Living it up at the Hotel California

[Lovely Rita]

Sorry I seem to be on some kind of song kick and contextualizing their meaning to our experience.

Spending time on this site there are so many different experiences for all the individuals. Threads on the first time out, what does your SO think about it? The perpetual queries on shopping and breast form size, favorite hosiery, the art of tucking. The many ones about telling our SOs and friends along with being found out.

Then there are the ones regarding purging and people packing it in. So many threads speak about how they regret purging and have discarded wonderful things in what seemed to have been futile attempts because they always came back.

Which reminded me of the song Hotel California by the Eagles and the lines in the song that go:

Welcome to the Hotel California.....Such a lovely place.

Living it up at the Hotel California

We are all just prisoners here of our own device.

You can check out anytime you like but you can never leave.

Reading some of the threads I thought it would be good to do a survey.

Do you think that one can leave cross dressing if they really wanted to?

Do you think that like Hotel California you can check out anytime but that you can never really leave?

Do you think that many have been successful at stopping?


I happen to believe that if some one really wanted to quit they can, but then I am a die hard optimist. The question is how much do they really want to, but I for one don't want to. I absolutely love it!

I believe many have scaled the wall and have never returned but that we only hear from those who have come back

[prettywithsideburns]

of course a cross dresser can stop crossdressing. the question is, why would you if you enjoy it? if it's not hurting anybody what is the point of denying yourself it? to make life easier? well, if you're strongly compelled to do it and it is deeply rooted in who you are then it's dubious whether denying yourself it will make anything easier.

[MJ]

i feel we are in this for life . you cant stop and never met anyone who did

[Shelly Preston]

I do believe it is possible to stop

It depends on the individual and the circumstances

Think about something else you used to do but dont do anymore

Crossdressing may be like that for some people

I dont think I could do it for too long but I then I am not trying to stop

[sandra-leigh]

Do you think that one can leave crossdressing if they really wanted to?

I really don't know; I'm relatively new to it (or to being aware of it) and I haven't felt a need to stop so I never tried. And my links the the community are not very wide, so I can't speak of other people I've known myself.

The CD social club I'm with had its 10th anniversary earlier this year. One of our guests was the past president of the club, whom I'm told was really fabulous as a girl. He's been out of dressing for several years, though, and didn't even dress for the anniversary "for old times sake", but he looked happy as he was and didn't look like he was envying us our heels. But I had never met him before and didn't talk, so I don't know how he feels inside. One of the other past members did show up dressed "for old times sake" to honour the club, but I gather that he's out of it too (unless, like that "just one drink" for the alcoholic, we accidently dragged him back in!)

Is it possible, if you really want to? I don't know. The closest I can relate to that is that when I was in my mid-20's, my mother accused me of being "addicted" to ice-cream. I can be pretty stubborn and contrary, so my response was to quietly give up ice-cream for a year, not telling anyone. As was not unexpected, somewhere around 8 months later, she accused me again of ice-cream addiction, and I could bluntly say "You don't know what you're talking about!". I did indeed last the year with no problems -- but it is true that I've eaten noticably less ice-cream since.

But then I'm stubborn. I swore off eating at one particular large and very very common fast food restaurant when I was 17, and I've kept that promise to myself for nearly 29 years now, even when it meant going without a meal. So if I were to decide not to cross-dress, I could probably do that, "one day at a time", along the lines of "I don't need to crossdress today" (the same way I got through my transition to vegetarian ~15 years ago.) The urge might not vanish, but I could, I think, contain taking action on the urge, at least as I experience the urge at present. But I'd need a sufficient ethnical reason to hold up to myself; if I didn't have an internal ethnical reason, then I might change my mind, dress at home when no-one was around, or find other reasons why going off crossdressing completely was not necessary.

[TxKimberly]

Of the options you give, I said "I've tried and failed" - but this does not really answer the question. Yes, I think we can stop if we want to. But can we stop and remain happy - that is another question, or at least an important consideration regarding the question you asked.
I would also say that for those that can or do stop, I would imagine it is much like being a recovering alcoholic - while you can stop drinking, the want, need, and desire probably never goes away.

[rose382832]

the answer is either: no way, no how, no where, no when. or( mmaayybbeeee):devil: yes but we will never hear the truth cause they have been spirited away in( pick one), black helicopters for government studies, or flying saucers to find out how they succeded in throwing off the alien plan for world domination.:heehee:

[Marla S]

I voted: No, you can't stop.

One certainly can stop the act of CDing (at least for several years), but I doubt that it is possible to stop thinking or dreaming about it, and I doubt that it is possible without reducing your overall contentedness.

Of course, at times, there are more important things in life than CDing (i. e. bringing up children). Thinking about CDing becomes unimportant then, but these situation usually don't last forever.

