new questions

[Corrine GG]

Have any of you been too afraid to go buy your stuff and just 'altered' what you could find? ie: cutting things to fit, pilfering clothes, cutting the backs out of shoes to fit your feet?

ALSO: I think my hubby likes to put things on in the morning and I am not totally sure but one morning after we had sex the night before. Do you think that he has to balance his male side with the female? Or do you think that being with me is just an act?

[Jocelyn Quivers]

Interesting idea about cutting the backs of shoes, I might have to try that one. As for being afraid to buy items, I would assume that the majority of CD's at one point or another have been too afraid to purchase items, I know I have. Each and every CD is different in how they balance their male and female sides. Jocelyn

[marie354]

I was afraid to buy my femme clothes for years, but I managed to get whatever girlfriend I had at the time to pick me up some things from time to time.

When I used to keep things as hidden as possible, I generally put on my underthings for a while before I went to work, while I was washing up and fixing breakfast, watching the morning news, etc. Sometimes I'd keep them on all day under my "guy" work uniform, that had "SAM" printed over one shirt pocket and the company logo over the other.
:hugs:

[Mary Morgan]

Corrine, no I don't think that being with you is just an act. I cannot tell you what is inside your man's head, but I know that for me, the clothing is part of my identity, not part of "our" (my wife's and mine) identity as a couple or as lovers. The clothing is not a substitute for you and your relationship. If you have a strong, loving relationship, and if you two communicate your feelings, you'll find no threat from any source. I aplaud your efforts to understand all this, I wish we could give you the specific answers you seek but there aren't any. Hang in there.

[Corrine GG]

Corrine, no I don't think that being with you is just an act. I cannot tell you what is inside your man's head, but I know that for me, the clothing is part of my identity, not part of "our" (my wife's and mine) identity as a couple or as lovers. The clothing is not a substitute for you and your relationship. If you have a strong, loving relationship, and if you two communicate your feelings, you'll find no threat from any source. I aplaud your efforts to understand all this, I wish we could give you the specific answers you seek but there aren't any. Hang in there.

Must be hormonal, but this response made me cry.
Thanks so much to all of you....thank you thank you thank you.

[flatlander_48]

Have any of you been too afraid to go buy your stuff and just 'altered' what you could find? ie: cutting things to fit, pilfering clothes, cutting the backs out of shoes to fit your feet?

ALSO: I think my hubby likes to put things on in the morning and I am not totally sure but one morning after we had sex the night before. Do you think that he has to balance his male side with the female? Or do you think that being with me is just an act?

I think once you realize the significance of your feminine side, you do seek "adjustments" in order to have things makes sense. There is a spectrum of responses regarding ones identity, so you have to figure out where you are on that continuum.

[MJ]

Have any of you been too afraid to go buy your stuff and just 'altered' what you could find? ie: cutting things to fit, pilfering clothes, cutting the backs out of shoes to fit your feet?

ALSO: I think my hubby likes to put things on in the morning and I am not totally sure but one morning after we had sex the night before. Do you think that he has to balance his male side with the female? [QUOTE]Or do you think that being with me is just an act

i can't see that .. why would he want to act .. he has a wonderful woman like you . just talk to him get this out in the open. then you will know

at first i was a little scared to buy my stuff ...but it was for the girl friend everything was for the girl friend Lol . and over time nobody said anything so it got better ..and i never had to cut backs out of shoes size 10 are easy to find ..
my biggest issue trying cloths on at a store back then

[Karren H]

Not really afraid.... embarased but not so much as to stop me...a long time ago... Now I buy anything and everything fem, no matter how I'm dressed!!! I'm the only guy in the dress department in a blue business suit, holding up dresses to check for length!! lol

And I never cut thing up!! Don't need to... It fits right when I buy it or i don't buy it....

Karren

[Holly]

Hi Corrine. Yes it is true that a lot of us have found it difficult to go out and buy our own things, so yes, we may have "acquired" items to try and make do at some time in our lives. More often than not, the reason for not going out and getting our own stuff hinges on the fact that we have not accepted ourselves for who and what we are and feel a great deal of shame and are unwilling to face anyone who might infer that the purchases we are making are for ourselves. For the same reason, your husband may be reluctant to discuss his CDing with you as well.

As for your thoughts of him being with you as just an act, honey don't let HIS insecurities about himself have a negative impact on you! You are a worthwhile partner in your marriage with much to offer and to give.

[Cristi]

Have any of you been too afraid to go buy your stuff and just 'altered' what you could find?

My first 'skirt' was a pair of cutoff jean shorts that I altered and sewed back up as a skirt.

It may have been the worst sewing job in the history of mankind... but I was only 10 or so at the time.

[TracyH]

ALSO: I think my hubby likes to put things on in the morning and I am not totally sure but one morning after we had sex the night before. Do you think that he has to balance his male side with the female? Or do you think that being with me is just an act?

Imagine waking up in the morning and thinking about the hot, tiring, miserable day of work ahead of you. Then imagine that there is something you could do to make it not seem so bad and give you something to look forward to at the end of the day. That's what crossdressing is for him.

