What Did It Take

[Terry]

Hello; Girls

I have a big question to ask that been on my mind for sometime, and any insight on to how to made that happen ,[ THE QUESTION IS JOINTING THE OUTSIDE WORLD ]there must something that gave you that push and that where I need the help . Just thinking of it make me nervous, The other is my looks and how to be more passable with what I have , I would love to known ways to make this a joyfull experience. This would make up for so much , Thank you all for being here and so understanding A big HUG go out to all my beautiful sisters,

P.S I sometime feel like a Golden girls that is missing her missing the closeness of a girlfriend and all that go with that ?????

My love as always
Terryxxxx

[celeste26]

Well going about in the outside world is perfectly natural. Doing it dressed like you are in those pictures doesn't seem to make it any less natural. You look fine and the nervousness is just inside of you not from the outside.

Just open the door and go outside, grab your keys and drive a little. Step by step is what it takes.

[Nikki A.]

You look great and would probably not even be noticed. Our biggest fear is ourselves.

[Marla S]

The final kick ?
Self-assuredness and the need to socialize became stronger than fear and paranoia.
At first only a little, just enough to open the door and have a short walk.
Happened to be a little boost for the self-assuredness --> it became more easy.

You look great ! There is no reason to hide.

[christina marie]

As for going out in public, I cant help much there, not for me...yet. but when it comes to being "passable", I do believe most of us underestimate ourselves.Terry, to look at your pics, if i saw you in public i probably would not even consider the possibility of you being a CD. It just would not cross my mind. I think that sometimes a CD'ers mirror turns into a microscope, we are so concerned with our own appearance that we assume others will be too. Most people that I see are so caught up in their own world, with all their own problems and concerns, that unless we draw alot of attention to ourselves, they will never even notice us! Hold your head up, carry yourself with an air of confidence, and most importantly, act as if you are doing nothing out of the ordinary, and I think you will be just fine! You might just be dissapointed at how few people notice you!

[Glenda]

I guess the bigger question is what are you afraid of? Do you think that if you go out everyone will be looking to riducule you? Very few, if any, will. You are not an important part of strangers lives. People are involved in their own activities or errands. They aren't out going out to scope out everyone else.

If you are presentable, you will find that the vast majority will not even acknowledge you. That doesn't mean you aren't nervous and shaking in your heels. Doing anything that is new and a little out of the ordinary will cause these feelings. Try it, you may like it.

[marie354]

I went out about 2 weeks ago... Well, sort of... It was at a campsite, and there weren't many people around, but it felt absolutely wonderful. I'm sure that I'm beginning to get braver now and will eventually see the world "my way."

Having the courage to do this takes a lot at first. I found that after about a half hour or so I relaxed quite a bit. You can see a picture of me in the picture gallery. I was so nervous at first that I couldn't get my hair right, so I left it straight.
Next time I'll have my hair done too and I'm sure it will be easier, even if it's in a more public place.
:hugs:

[rose382832]

tryto find someplce that you are comfortable when dressed. i would sugest the local gay or lesbian bar where the people are much less judgemental. who knows you may find another girl to help you?:hugs:

[Mitch23]

I'm new to it and I can honestly say that with very few exceptions it is not a big deal apart from in our own heads. If you went out Terry you would not get a second glance (except in admiration).

First of all Mitch wanted to be in the outside world. To do that she had to be comfortable with herself and not ashamed of who she is. Then she had to decide where, when and how she was going to do it. She read the testimonies from the beautiful girls on this site who have been there before and listened to their successes and pitfalls. Then she had to get out there and do it! Then having done it, she had to evaluate how to do it better and how to interract more fully with her world.

Mitch is very proud of herself, she loves the outside world and she isn't going back into the closet. People have to accept her for who she is. If they cant then that is their loss!