It might be possible to stop CDing with a workaround. Meaning, if you can find something that brings you as close or closer to your self as CDing.

Deep spirituality which is driven from the inside comes to mind.
But than you are seen as an outsider and kind of weirdhead too, and only very few are blessed with this gift.

Comparing Cding with alcoholism isn't very wise IMO.
Alcoholics loose their self, harm their body, become empty inside, loose control.
Cding does the contrary IMO.

If CDing has to be compared to an addiction, than it is the addiction to be or become normal (Normalism).
CDing is a cure for this addiction.

[Fab Karen]

flying saucers to find out how they succeded in throwing off the alien plan for world domination.:heehee:

382832 has been letting our secret plan slip out, she must be removed from the populace.:devil:

[DianaGomez]

I stopped for many years after my early 20s, and had no problems. Have chosen to do it again, because I luv it, but could stop if needed to. Dont want to though! LOL

[Mitch23]

Of the options you give, I said "I've tried and failed" - but this does not really answer the question. Yes, I think we can stop if we want to. But can we stop and remain happy - that is another question, or at least an important consideration regarding the question you asked.
I would also say that for those that can or do stop, I would imagine it is much like being a recovering alcoholic - while you can stop drinking, the want, need, and desire probably never goes away.
I stopped for years - was a good husband - was i a complete person? No Sir

Mitch

[Sodapop]

I could stop doing it, but I couldn't stop wanting to.

(it's fun and it makes me happy)

[vikki2020]

No, I don't think you can completely stop.I've done a complete purge twice, and regretted it both times.Stopped dressing for years, with no problem.But the yearn always comes back.Now,older and a little wiser,I dress guilt free and comfortably.I see what I want, clearly, hence the "2020"

[KatieZ]

Sure you can. We all will someday. But only after we die.

But as far as stopping this side of the grave....I don't think so.

[Kate Simmons]

What Rose said is closer to the truth than most here may think. CDing is just the tip of the iceberg my friends. This is why people like myself exist.:happy:

[KandisTX]

If you look at each and every one of us, you will notice one aspect that we all share. Crossdressing is a part of what makes each of us whole. Sure, you can stop doing it, but when you do, you cease being you. I mean the REAL YOU. It's like cutting off ones nose to spite the face. You cannot remove a part and expect the whole to remain in tact.

I know I have personally purged so many times I would be a millionaire if I had all the money I have literally thrown out over the last 34 years of my life. There was a point twenty years ago when I finally said "This is part of what makes me the person I am. People can either accept me as a whole person or they can kiss my satin panty covered butt." Most of my friends know all about Kandis and they are "So what's your point?" type of attitiudes.

We, must learn to accept ourselves as what we are if we are to ever get anyone else to take us seriously.

Kandis:love:

[Mariela]

I vote that, because i did successfully acomplished to leave for a couple of years, where not only i didn´t CD but i even get rid of all my stuff.
But, i would walk by any lingerie store and drool like a baby.
I love to do it, and no one is harmed, so...

[SherriePall]

I voted for "tried, but failed." I have tried in the past for various stretches of time either voluntarily or forced by circumstances. I could not do it. And I guess it was noticeable, too, when I was not dressing. After I came out to my wife several years ago, she said that my dressing explained my spells of moodiness and downright nastiness. That is, my periods of not dressing manifested themselves with my unhappiness in one way or another.
I never realized that was happening. My dressing comes from deep within me. I remember wanting to when I was very young. Read what you want into that.

[Rebecca-L]

Of the options you give, I said "I've tried and failed" - but this does not really answer the question. Yes, I think we can stop if we want to. But can we stop and remain happy - that is another question, or at least an important consideration regarding the question you asked.
I would also say that for those that can or do stop, I would imagine it is much like being a recovering alcoholic - while you can stop drinking, the want, need, and desire probably never goes away.

I could not have said it more perfectly.

Sometimes there are priorities that come along (wife, children, job, etc.) that will cause a temporary pause, but I think the feelings of a need to dress will always come back.

[Angie G]

In the past I've gone for a long time without dressing but never intended to stop and I've purged some things i wish I had now not from a want to stop sut to keep my secret now my wife know so I don't thimk I'll ever have to stop and I don't want to :hugs:
Angie

[susie evans]

rita
i have no intention of quitting i love enjoying the best of both worlds

:love: susie

[Kimberley]

I do not believe it is possible to quit. Perhaps in a physical sense it might be possible but there is a price to be paid; a heavy price as so many know.

Mentally I dont believe one can change a part of their core existance or the hard wired brain of the transperson so in that regard it is not possible.

Are there ppl who have quit? Probably a few but that is rare in my opinion. This is not a choice we consciously make but a part of us that drives us.

Just my rambling thoughts.

