I have decided to talk to him this weekend

[Corrine GG]

All the kids will be gone, his daughter will be with us saturday night. I figured that I could talk to him (over drinks at home of course) on friday night.

Tell me what you think?

"You know that I love you and I want you to be happy. I also want to be happy and I think we can be so very happy together, we already are! I don't want any more secrets between us...you can trust me. I know that you dress.
I feel sometimes slighted by this other part of...jealous I guess because I am not a part of it. I almost feel cheated on by this other person you are. And you know how I hate secrets. Bring your 'stash' home, just hide it from the kids. You don't have to hide from me anymore. I love you....now go upstairs and put on some panties and make love to me."

(I hate secrets because my parents did not tell me that my Dad was really my Stepdad. I found out from a relative when I was 14. )

So, Comments?

[AllThingsPretty]

I love you....now go upstairs and put on some panties and make love to me."

I think you will make his day with this part:D

[Joy Carter]

Leave the drinks out of the conversation until you guys are done speaking. Alcohol has a tendancy to make things worse emotionaly. Then enjoy your time together with a little night cap.:D

[Tree GG]

Now be prepared to repeat that 2-3 times per week for the next 6 months. He'll probably love the words, but will find it so hard to absolutely believe 100% for awhile. Be patient & good luck!

[GypsyKaren]

I think that anything you say that comes from your heart will do the trick, but for the record, I like it.

Karen

[Alice B]

Well thought out and honest. It shows just how much you really love him. He will still feel a bit defensive because it is a difficult thing for him to admit to you, but you have opened the door for continued discussion and for setting ground rules for the future. I wish you all the luck in the world.:love:

[JulieC]

Understand that even in approaching him this way (which is fantastic!) there's a good chance he will still want to hide.

Men are pushed VERY hard to keep this aspect of them hidden. My wife is quite accepting, but even I find myself hiding at times. Just this morning...I was ironing some clothes in the laundry room, wearing a pair of heels. My wife woke up, and came downstairs. I had about 10 seconds notice. ZIP I ran to put the heels away and back to ironing before she came in the room.

WHY do I do this when I know she is accepting? It's very hard, and something I struggle with.

You'll probably face the same problems. Hang in there. It's a hard road for him too.

Oh, and have him dress up as much as he ever does before having him :) "No, I want to see you the whole nine yards. Then I'll peal it off piece by piece!" :)

[Sally24]

You might want to leave the "making love" part until you're sure it's sexual with him. Many spouces don't find it appealing and many dressers do it for a thrill that is different from a sexual thrill. If it turns out to be a sexual thing for him then you're both lucky!

[MJ]

great start but leave the drinks till later , and just talk the more you talk the better it gets .. i fell it will be hard for him but keep telling him it's OK
please understand it will take him time to come around he is use to hiding i feel you are on a long hard road give him time keep at it all the best

[bobi jean]

Corrine
My adress is... Seriously, why not go buy him a few things to model for you on this VERY, VERY special occasion? The words you wrote are as perfect as one could imagine, however when you send him to put on those panties, have a few other special things for him also. just remember he will be extremely nervous so you will and must be the one to control the situation, meaning have fun with it.

[Jaydee]

Corrine,
I agree with all above. He is very lucky to have someone so understanding and willing to share. Don't be surprised if he is reluctant to initially be more forthcomming. CD'ing is one of those things we learn to hide very deeply. It is difficult to open the closet door to anyone else.
I agree about the alcohol, I would recommend nothing stronger than a glass of wine. You are making a great effort. We all hope it works out for the both of you. (It would be great if he joined this forum)

Jaydee

[bobi jean]

Corrine
An after thought(after reading another reply or two.
Why not print this thread for him to read later on.. It may be just the thing he needs to realize your love for him and that there are people, just like him (I'm one((without spousal support)) and that we do really care deeply about the situation you are in and I'd be willing to bet that every one of us would be willing to help if given the opportunity.
Bobi

[Emily Ann Brown]

If your awesome invitation doesn't do the trick, call me ....

Seriously (wait, I was serious), I should have been so blessed 18 months ago. I wish you all the success in the world with this, just don't expect miracles overnight. Your gurl didn't get to where she is now overnight and it will take time to break old habits.


Emily Ann

[Mitch23]

All the kids will be gone, his daughter will be with us saturday night. I figured that I could talk to him (over drinks at home of course) on friday night.

Tell me what you think?

"You know that I love you and I want you to be happy. I also want to be happy and I think we can be so very happy together, we already are! I don't want any more secrets between us...you can trust me. I know that you dress.
I feel sometimes slighted by this other part of...jealous I guess because I am not a part of it. I almost feel cheated on by this other person you are. And you know how I hate secrets. Bring your 'stash' home, just hide it from the kids. You don't have to hide from me anymore. I love you....now go upstairs and put on some panties and make love to me."

(I hate secrets because my parents did not tell me that my Dad was really my Stepdad. I found out from a relative when I was 14. )

So, Comments?
wow - what a great girl you are - good luck!

Mitch

[prettywithsideburns]

you want him to put on panties and then make love to you?

[Corrine GG]

Should he make love to me THEN put on the pantis??? LOL

[prettywithsideburns]

that at least makes more sense from a physics and ergonomics standpoint.

[Chrysoprase]

Bring your 'stash' home, just hide it from the kids.

(I hate secrets because my parents did not tell me that my Dad was really my Stepdad. I found out from a relative when I was 14. )

So, Comments?

You hate secrets, because info about your immediate family was withheld from you but you want to repeat that.

[goofus]

All the kids will be gone, his daughter will be with us saturday night. I figured that I could talk to him (over drinks at home of course) on friday night.

Tell me what you think?