Mitch

[TerriM]

Go for it ! You look great! I still get a thrill each time i go shopping. I just go a town or two away from where i live.
Yours Terri

[susie evans]

i no what you mean after my fourth heart operation i decided i had better persue my real enternal intrest and not egnore the facts that i realy did enjoy this i had been out on numerous occasions for the previous thirty years but not as serious as now so one saturday morning i just got up whent through a couple of hours of prep and walked out the door and haven't looked back (buy the way i have a dress just like the black one you are wearing and realy like it )hope this helps

:love: susie

[Phyliss]

Terry, what "IT" took for me was the fact that I had just "come out of the closet" to my sister. During our initial conversation she told me that, if I truly wanted to CD then I should have some decent clothes, and the only way I was going to be able to do that was to go buy some.
She didn't really "force" me but made me understand that if I was going to do this, then I should do it right. As an assist, she told me that she would go with me for my "first time".
Not that I am "walking the mall" every week but, since then I don't have half of the "fear" I had. So, when I do "go out" I'm not so much worried anymore.

Perhaps if you were with another person for your "DEBUT" that might ease some of your worry.

[Joyce1702]

Terry, as others have said, you look absolutely wonderful and would have no problems out in public. And even if someone did suspect, so what? Chances are they won't say anything anway. People are just to wrapped up in there own problems, lives, issues, etc.

One thing I've noticed that makes things easier is to actually have something to do, then just do it in female mode instead. Just going out for the sake of going out can be nerve-racking, you're more on edge, you act more nervous, and consequently you stand out more. It's hard sometimes to push that "holy shit, I'm out in public wearing women's clothing" feeling to the back of your mind. One of my first outings was buying pool chemicals. When you're mind is on your task it helps take your mind off your clothing. I went to K-mart browsed for the stuff I needed, stood in the checkout and paid, and left without incident.

I'm not a club or bar type of person. Other early outings involved taking a picnic lunch to a state park or similar venue. People are wrapped up in what they're doing and they really don't pay attention. You can enjoy a leisurely picnic, sit by the lake and just enjoy being out as long as you're comfortable. If you start to feel uncomfortable, simply leave. Little by little it gets easier until you'll really be able to go anywhere you want.

Life's too short, just do it!

Joyce

[Diannna]

Terry,
First of all, I think you look terrific. You seemed to have captured a nice way to dress and show off what assets you have. I doubt seriously I would give you a double take if we were to pass each other in a mall or other place. To dress your age is sometimes hard to do, as I'm sure we all try to dress a little younger. I think make up is the hardest for me. I think I do fairly well at it, but I still need my s/o's help. I know I'm not any worse off then some of the GG's I see in a mall. I mean I know there are certain guid lines we are supposed to folow, but when you go out and see some GG's that don't seem to know or even care. Of course I'm exagerating a bit, but I'm sure you get my drift.
Keep up the great work. It may take time to get some confidence to do what it is you want to do. When the time comes though, I hope it's an enjoyable situation and occasion. Best of luck and keep us posted.
Hugs To You,
Diana

[sandra-leigh]

I think that sometimes a CD'ers mirror turns into a microscope, we are so concerned with our own appearance that we assume others will be too.


Do you think that if you go out everyone will be looking to riducule you? Very few, if any, will.

If some people here have the time, I would appreciate some additional 'voices' in a thread in the Clothing Talk section by sfwarbonnet
"Suitable clothing" (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?p=899618). She would like to go out in public, but believes it would be a move- away- and- start- life- again type of disaster if she was even "read". (There are some other special challenges to the situation as well.) She needs more than I can provide by myself.

Thank you.

[Mariela]

I have a big question to ask that been on my mind for sometime, and any insight on to how to made that happen ,[ THE QUESTION IS JOINTING THE OUTSIDE WORLD ]there must something that gave you that push and that where I need the help . Just thinking of it make me nervous, The other is my looks and how to be more passable with what I have , I would love to known ways to make this a joyfull experience.


You want to know the expierence? you do it girlfriend!! You look great, and no one will think you are a CD.
The best aid for us to get out is that the GG are taking less and less care of themselves, so i wouldnt be surprised if you even get some flattering

[Mariela]

Mitch is very proud of herself, she loves the outside world and she isn't going back into the closet. People have to accept her for who she is. If they cant then that is their loss!


I love how you talk about yourself in the third person!!!

