Personalities

[Sharon]

I have a sincere question here, and it is one that I have had for some time now.

Many of you speak of having different personalities when you are dressed enfemme. I see members who state that they are 100% masculine in their everyday male role, but you believe you are 100% feminine when dressed in your finery. As a transsexual, it must be different for me, because I never felt that I had two distinct personalities, even before I transitioned.

When you speak of being feminine, what does it mean to you? Do you consciously change your body language and behavior, or does it just seem to happen naturally? And what exactly is it that you do that distinguishes your male behavior from your female behavior?

This is an honest question and I hope you are willing to educate me on this. I'm not doubting what you write -- I just want to know.:happy:

[Frankie-Dear]

Hrmmm... I'm still a fledgling CD, but as a male, I am all man. I've been a soldier, flew medevac missions as a medic for six years and two wars, (Panama and Desert Storm), boxed while I was in the Army, logged training hours in a Cessna, flew ultralights for a few years, scuba dive, and lift weights.

My biggest advantage, is that I am very observant, pay close attention to detail, and I'm good at adapting and mimicking what I see, but doing it subtly. I think with a little more practice, I can probably carry it off.

[RobertaFermina]

Roberta is more graceful, confident fun, happy, playful, wilfully sexy (at times), elegantly genteel (at times).

Both Roberta and Bob are awesome and compassionate listeners.

Femininity is about living from the senses, heart, and intuition....all the colors. Femininity is mercurial...rapidly shifting to meet to the needs of the moment, to serve life and things as they are and yearn to be.

Roberta is quicker to spot the needs in the moment, Bob tends to project what is needed and stay on that track until evidence is blatant that the track is obsolete.....


More, but gotta go.

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[JulieC]

For me (and me only :)):

I don't think of myself as having two personalities. I am me, pure and simple. I don't come in two flavors. When I'm in male mode, I'm still the me that enjoys being in female mode. When I'm in female mode, the opposite. These are just different expressions of the same self. This, to me, is no different from this perspective than wearing a suit to a business meeting or wearing jeans and hiking boots while hiking in the backcountry.

Some (most here) choose femme names for their "other selves". I haven't. I don't feel that I am ABC trapped in XYZ, thus ABC needs a name for itself.

What I'm after is whole synergy and a healthy approach to me being me in all forms, as I see fit and where I see fit. Unfortunately, society doesn't support outward expression of this. Nevertheless, I can still feel it, live it, be it as much as possible within society's boundaries.

In the me that is me, without social boundaries, I would initially probably be wearing skirts, heels, hose, dresses, the whole bit to work every day for a while. I'd revel in it.."I'm free! I'm free!". But, over time, I'd eventually slow down on the number of days that I dressed femme, and increased the number of days I dresses en homme. It would eventually settle down to a matter of choice per day, and how I felt (not what society felt) that day.

For the record, I'm not transsexual. I consider myself transgender, content with my body as it is. I don't feel 'trapped' in the wrong body. I do feel trapped by society's expectations of what I'm supposed to be.

[Sapphire]

(a) When you speak of being feminine, what does it mean to you?
(b) Do you consciously change your body language and behavior, or does it just seem to happen naturally?
(c) And what exactly is it that you do that distinguishes your male behavior from your female behavior?


I imagine it varies considerably between crossdressers, but here goes:
(a) It presents an opportunity to enjoy my feminine side
(b) It seems to happen naturally
(c) In male mode I enjoy being a male

[Kate Simmons]

I used to be all "guy" or all "girl" Sharon depending on the presentation. Now, however, being comfortable with just being me, the "lines" are somewhat blurred In that respect. I've tried to copy what I thought was feminine behavior or what I thought was masculine behavior but have given all of that nonsense up because I'm just myself. I now go with whatever feelings are intrinsic no matter how I dress or what I look like and it feels just right and have amalgamated these feelings into one overall person. It was probably there all along, I just couldn't see it.:happy:

[Frankie-Dear]

Back to my theory about it being more of a slider switch, than an on/off switch. ;)

[chucks]

wearing feminine clothing turns on awareness of all sorts of feminine behavior. it causes new mental images to come up. it becomes easier to get connected with femininity. like one wave pulls many behind it, dressing can make a lot of new feelings available.

i just offer up non resistance to what i'm feeling and go with it. i feel like the same person dressed either way, although minor things may change (more leg crossing, etc.)

but still think the same.