"You know that I love you and I want you to be happy. I also want to be happy and I think we can be so very happy together, we already are! I don't want any more secrets between us...you can trust me. I know that you dress.
I feel sometimes slighted by this other part of...jealous I guess because I am not a part of it. I almost feel cheated on by this other person you are. And you know how I hate secrets. Bring your 'stash' home, just hide it from the kids. You don't have to hide from me anymore. I love you....now go upstairs and put on some panties and make love to me."

(I hate secrets because my parents did not tell me that my Dad was really my Stepdad. I found out from a relative when I was 14. )

So, Comments?

Sounds pretty good to me...I know I would be instantly aroused by that last part! :D

[Chantelle CD]

A lot of good advice here :)

I like the idea of buying a few things for him, He may need some time to be able to ware anything in front of you though, but the thought will be a start at making him feel comfy to be able to, and may even make him cry, your acceptance that is.

I also agree with Sally; wait for including the love making until you know if it sexual for him, and if so that may even take more time.

You are so great for your understanding, if there is anything i can do to help, please feel free to message me, anytime :)

Best of luck to you and yours

Chantelle

[sterling12]

Might I suggest that instead of a direct dialog, you write down your thoughts and give him the letter. Then, give him a chance to digest the information and think things through. Often, the male part of him wants to "retreat into his den," when he's working on a big problem like this. Women often believe it's better to "talk it out, often immediately."

Just an idea, but it might work out better. "She knows," is going to be a big shock. My guess is that he may be dumbfounded and will not say anything.

After you give him the letter, wait until the next day, or the next weekend, and ask him if he wants to talk about it. If he doesn't respond, you then will know that he still wants to keep a "barrier" up on this subject. And, you will have some idea where you stand.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Sheri 4242]

Leave the drinks out of the conversation until you guys are done speaking.

The very first thought I had (before I even finished reading your post) was what Joy and others have said: leave the alcohol out until you have had the conversation!


It shows just how much you really love him. He will still feel a bit defensive because it is a difficult thing for him to admit to you, but you have opened the door . . .

You need to think of this as a chess game. IOW, be thinking 8-10 potential moves ahead. He might melt -- then again he might be in such denial that he remains a bit defensive. Maybe have a present for him (like a sexy nightie and panties), then tell him that once he has opened it he MUST let you say something -- then tell him essentially what you said in the initial post, followed by that you'd be most receptive to him going and putting on the nightie, meeting you in the bedroom for some drinks, and then (ahem). When he comes out from changing, have on a matching nightie and strongly reiterate your love for all of him, inclusive of his dichotomous personna!!! (You get the picture -- its just a suggestion, but I believe it has merit!!!)


Men are pushed VERY hard to keep this aspect of them hidden.

Keep this in mind!!! I don't know if I would have used the word "pushed," but the sentiment is on target: most men ARE, let's say, "conditioned" to keep this aspect deeply hidden -- it would not suprize me if you didn't have to offer him your reassurances again and again! But, if you are faithful to the task before you, the rewards will absolutely be worth the effort!!!

I think this is a solid plan if executed with tenderness and understanding. Even if he is a CDer who does not have a sexual component to his dressing, that doesn't mean he won't be able to enjoy what I have suggested!!! If all goes well, during afterglow tell him you are taking him to Victoria's Secret the next day to start replacing his underwear with panties!!! He should love that -- and it will be a reaffirmation that you are serious about your feelings!!!

Good luck!!! Keep us posted!!!

[Corrine GG]

I think that a letter makes it way to easy for him...remember people, he hid this from me and married me. He has broken my trust and I feel that going 'easy' on him is more than I can handle. It's not like I am hostile about it, quite the opposite...

No more secrets, he needs to be able to talk to me about it. If women are the ones who need to talk things out then he should be in touch enough with his feminine side to be able to talk about it too.

[Sheri 4242]

Might I suggest that instead of a direct dialog, you write down your thoughts and give him the letter. Then, give him a chance to digest the information and think things through. Often, the male part of him wants to "retreat into his den," when he's working on a big problem like this. Women often believe it's better to "talk it out, often immediately."

Sorry to make this addition, but Joannie's post apparently came in while I was writing mine. Her post gives you another option -- and I'd like to see you consider all options. Maybe, for example, you could give him the present I suggested with a note saying what you initially said. There are many ways to go about this. My initial reaction is that if I was in a situation like you and your husband have, I would love the present and the words, written or spoken. You know him better than us, so the final decision is yours. Personally I'd opt for the present and the spoken sentiment. There are merits to both ways.

[AmandaM]

Should he make love to me THEN put on the pantis??? LOL

Have him "try them on". Then, surprise him!

He can't get away! Mu-wah-ha-ha!!! LOL

[Fab Karen]

I'd suggest having the talk & seeing how it goes before saying something like "go upstairs put on some panties & make love to me" and would also hold off on buying him a gift of clothes. If it goes well, you could say "let's go shopping together" or something. Of course repeat to him that you find nothing wrong with the dressing, that you don't think less of him for it ( just the keeping a secret from you was the issue ).

[michelle-h]

I don't want to be a downer, but my biggest concern is that you are sure about how you feel. My wife told me that she accepted it, and for a year she was very supportive. Two months ago she told me that she had tried to make me happy, but that she can't deal with it anymore. She left me.

I am not telling you this to get sympathy. I want you to understand how devastating it is to believe the person you love most in the world accepts you for who you are, and then find out that it was a lie. So all I ask is that you be sure about how you feel. Because, if you are not, you could damage your marriage beyond repair.

Michelle

[SandyR]

I got a "I know you crossdress while in bed with my wife" It was such a relief to let it all out and be accepted. I still feel bad for hidding it, but its all working out well. I would for sure have a couple drinks first, we did helped with the tension.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Big Hug!

