this crap, I found that while 'woman' fit better, it wasn't right either. So what do I do? Pick a side 'cause that what I'm supposed to do? 'Cause it will make everyone else happy?

I know I get dropped into the 'gay male' box from discussions I've had with people. They usually are quite surprised to find out I'm married, have kids and that I'm not gay. I don't want to be recognized as gay. Sometimes it's the 'woman' box in which I land. While I'm flattered by this, and it's a nice box in which to hang out, it still assumes things about me which are not accurate. Then there is the 'man' box. Getting 'sired' grates on me in so many ways and again, makes inaccurate assumptions about me.

I suppose there is that rare occasion where I'm recognized as trans-something - but I'll likely never really know: does anyone really openly acknowledge someone else as trans? Probably not. And genderqueer? Even less likely.

If one chooses to 'diagnose' me, then I get DSM-IV diagnostic code 302.6: Gender Identity Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (GIDNOS). That's the 'gender freak' box - the catchall for those who can't be properly sorted. I can't say I'm jonesing to be recognized as that either.

'Gender-f*ck' has become yet another box into which I get tossed. I'm beginning to loath the reduction of my identity to 'gender-f*cking'. For me, this implies a type of hyperbole: the purposeful attraction of attention and desire to illicit a reaction from others. It is very much a decision, a choice - and it need not have anything to do with being trans.

I'd say that I get tossed into the 'gender-f*ck' box almost exclusively by other transpeople. It's no secret that transpeople can often be more radically supportive of the gender binary than the Cisgender are. For some reason, those of us who do not 'embrace' the binary are perceived as some sort of threat. By turning my identity into a piece of performance art, I'm essentially 'neutralized' - read as 'marginalized'. I don't want my identity marginalized any more than anyone else does - especially by my supposed peers.

If there is anything I'm not doing, it's 'willingly adopting the position of David against Goliath' here. I don't want to be here in this f'ing gender void. I mean, honestly, who would choose this? This isn't 'cool' or 'edgy' - it sucks. How the hell do I explain this to people without them thinking I'm a complete whack-job? The muggles don't get it - the LGB contingent don't get it - other transpeople don't get it. One of the few things that keeps me from caving under the combined weight of all this is that there are others who identify as I do.

Perhaps, then, the lot of us are deluded? I don't know - but I wonder sometimes...

I have resolved myself to the fact that I likely will never have recognition that matches my identity. And while being 'out' and 'visible' have been largely positive experiences, it has also served to magnify this discontinuity - reinforcing just how pervasive and invasive the gender binary is.


“The thought of a possible life is only an indulgence for those who already know themselves to be possible. For those who are still looking to become possible, possibility is a necessity.”

I wish I could chalk what I do up to chutzpah - but the reality is that for me, it's survival.

Time to reload my slingshot...

Perhaps the only real advise I have is just be true to yourself - and sod everyone else who refuses to respect you.

Regards,
Donna

[Kieron Andrew]

Perhaps the only real advise I have is just be true to yourself - and sod everyone else who refuses to respect you.
best words and advice anyone can give IMHO!

[Joy Carter]

Pocoyo Hun your fighting a losing battle. Some are just trying to be rude or just plain don't know. The rude one's just want to "pull your trigger" and the one's that don't know need educating.

Hun I spent the first years of my life being the way you are. It wasn't over gender. But people know I had a short fuse and I was totally miserable. I got over it Hun and now I'm brand spanking new. Well at least to me I am.:D

You gotta realize you can't do anything about what someone may think or say about you. I have know people in my life way older than I who never learn this.

Settle down Hun and you will live longer. :hugs:

[Dasein9]

Overall, :hugs::hugs::hugs:


(for instance a new friend that I was basically forced to befriend)

Did I miss a thread about this? How can someone force you to befriend someone? That sounds suspicious and weird to me. Sure, social obligations can force us to have acquaintances, but if there's one thing over which you have complete control, it's whom you give your friendship to.

And if the person's being pushy and bothering you, then it's time to call out Poc the Brave *strumpet blast!* and be very, very firm.

[Kerry Owens]

No psychic involved there....just someone who is very controlling and probably more psycho as someone else pointed out. The whole situation is very bad, I'd run the other direction as fast as you can!

