whats going on with me?

[kimmigir1]

ok ive given thought about this for a looong time, so here it goes

ok im a crossdresser, however i think it goes deeper than that, its almost like i want to be a female in every way, but i dont want it to be perminent yet theres times i want it so bad i could cry, and i dont know what to do, ive been searching the forum about this and couldnt find it, so i posted it, so now i ask has anyone been thru this or anything i mean i want to know whats going on with me please help

thanks

Kim

[chucks]

just keep exploring your feelings and always be honest with yourself.

[GypsyKaren]

I suggest you find someone to talk to about this, which shouldn't be a problem in your area to find. I think that lots of times crossdressers tend to get to wrapped up in it, maybe this is the case here.

Karen

[kerrianna]

You're certainly not alone Kim. The Transgender scale is a long one and you can be moving or situated anywhere along it. Most people identifying as Transexual 'know' that they are and have always been women, but there are exceptions to the rule. But there isn't really a magic line you cross to be this or that. And it doesn't matter. What matters is what works for you in your own situation.

A therapist or counsellor specializing in gender identity issues is a good way to go. Hopefully you can find someone you like in your area.

It kinda sucks to be in the grey area (actually I like to think of it as a rainbow because TG life can be very colourful :happy:). At least if you KNOW something you can take action...well, IF you can take action. That can be a tricky part too. So the main thing is to find ways to love yourself, and express all sides of yourself.

Like I said, you are not alone in where you are feeling at. If you take the time to read some of the posts here and even in the MTF section you might notice some of us are in similar situations. And just about every one of us posts our moments of gender despair (and thank you all of you who put up with us :hugs:) and the answer is usually the same. Get a pro who is versed in gender issues so you can talk it out and explore more. I'm in the process of doing so myself, and in the meantime I just accept who I am and try not to let myself get hurting too much over things I can't do much about right now.

PM me if you want to talk some more, although I'm not sure what other help I can be.... just a shoulder to cry on I guess. :hugs:

[Joy Carter]

I'm with you sister. I'm bothered by these feelings every day. Just way to past the time to do anything about for me. So Hun I have no advice for you except to find someone to talk to about this. We girls have to learn to accept and just go on with our lives.

[Marla S]

I am with Karen.

My way of dealing with similar feelings and to differentiate between dreams and needs is the maxim:

You have to be able to live it, now, and every moment of the day.
(Real life check for CDs, so to speak).

I try that and so far it works fine for me.
I discovered that I am probably less woman than I dreamed, but more than is accepted.
That is a field of tension, which is sometimes hard to stand. The wish of becoming a "real man" or a "real woman" to get rid of that tension creeps up very easily then.

[Tamera]

Hi Kim,

I don't know how old you are, but thinkin of this at a younger age is better than when your older.

I don't know if you have an SO or children. But if you don't my suggestion is to stay single till you figure this out. It's a lot easier to walk through life by yourself then to take someone with you at times like this.

Also if you have a MALE lifesyle or profession. Turning FEMALE will change that, and maybe even get you fired.

And I have seen where FAMILY and RELIGION has played a part in someones decisions.

Take it slow. Maybe with Electroysis first.

You may be able to handle this yourself, but if you can't get a professional to talk to.
LOL
Tamera

[NatalieH]

I discovered that I am probably less woman than I dreamed, but more than is accepted.
That is a field of tension, which is sometimes hard to stand.


Marla,

Your words really capture it for me - thanks for sharing them.

Natalie

[Misty]

i've been reading alot of the thing's all of u put today so i guess i can start small when i was 4and up i played with barbie's alot not other stuff that boy's played with and i tryed on women's clothing at age 5and up stoped at age 12 i'm 19 now. i'm doing it it the priv. of my aparment now but i allway's have a spare set of male cloth's. in a way i'm kinda going though alot of u allready went though how do i ask about profesonl help? allthogh what kimmigir1 said is more like me allthough i know i'm not a cross dresser i have gicd gender identity crisis disorder. i've been reading about it for about a year now.

[Steff26]

I know how you feel, I live through it everyday. The best thing I ever did was find a therapist, or counselor. It can't be anyone though, it has to be someone that is a specialist in gender identity issues. The worst thing to do is be the one teaching this to a professional. You would just be spinning your wheels. I found mine by googling "Gender identity counseling" or therapist in Tampa. It took a couple of phone calls, and a lot of bravery, but it was the most important phase in transitioning. We can help you in any way possible, and be here for you, but a professional is going to be the one to help you the most. Hope it helped. PM me if you want to talk more.
xoxoxo,
Steff

[Misty]

thx so much for your info and maybe u can help like what exa. u went though at my age that would help me alot on to see if i really want to risk loseing famly allthough not much of one but most importly my friend's do u know if iehp has any prof. help that they offer for idcd?