SandyR

[Margot]

It sounds like he doesn't know you know so be careful with the follow-up. What you plan to say sounds fine but if it were me I would be dumbfounded and embarassed. Tell him you would like to explore it further with him.
Good luck to you both.
Margot

[Angie G]

I think your husband is a lucky girl hun sounds good :hugs:
Angie

[danielle_from_cal]

I like what you are thinking of saying. You are going to make one girl very happy.

[Valerie Nicole]

Corrine, your most recent post concerns me...your talk about going "hard" or "easy" on him makes it sound like this talk is meant as a punishment, which does not seem fair. Yes, he deceived you, but what you have to understand about us is that we are all absolutely terrified about what we do...its not even always about others finding out...some of us are so scared of it that we try and convince ourselves that it doesn't happen or doesn't need to happen...we deny who we are. I've been there, and I'm sure many others here have as well.

Sorry for the lecture, but let me put it this way...no matter how you word it and no matter whether you say it out loud or with a letter, he is going to be shocked, embarrassed, and probably intimidated at first. Only with time (maybe a little, maybe a lot) and effort (again, could be a lot could be a little) on both of your parts is this going to work out. I think what you plan to say is beautiful, and it sounds like it's coming from the heart and it seems to me that you really care and accept him. If you let that show as much as possible, you can start to bring him out of his shell.

Scaring him too much now with anger/hurt over the fact that he has kept it secret could scare him back into his shell. I know you don't want that, so just be patient with him, and try to remember that the fact that it was a secret was meant to protect the bond that you share with him, and it was never meant to hurt you. I'm not saying it didn't hurt or that your feelings are invalid in any way, just that I'm sure that one of the motivating factors in keeping this from you was to preserve the beautiful relationship you two have.

My rant is over now, and I hope this helps. :hugs:

[TxKimberly]

I think that anything you say that comes from your heart will do the trick, but for the record, I like it.

Karen

karen said it all - it comes from your heart, expresses your love, and shows tolerance for him. It can't get any better than that!

[Corrine GG]

I brought up the dressing and he, (like he always does) turned it around back on me.

I asked him if it was sexual and he said "NO, you and your damned insecurities are really starting to piss me off."
I said, "I love you and I want you to be happy." He said, "I AM happy."

Then 2 seconds later tells me how much he loves me.

This morning I tried again. I told him that he didn't need to hide from me. "I'm NOT HIDING anything from you." I guess he still hasn't realized that I found his high heels in the car before he could go hide them where ever it is that he hides his 'stash'. I told him that I'm not going anywhere, that I love him. I guess years of protecting his secret are going to be hard to overcome.

[Chantelle CD]

Yes they are hard to overcome, and fear of loseing the one you love the most over this makes it very very hard. My world came crashing down on me, after my loved one left me for this, and later came back, and still together now. Does he not even want to talk at all about it with you?

[Holly]

Corrine, now is the time to back off. He knows you know and he knows that you love him. He is not going to change his perception of himself overnight. Give him some time to take this in and process it. The next move is going to have to be his.

[Raychel]

i just had a great reply to this post all typed, Clicked the magic submit button and poof "Page not found" all was lost. I will try again.

This is not an easy thing to overcome. My wife knows of my dressing. She doesn't mind that I wear lingerie to bed. Yet I still try to keep covered up. So it is not quite so "in her face" Sometimes I will go into the bathroom and change. She usually will say "You didn'thave to do that" meaning change.

So why do I still try to keep covered and sometimes change. I guess deep down I am still trying to be her "Manly Man" I mean seriously how romantic can it be seeing your husband in lingerie or a pair of heels.

Maybe your husband doesn't want to admit it, because he doesn't want you to think of him differantly. Or maybe he is afraid that you will tell someone else.

This way of thinking has been bread into us as men for hundreds of years. This is not something that will change overnight. Go slow with him and be patient. And most importantly keep the lines of communication open.

[Corrine GG]

I know it will take some time. When I found the panties and jewelry in his briefcase, I actually called his ex-wife {cause he told me they were hers} "it was a joke" he said. Bad lie at the spur of the moment, like I would be OK with him having his ex wife of four years underware in his bag.

She reluctantly told me. She found out after over 10 years and their marriage was already over. She unfortunately asked his best male friends about it and if they knew anything...GEEEZ. I felt so sorry for him.

I approached him and told him, "If you aren't cheating on me then they must be yours." He was ok with that. Then later in bed he talked to me a little. He said he was sorry..."I'm a freak" I assured him that he wasn't. That is when it was said that it was only underware. I went and got some of mine for him, he only likes this if we both wear something. (i am having weight issues and it makes me sef-concious) I guess it makes him uncomfortable if I don't do it. This was a while back and we haven't done anything like that in a while.

[Stacy GG]

I think that a letter makes it way to easy for him...remember people, he hid this from me and married me. He has broken my trust and I feel that going 'easy' on him is more than I can handle. It's not like I am hostile about it, quite the opposite...

No more secrets, he needs to be able to talk to me about it. If women are the ones who need to talk things out then he should be in touch enough with his feminine side to be able to talk about it too.

I think you are going down the right path, if you think the alcohol will loosen him up it might be a good idea. It depends on his nature, some people are easier to communicate with when drinking, and some are worse. You know him best so go with what you think will get the best results.
I agree that giving him a letter would be giving him the easy way out. You might have the discussion and afterwards if you feel some of your concerns were not addressed, write the letter to try and push those issues. I would agree that he should bring his stash home and he should also eventually let the children know as well, there is no reason to be ashamed of it. But if he has been hiding it for a long time , he probably is ashamed and it will probably be hard for him to share with you and the children so one step at a time. :2c:
good luck :drink:

[Kimberley]

Time and patience Corrine.

