How Does One Go On.........

[janelle]

Hi All; as most of you know I have been living as Janelle for @ 6 months now. The wife still has some issues but we are trying to work them out. My big problem is my shrink was going to write a letter to my insurance dept. stating this was causing my major depression. Now all at once she changes her mind. I don't know how I can keep paying for my session(therp., 1 in La Crosse & the other in the Cities).{note the Cities is the gender clinic & they are working with the 1 here in La Crosse to help me save some money}.
I am at the point where, if my shrink can not help me why keep going. Start backing myself off her meds. Also know that it will make surgery almost impossible, so why keep trying. Feel like stopping all sessions & just go it alone. I know that can be very dangerous but don't have many choices. I have told them that I will not go back to being my male self, that somehow I need to finish my change.
As you can see this does upset me dearly. I finially find out who & what I truely am & road blocks pop up all over. Yes my depression is back big time as I wish almost every day that God would take me from this world as I see no way to strech my income any farther. I plan on talking with both my therp. about how I feel & pray they have some answers for me.
THANKS for reading this & hopefully understanding that my wits are coming to some kind of a end. This place is special as may of you are very dear to me & ALL give advice as they see fit, which gives (my case) me food for thought. Be assured that I will keep fighting my way down this path. Guess I just need to hear I am not alone in what we all are going for, a happy & enjoyable life.

THANKS

:hugs:, Janelle

[GypsyKaren]

Hello my dear friend

I'm so sorry to hear this Janelle, but before I go any further, you will stop this talk about wanting your life to end, and I mean this instant! I will not accept or allow you to feel this way! You are a strong and kind hearted woman, and you must now call on this strength to fight your way through this, and I know you can do just that, so there!

Janelle, I have fought some pretty bloody battles over the years with bipolar depression, and as I have won, so will you. You knew before starting on your path that you would be called upon to jump through hoops of fire to get there, this is no different. I realize that this is a setback, but there must be a way around it. If this p-doc, who doesn't sound very understanding to me (I mean, I've never heard of such a thing, to just change her mind, how cruel is that?) won't help you, is there a possibility that you can go to another p-doc? I realize you'd be starting from scratch, but you can get caught up real fast if you have her forward your records. Personally speaking, if my p-doc ever did that to me, I'd throw a bloody fit until she changed her mind again and decided to cooperate, something to consider. Just don't throw in the towel on yourself Janelle, hopefully some of the others can come up with some other suggestions.

Just a thought...if you're after a referral letter for GRS, get it from her now if possible, at least you'll have that big hurdle out of the way. In the meantime, keep your chin up, we'll help you through this somehow.

Karen

[janelle]

Thanks dear, I needed that chewing out. I am thinking of seeing a new p-dr. as both my therp. have also suggested. I also had a talk with my p-dr.'s nurse this morning & she said she didn't realize it was this bad. She is going to talk with the nutty professor to see what can be done. I am not holding any hope for a good end so my search is started for a new p-dr. .
For me this is very hard as I have hid who & what I am for so long & now to be so close, well you all understand. I know the hard part of coming out is behind me & work is being done to finish the odds n ends at my job so I can completely be one of the girls, so I do have a little light for myself.
This place is very dear to me because to me it feels like family. Seems everyone understands what is going on & gives there :2c: worth for you to digest. But no matter what you can hear &(for me) feel the love in what you all say, thank you all for being my sisters & those that answer from the ftm side being my brothers.
try to have a great weekend all.
:hugs::love:,
Janelle