[Rita B]

First of all, except for shopping excursions, you seldom see women out by themselves. That is one problem we face as crossdressers wanting to go out. I mean there is no way we would go to a straight bar or restaurant by ourselves or even a movie for that matter. And you know, It doesn't really have anything to do with crossdressing at all. Nobody likes to be seen alone, like they don't have a SO or friend and I think it is more so for women.

My real pleasure in going out in the "world" did not occur until I went out with a bunch of us girls. This is in the day before the Internet when we wrote a lot of letters and had huge phone bills. I had invited these 3 girls from New Hampshire down to my place in Warwick, R.I. for the weekend. . .and what a weekend it was. We went to restaurants and to clubs ( we found a gay bar) and even drove into Boston on one night. Sharing this wonderful feeling of dressing up en femme just enhances the whole experience.

You look wonderful and you take such a good picture. Be patient. Find yourself a friend, perhaps someone who has been out a little and it won't take long you will have your confidence built up and you will feel like a complete woman.:hugs::hugs:

Rita B

[Wenda]

I have been out, not as Wenda, but as Polly, Polly Darton (think about it). Polly is a somewhat naive well developed lady with long blond hair. When she was going to the staff ball game as the cheerleader, and stopped at a friends lingerie shop, the friend and another friend had to stand with Polly on the sidewalk and wave at the cars. No one noticed. They were crushed.
When Polly went to my GF's place, and she decided she had to have a MacDonalds meal, we went through the drive-thru. Polly was driving so she ordered. We got to the first window, and the young guy gave us the total without a second glance. My GF had to use her bank card to pay, so the young guy hands it to Polly who hands it to my GF, who makes the payment and hands it back. "Thank you. Please pull ahead to the next window."
My GF was choked! NO reaction! None. But she is optimistic, "I bet there will be a crowd at the second window..."
At the second window, a nice young girl, ", and here is your order, Thank you for coming to MacDonalds, have a nice evening."
I nearly killed myself laughing. She couldn't believe it. NO ONE CARED!
Just do your thing where you are safe, and where you are unlikely to encounter co-workers. Check out the average female shopper. She is often not especially femme. wenda

[Rita B]

i no what you mean after my fourth heart operation i decided i had better persue my real enternal intrest and not egnore the facts that i realy did enjoy this i had been out on numerous occasions for the previous thirty years but not as serious as now so one saturday morning i just got up whent through a couple of hours of prep and walked out the door and haven't looked back (buy the way i have a dress just like the black one you are wearing and realy like it )hope this helps

:love: susieSusie, this has nothing to do with going out because we have both been there. We have much in common. I have also had 2 bypass surgeries and one stint implant. I have had a AAA and recently had a Thoracic Aneurysm repaired. I am ok now and when my wife went down to Florida for 3 weeks, Rita got a rebirth. I kid about it and call it my "internal makeover" and now I need an external makeover. Can we compare notes.:hugs:

Rita B

[MsJanessa]

Actually hon you look quite passable---assuming you are not exceptionally tall or have huge hands or feet. then as long as you dress appropriatly for the venue you should not be noticed---My problem is I want to dress like I'm dressed in My avatar---but I always seem to attract attention when I'm dressed like that----attracting attention is the quickest way to be read---not that I care that much--better to be a stunning TV/TG than an ordinary looking woman but still some times you don't need the drama

[Nikki A.]

As I said before you look great.
We are all afraid that we will be read as a man in a dress. What I realized last Halloween was that people see what they expect to see. Me who doesn't look half as good as you (6 FT 275 lbs) when dressed, fooled people who knew me. They walked right by my desk and asked the other salesman who the new ugly broad was. One of my own customers who sees me every couple of days was fooled even after she was goaded on by one of her co-workers. She stared at me for almost a min before it dawned on her who it was and then it was only after I opened my mouth.