He has had a lifetime of hiding in shame brought about by guilt and fear. You are the one breaking this cycle so you have to be very patient and reassuring. Believe that if s/he gets ANY sense of ill feelings the fear will kick in and all will be lost.

You have a lifetime together to work on this so rushing things or letting your CD feel at all uncomfortable could very well backfire. Yes he broke your trust, now you have to gain his and believe me, it wont be easy. Once you both regain that trust in each other (and yourselves) then a whole new world awaits both of you.

:hugs:
Kimberley

[Sheri 4242]

Corrine, now is the time to back off. He knows you know and he knows that you love him. He is not going to change his perception of himself overnight. Give him some time to take this in and process it. The next move is going to have to be his.

Corrine: this is unchartered territory for me b/c I have never found myself disagreeing with Holly. That said, I do have a different take on your situation -- and I am certain that Holly and I (as well as the others on here) have your best interest at heart in our suggestions.

I don't think this is the time to back off at all -- I think it is time for you to be proactive and change tact, and see if you can't get the two of you on the same page. True, he is going to have to change his perception of himself, and that won't happen overnight. But, the next move, IMHO, is yours -- you need to lay a few facts on the line ASAP . . .

You have said that you have found high heels of his, but that he still doesn't realize you found them. Now, do I also understand you correctly that you have found panties and jewelry (that he attributed to being his ex-wife's)?!! And, do I understand that his ex has confirmed some knowledge of his being a crossdresser?!! And, do I understand that you two have had a talk where he pretty much confirmed what he is, but in so doing indicated that he thought he must be some sort of freak?!! And, do I understand that his ex "outed him" to a friend?!! And, one last thing, do I understand that y'all have worn panties in the past?!!

Sorry for all the questions -- I am just trying to put the pieces of several posts together.

"IF" I have read these correctly, then you do "know what you know." And, you also know that he has been outed by someone he once had a relationship with -- which would be a personal betrayal even though the relationship was essentially over. You also know that he thinks what he does is somehow "freakish" and/or not natural, and/or even "sick."

"IF" I have all of this essentilly right, I am of the opinion you need to get in a quite place with him immediately and tell him (a.) you have found his heels -- and whatever else you have found; and (b.) you get the distinct feeling that he thinks what he does is freakish and/or sick; (c.) you understand that he has faced a brutal thing -- being outed to a friend by someone that should have kept his confidence even if their relationship was over; (d.) you want him to know that you are not that type of person -- you want him to be happy and you are willing to learn and grow -- to accept him for what he is and keep his confidence no matter what; and (e.) the only obstical to the two of you growing would be him failing to trust you with regards to accepting him and what he is!!!

Corrine: I truly believe you need to get all of this out and in the open -- it goes to the very foundation of trust, honesty, and commitment!!! You cannot have a healthy and vibrant marriage without this!!! If you think he will cut you off with some form of denial if you try to talk to him about all of these points, then write it out (sweetly), leave it where he will find it and have time to read it, digest it, think about it, and re-read it, AND then later have the opportunity to talk with you.

[DawnRodgers]

Interesting quandry. Trying to figure out how I would feel in the same situation. Actually, I have told my wife, years ago, and she is still unaccepting. To the point that I cannot really talk to her about it. She always comes on with the attitude of how silly it is and I should get over it.
I would be deleriously happy if she ever said "Whu don't you wear panties a little more ofyen?"
Yes, we cam ne insecure. We heat all the time how silkly it is, we must ne demented - that kibd of thing - especially from the men around us - strangely, even though they might like to try it or be with one of us.
We have learbed toi hide it, change the subject when it is brought up, always in fear that we really will be abandoned by oiur loved ones. Even that we are perverts (especially when someone older gets in the conversation when ever it is brought up).
We, over time, learn not to discuss, divulge our wants over time by the negative comments made by almost everybody we know. We've heard it all and it has all registered.
So the biggest problem we have is believing trhat someone is sympathetic and supporting to our desires. Many of us, in fact, belive that we ARE deviates. By everything we have heard over the years. It is a very hard pattern to break and itr is very hard to o=ver conme the guilt we feel.
You are one in a hundres in that you support him. But, I'm sure, he has a hard time believing it. Do continue to encourage him to confide in you, to support him and, yes, to asjk him to dress for you and to help him in things like buying him a piece or two of feminine jewelry - a watch, a bracelet a necklace. Nothing expensive but nice looking. Maybe set up a night where you both go to the show or out to eat where you both wear panties, nylons, maybe a bra and go out to eat. Yalk about fashion, makeup and find out how he relates to the feminine side of him. It's not going to be easy and may take a lot of effort on your part to convince him that you are serious in wanting to help him.
Stilll realize that nonme of this may help. Obviously I don't know what makes him tick, but certainly some of us are still in denial of wehat we are and what we do. Go slow, don't try to force it and look for apportunities where you can help and encourage him. It is likely scary for both of you and it is difficult to oiver come a lifetime of conditioning in a short period of time. My wife has known forovewr 25 years and we have not progressed, on her part anyway, one iota from the day I told her.
Dawn.

