prettywithsideburns
06-15-2007, 05:17 AM
at least that's what it felt like, cause this time was the first time we had a real, honest and open discussion on the subject. see, she rekindled this in me by giving me her old clothes (insisting even), but has been reluctant to let me show her my femme self. this apparently confused her as much as it did me (probably moreso) because she herself is a transsexual and remembers what it was like to be merely a crossdresser. needless to say her feelings were complicated. one part of her is thinking that this is just a kinky thrill for me, which in principal she doesn't have a problem with, but just wants to be sure that I'm not asking this for sexually motivated exhibition purposes (I'm not, but given the fact that she knows that I would date her in a heartbeat if she were interested I can see how she might think this). another part of her wants me to be more out about it and doesn't want to enable my being closeted by having her be someone I can be secretly en femme around. still another part of her views all this through the prism of her own experiences and thinks that "all crossdressers are just transsexuals who have fetishized their true gender identity". another thing she said is that she basically would want me to be totally passable from the get-go without having to see the awkward "baby steps". I also asked if part of it is that this comes off as a sort of amature-hour to her, given that she's gone so far beyond the point of crossdressing, and she said that was part of it as well. but at the same time she realizes these feelings are based on her own personal prejudices and she feels bad because she doesn't feel like she's being fair to me for feeling these ways. I let her know that her personal feelings are fair as long as she's honest enough with me to share them, and honest enough with herself to realize their unfairness. I can't think of anything more fair than that level of honesty. I also told her not to feel too bad because she is hardly the first woman to be made uncomfortable by the thought of a male friend crossdressing. she's even having trouble picturing me in drag, so it's likely that her curiosity will indeed get the better of her sooner or later.
but I made sure she knows that even though she's the only person I'd feel comfortable sharing this with at this point, I would be decidedly uncomfortable with it if she isn't comfortable with it as well. and she does realize that if I could share this side of me with her that would make it easier for me to be more open about it, and that her assistance with make-up and other details would help me achieve a more passable look that would also increase my confidence enough to be more public. but she's just not comfortable with that right now. however she is still very open about encouraging me in this and talking about it.
after this talk we had some laughs and talked about gender issues in general, and capped off the evening with her attempting to resurrect her male voice (I think she might have had it at one point, but for the most part she just sounded like a girl trying to sound like a guy) while coaching me on finding a female voice.
I think we both learned alot about ourselves and eachother this night, which is good, and our already strong friendship has been bolstered even more. all in all a very productive, if confusing, evening.
but I made sure she knows that even though she's the only person I'd feel comfortable sharing this with at this point, I would be decidedly uncomfortable with it if she isn't comfortable with it as well. and she does realize that if I could share this side of me with her that would make it easier for me to be more open about it, and that her assistance with make-up and other details would help me achieve a more passable look that would also increase my confidence enough to be more public. but she's just not comfortable with that right now. however she is still very open about encouraging me in this and talking about it.
after this talk we had some laughs and talked about gender issues in general, and capped off the evening with her attempting to resurrect her male voice (I think she might have had it at one point, but for the most part she just sounded like a girl trying to sound like a guy) while coaching me on finding a female voice.
I think we both learned alot about ourselves and eachother this night, which is good, and our already strong friendship has been bolstered even more. all in all a very productive, if confusing, evening.