[KandisTX]

Egads.. do I remember my first jaunt out in public. I went over to a friends house and dressed over there. Then headed out to a meeting in San Diego of one of the local TG groups there. I drove from El Cajon to Hotel Circle almost chickening out as each exit was getting closer, threatening to turn around and go home. Finally arrived at the hotel and sat in the parking lot of the hotel where the meeting was being held. I must have sat there for a good thirty minutes in my car working up the nerve to get out of the car. Finally I told myself "Okay Kandis, you've come this far, you might as well just do it. Get out of the car and walk your gorgeous self into that hotel and meet the other girls".

Now, going out in public is not a problem for me, but getting past that first batch of nerves was phenomenal.

Kandis:love:

[cindybarnes]

What got me out the door as Cindy was meeting some local chat friends after I discoverd I was not the only CD In Atlanta,, well I was about 10 years behind and I couldnt believe there had been a big CD/TG event here for several years,,,,SCC,,,,
First steps out were to see these friends for drinks and chat,,,, big time memories !,, second time out was in public but at a CD friendly resturant then club...Third time out was a long distance trip with my friends from my first outing and we drove from Atlanta to Cincinatti for a 3 day CD/TG party where I met probably 30 others like my self,,, way beyond the pink fog at this point LOL
No describing the feeling of freedom after that,,, Cindy had many once a month girl trips to see friends and socialise,,, been to SCC a few times. back to Cinci for almost a mini SCC a couple times but the need or desire to get out has diminished some with age or available time.
Hard to explain how after hiding for so long Im now comfy at home dressed ?
Watch out world if I make it to retirement LOL
Cindy

[Stephenie S]

Well, I have been going out dressed for maybe 30 years now. I can't remember exactly what the first time was like, but I do remember that for years and years, I went only to CD and TG friendly places and get togethers. I would either be in my home, in my car, or in the company of other like minded people.

What got me "out the door" and into the real world just about one year ago was the realization that my life no longer stretched endlessly before me and that it was actually running out. I could see the end. I realized that if I wanted to present to the world as a woman, I would have to stop putting it off and just DO it. "Full speed ahead and damn the torpedoes!"

I deal with any anxiety by saying to myself, "Well, if this is the way you want to dress, then you had just better get used to other people's reaction to it". And you know, there just isn't that much anxiety at all any more. As I (and several others) have said many, many times before, if you dress to blend in, and act confidently, most people just don't see you at all. When you dress to atract attention, you will get it. And people will see you and probably pay you far more attention than you want.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[lawnmanmo]

Dear Terry
As the resident admirer here on the forum, I have seen all of your threads and pictures and I have seen what you have done with yourself in time. You have become more and more fem in every aspect. You have been dealing with this situation for sometime now and you have asked about going out many many times. As an admirer who has been out and about with CD friends, I can assure you that you would have no problems at all with being out. Your classy, mature and you carry your image very well. As you have been told, just look at yourself in that mirror, grab your handbag and head out that door with an desire to blend in and belong. One more thing as Rita B has said, it is easier to be out with friends. I have also mentioned to you before, as an admire being out with a MAN next to you REALLY changes the equation in that you will have that special edge in credibility as the real world sees you. I'm not speaking about a sexual thing here but rather the ability to blend in a special way. Again, you are a lovely attractive WOMEN in every respect so go for it. It will change your life.

Jerry

[Karren H]

Just was driven to do it... and go out enfemme and now setting home all dressed up just doesn't cut it any more... And there's a whole world out there to explore... like seeing it through different eyes.....

Karren

[Vera Lynn]

Well.
I do not go out dressed, Problem is I am very well know in my community...a successful buisness owner. This would be a problem.

Also, I am reluctant to shave my gotee(SP?) so needless to say, I wouldnt pass

My loving wife lets me dress up at home whenevr possible. I am content with that as is is about as far as I can take it


Life is good

Jade is an amazing woman, and I thank god for her, and her acceptace every day

[Jannette H]

Getting out is just grreat. There is nothing better then getting out dressed. As Karren said setting around home dressed just doesn't cut it. Try night time at first, then gradually work to day time and longer times out en femme it will get in your blood you'll like it.