[Victoria Anne]

Corrine, I realize this is late ,probably to late but here it goes. I agree with the other ladies here...leave the drinks out until after you talk,you might even leave the making love out of it at first. My suggestion would be to talk with him as you planned then send him off to change,if you can do this leave a trail of rose pedals just short of the bedroom door and have not only panties butn entire out fit laid out for him on the bed, follow him after a few seconds as I'm sure he will pause at the site of the clothes then ask in an supportive yet firm and loving voice ask if you can help him and let things progress from ther, perhaps even have a glass of wine waiting. This will if he is aimiable to it no doubt lead you into more indepth discussion and could be of great help to hisgetting comfortable with it in the open. This will be a hard road, be supportive and assuring that your love will not fail him. Please keep us informed,I would truely like to know how things work out for you both.
On a side note I told my wife of 10 years before our first date! If there is anything I can do to help feel free to send a pm. Best of luck to you both.:love::hugs:

[Chantelle CD]

since you know his ex wife hurt him and blabed to his friends, let him know that no matter what happens in your relationship, you will never betray him with this, NEVER, and really mean it, no matter what happens in your lives. i knew my SO would never tell a soul about it, not to her friends or family, no one, so i could talk to her about it right away, slowly convince him, that you will never say a word about it, and thats its ok with you.

[Mitch23]

I brought up the dressing and he, (like he always does) turned it around back on me.

I asked him if it was sexual and he said "NO, you and your damned insecurities are really starting to piss me off."
I said, "I love you and I want you to be happy." He said, "I AM happy."

Then 2 seconds later tells me how much he loves me.

This morning I tried again. I told him that he didn't need to hide from me. "I'm NOT HIDING anything from you." I guess he still hasn't realized that I found his high heels in the car before he could go hide them where ever it is that he hides his 'stash'. I told him that I'm not going anywhere, that I love him. I guess years of protecting his secret are going to be hard to overcome.
For once I am lost for words. You know, he knows you know, you are supportive, he knows you are supportive and yet he remains in denial? This is so far outside my boundaries that I'd better let some of the other girls give wisdom. Just to let you know that we are with you all the way in this

love

Mitch

[Jenny Beth]

The fact you are okay with it probably means little to him at this point because he has yet to overcome his shame and guilt. I'm also guessing he's not good at talking about his feelings, most men have no experience here because they've spent a lifetime trying to fit into the "macho role" for fear of being thought of as less than a man. I wish you luck in getting him to be comfortable sharing this with you.

[Stephanie-L]

Corrine, I must repeat myself from your earlier post (Ithink it was you) and recomend that you both get counselling. He sounds like he has some serious relationship issues to deal with, beyond the CDing. He is such a lucky guy to have you in his life. The last time my wife found my stash she screamed "You're a freak" at me and started packing to move out. Only a lot of begging and talking convinced her to stay, and she will never accept my CDing. I fear it will lead to our divorce eventually. So, get help now, you so you know you can truly accept his CDing, and him so he can accept it and improve your relati0onship. Just my .02$ Stephanie

[gmss]

I'm with Mitch.

It sounds like the ball is definitely in his court. I think that it is possible to push too much about this to him, and it sounds to me like it might be time to back off for a while, at least until you can figure out a better/different approach.

Certainly, there is no point pushing using the same reasoning that has been proven to not work.

Just my 0.02

Good luck!

[NatieBe]

You are an awesome Lady.. and your husband has a real jewel...priceless..totally priceless....XO's Natie :love:

[Crissy65]

Corrine, you are a lovely lady. Why don't you both go upstairs and try on matching or the same color panties

Cissy

[crimsoncage GG]

I hope everything went allright. Most of the conversation you planned I had with my crossdressing sweetie, but he told me when I started seeing him. We still talk about it. It's important that you keep the communication open. From what I've seen so far.

[Chantelle CD]

Some people have a real hard time talking openly, and the scars that made them this way, could very well go wayyyy deep, and as far back as childhood, From the things you say he has said, tell me this, he is not a good talker, and he also sounds like he is in denial over this in his life!! A really hard combo, i was always a good talker, thx to my mom, that forced me to talk, even when i was squirming in my seat!! I was involved in my past with someone that wasn't a talker, they want to deal with things on there own, and not include you, if you try to talk to them, they get angry, loud, say that you are trying to cause trouble all the time, when all you want to do is work together on things, you never really know what is going on with them, you feel the tension in them, but they tell you nothing!! and share even less.

Do you think he is the type that just cant talk at all? or do you think if you force it he will open up?

[karynspanties]

Would you marry me???:love:......:D

[bobi jean]

Corrine
Don't push hon!!! Either take his hand and guide the way, or get 100% behind and lead from there but for your sake DO NOT PUSH.......
Bobi Jean

[jennCD]

THat would be all i'd need from my wife if i got to the point where i needed more... very nice. He's lucky to have you...

[Mitch23]

Would you marry me???:love:......:D
or me

[bobi jean]

Corrine
I just read every post to this, you have been given some excellent advise to consider. However, nowhere did I read anything concerning his feeling like a FREAK. I assure you that every one of us (crossdressers) have at some point and to some degree felt the same. I really dont have any advise as to how to help him get over it but you may think about telling him at the next opportunity, that it is ok to feel like a freak(no need to) but it is ok as long as he is your freak, and to prove that it is ok, I JUST CLEARED OUT A DRAWER AND SOME SPACE IN THE CLOSET FOR YOUR THINGS. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO USE IT IF YOU AREN'T COMFORTABLE WITH IT , BUT IT WILL BE THERE FOR YOU WHEN YOU ARE READY.

AS OTHERS HAVE SAID, KEEP US POSTED AND THE VERY VERY BEST OF LUCK TO YOU BOTH

[Corrine GG]

Thanks for all the support, AND the proposals :happy:

I just buried my pug of 10 years. :sad: I went outside to give her a rib I was saving for her and there she was. I called my husband and just left him a teary message that I was going to be outside burying my dog. I went out and through tears and sweat dug a hole deep enough for her in the dry ground (we are in a severe drought). I came in and called him and left him another message, "she's so stiff, I'm not sure I can do this....<sob> I can do it....I can do it." I went out and laid her to rest.