[Marla S]

When you speak of being feminine, what does it mean to you? Do you consciously change your body language and behavior, or does it just seem to happen naturally? And what exactly is it that you do that distinguishes your male behavior from your female behavior?
I don't have this different personality approach ... always one personality ..., but I also had to realize that my feminine aspects are not strong enough to see myself as transsexual. Probably I would feel as "real women" as uncomfortable like I do as "real man".
This inbetween status has some challanges in that, that it is a bit tricky to accept and express masculine and feminine aspects at the same time (there are almost no role models, maybe except some women; you look always a bit ... inbetween, not always easy too). There is always the danger of acting drawling in the one or other direction. That was too blokeish ... you should allow the the feminine aspects to pave way ... oh hey that's a bit overdone, feminine wise ... don't try stereotyping and don't betray yourself).
It's tricky to escape sterotyping and to defoliate the own personality from all the clichés.
It's a slow process, and though I am living this way continously for over a year now I am not done yet.
It works more and more often the natural way, but there are also times when I think "go all male or all female that's more easy, these ways are paved.

If one listens carefully it is easy to distinguish between the own masculine and feminine aspects (sometimes they are even the same), but usally there are louder noises from the outside that try to tell you what masculine and feminine has to be.

I've tried it the other way, but failed. My way might be less thrilling but for me it is more satisfying.

[Chantelle CD]

I have a sincere question here, and it is one that I have had for some time now.

Many of you speak of having different personalities when you are dressed enfemme. I see members who state that they are 100% masculine in their everyday male role, but you believe you are 100% feminine when dressed in your finery. As a transsexual, it must be different for me, because I never felt that I had two distinct personalities, even before I transitioned.

When you speak of being feminine, what does it mean to you? Do you consciously change your body language and behavior, or does it just seem to happen naturally? And what exactly is it that you do that distinguishes your male behavior from your female behavior?

This is an honest question and I hope you are willing to educate me on this. I'm not doubting what you write -- I just want to know.:happy:


Wholly Sharon!! what a loaded question :) i will try to answer that best fits me, for you here.

I myself do not really feel that there is 2 different personality, i have a sense of self that is a balance, but is to femme to express it out in public, but at home in my male clothing, i can just feel, act, and be me! But it is to much to be like that out and about in male clothing, the world just judges to harshly still, my one wish, if i had 1 wish that is what i would wish for, to end judgment, in all its forms. Now i can focus on my male aspect, and become way more male, and express that, just as i can focus on my female aspects and become way more female, in male clothing or female clothing, Being dressed up, blows the top off, if you will, and become waaay more female, ohh it feels so good!!!! But my strong male side is still there, i just chose at the moments, to push it back for a while, thats all. Just because i was born a male, doesn't mean i do not have tenderness, and femininity, But i have free will, i can express any emotion at any time i want, i play with it.


When you speak of being feminine, what does it mean to you? Do you consciously change your body language and behavior, or does it just seem to happen naturally? And what exactly is it that you do that distinguishes your male behavior from your female behavior?

<deep breath> Any words that i try to explain it, only diminish it, and what i say to try to explain it, in no way comes near what it means to me totally. Feeling femme to me feels, dainty, and extremely beautiful, A soft graceful, delicate, strongly powerful i am ALIVE!! with a nurturing strength. I dont have to try to change body language, it comes naturally, when i focus on this energy inside of myself. The energy that goes along with that is very powerful indeed.<feelings> To be male i feel, <again the diminishing thing> Awake, strong, grounded, powerful in my awareness, a sense of being able to handle anything in the world that physically has in store for me. my normal self i so wish i can be a mix of these 2, but i cant without people judging me, so when out i put on a more male mask, but its only for acceptance. This balance of myself is both male and female equal, in movements and emotions. it is how i feel i am "normal"

