Guilt

[Natasha1974]

Ok, time to bite the bullet.
I've crossdressed most of my life, on and off over the years.
I met a fantastic SO and a while into the relationship my urges to dress became stronger. So, in all my 'wisdom' I weaved (what I thought to be) a creative web of lies and deceit, knowing full well I would get caught out in the end (was going to deal with it when I got caught), to which I did get caught out. I felt it was my only way to come out to her. (I should have known better!)
After a lot of tears, some please explains and a few months of being completely untrustworthy, she has accepted Natasha.
But, now when ever I plan on dressing I have this massive guilt trip (which I should for what I had done) and just don't go through with it.
Just the other day we had a chat and my SO said I need to just dress and get it over with as over time the guilt will fade away.
Ok, easier said than done, I just can't seem to get over the fact I hurt her so badly, abused her trust.
I know I am low for doing such a thing to her and no doubt be banished to the corners of hell!
So if anyone out there has a solution to me ridding or even easing the guilt I would be only to happy to listen.

Thanks for taking the time to read.

[Fab Karen]

Maybe you set up this situation in your life to create a guilt trip so you'd have an excuse for not doing what you want to do, because you think it isn't "normal" ( if you could see into the privacy of many people you'd discover there's no such thing ).

[az_azeel]

Natasha.. well done on surviving the initial telling your S/O.. I think most of us had weaved a web of lies and deciet.. I know I did.. my ex wife was totally un-supportive and my dressing ended the marriage.. I have found a wonderfull supportive partner now and we have been together for over three years... but I still fell guilty if I ask her if I can wear something feminine.. I think it stems from all the time I dressed in secret.. The guilt is fading slowly as we explore differant aspects .. but communication is the key... sometimes I cant answer all the questions.. the biggest one being is I dont know why I dress... all I know is females have much nicer clothes than males and a better choice... lol... take each day steadily and answer as truthfully as you can... Im sure you will be fine...


Take Care :hugs:

[krisla]

No easy answer, but it seems your SO has accepted and forgiven you. You are very fortunate in finding someone who can understand the whole of it in context and forgive the transgression. Not moving on may create other problems you can't fix the past but you can move forward, I know it's hard but put it behind you and move into the next phase of your life. Your SO knows you will never be untrustworthy again.

Krisla

[Julie York]

If what you do is something that in itself makes you feel a little uneasy, or 'dirty' or 'guilty' then it is very difficult to be able to stand back and see the relationship stuff that gets in there because you're all wrapped up in your own guilt.

How comfortable you feel about crossdressing and the relationship stuff are two different things.









I know what you wrote. I am telling you about what you didn't write.



:D

[Breanne]

OK, so now that your SO has obviously forgiven you, how about you forgiving yourself?

[Valerie Nicole]

I know I am low for doing such a thing to her and no doubt be banished to the corners of hell!

You can't know what isn't true. Sorry, but that's how I see things. You are not low, and you do not deserve any kind of eternal damnation. What you did was human, nothing else. She has forgiven it, why can't you? If I were in your position, I would feel some guilt, but at the same time I would do my best to recognize that all I did was make a mistake. Just try and let it go, and you will feel better about everything. Feeling that kind of guilt will put a whole new strain on your relationship.

[Natasha1974]

Thanks for the responses so far.
I do just have to step up and move on, and in the last two months I have dressed once the guilt was still there, although it was a tad bit easier to deal with, I can still see the look on her face when I came clean. I guess time will tell.
She has forgiven me, to the extent of us getting married later this year which is a sure fire sign she is ok with me.
I guess time will tell.
Once again thanks for the responses.

[gmss]

Hi Natasha!

I think you will know that she has fully forgiven you when you can dress and be with her, and she shows no true difference in opinion of your state. At that point it should be clear that you can begin to start forgiving yourself too. Then the guilt will slowly melt away, I think.

Just a thought that popped out that thought I would share.

Good luck.

[AllieSF]

I can understand your feelings Natasha. besides all the good advice given you already, try dressing partially and slowly increase it in front of her over time, and always be as honest as you can be with her. Your previous actions are forgiven but not necessarily forgotten. Finally, don't change who you are and way of acting. You are you and cannot be someone else. So deal with that and maintain that good communication so you can always talk through the rough moments. To err is human.

[Dixie]

Your SO is right jusy do it, or stop whining about it. I am not trying to sound mean, but you did it, it's out, and you have permission. NOW BE A BIG GURL AND JUST DO IT! :hugs:

[battybattybats]

Guilt can be positive or negative. Functioning well your guilt will prompt you to be honest whenever you are again faced with the option to lie. Instead you have attached the guilt to the crossdressing which is the subject and not the issue, it is why you lied but it is the lie that was wrong and not the motivation. If you feel you ought to feel guilty then first keep reminding yourself that it is the lie that is wrong and that while the crossdressing is reminding you of the lie it is good that you feel bad about the lying but not good that you are punishing yourself, instead it should be a motivation for positive change. Punishing yourself isn't going to help you be a better person.

If your problem continues or gets worse go to quality counselling imediatly.

Remember your fear prompted your deception. The fear was misguided and caused a lot of harm. That was the real story, the crossdressing was just incidental to that. Hating yourself will only poison you, it won't make up for what you've done. You need redemption to make the rest of your life worth living, damaging yourself further would be worde that the lie and will hurt your fiance more. You owe it to you and to her to overcome the self loathing and be able to be well and whole.

[marie354]

Your SO is right jusy do it, or stop whining about it. I am not trying to sound mean, but you did it, it's out, and you have permission. NOW BE A BIG GURL AND JUST DO IT! :hugs:

Dixie is so right. Get over it. She knows and obviously accepts you... All of you! You're getting married after all. That says a lot right there.
It sounds like she just wants you to be happy with yourself, and you should.
Dress and be happy, or hide it and feel like you're missing something.

If you can't love yourself, then well...
:hugs:

[Sandra]

Sounds to me as though need to do what the others have said get on and do it, would it help if you asked your SO to help you get ready?

[O2B Barbara]

Hi Natasha,

My feeling is that maybe you should take a look at the reasons that you kept your dressing a secret in the first place. Was your intent to hurt or deceive? Or could it have been a fear of losing someone you cared for?

It sounds like she has accepted and forgiven you. You are a lucky girl.

Hugs,

[Dawn D.]

I feel the guilt thing is a normal response to the secret that we held from everyone for our entire lives. I don't know if it can ever be completely removed from our feelings (though a lot of girls here seem to have done very well).

I, myself feel that what has helped me get over those nagging pains of guilt has been my wifes love for me and vise-versa. She has gone from one that only a year ago was unsure that she wanted to be included in this adventure, to one that looks forward to our "special" times together. It has happened by having open communication with each other, starting with certain limits then expanding on those as comfort and desires were mutually agreed to. I think in that process is where I began to lose the guilt. I do ask her from time to time if she is annoyed with it or if I am pushing to far. And, she will tell me if either is the case.

It sounds as though you have a very understanding lady there that is willing and ready to accept you. Let her! Communicate with her! Trust her! Then maybe you'll have an easier time accepting yourself and that nagging guilt may just begin to fade away.


Dawn

[Natasha1974]

I know I am rambling on, but I cannot get over the fantastic advice I have received, and after doing a lot of reading various post I have decided with her help today sometime Natasha will venture out GUILT free (certainly put the guilt to the back of my mind anyway), we chatted about it last night.
I know Natasha is part of our lives and she can accept that, now I just have to wake up to myself.:slap:
I will keep you posted on the happenings of today.

[Regina girl]

Wow what a great SO thank her love her and enjoy

Regina