He called me when I came in and was mad because he had tried to call me 50 times and I didn't answer. (Didn't I just say that I was going to bury my dog?) He said I could leave her for him to do when he came home from work. I told him that I did it and everything was fine. I couldn't have left her, there were flies, etc. He said he was sorry, there was nothing he could do about it right this minute, he was still mad.

He gets mad when I cry. He talks about it being a weakness of women...to cry about things. How can he want to dress up like a woman but not appreciate what MAKES us women?

I don't cry much at all, hardly ever. Not many women would have been strong enough to bury their dog (the only dog my kids have ever had) emotionally and physically. I carried her all the way to the back of the yard (25lbs) buried her myself. It's times like these that make me want to say, "Go 'dress' so maybe you will be more understanding and loving.

[Joy Carter]

So sorry about your doggy. It's too bad your man is not enough of a woman to see these things. It's to bad she can't get with other CD's and have a heart to heat about what it means to be transgendered. But then she probably can't accept, and is mad about how she feels.

Just know that your a beautiful caring woman and you deserve all the best in life.

Joy Belinda Carter :hugs:

[bobi jean]

Corrine
very sorry to hear about the dog, I know what you are feeling, I lost my 14 year old husky about 2 years ago and still have tears roll when I think about him.
Sorry Dear, but if your husband hasen't any more compassion than what he has shown to date, is he truely worth it??????

[Tree GG]

Corrine,

#1 So sorry to hear about your dog. The husband & I were having a BIG fight (years ago, non-CD) and during that time the cat had kittens that didn't survive. The whole litter died one by one and I was left to deal with that and weeping children all on my own 'cause he was too wrapped up in his own anger to help. I guess I harbor a bit of resentment still, huh? My sincerest sympathies on the loss of your pet, and I for one, admire your courage to do what had to be done.

#2 I know when my girls cry - especially over something I can't fix - I can sometimes get angry & frustrated with them. I think it's because I can't fix it for them and I internalize their pain and want it to stop. Plus, he can't help because of his job so he's angry but can't get angry at his employer, so you get to be the recipient. I'm not saying it's right or emotionally healthy, just maybe a possibility why he would express anger toward you when you were looking for support and compassion. I've seen that occur in both sides of our relationship.

#3 I rarely cry, too. When I do, I try to run & hide so no one can see. I've amended that the last couple of years and if I feel like crying, and have what I believe is a good reason, I'll let 'er rip. He's gotten more used to seeing it so he don't freak out and now knows to just offer a shoulder, and I can get it over with. :happy: Just remember that they may be transgendered, but they're still guys. :devil:

I'm really sorry you're having a bad day. :hugs::hugs:

[JoAnnDallas]

I had a big yellow tiger striped tom cat called "ChatterBox". He talked a lot. LOL. Anyway one evening wife and I were reading in bed, Chatter was at the foot of the bed. He got up, streched and fell off the bed. Wife and I giggled at first thinking he had slipped and fell off the bed. When he did not get back on the bed, I got up to see about him. He was laying on the floor gasping for breath. I picked him up and layed him on the bed and wife and I watched him slide over to the other side. Afterwards, I picked him up, placed him in a box in the guarge. We buryed him the next day. I wept for a long time that evening he passed away. My wife did not say a word, just held me in her arms. Pets are like members of the family and when you lose one, it's like losing a member of the family and I for one react the same way if it was a relative that passed away.

[rose382832]

i am so sorry for your loss( ive lost 3 pets in the last year PLUS my mom and 25 close freinds in afgan) sometimes us males cant let our feelings out cause we would not ever be able to get out of the little ball that we would curl up into. just hearing about your loss has me on the verge of tears. i'll take a drink and try to come back stronger latter.:sad::hugs:

[Chantelle CD]

Im so so sorry about your dog, you showed great strength in doing what you did. Its very hard when we lose a pet, a family member, im so sorry <hugs>


He gets mad when I cry. He talks about it being a weakness of women...to cry about things. How can he want to dress up like a woman but not appreciate what MAKES us women?

He sounds like is is a typical "normal" male, where we are suppose to not be weak, show feelings, cry, and share. is being stubborn holding on to these feelings as a way to push back his desires to dress up. i wonder if giving him this site, or one like it because of your posts here, is not such a bad idea, may show him that there a lot of us out there, that he is not alone, and that there is nothing to be ashamed of, just a thought.

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

Corrinne, I am going to get you my wifes cell # so you can counsel her, she is fairly accepting but you have gone way beyond most of our dreams.

[crimsoncage GG]

I am sorry about your dog, that can be as hard as losing a child. I am also sorry the talk didn't go well. I don't know what to say about an angry man in denial. I spent years with a man who denied his homosexuality, he became angrier every year and very abusive. We never got any counseling and he never came to terms with his issue, he even had a homosexual encounter.
When I left him last fall he was violent and unstable.

[Corrine GG]

I just want to tell him to F**K off and go find someone more accepting and compassionate than me. Go for it. Maybe it's all just wasted on him.

[MJ]

Corrine
i understand your upset right now.. i am sorry about your dog. but try to understand he is a man stubborn and sometimes heartless .. he as no idea how to react .. take a deep breath.. and Wait until you are calm i know this is stressful it takes time .. go and treat yourself to something ... your feeling are raw right now .. maybe a bottle of wine .. Cher up hon :love::hugs:

[JulieC]

I just want to tell him to F**K off and go find someone more accepting and compassionate than me. Go for it. Maybe it's all just wasted on him.

Maybe, maybe not. Regardless, I would not tell him NOW. Your emotions are raw from the death of your dog, and you're as likely to regret saying something right now as you are being happy about it.

You're a kind, caring person. Play to your strengths.