[Ekatcha]

My first 'skirt' was a pair of cutoff jean shorts that I altered and sewed back up as a skirt.

It may have been the worst sewing job in the history of mankind... but I was only 10 or so at the time.
Oh god, I so totally did that too! I must have been 13 at the time, but I bet I could have given you a run for your money on the worst sewing job in history! When I was younger, I recall finding a pair of girls shoes in the lost in found that just almost fit, so I cut the backs out of em. That was probably 20 years ago... bought my own that fit proper in times since then (though at a size 12w or so its not as easy as MJ has it... I'm jealous! I swear I'd sell my soul to fit in 10s or 11s!). As to the rest of it, I think Louise put it best & I can't really add anything to that.

[jennCD]

Hiya Corrinne,
I would say yes, there needs to be a balance of course... tho it's not necessarily a 50/50 situation in all cases. For me, my CDing isn't something I've shared with anyone (besides my recent trips to this site) and I've been doing it about 30 yrs off and on. More often off, but recently more on than usual. My marriage and family doesn't mean any less to me and my wife is certainly not something I would give up in favor of a nice evening gown! :)

[Autum_Brook]

I do not know your husband but he has married you which tells me nothing is an act. HE LOVES YOU! Because I do not know your husband I can tell you how it is in my mine i hope... I have a girlfriend for ten years and she is the world to me, we started dating in highschool and are still together. She found out about my dressing about six months ago and it has been hard but it has made me do allot of thinking on this subject. I know that I love her to death and would be completly devistated if we were not together anymore. I have always loved to dress I started about at the age of 4 getting nylons and other cloths. It is something that is a part of me and i have never been able to explain it to myself or known why i have done this most of my life other than it feels good I like it... I have always struggeld with it because of how people in this world think, and I never in my life wanted to lose my own girlfriend that has been the scariest think in the world to me... I love her plain and simple but because of my dressing it has put doubts in her mind because she can not understand it so I am always open about it if she has questions and try to help... So no I do not think that it is an act at all being with you, he might be scared to talk to you about it, (very scary talking to my girl friend at first) for the reasons of not wanting to lose you because he loves you. He may not know how to tell you because if he is like me may not understand it in his own mind which then trying to tell someone you love about crossdressing is very diffucult. I hope that this helps you...

you are here so I hope you learn and do your best to understand it yourself, here is a suggustion if he knows you know go and get him an outfit that may just be what starts the conversations, or make it sexual for him and your self and have fun with it but that is all up to you... He may be scared to buy cloths that may be why he alters his own???

If you so start talking about it DO NOT get into fights about it because that will make both of you scared to talk about things like this. If you see it going to a fight find someway to stop the conversation and then the doors will stay open once you get him talking about it, and your doors (mind) will also be more open you will not have well we got into a fight about this so don't talk about that stuff, i remember what happend last time...

I wish you luck and I want to say I am happy you are trying to learn i do not know if this helped but i tryed to help... Best of luck to you. HE LOVES YOU
Autum

ps sorry I can not spell

[Sheri 4242]

Have any of you been too afraid to go buy your stuff and just 'altered' what you could find? ie: cutting things to fit, pilfering clothes, cutting the backs out of shoes to fit your feet?

ALSO: I think my hubby likes to put things on in the morning and I am not totally sure but one morning after we had sex the night before. Do you think that he has to balance his male side with the female? Or do you think that being with me is just an act?

Corrine: I think you have now been here long enough to see that we're all different, yet the same. Or, perhaps better said, we share a commonality, yet we are individuals. I give you very high marks for your efforts to learn, seek guidance, and otherwise try to understand. It seems to me that you are learning the wisdom of boundaries and balance, and trust and truthfulness within the context of your love for your husband!!! I could be wrong, but I get the impression that your understanding is on a higher level than his at this point in time!!!

As to your question, I have been buying my own female clothing since I was 9 or 10. I was never afraid to do it back then (I am fifty-something), but I was somewhat excitedly nervous the first few times. Today, I am much like Karren related -- I just straightforwardly shop for what I want, be it in Victoria's Secret or Macy's, Wal-Mart or Nordstrom, etc. Last time I was out in Vegas, at Caesar's Palace they have a gambling section based on the Pussy Cat Dolls group and sell some of the groups clothing line at a display on the side wall. I wanted this skirt they had on display, but it appeared their sizing was a bit off from some brands (like Guess, for example). Anyway, my wife walks up and I show her the skirt and note my concern over the size. So (and this is a testament to how far she has come, too), she just takes it off the hanger and holds itup to my waste right there in the casino. No big deal! The SA sort of noticed, but didn't say a thing until we were paying, at which time she handed me the receipt and said to hold on to it and the tags in case I needed to exchange anything!

I :love: that wife of mine -- and three :cheer: s for the SA!!!!