[Victoria Anne]

Terry I hink you look lovely and don't see a problem,by your pics I don't believe it would even cross my mind that you are a CD , I have only been out once myself but I can say this,attitude is as all the lovely ladies here have said is evrything. You'll be fine just act as you belong there,you do,it's your world to,stand up be yourself and enjoy,revel in the feeling.:hugs:

[Sheri 4242]

I have a big question to ask that been on my mind for sometime, and any insight on to how to made that happen ,[ THE QUESTION IS JOINTING THE OUTSIDE WORLD ]there must something that gave you that push and that where I need the help . Just thinking of it make me nervous, The other is my looks and how to be more passable with what I have , I would love to known ways to make this a joyfull experience. This would make up for so much , Thank you all for being here and so understanding.

Terry: There is no magic pill for the nervousness (save a valium -- LOL). I can tell you this, the nervousness diminishes and excitement replaces it!!!!!!! The more you go out, the better you'll feel about it -- it is a natural high like no other I have ever known!!!!!!!

You look like you dress very nicely and it is my opinion that you would pass very well!!! Age-appropriate attire certainly helps -- were you in an ultra short miniskirt and 5 inch heel MMFMP shoes, you'd draw a lot of unwanted attention!!!

From your pictures, I think you already do a very good job at make-up, but, that said, let me suggest one thing. When my wife and I did our wedding renewal out in Vegas (and I got to be the bride), I had a professional do my make-up. It was nothing short of incredible!!! (He is a true professional and has been doing make-up in Vegas for 20 years, including on men and women in a lot of shows.) I learned a great deal from him!!! I had always heard that a CDer needed to exagerate certain aspects of make-up so as to look more genuine -- sort of soften out the face and make it look more girly (or womanly). This man knew how to accomplish this like nobody I have ever met -- and the job he did on me even made my wife jealous of my make-up. So, maybe you'd feel a bit more confident if you got some professional advice and instructions on make-up application techniques! Like I said, your make-up looks great in your photos!!! But, the one thing that came to my mind is that with a few different techniques, you could create an even better femme face!!! Just a thought!!!

Go out and enjoy, gf -- you'll love it once you get past those first few steps!!!!!!!

[Mitch23]

Well, I have been going out dressed for maybe 30 years now. I can't remember exactly what the first time was like, but I do remember that for years and years, I went only to CD and TG friendly places and get togethers. I would either be in my home, in my car, or in the company of other like minded people.

What got me "out the door" and into the real world just about one year ago was the realization that my life no longer stretched endlessly before me and that it was actually running out. I could see the end. I realized that if I wanted to present to the world as a woman, I would have to stop putting it off and just DO it. "Full speed ahead and damn the torpedoes!"

I deal with any anxiety by saying to myself, "Well, if this is the way you want to dress, then you had just better get used to other people's reaction to it". And you know, there just isn't that much anxiety at all any more. As I (and several others) have said many, many times before, if you dress to blend in, and act confidently, most people just don't see you at all. When you dress to atract attention, you will get it. And people will see you and probably pay you far more attention than you want.

Lovies,
Stephenie
amen to that Stephenie - I agree with every word - in fact I might print that out and stick it on the wall as a life statement!

Mitch

[Terry]

Hi; Girls

First of let me say a big thank you for all the sweet compliments, I maybe the only girls here who has not been out , like I would love to do,but just being associated with all you loveliy ladies has given me more than you can imagine and for that alone as open doors and also help me understand more about our live style and the good we can do for each other .

MY LOVE
Terry xxxx

[JoAnnDallas]

Terry...........until 2005, I seldom went out en fem. Even way back when I was single. LOL. Anyway, I have now gone out, went to a CD convention, joined Tri-Ess, and now went shoe shopping solo at Payless en fem. I remember the first few times I went out dressed in the daylight. Scared as all get out. High pulse rate, shalow breathing, eyes darting here and there, just knowing that any moment someone was going to point at me and yell "TRANNY". The more I went out the more confidence I got. I then realized that no one was taking much notice of me and I started to relax and enjoy my adventures.
There is nothing wrong if you do not feel OK going outside. CDing in your home can be rewarding in itself. If you do deciede to try going outside dressed, check and see if there is a CD support group like Tri-Ess in your area. They will be more than pleased to help you on your first adventure.