[Amanda Shaft]

Hi Corrine, firstly I’m so sorry to hear about you loss: we’ve always had dogs, each time one of them has departed I’ve cried, I feel sad now!

I hope that your man realises the opportunity you are offering him, that he can come to terms with himself and the way in which you are prepared to develop the relationship with and for him. Remember though he’s just a bloke and sometimes they will cut off their noses to spite their face! Try to persevere, keep the faith and hopefully one day he will appreciate what you are going through and the tremendous efforts you have made to accommodate his needs.

I really hope you can find a way to breach his tried and tested defences.

All the very best,
Luv Amanda

[Mary Morgan]

Corrine, I am so very sorry for your loss. I've been there and it is something I still think about when people talk about their pets. My retriever gave me unconditional love, and you have respect that. As for your man, I will not offer excuses for him, but you must know that many of us are guilty of over-compensating, that is, we trry very very hard to dismiss our real feelings in order to appear to be macho. We spend years learning to be what we think we are expected to be, and we handle it very badly. In my own case, I still struggle with all the years of "living up" to others expectations, but the more I allow myself to be the real me, the easier it is for others to deal with me. If there is enough time, I might even become the kind of person I want to be. Again, I am so sorry, for all that you are having to deal with right now. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[Holly]

Corrine, I'm so sorry to hear about your pug... this on top of everything else you are dealing with is just so unfair. But then, no one ever promised that life would be fair, did they? To say that your husband has a lot to learn about femininity would be a gross understatement (like I needed to tell you that). But did you stop to think that this could be a good "teaching moment?" A time to share with him how you feel and why you feel as you do? Think of it as an opportunity educate him and improve both your lives.

[AllieSF]

Hello Corrine,

I have followed this post from the beginning and clearly recognize that I am hearing only one side of an apparent long term relationship with issues. I am truly sorry to hear about the loss of your dog. I commend your willingness and professed love for your man in transition, which is not an easy situation no matter how anyone looks at it. I am also very sorry that your husband is not stepping up to the plate to be the person (man, woman, or whatever) that he should be. Gender has nothing to do with his being able to recognized what you have offered him by your words and actions.

From your postings, I find that you have been more than flexible, loving, adapting and understanding with his desires to dress and maybe go further down that road. I also disagree with most of the postings here that state that you should be more patient, understanding, etc.. I am not too clear on all the timing of your conversations with him and maybe more time is needed to see how things develop, how he opens up, how you adapt, etc. However, please remember that everyone has their own limits as to how many times you can try and still bang your head against an unmoveable concrete wall.

At some point only you can decide when that is enough. Your husband has some serious issues to deal with and in my opinion if all that you have posted is true, he needs some professional help with his issues and those that he is causing with you.

I would love to know someone like yourself as friend and can only dream of having someone like you as a wife. He needs to understand your limits, not necesarily regarding his CD activities, but how he treats you. I.e. maybe you need to think about less adapting and more managing your own life and sanity. You deserve to be treated as the loving and caring woman that you are and not as the target of his own reactions to his own feelings, frustrations and whatever else is driving him.

If you continue to give all to him with nothing in return, you may be only fooling yourself and setting yourself up for future more serious problems. If it is only one sided then giver normally is the one who suffers the most. Open conversations need to be safe and honest with both expressing their true feelings, frustrations and limits as best they can define them. I believe in a strong love similar to that given to our children. It has been said many times that most kids want the parents restrictions deep inside.

All this is my opinion and I hope it helps you move forward. PM me if you would like.

[gmss]

Corrine, I would like to echo the sentiments of sorrow. It is difficult to lose a pet. No question about that. :(

And that he was apparently insensitive to that compounds my believe that he does not show enough respect for you. Not good.

All I know is what I read in this thread, so I can not suggest action, but would like to say that I understand and that I think you are a strong person and the "better half" of the relationship.

Keep your chin up and eyes open and look for opportunities to help him understand the err of his ways. (That is, if you still want to keep him.)

Life is short. You should do what it takes to be happy.
:)

My 0.02

p.s. ... and if you don't want him anymore, I saw a few proposals for you right here in this thread! :heehee:

[Roxi Loh]

I think you nailed it. I would not change a word and would deliver with the same conviction that you wrote it. He will feel very ecstatic and will do whatever you want in or not in panties...I think you really have captured the right tone and tenure to make your cd husband happy. I hope it makes you happy too. I wish someone would deliver that speech to me.

[Roxi Loh]

I only read the first page...I did not see the development about your dog. I just lost a dog recently and do feel the pain. Take what I said previously...or discard it. You know what to do with your relationship...I am not a big help.

[Sheri 4242]

If you continue to give all to him with nothing in return, you may be only fooling yourself and setting yourself up for future more serious problems. If it is only one sided then giver normally is the one who suffers the most.

Corrine,

First let me add my codolences about your dog! My wife and I rescue dacshunds and truly love dogs, so we certainly have a great deal of empathy for your loss!!!

Second, regarding the above quote, and after some deep thinking on how you have added crucial details at each new step, let me say that the above is right on target!!! If you are the only one giving, he'll drain your emotions dry!!! If he won't seek help on that aspect, I am afraid to say that HE is limiting your options b/c you cannot thrive emotionally and mentally in a life like that!!! If this conjures up a harsh scenario for your future with him, I'm sorry, BUT there comes a time in some relationships where you have to become proactive and end the abuse!!!

[Raychel]

SO sorry about your dog.:(

[Sylviaqwerty]

A wonderful speech but it will still come as a shock. After all these years of hiding it away the instant reactin will be denial. Even as he denies it he will be thinking "I wish I could tell the truth, This is wrong".
So the ideas of writing it either here or in a letter, or giving him advanced information that you know he crossdresses and you are not worried about it, are valid and good advice.
Good luck

[Chantelle CD]

I just want to tell him to F**K off and go find someone more accepting and compassionate than me. Go for it. Maybe it's all just wasted on him.