[pocoyo]

Sal - aww thank you so much, that means a lot. A lot indeed. *big hugs*

Cap - yeah they are real nice people but they certainly didn't get me and are definitely a little pushy (which doesn't gel with some people like me). Hey thanks for all the Cappy hugs mmmm thanks :happy:

Kieron - you know me... I'm greedy for everything good... muahaha! :devil:

Tristan - awww thank you. Cheers for the lovely hugs too! Mmm Tristanhugs :c9:

Zen - thank you. I'm sorry you have this frustration also. But.. you're right... correcting them is probably the way to go! I actually took your advice in an e-mail I replied to him/her. (See next post for that). Thank you *hugs Zen*

Hehe John! :itsok: thank you

Ms Donna hehe oh yeah hehe don't worry I won't do that! But it does indeed bear repeating. Sometimes it feels like I have to just to shut foolish people that don't "get" it up lol! (But I wouldn't... ... ... I don't think... haha no I wouldnt :)).
Oh yes, I can see from your tale that you share the frustration of not being seen right. Awww :( for that I am sorry... may I offer you a pochug? *hug*
1 good thing is... I think that slowly but surely this world is loosening it's grip on "gender"... so take heart dear Donna.
And thank you for good advice! (Hehe yeah I agree Kieron, twas good).

Hey Joy - yeah it's soo no worth getting upset about, you're right. But... you know... even the most chilled out of us get riled up sometimes hehe. But yes... it's not worth it. Thank you. Btw... brand spanking new you? Sounds nice! I'm glad you are feeling much better these days *hug* :)

Haha Das yeah I didn't explain that bit too well.
Erm ok well... I wasn't like forced at gun point. But it was in the week when I finally shed my shell of not travelling... and we visited my Mum's new friend (this guy/gal... doesn't mind being either... is my Mum's friend's son/daughter you see). I had spoken to them a few times on msn (again... because mum wanted me to lol). So I wasn't FORCED, but I felt very obligated. Mum just wishing so much I had a nice friend in real life, and (to mum) he/she seemed very intelligent and kind and good looking also and has gender issues.
That was when I was still being pushed around a lot (yes a mere few weeks/month ago). I don't let myself get pushed around like that now.
Anyway, I agreed to go out (as MATES ONLY) for a drink with him/her because s/he kept saying would I go for a drink with him/her and I said I didn't want to ... couldn't we all go out together as 2 families instead? And s/he was like
*pouts* "oooh [female name] won't go for a drink with meeee" in front of everyone and made me feel so mean and everyone - his/her mum especially - was like "Oh go on... " and I made my reasons like "I'm shy... I won't know what to talk about..." and she was like "Oh he can talk for hours... you'll be ok"
So... because I knew it would make my mum happy, and because it was my week for being brave/doing challenges, and 'cos I felt mean, I thought I would.
It was quite fun...we both got to talk about our annoying alcoholic stepdad/dads which we have in common (how our mum's met...) and tough bits of childhood. And joke around about tv shows and stuff. And gender issues which s/he hasn't really been able to be open with much people about before.
But s/he came back to mums and it was fun watching tv and havin a laugh.
But I saw him/her a few more tims that week and his/her texts were getting very intense and really really lovey dovey, when all I wanted was to be friends...

Anyway, then they were all depressed and "thinking death thoughts" because of that and because of their Dad for the next week or so.

So yeah. That was nice lol.

I can tell that this person doesn't quite see the real me either.
And even though I repeatedly tell them that "I'm not a girl" they seem to keep calling me female stuff and comparing me to famous females and using my female name and treating me like they are a man and I am a girl.

And it p*sses me off... 'cos that's not how it is or should be.

(Which shows a lack of respect if you ask me, especially from another transgendered person).

So yeh. I thought it didn't feel quite right, from now on I will trust my instincts a little better. It has actually been a good lesson for me.

*stops waffling*

[pocoyo]

This is the e-mail I sent him/her this morning:


Allo,

Sory that I didn't reply last night, but my phone was open on a message, so it didn't make a beep sound to tell me I had a new one. By the time I saw it, it was too late to reply incase you were asleep.

Anyway:

aww bless, I'm really sorry that you had to go through that (I hope you are feeling much better now/soon), but everybody's journey is different.
I am ok, it just gets frustrating sometimes. (I know you think you can totally see the real me, but I can feel that you can't entirely).

Also... I didn't mean to sound rude, I was just exhasperated.

Btw... don't worry about the wanting someone to love you thing (again, totally different to my journey), you will find someone that loves you for the real, whole you. I just know it.

Hehe cheers, don't worry, I do smile, a lot actually.
It's just sometimes it's hard for people to see the total/real me at the moment.
But it's ok.

The other reason I was frustrated, is because I feel like you're pursuing me.... and I don't like people pursuing me, because it doesn't feel right.