[MJ]

you sound like me 4 years ago it's denial you need to talk to someone who deals with gender issues i too cry myself to sleep many nights until i accepted this is who i am and came to terms with it ..
so get out there find someone to talk to .. i wish you well you are not alone

[CindyFinalyFree]

Kimmi,

One of the most important things to remember when you're not sure which direction to travel is that if you are true to yourself, it doesn't matter where you end up... you'll be with someone you like... a happier YOU! Deny your 'true' feelings, and you'll find yourself lost. Take these words with caution, however. I'm not encouraging you one way or another. I'm merely stating that the decisions such as those you are presently faced with more often than not have a lasting effect on your happiness.

There's no rush on making a decision. Sure, we all want something 'NOW'. We're human. But the path you are considering is a long one. It's not something that can be accomplished in a month or two. It's a life-long journy. It's "life" as a woman. Continue your research, and as has been suggested, seek the advice of someone experienced and 'qualified' to help you answer the questions you have.

As for the question of 'have I been there'? You tell me... I consider myself a late bloomer. However, there are reasons for my situation. I grew up in a mixed marriage family, the middle of 3 by my father, but 4 and 5 years younger than two step-brothers. I wasn't exactly in a position that I could express my true desires. As a result, I learned to suppress my aspirations of feminine expression. As the years went by, and I grew older and older, I never seemed to have the freedom to pursue my own happiness. Finally, I realized I could no longer live that lie. I won't get into all the details here.. I'm long-winded as it is, as I'm sure others can attest. Suffice it to say, by my avatar and forum name, I have learned to express 'me' for who 'I' am, and not according to the expectations of others; like my favorite saying goes.... "Those that matter don't mind. Those that mind, don't matter". Sure, I could lose my job, I'm presently fighting for acceptance by my brother, and will likely be shunned by my own father. However, I have never been happier with myself, and that's who I have to face 'every' morning when I get up, and every night before going to bed.

[April410]

All I can say is THANK YOU all, After reading all your post tonight I think I'm going to find myself a gender therapist(YIkes what does that cost) ,. I may be getting "clearer" but it would sure help to have a trained professional overseeing my process.
hugs
April410:hugs:

[LaFem]

So much good advice has been given in this thread. A good therapist is wonderful in sorting out these issues. I only have one thing to say; if you and your therapist agree that you should transition, do it as soon as possible. Youth is your friend, but you better be sure.

[Sally24]

Got to agree with the Gender Therapist recommendation. I am a CDer, about midway on the gender scale (40% male 60% female) and am not looking to transition or live fem 24/7. I have learned to have both a male life and a female life and balance work and family between all that. It isn't always easy. About a year ago I too went to a gender counselor and she helped confirm most of what I thought I already knew. She also helped my wife and I sort out some boundaries and priorities so that we can all be happy with our lives. I still go to her off and on just to relax and touch base. Try to find a therapist that you can "click" with personallity wise. It helps to like the person that you are sharing so much personal experience with.
Good Luck!

PS - most health plans cover mental health counseling. All you have to usually do is call and get some authorization number to give to the counselor. They don't even ask any questions. I only pay the $40 copay for each visit. Cheap at twice the price for piece of mind!

[helenr]

Hi, not sure if this post exactly fits in, but I am 60 and been a transvestite nearly my entire life. A while back I decided I should try some anti-androgen Rx to quiet the negatives created by testosterone. I am no expert by any means so please don't regard me as super smart in this area. I can only report that I feel so much more relaxed about relating to women, to any clothes issue, dealing with frustrating libido. My prostate is 'very happy' and I can sleep through most nights. I think I am a bit weaker than when Testosterone was a powerful influence on everything, but I am doing weight bearing exercises regularly to keep in shape. At my age I don't anticipate ever needing to be a 'sex object' for a female so I don't care about my low libido--I can 'function' but I am not so driven as I was before anti androgens. I think Testosterone contributes hugely to stress and this is why I am writing. If I am way off the essence of the initial post, I apologize for getting anyone sidetracked. Have a safe 4th! helenr