My Dear, i dont think one can get more accepting and compassionate!!
Your all upset from what you have just been threw with your loss, its OK.
Maybe you have to ask yourself, do i want to help this man? or is he to far gone to be able to be helped? I dont think its the CD issues that are your main concern, is it?

[Corrine GG]

Thanks for all the kind words. He was a lot more understanding and compassionate when he got home. He really is a sweet guy when he wants to be.

I am in class 3 nights a week, the kids are gone this week and I came home last night to find SO on the couch wrapped up with a blanket in a 'hands off' way. (We usually snuggle at night)
I thought it was strange and went upstairs to change clothes, I noticed that he had been in my 'naughty' panties. He later said he was tired and went to bed early.

I can guess what happened, he dressed, 'got off' then had no use for me last night. This is the hardest part to deal with. He talks about his selfishness and how he wants all my attention (he hates when I fight with my ex, says it takes away from him) I guess our next talk will go like this, "You know how you always say that you are selfish and you want me all to yourself? Well, I want the same thing. You need to figure out a way to come to me when you get turned on...no more of this self-gratification and leaving me out in the cold. I don't masterbate during the day only to turn you down at night and I think it only fair that you give me the same consideration."

I am not totally sure that it's sexual for him but all the signs are pointing that way.

[bobi jean]

Corrine
Why did you not ask him if you could crawl in ther with him?

[Corrine GG]

Corrine
Why did you not ask him if you could crawl in ther with him?


He was in his obvious "hands off" position, pillow, blanket, curled up. At this point I am tired of being rejected. I asked him him this morning to fool around and he said "I'll get you this evening, I feel gross." Which also translated to me into 'I'm all nasty from my fun last night without you.'

[bobi jean]

Call him NOW TO REMIND HIM THAT HE IS YOURS TONIGHT, and he is to keep his hands off until after you are finished

[KimberlyS]

Corrine, I hope your next talk goes well. I am so proud of you and all of the other GG's that are trying to get your head around what CDing is. And to add to the fact that it can be so different for each one of us. You are a strong and good person to keep pushing for him to open up to you about his CDing. Like any other issue within a relationship, the two of you need to work out how the CDing will work for both of you within the relationship.

I am not sure how it would play out but you seem fairly open minded. Maybe a shopping trip to pick up something new just for him with a fashion show after the opening of the gift. Ad-lib after that and see what pops up and how things may be different and possibly to both of your likings. Be firm but also beware not to scare him even farther down into the hole of not opening up as he may not be able to handle you jumping into this with him yet. But it may open up things for later and hopefully at least discussion.

[KimberlyS]

Call him NOW TO REMIND HIM THAT HE IS YOURS TONIGHT, and he is to keep his hands off until after you are finished
Bobi Jean, I like that, make the call.

[bobi jean]

Corrine
If you don't call him right away, you may loose what, I believe, may be one of the most important moments in your life.
If he doesnt accept such a wonderful opportunity, "WELL I GUESS THAT WOULD BE HIS LOSS. YOU HAVE GONE WAY BEYOND AND ABOVE THE CALL OF YOUR WEDDING VOWS, and that takes a very special person indeed.
Do not give up if he is what you want.

[Chantelle CD]

Thanks for all the kind words. He was a lot more understanding and compassionate when he got home. He really is a sweet guy when he wants to be.

I am in class 3 nights a week, the kids are gone this week and I came home last night to find SO on the couch wrapped up with a blanket in a 'hands off' way. (We usually snuggle at night)
I thought it was strange and went upstairs to change clothes, I noticed that he had been in my 'naughty' panties. He later said he was tired and went to bed early.

I can guess what happened, he dressed, 'got off' then had no use for me last night. This is the hardest part to deal with. He talks about his selfishness and how he wants all my attention (he hates when I fight with my ex, says it takes away from him) I guess our next talk will go like this, "You know how you always say that you are selfish and you want me all to yourself? Well, I want the same thing. You need to figure out a way to come to me when you get turned on...no more of this self-gratification and leaving me out in the cold. I don't masterbate during the day only to turn you down at night and I think it only fair that you give me the same consideration."

I am not totally sure that it's sexual for him but all the signs are pointing that way.

It sounds like it is to me as well, but he probably did dress a bit, realieved himself, and felt extreame shame and guilt for it!! Its most likely not so much that he wants to be with a man, as it is the feelings of being a woman are so strong, and it affects his maleness that way!! Totaly normal, the more you dress up that goes away totaly. He is feeling shame and discust with himself while fighting it inside totaly! I hated those feeling so much!!!! So glad that part of this is over for me, im sorry you are going threw this, i hated doing it to my SO as well!!! im sorry :( Unless he is gay, those feelings will slowly stop, its more, <for me anyways> getting cought up in the feelings of being like a woman, we can feel this you know :) that over powers the male sex drive, and we get excited this way, or use to, For some still do, anyways, no need to get all upset about it. One thing you can bet on, is that he HATED himself afterwords because of it! This situation reminds me so much of myself in the past! Except i was single going threw most of it.

I shall give you a hug for strength <hugs>

Hang in there dear!!

[Lovely Rita]

Wow what a wonderful person you are.....trully.

[RebeccaLynne]

Corrine, I'm troubled by the fact that your SO finds it necessary to pleasure himself without considering your needs and desires within the relationship. If he is unable, or unwilling, to take into account your sexual gratification as every bit as important as his own, then "selfish" is much too kind a term.
A couple must make an honest effort to satisfy the realistic expectations of their partner. To do less is unloving and unkind.
It's a joint venture. There's no "I" in team.