PDA

View Full Version : Some thoughts about last Saturday and Today.



Felix
06-11-2007, 01:17 PM
We was out in town on Saturday and I had a short opportunity to walk alone through the town centre lol strutting my stuff! I had already been to the gents toilets and I was thinking like I do Yeah I like being Felix, I really do. Then I realized that in a short time I would be Felix in my head only and in my clothes, cos I will not make anyone call me it who doesn't feel comfortable with it. When I met up with Yachica and my step son he called me Felix and I was like 'ya haven't called me that for a while.' I think his gran has put him off cos she thinks it's stupid and has said as much. On a positive note he called me it tonight right in front of her which is good. I suppose I just take each day as it comes and deal in my own way with whatever it brings.
On Saturday a boy from Yachs school saw us and said to her 'Is that ya bloke?' I was so pleased cos she said yes.
I been dealin with a lot of stuff lately thoughts feelings and emotions. Some quite overpowering at times but I'm sorting them out as I do and starting to settle down again. I know I need to stop putting myself down so much! It helps when I get the odd compliment off people. Like last week my friend called me sexy. That hasn't happened to me for a long time.
I was starting to feel old and boring, occasionally the thoughts still go through my head. It's cos I don't feel I have a lot in common with people. I can talk great on here but I don't always feel at ease to do it elsewhere. I have an overwealming feeling at times of being a bore and not fitting in, being different. I suppose I feel stupid for want of a better word. Like who would want to listen to me and hear my opinion. That's a confidence thing that only I can deal with but anyways. I am so confident around the children in school, I come into my own but with adults it's different. I think subconsciously I feel threatened by them. I'm not saying I won't stick up for myself, I will if I feel it is necessary. Anyways I'm waffling on....What do ya all think do any of ya relate to this at all? xx Felix :hugs:

mistunderstood
06-11-2007, 03:00 PM
You are not waffleing. I understand what you are saying. I not much of a talker myself when in real life I am a listener. Most of my friends know this and they do not tease me they know that is me. You are not boreing or old. I like to think of myself and age is like fine wine I only get better with the older I get. Do not be so hard on your-self you are not stupid and for that matter none of us on this forum is stupid, we just make mistakes.We are not perfect.
Hope this makes you feel better.

Felix
06-11-2007, 03:21 PM
Thanx Hun :hugs::hugs: I know ya right and I should stop beating myself up silly me :heehee: xx Felix

Ps Just too deep and meaningful for my own good. To analytical by far not a good thing. :thumbsdn:

kerrianna
06-11-2007, 03:23 PM
Hey Felix, I don't know if it's the same in the schools over there, but I've noticed that our schools are full of posted personal empowerment sayings on the walls etc. There are lots of reading materials and resources that help children build their self-esteem, to figure out how to treat others and themselves in ways that lead to a healthy emotional balance.

That's wonderful to see because when I went to school there was NONE of that. It was sink or swim - thrown into the shark tank. I was torn into pieces by some of the predators in that tank. It's taking me my whole life to try and get some semblance of self respect and self esteem back. :sad:

The reason I mentioned that is because when I'm in the schools cleaning and see this stuff I actually read it and try to apply it to me. You're never too old to learn self-confidence and emotional well being. It's harder for us, but it's something we can work towards. The first step is self-acceptance and loving yourself. If you do teach these things... teach them to yourself too. :p

Just because you are unique and coming from a more unusual place than a lot of people, doesn't mean you aren't seen as an interesting person. When I was growing up one of my favourite people was a great uncle who NEVER said a word (well, very little, only in response). He sat smiling at the world around him. He was always polite and seemed calm and serene. For me that was like an oasis. He was mysterious because of it, but because he smiled most of the time I always figured he was okay. He was just who he was.

And what you may well be my friend is an introvert, which is something we are thought to be born with, like other little idiosyncrisies in our lives :rolleyes:. In this extrovert world, being an introvert is made out to be something bad (hmmm, sound familar? :rolleyes:). In fact it's not. If you haven't seen my mention of this book before on other threads, you might want to check it out:
http://www.theintrovertadvantage.com/advantage.html

It helped me realize what was going on when I ventured into the world of extroverts, and how that has seriously affected my self image too (besides all the other stuff :p)

I think we feel threatened by other adults when we don't relate to their way of seeing the world AND we think we are wrong.

We can't change the way they see the world and live but we CAN change the way we see ourselves.

Teach yourself the way you would teach your kids how to feel good about yourself. After all, you're just a big kid too. :hugs: :hugs:

Lovely Rita
06-11-2007, 08:27 PM
I am very happy to hear about your step son. I have raised two of them and they were by far the hardest relationship I ever have encountered. We get along great today, but for a while I felt the term step could have come about because of the kids wanting to step all over me.......kind of kidding.

You must be a very special person for your step son to behave that way with you.

Dasein9
06-12-2007, 04:32 AM
Yaaaayyyyyy, Felix!

