A few questions... FtM

[weirdalchemy]

I've been thinking about these issues for awhile and lurking--but I have some questions.

I've never been much of a "girl" since I was younger and now that I'm fully an adult (I'm in my early twenties) I've realized I can't live the rest of my live with my body the way it is. What I'm focusing on now is getting top surgery.

I'm a private kind of person so I feel trapped--ever since I learned that surgery was even possible, I've been better in a lot of ways, more motivated and aware . But at the same time, a ton of questions have come up that I don't have the answers to.

The one that is really bothering me is the process of getting surgery. Is it true that you have to be diagnosed with Gender Identity Disorder in order to get any kind of work done? The reason is I'm not sure I'd be able to be diagnosed if that's the case. I don't like the idea of having to have some psychologist have to validate my feelings first off, that just bugs me.

Here are the traits associated with diagnosis:

Repeatedly stated desire to be, or insistence that he or she is, the other sex.

All right, I've got this one for sure. I simply don't feel comfortable being referred to as a "she" or with my female name.

In boys, preference for cross-dressing or simulating female attire; In girls, insistence on wearing only stereotypical masculine clothing.

This one I also have...

Strong and persistent preferences for cross-sex roles in make believe play or persistent fantasies of being the other sex.

Nailed this one too!

Intense desire to participate in the stereotypical games and pastimes of the other sex.
Okay, this is where it get weird. Does this mean that if I am not enamored of football and wrestling I can't get into the club? I personally like computers, engineering, math, violent video games, cooking... reading, and I even enjoy housework sometimes. This is what confuses and insults me. This is where I think I might get into trouble with a psychologist. I just never got into macho bullshit.

Strong preference for playmates of the other sex.
Yes.

So I guess my real question is.. is how much is the focus on the stereotypical roles of men and women in our society? Our people really that... black and white? I know I'm not, and I know my girlfriend isn't. What this looks like is the continuation of old, harmful stereotypes. If a MtF walked into the office and liked wearing dresses and ... working on cars--would she be disqualified? I don't understand this.

My focus is on being male--it's my body that is driving me crazy, but I have no intentions of upholding our society's twisted gender roles. I'm a feminist.

I want to add that if you have all the traits a man or woman in our society “should” have... that's awesome. What bothers me is how preconceived notions mess with someone becoming who they want to be. And that's what gender rolls are.

[mistunderstood]

From what I was told you only need a most of those traits. Also I was told by my counsler yes you need to be dianosts with gender identy disorder.
O and I would like to welcome you to the forum.

[Kieron Andrew]

Hi there *please do go say hi in an introduction thread so that the boys and girls can give you a proper welcome*

Unfortunately you need to go through the process before you will be considered for top surgery, you need at least one letter of referral if not two depending on which surgeon you chose....im sorry but you will have to play the system like everyone else......get yourself a gender therapist and they will be able to see you through the process, there is no easy way im afraid

[CaptLex]

Hi Weird (may I call you "weird" or is there another name you prefer?) and welcome. :wave: I'm glad you found us, hopefully we can help you find answers to your questions and concerns. I hope you take a stroll over to the FtM section and meet some of the other boys. We're a friendly bunch.

Now, on to your questions. Yes, a GID diagnosis is necessary for top surgery, hormones and anything related to transitioning, but you don't have to fit any male/female stereotypes. From what I've heard, there was a time when people were denied hormones and surgery unless they fit a specific type (including hetero sexual orientation), but therapists are a lot more aware these days. If a therapist were to deny you your diagnosis because you like to cook or sew, drop him like a hot potato and find a better one. In my opinion, a gender therapist is not only helpful in this, but essential.

Personally, I don't fit any particular type (typical male or typical female). I have interests from both camps, and I like it that way. It's just me - not a boy or girl me, just me, but I'm on going through a female-to-male transition, and have never been happier.

I hope this has been helpful. Feel free to ask away if you have other concerns. We're happy to help. :happy:

[weirdalchemy]

Thanks... maybe I've just been reading some old, old stuff. That really helps. We'll see what happens.

Thanks to everyone for their responses