:hugs:
Kimberley

[Vera Lynn]

Yes, I think we can stop if we truely want to

But I agree, why should we, if it is something we enjoy. It hurts no one, as long as our SO is on board with it

We need to realize that even though this is a major part of our lives, our SO's may need their "MAN" from time to time..its a balancing act. we need to not be so selfish that we forget that there is so much more to our lives thn cd-ing

If we achieve that, it is greater than we ever can imagine

[Kelsy]

I probably could quit with a vigorous regimine of shock therapy and a side order of mild frontal lobotamy:D

Jennifer:happy:

[Lovely Rita]

Thanks for posting. I am intrigued by the results of the poll, so far. I also think I should have posed the option below on the poll.

I have quit and do not plan to cross dress anymore.

Although most people who move on probably do not visit this site anymore. If you have quit please let us know.

[Kate Simmons]

I hadn't voted until now Rita, I had to give this some thought. I voted that we will probably never hear the stories of most of those who quit. I don't know if it would be necessarily a "success" in quitting though, maybe just a conscious choice. Most of the things we do are choices anyway. I'm not sure it's all quite that black or white.
I'll be taking a break from CDing shortly for reasons I've already mentioned, once again my choice. I'm purging nothing though and will be staying here on the Forum. I'm still Salandra in any case as that is my overall self that encompasses both the Ericka and the Richard feelings. I'm still (hopefully) cool looking as a guy like in my avatar sometimes but my feelings never change, so I don't know if my case would be a fair comparison.
I would never leave here even if I did stop CDing, I've met too many nice and honest people, people who are not afraid to be themselves, despite the obstacles--real people in my opinion. If I do someday decide to stop for some reason or another, I would never stop all together, I just wouldn't do it as much and would sort of "retire" as it were. It does bring out my creativity, however, and I just purely love doing it, not to mention I could be sort of like a "consultant" for the younger gals. I am interested in seeing the results of what everyone thinks though, it will be interesting.:happy:

[Charleen]

I voted "Tried". At times I wanted to quit. Confused, not knowing why I had to do what I did ad infinitum, but was miserable! IMO if someone stops and never does it again doesn't mean that the idea will vanish, it just won't be acted upon.

[trannie T]

Why would I want to quit crossdressing?

I could quit crossdressing, to the extent of not wearing womens clothes. I could never quit wanting to wear womens clothes.

[marie354]

I voted NO. I could have as easily checked the last one as I have tried many times in the past to quit. I may have stopped for a few months at the most after a purge, but it always came back, so I finally gave up trying to quit. So... No I don't think you can quit altogether, although you can take a break.
:hugs:

[christina marie]

leave this world and not come back??? never! i have tried and failed many times. now that I realize how much of me "she" really is, it would be like walking around with one arm, something would always be missing.

[Sheri 4242]

I, too, have never met anyone who has quit (and stayed quit) -- but, as has been stated, the majority of those who have quit (and that might not be too large a number) probably wouldn't be hanging with us. {RITA: Write us a song: "Hanging With the CD Homegirls."}

I have met some who have gone deep underground with their CDing -- like deeper than imaginable. The reason was b/c they came out to somebody and that somebody was later getting ready to use the knowledge as a club (like in a legal proceeding, such as a custody battle).

NEW QUESTION TO ADD TO SURVEY (prompted by Rose, who may have watched Mel Gibson in Conspiracy Theory one too many times): How many have been spirited away in a stealth (I had to add that word -- doesn't stealth have a lot of meaning in context) black helicopter for government studies???

[Billijo49504]

I perssonally don't have a problem stopping to dress in fem wear. I do it every night, shortly before I get into bed. :tongueout But sometimes I cheat, and leave on my bra and panties, to sleep in.

[Lawren]

Many people have quit things that are much more addicting than CDing.

[RebeccaLynne]

I could quit crossdressing, to the extent of not wearing womens clothes. I could never quit wanting to wear womens clothes.

Rita, I voted for #3 as closest to the mark. I agree with trannie T's response. Although the activity of CD'ing may be suppressed, the desire to CD, at least for me, is far too strong a facet of my personality to deny its existence.
Nor would I want to.
The sum total encompasses all of its parts.

[crimsoncage GG]

Can a dancer stop dancing, or an artist stop creating? If it's something that is part of you and you go far enough to realize it why would you ever stop? Society has it's rules, I have mine. From my recent experience a dress doesn't make less of a man.

[steppingout]

I vote that, because i did successfully acomplished to leave for a couple of years, where not only i didn´t CD but i even get rid of all my stuff.
But, i would walk by any lingerie store and drool like a baby.
I love to do it, and no one is harmed, so...

That says it perfectly for me... on several occasions I've stopped for a few months, and in one case for almost a year, but it was a like an important part of my life was missing.

[Lovely Rita]

On the subject of quitting according to the poll pessimism, hope I spelled it right, seems to be winning out.