Sorry about not wanting to talk on the telephone, but I actually really have a thing about it. I don't like it. The only reason I actually answered it the other time is because 1) You had been really depressed 2) I knew mum was at yours/in [town] that night, and it was a [town] number and I wondered if she was ok or in trouble and calling me from a [town] number.
MSN is ok for talking though.

Hope you are ok anyway :)

And sorry again if I sounded rude or blunt.
I am actually a ridiculously polite person that can never be cross or blunt with people... but sometimes, you just have to be to-the-point.

[Dasein9]

Yes, that does show a lack of respect. Actually, the getting others to pressure you into going for a drink sounds a tad manipulative, if you don't mind my saying so.

Your mum may have a point -- friends are a good thing to have. But you're a bit old for her to be setting up play-dates, aren't you? :D

[pocoyo]

I'd run the other direction as fast as you can!

Hehe yes .. I kinda am :) Thank you!


Yes, that does show a lack of respect. Actually, the getting others to pressure you into going for a drink sounds a tad manipulative, if you don't mind my saying so.

Your mum may have a point -- friends are a good thing to have. But you're a bit old for her to be setting up play-dates, aren't you? :D

Yeah. It does. grrr!
Lol it was actually (manipulative!)

Sorry I forgot to reply to the bit that you said earlier about calling out Poc the brave and being firm... thank you... I shall! :hugs:

Hahaha play-dates... like we're toddlers (awww!) haha.
Yes... definitely. But... I know she was just being all sweet and caring and trying to help (even though she didn't listen to my wariness about it... and at that point I had so little faith in myself that I didn't even know that my wariness was valid... so I just sort of went along with it).

Thanks Das *nother hug*


P.S. I do actually feel a lot better about this after talking to you guys...thank you for being there... *In Stewie Griffin when he was trying to be nice voice* thanks for listening hehe :)

[Dasein9]

Yeh, helping... Some people just will insist on "helping" in their own way, and according to what they believe we need, instead of listening to us telling them what we need, won't they?

[Kieron Andrew]

*nother hug*Yup there he goes again, trying to get hugs off everyone :heehee: :tongueout

BTW...........






:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:just cos i felt like it lol

[pocoyo]

Yeh, helping... Some people just will insist on "helping" in their own way, and according to what they believe we need, instead of listening to us telling them what we need, won't they?

Abso-friggin-lutely!.... but eh, its my Mum, so she's allowed to try an "help" more than other people hehe. 'cos a lot of the time "Mum's know best"...
but not always... definitely not always.



Yup there he goes again, trying to get hugs off everyone :heehee: :tongueout

Of course!


BTW...........





:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:just cos i felt like it lol

Awwwwwwwwwww! Thank you! :hugs::hugs::hugs:

Btw... s/he has asked me to go on MSN... I'm scared lol.

[Dasein9]

Then don't go.
:hugs:

[Kieron Andrew]

Btw... s/he has asked me to go on MSN... I'm scared lol.
like i said tell her ur busy!

[Dasein9]

Y'know... I'm seeing this a lot with transmen, this odd sense of obligation to fulfill others' needs and demands, even at our own expense. I think it has to do with having been socialised as girls. We've been told all our lives that we have to take care of others, consider other people's feelings.

Guess what -- we don't. Well, yes we do. But not to the point of doing something that's not good for US!

You don't owe it to this person to jump onto MSN every time s/he pages, you know.

[pocoyo]

Hehe you're right... and some people are just that kind of person too.
(Even if I was GM I'd be a bit like that) but I'm learning not to be, so much.

For some reason I felt it was important to go on.. so I did.

But I really still don't think s/he gets me.

It is very frustrating. Like trying desperately, using all my might to tip the scales in my favour just one bit to make myself understood.

Sometimes (like I said on a thread in the clubhouse) I think it would just be easier to be the person people want me to be.
But that wouldn't be fair on my real self.
Now I've discovered me, I sure as hell aint lettin' go lol

[Kate Simmons]

Here's some more hugs Poc.:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: Now listen, like you said, you gotta be firm *pounds fist on table--breaks table* Dang, don't know my own strength:rolleyes: Anyway, firm is the key, Mr. Longblade.:p

[Tree GG]

Well, you know what I think . . . she may be more "psycho" than "psychic",

That pretty much sums them up.


...So yeh. I thought it didn't feel quite right, from now on I will trust my instincts a little better. It has actually been a good lesson for me.

*stops waffling*

Ataboy!