Hope this helps answer your questions sharon <hugs>

[Karren H]

Good question.... I don't think that my personality is any different when I'm dressed enfemme or in guy mode.. I'm still out going and friendly.. And I'm as comfortable in female mode as in male.. I may act more feminine in girl mode and more mascaline in guy mode but that's not the same as a personality change in my mind... A personality change would be more like Dr Jekle and Mrs Hyde... I'm me in either mode... Just more or less pretty.. Lol

Karren

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I often confuse myself with this at times. Were I am at currently at this stage of my life I view my femme side, and drab side as being 2 distinct different personalities.

While en-femme my wife addresses me as Jocelyn and I take on her personality which is different from my normal boring drab one. My drab side is the dominant personality, my femme side exist but is looking outside from within. While en-femme my drab side takes a back seat, it still exist except it is now looking outside from within.

I hope my response was not too confusing, being that I just became confused myself while writing it :straightface: Jocelyn

[Frankie-Dear]

Jocelyn, that makes perfect sense, and that's the same feeling I get.

I guess when en femme, I change my gait, my body language, and manner of speaking, as well as speech patterns.

With both ears pierced now, longer hair, and being clean-shaven over my whole body, I'm looking a lot more androgynous, these days...

[melissacd]

It is an interesting question. For me it is not a matter of two personalities but rather the re-balancing of the one that I have, allowing air time for the feminine tendencies that were always there.

Dressing initially legitimized expressing that part of me, however, now I find that I don't need dressing to be who I am. Dressing just makes it more enjoyable.

[Dixie]

For me the feeling of being femme, effects my mannerisms, the way I think , Talk, walk, etc... I even start to notice hunky guys and wish for things that as a man I do not wish for.

[joann07]

True! For me, I don't think there's a change in personality. I like doing things as a guy. I love cars (have 4 of them), participating in car shows, guns and target shooting, playing/watching sports, going out on dates, etc, etc.
When I'm in femme, I'm still me, but I like to act (mannerisms, walk, talk, etc.) like a female and do things that women do.
In addition, being in femme makes me feel more relaxed and less stressed.

Like Frankie, I am very observant of what women do and pay close attention to details. I do a pretty good job of imitating what I see, especially walking in heels, by practicing as much as I can. I've only started fully crossdressing late last year, but I'm up to the point where I can pass fairly well as a woman. However, I'm not satisfied with where I am because I can tell from my recent outings that there were two observant women who, I believe, spotted me and so I'm constantly looking for ways to improve myself and my appearance.

[NatalieBliss]

I don't have a switch that gets flipped depending on my clothing. Though I don't doubt that happens for others. I like being a dude, just sometimes I feel the need to express some other part of my personality, I guess different sides, same coin, instead of different coin.

[rose382832]

i am the same person wether dressed or not.there is no( to my knowledge) difference between my two selves.

[Fab Karen]

Me, Karren, & Popeye agree: "I am what I am.":happy:

[Jocelyn Quivers]

Jocelyn, that makes perfect sense, and that's the same feeling I get.

I guess when en femme, I change my gait, my body language, and manner of speaking, as well as speech patterns.

With both ears pierced now, longer hair, and being clean-shaven over my whole body, I'm looking a lot more androgynous, these days...

Thanks glad to know I'm not the only one that thinks that way.:happy:Jocelyn

[Sheri 4242]

Sharon,

Wow! What a deep question -- especially when one really considers all the facets of what you are asking! You've made me think and that is good.

I am much more peaceful when en femme -- and much more happy and confident as a human being. I can't really explain it, but when en femme, my drive is different (and that's to the better side). My mannerisms are different, too -- call it grace and gentleness. Another thing I've noted is that they say GGs use three to four more times the words every day than a man uses, and they also say a man is often prone to "frequently go into a private mental cave." When en femme I am more conversational -- more talkative, a better listner, and distinctly more aware.