(I guess after being with me on Las Vegas Blvd with me in a wedding gown, this was almost mild for my wife!!! :rofl: )

[DawnRodgers]

Once you get your sizes down there is no problem buying things at all. You may have to go over the size charts at first, but I vcan say that I have never bought anything that was a truly bad fit.
Actually shoes are easier, as long as you fit within a size 10. And again, it is eady to try a pair or two on to see what you look like in them. Kust be sure to wear nylon stoackings or those little nylon foot things wgen you do. They can make all of the disserence in the world on how shoes fit. I wouldn't advise cutting the backs off of heels because that can seriously alter the fit and the way they hold to your feet.
You can also order shoes through various catalogues and if they don't fit, return them. Again, over time you'll know what sizes usually fit well enough on everything. If particularly adventuress, take some clothes to the men's dressing rooms and try them on behind closed doors.

Good luck,
Dawn

[Sheri 4242]

Once you get your sizes down there is no problem buying things at all. . . . If particularly adventuress, take some clothes to the men's dressing rooms and try them on behind closed doors. Dawn

Dawn makes some good points. Just like a GG, once you know your sizes, shopping gets easier. One thing I would add is that some brands fit much differently than other brands, so you will want to remember this when shopping. For example, Old Navy skirts seem to run large, while Guess run small. So, a 9-10 at Old Navy falls off me, whereas it fits perfectly if it comes from White House/Black Market, or with certain brands such as Byers.

Guess sizes some of their skirts S, M, L, and XL. I can buy a similar skirt at Aeropostal and a Sm or Med fits perfectly, but need a Lg or XL at Guess. This is where Dawn's idea about trying things on comes into play. If you are uncomfortable telling a SA you want to try on a skirt, go to the men's department (skirt in hand) and pick up a couple of pairs of pants. Sanwhich the skirt between the pants and go on into the dressing room. I, personally, really don't care if a SA knows -- I've had many positive experiences with SA's being very helpful. That said, the "sandwhich the skirt between men's pants" routine can be the better part of valour if the store is really busy!

[Marla S]

Have any of you been too afraid to go buy your stuff and just 'altered' what you could find? ie: cutting things to fit, pilfering clothes, cutting the backs out of shoes to fit your feet?
:heehee: Yes, I did the shoe thing one time. In my youth when I neither had a clue where to buy shoes in my size, nor would have had the money to buy them .. oversize shoes can be very expensive.:heehee: It's funny, but also degrading, what absurde activities are the result of being in the closet


ALSO: I think my hubby likes to put things on in the morning and I am not totally sure but one morning after we had sex the night before. Do you think that he has to balance his male side with the female? Or do you think that being with me is just an act?
I doubt that being with you is just an act for him, but he might not be completely sure about himself and trys to balance his masculine and feminine aspects.

[Chantelle CD]

ALSO: I think my hubby likes to put things on in the morning and I am not totally sure but one morning after we had sex the night before. Do you think that he has to balance his male side with the female? Or do you think that being with me is just an act?

For some reason i like to dress up in the morning too, I would bet my life though, that there is no connection to your husband dressing in the morning, and the 2 of you making love the night before, non what so ever. dont worrie about that kk. I do totally believe in balancing male and female energy's <yin yang> and that you can be unbalanced, and become depressed, on either side of the scale. A woman needs to balance her male side as well, they can do it in so many ways, even just lounging around with out makeup, not feeling ladylike, and in home cozy clothing, guys have a hard tome balancing, and have to do it in private, or with a special someone like you!! a loving SO that understands. The fact that we cross dresses, gives us a bigger picture of what a lady is really about, we becomes this, feels this totally, we may slowly learn the gracefulness, the feelings, they may look awkward at the start, but get better and stronger as we mature this part of us, and so does our understanding of you!! It may seem odd, because it isn't accepted in the world, only because men can not have a female side to them, but there is, and it is in all of us. The fact that he cross dresses, does not negate his love for you, it enhances it more, makes him understand you better, sees your beauty deeper, and can read your feelings so much more connectively!! His love is not an act!!! trust in what you feel coming from him dear!! how he holds you, how he makes love to you, you know what is in your heart, I'm sure you know how to sense what is in his, and you can feel your heart strings attached, TRUST in that connection OK :) Talk openly with him about all this CD stuff, ask him if he wants to be a woman for real, ease your fear of this, or find out if he does or not, if he is like me, he loves his manly side, and doesn't want to change, your understanding of this will ease a lot of fear, ohhh and one last thing, there is no need to be jealous of this other woman OK !!! She is no threat to you, it is just him looking threw his other side, she looks at you, with just as much love, as he does, there both the same person. I get a very strong feeling, that he understands balance, and that you 2 talked about this, am i right?

Trust in your connection to him, in your love, open your heart to him, and sense what comes back, if he loves you and I'm sure he does, you will see and feel in your heart dear, that, its no act.

[Tree GG]

Must be hormonal, but this response made me cry.
Thanks so much to all of you....thank you thank you thank you.


Corrine, no I don't think that being with you is just an act. I cannot tell you what is inside your man's head, but I know that for me, the clothing is part of my identity, not part of "our" (my wife's and mine) identity as a couple or as lovers. The clothing is not a substitute for you and your relationship. If you have a strong, loving relationship, and if you two communicate your feelings, you'll find no threat from any source. I aplaud your efforts to understand all this, I wish we could give you the specific answers you seek but there aren't any. Hang in there.

I don't think it's your hormones. It made me mushy as well.