[happyfish]

How long have you tried to explain to this friend about who you are and how you see yourself? 'Cause if it's been a while, and s/he's still not gotten it, then I don't think s/he will. And that's not a relationship I'd like to continue, if I were you. Good friends get you, easily. It doesn't take explanations and explanations and frustration. And since this relationship sounds sort of fishy anyway (what with the being pressured into it and being pressured into going drinking) then maybe it'd be a good idea for you to leave. 'Course, it's your decision, but it doesn't sound like it's doing you any favours.
And I know the feeling that it would be easier to just be who people expect you to be. But I really don't think it is, in the end, because you'll know the difference and then you'll never really be happy.
Oh, and :hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

[Lovely Rita]

I hope some day things will get better for everyone and people will stop judging things just on the surface.

Is is hard when people can neither see or understand our souls. Everyone is so very blind and this blindness hurts others.

[kerrianna]

I hope some day things will get better for everyone and people will stop judging things just on the surface.

Is is hard when people can neither see or understand our souls. Everyone is so very blind and this blindness hurts others.


Especially when it comes from someone who is supposed to 'get it'.

Which makes me wonder if this person is even TG at all? I don't think someone who is would not understand where Poc is coming from.

Sounds like a confused person with an domineering mom (psychic :rolleyes: you sure the word isn't psycho? :heehee: - sorry, she's your mum's friend...hehehe)

Poc you are super kind and polite and try so hard not to hurt people, so sometimes the best thing to do is to disengage. Firmly, politely, bye bye.

Otherwise you need to bring Klingon Salandra over to have a talk with them. :eek:

:heehee:

Boy you've had some great advice here. Das had a really good point about being brought up as girls and looking after other people's feelings, and I PM'd you about being an only child too. Carol is the same way - always others first. It's just about killed her.

Keep re-inforcing what is ok and what is not ok to you. Trust that you are a good person (you so much are!) and that not everyone in the world has to like you, nor you like them. And make sure you draw a boundary sometimes because otherwise you will get sucked up into other people's weaknesses.

Transitioning won't change those weak parts in them, that's for sure. It's their s**t, so don't think for a moment it's about you. A compassionate person would have totally got what was going on and treated you with more respect. Why would you want to hang out with a person who doesn't have that compassion? You don't need their crap.

Anyway got a few of these saved up... :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

oh yeah...picked these from the neighbour's garden. Uh...you might want to take them inside right away. She was getting the pitchfork last time I saw her. :p :love:

[Lovely Rita]

Urgh.

I am fed up of people seeing me wrongly.

It really "hurts"... not like physical pain... but hurts somewhere deep in my heart.

Yeah you guys & girls on here see me right... (apart from the odd person that doesn't really know about ftms and gets it wrong).

And most of the people in my life do (because my main life is online because I've cut any other unneccesary "real life" people off due to them seeing me wrongly).

So I have this whole internet life where I am allowed to be the real me.
And it f*cking gets to me when people in real life (for instance a new friend that I was basically forced to befriend) totally gets me wrong. Especially as he/she is apparently transgendered themself.

Makes me want to yell at them (scream in their face is how I put it to them via text message lol), and show them my videos and photos and prove it.

But it's like the only way to PROVE that I'm a boy is to transition.
And I'm not sure I'm ready for that/should do that.

Bring on the f*cking verdict of "intersexed" so I can have the girl bits lopped off and get on with being a boy. Gah!

Bah! :mad:

I have spent a life time undoing what many have done. Today I don't let anyone rain on my parade. If I even smell a problem it is over. It has taken me too too much work to undo the mess that was done to me and the mess I also did to me. :love:

[Kate Simmons]

Just tell them jIH tlhab Poc.:happy:

[Felix]

Hi Pocs my friend This is a hard situation but I think ya have to look after ya self and maybe keep ya distance so as to protect ya mental well being. Ya a dude in my eyes Hun and anyone who can't see that must be a fool!!! :hugs::hugs: xx Felix

[Taylor105]

Hey Pocs....I know I haven't been posting much. Been having a bit of depression. I felt I had to post in response to this one though. I agree with a lot of the advice given to you in response to this person. Personally, the whole psychic thing is absolutely rediculous. If this person actually believes that then that is one thing that I would consider a red flag. I am a lot like you with the phone thing. I don't enjoy talking on the phone much. I also am not real big on i.m. I have messengers but I always stay on invisible. If I see someone online that I might feel like typing to then I take the initiative. I don't think you should feel forced to i.m. or talk to someone on the phone. Regardless of who they are. I think that the messages you sent are to the point and not rude in any way. If this person does not start respecting your boundaries and treating you in a more respectful way I would turn tail and run. That's just me though. You have lots of people who see the real you. Even if we aren't real life friends. I would rather have the whole lot of you as friends who really see me than a real life "friend" who doesn't get or see me at all. Big hugs to you. Taylor