Y'know, I used to think getting old meant getting boring. But it's really quite a bit more interesting than being younger was. :D

dancinginthedark
06-12-2007, 09:57 AM
Felix your thoughtful, kind and have a wonderful sense of humor......don't sweat it so much [says the insecure emotional mess to her friend :silly: lol]. Folks would be lucky to call you friend. Cool beans on your [step] son's love and acceptance. Amazing how much love can be found in those little folks we call children. Sometimes I'm sure they have it more together than the so called grown-ups. Shame on his grandma for being that way. She may be trying to teach and influence the boy but sounds like she could learn a thing or two from him.

I can relate to the whole introverted thing being one myself. And yeppers right there with you on being able to be more out there here on the forum. See we have things in common, lots of us here do, but I think we forget that.

Cool beans on learning to like yourself and being comfortable being who you are. And just a head's up....sometimes it would be more than okay to remind folks you do prefer Felix. I have to remind folks [especially family] of my preferences more often that I like to admit, but after letting it slide for years that "my name is MAE damnit," I decided it wasn't just a slip of the tongue or forgetfulness on their part. A mistake and an, "I'm sorry" is worthless IMO if they keep repeating it. Saying "I'm sorry," means you know you messed up, and you feel bad... and because of the pain/anger ect you caused someone you care about you will NOT repeat that again. Follow me?
It's all fine and good to be considerate hun but don't forget you deserve that too. So one more gentle reminder that it's more than okay to give the occasional reminder. Sometimes folks don't take our requests seriously because we do let it slide. They miss the point it's because we are being considerate & showing some compassionate/caring patience on our parts. *sigh* And unfortunately with some folks if we let it slide it can come across as not that important to ourselves...not important to us means not important to them either. Savvy?

Sorry for rambling hun. Too much thinking and not enough :coffee: this morning. tc of you Felix.

dancin

PS I like your new[er] avatar. You look hot because you look confident ...and yeppers confident is sexy as h***.

Felix
06-12-2007, 12:37 PM
Thanx Mae, Kerrianna, Das and Rita for your kind words and support. I do like me as Felix most definately. I have always been seen as quite extroverted but now I think I am becoming introverted I definitely take and have been taking a huge step back from how I usually am. I find it easy to be my usual self when I'm out and I've had a few drinks probably because I don't care what anyone else thinks about me so I loose all inhibition. Lots of stuff has happened to make me feel like this but people just don't realize that what they say really affects how I feel xx Felix :hugs:

Lovely Rita
06-12-2007, 02:38 PM
We was out in town on Saturday and I had a short opportunity to walk alone through the town centre lol strutting my stuff! I had already been to the gents toilets and I was thinking like I do Yeah I like being Felix, I really do. Then I realized that in a short time I would be Felix in my head only and in my clothes, cos I will not make anyone call me it who doesn't feel comfortable with it. When I met up with Yachica and my step son he called me Felix and I was like 'ya haven't called me that for a while.' I think his gran has put him off cos she thinks it's stupid and has said as much. On a positive note he called me it tonight right in front of her which is good. I suppose I just take each day as it comes and deal in my own way with whatever it brings.
On Saturday a boy from Yachs school saw us and said to her 'Is that ya bloke?' I was so pleased cos she said yes.
I been dealin with a lot of stuff lately thoughts feelings and emotions. Some quite overpowering at times but I'm sorting them out as I do and starting to settle down again. I know I need to stop putting myself down so much! It helps when I get the odd compliment off people. Like last week my friend called me sexy. That hasn't happened to me for a long time.
I was starting to feel old and boring, occasionally the thoughts still go through my head. It's cos I don't feel I have a lot in common with people. I can talk great on here but I don't always feel at ease to do it elsewhere. I have an overwealming feeling at times of being a bore and not fitting in, being different. I suppose I feel stupid for want of a better word. Like who would want to listen to me and hear my opinion. That's a confidence thing that only I can deal with but anyways. I am so confident around the children in school, I come into my own but with adults it's different. I think subconsciously I feel threatened by them. I'm not saying I won't stick up for myself, I will if I feel it is necessary. Anyways I'm waffling on....What do ya all think do any of ya relate to this at all? xx Felix :hugs:

I just wanted to express how encouraging it is to see the honesty that you share on your posts. Only a trully strong person can be so open and vulnerable. It is a lesson to me and I thank you for encouraging all of us who read your posts.:happy:

Felix
06-12-2007, 02:45 PM
Thanx Rita how lovely I feel really appreciated Hun :hugs::hugs: Yeah I do feel quite vunerable at the moment in a few areas of my life but I just have to jump on those bad feelings and move forward otherwise they could become all consuming and then that would be negative and I would not function normally so that's one of my coping mechanisms. Along with coming here and sharing with all you wonderful people xx Felix :hugs:

Emily Ann Brown
06-12-2007, 03:02 PM
Let me get in line guy..... :HUGS:


Emily Ann

Felix
06-13-2007, 12:07 PM
Thanx Emily sweetie :hugs::hugs::hugs: xx Felix