Maybe at times what I thought were two distinctly different personnas are really more "merged and blurred." I do know I am most happy when en femme -- and espeially en femme with my wife!!! I also feel more balanced when en femme, and from that comes the peace, a greater sense of empathy, more compassion, etc.

When in guy mode I feel I must always be "at the ready." That side of me is much more dogmatic and there is much less balance. I'm a "shoot from the hip," "damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead," and highly competitive person when in guy mode. For exampe, when you and I sort of had a little private sarcasim going on privately between us, I was in guy mode. When en femme, I had, and hope I expressed, more sense and sensibility -- more humaneness -- more civility!!! I mean, in either mode I am a compassionate person -- but en femme it comes more naturally.

In either mode I am nurturing and caring.

I have been involved in very "manly activities," so it isn't like I am what some call efeminate -- I am just more competitive, win-at-almost-any-cost. I admit I have a tender heart when presenting in either pesonna -- it just comes out better and more frequently when en femme!!!

One thing I have yet to study, much less bugun to fully understand is that I can be so happy and peaceful while en femme, then BANG, something outside of my control all of a sudden makes me angry. What I have yet to figure out is why, at moments like that, I have the stongest of urges to rip off whatever girly clothes I am wearing and go back to guy mode. It is like my peaceful side dissolves, not that I am not a nice person in either mode.

Do you think that maybe a sudden rush of testosterone could cause that type of reaction??? I wonder if anybody else has ever had such reactions???

Again -- I really liked your question -- it gave me a chance to look at myself while answering things that hopefully you want to know!!!

Barbara

[DanaJ]

I feel the same whether en femme or en drab - I am just me :)

[Raychel]

I always have the same personallity also. Just sometimes I can wear the clothes that I feel more comfortable in.

[christina marie]

I kind of think that the dueling personalities thing is a self defense mechanism that many of us use to deal with our femme sides before we learn to accept them. In my personal experience,this was the only way i could cope with "her". That "she"was something so different from"he" that it had to be a whole 'nother personality. Now that I am learning to accept my girly tendencies as a large part of my personality(often the best part!) it is easier to think of myself as one person. Sometimes,when I think of what my life was like before you girls taught me it was ok to be me, I wonder how I made it this far.

[marie354]

Good question.... I don't think that my personality is any different when I'm dressed enfemme or in guy mode.. I'm still out going and friendly.. And I'm as comfortable in female mode as in male.. I may act more feminine in girl mode and more mascaline in guy mode but that's not the same as a personality change in my mind... A personality change would be more like Dr Jekle and Mrs Hyde... I'm me in either mode... Just more or less pretty.. Lol

Karren


I feel the same whether en femme or en drab - I am just me :)

I'm about the same too, although I've always felt that I should be a woman.
I just feel prettier when I'm dressed nice. I still feel about the same as I always do... Just prettier. I may act a bit more femme when I'm dressed, but that's because I try to hide my swish when I'm drab.
:hugs:

[Sharon]

There are some great replies here, thank you!

The thing that I always wondered about is when some people talk about the so-called masculine activities, careers, and interests they have, in what they view as an antithesis of their female moments. To me, this implies that women shouldn't have certain jobs, be interested in sports, and so forth, something I find incredulous to be honest. I love sports -- always have and always will. I work with tools as good as or better than most men. And while there are times I feel vulnerable and over-emotional, there are also those times I can be a real son-of-a-b itch. Even though I live and think the life of a female, I put on no airs about who and what I am, and make no attempts to change anything about myself, other than just a desire to improve as a better human being.

Those who speak of being more nurturing, compassionate, and other assumptive feminine traits, make me wonder why they couldn't do this all the time, no matter how they were dressed. Aren't these qualities that should be valued in everyone?

To be female is not to be a brainless Barbie doll, over-effeminate, limp-wristed or with no assertive or confidant qualities. Nor can female characteristics be generalized at all, for that matter.

Anyway -- stepping down off my soapbox now -- I thank you all again for the wonderful responses. :happy: