An "Ugly" Incident

[JessiRed]

So, long story short, while I was on vacation last week my SO's sisters boyfriend decided to snoop around on my computer and found my "girlie" pics and decided to confront my SO about it. I happened to overhear what was said and he told her that he found the pictures and that I was "A very ugly woman". He apparently was trying to "out" me to my SO, which is laughable, she is a VERY supportive SO. Upon hearing this I went inside and told him to "**** off and never come back". I have been a mess since then, I almost feel violated and it is one of my worst fears come true. I know better than to let this rule my life but it's hard. What should I do? Nothing? Should I let him back into my home? Am I overreacting? I feel lost...

[Sharon]

He was attempting to out you! F him.

[Frankie-Dear]

Your worst fear.... Wow! Congratulations!! The very thing you were most afraid of has happened, and you're still alive, and life is still going on, and it's no problem to your SO, so you're over the hump! Now you can be fearless! How cool is THAT?? :thumbsup: He inadvertantly did you a favor. :)

Good for you for booting his azz out, though. What a sleazy thing for him to have done.

And just for the record: You are NOT an ugly woman. Not at ALL. :hugs:

[MJ]

just for the record i think you look great. i guess you are out to the family now .. hold your head up high girl.. and i think it's time to add a log in to your computer so this won't happen again

[aka.laura]

Tough. But you did the right thing! AND survived! What's the worst thing that could happen now? Think about it and prepare yourself. BTW: no password on your PC? uups. And I think you look good too!

[Karren H]

Ouch!!!

I'd say we hunt him down, dress him up like a woman and drop him off at the mall...... Hmmmm. Doesn't seem like punishment to me!!! Never mind......

I'd never let him into the house.. Or talk to him.. EVER!!!

Karren

[Sandra]

Hmm snooping and trying to out you, you did the right thing by getting him out of the house and if it was me I wouldn't ever let him back in.

[Marla S]

You could try to be cool.
Say sorry that you have thrown him out, but that he might better consult a shrink.
In contrast to CDing, spying others computers and to tattle harms others. This is lowest level. At least he should have talked to you first.

[Dixie]

I think he has some nerve snooping on someone else's computer, I would not let him back into my home ever again, who knows where else he'll snoop and what he may be capable of ie theft.
What an A**HOLE!!!

[JessiRed]

Well thanks so much for the kind words ladies, you are all beautiful!

Sharon- F'ing right on

Frankie- It may not have been my WORST fear (that would be the guys in my band finding out-which this guy knowing creates that possibility) but it def. ranked right up there. He did this in the middle of a party we were having and I was terrified he was going to make a scene.

MJ- Funny enough I am already out to my family, and yes you're right about the login, woops

Peach- Thank You

Karren- You are so funny, I love the way you look at things, I could learn a few things from you

Sandra- Yeah, he's never coming over again, too bad he'll miss all the pool parties this summer, hehe

BTW, he tried to tell my SO that he thought it was just from a costume party or something but he is full of it.

[Chantelle CD]

I like to try to live by a golden rule, and that is to only let into my life that witch is conducive to happiness, forgive the person, but that doesn't mean you have to let negative into your life, I just hope he is not the type to blab to everyone you know!

[chucks]

some people are assholes and some will never change but it is best to forgive anyway and be humble.

[Amy Hepker]

Well,
I guess the word is out. Just how far will he take it and if your friends find out what will they do??? Will they believe you or him?? Does it really matter?? You may lose friends and you may find out who your true friends are. I told a very male friend of mine that I was a Crossdresser years ago and he never cut me down or banned me, as a matter of fact he is still one of my best friends. No he is not gay and has never even thought of crossdressing, but he is a very good friend. I am just wondering what your SO said to him about it. I went out on a Halloween one time with my now Xwife and a friend of hers for breakfast and some guy said that I was one ugly chick, my not so supportive Xwife turned around and made comments to him backing me. I was surprised by her remarks even though my dressing was not good as far as she was concerned.
I would just go with the flow. You may want to let people hear it from you before they hear it from him. Tell then what he did, they maybe on your side just because what he did was wrong.

[Shelly Preston]

As much as I think you should not let him near your house ever again

I can see why you ask it may cause some friction between the sisters

There may be family get togethers and he may or may not be part of the family in the future

Should this be the case then make it quite clear he has to respect how you choose to live you live and its not up for discussion

[bobi jean]

Your SO's, sisters boyfriend? What the f**k was he doing on your computer in the first place? without permission I presume!!! never back in the house, no-one needs that type of person around. Ok now for your "apology" to him, for over reacting. NEVER MIND!!!!!!!!!!
BEST TO LET SLEEPING DOGS LIE.... Chances are he is going to tell some of his closest friends, and at some time you may have to deal with that situation, but if you just wait to see if he does or not , it may just pass over..
A VERY UGLY WOMAN!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT AN AROGANT ASS, WHERE DOES HE GET OFF TALKING ABOUT SOMEONE/ANYONE LIKE THAT

Lets Use Karrens Idea About Dressing Him Up, But Lets Take Pictures first, Post Them On The Internet, Then Drop Him Of At A back roads truck-stop Some Where

[JessiRed]

Lets Use Karrens Idea About Dressing Him Up, But Lets Take Pictures first, Post Them On The Internet, Then Drop Him Of At A back roads truck-stop Some Where

I like this idea...

[Joy Carter]

Ouch!!!

I'd say we hunt him down, dress him up like a woman and drop him off at the mall...... Hmmmm. Doesn't seem like punishment to me!!! Never mind......

I'd never let him into the house.. Or talk to him.. EVER!!!

Karren

A lumberjack convention would be better. I hear they get pretty lonely up in those camps.

[bobi jean]

JessiRed
Whenever you are ready
Bobi

[Di]

What a sleaze. You lived through it and if you can I would NEVER let him near you again.......................BUT in family situations this isn't always possible...if you end up around him because of have to situations...never trust him again.

[SherriePall]

First -- I think you look very good.
Second -- If he approaches you again, tell him that if you don't hear another word about it from him, you may not call the police for trespassing or whatever may hold up in small claims court.

[JoAnnDallas]

A truck stop is not good enough. Get him all dressed up and drop him off at a Adult Book Store and then lock the doors with him and all the customers. :D

[Frankie-Dear]

Dress him up. BADLY! :lol:

[Bobbi Lynn]

I was thinking "Photo-shop" his head onto some "girly" pictures and put those on the web!! Passwords for your computer, though as others have said, he should not have been using your computer anyway.

[Gina_darling]

I am natuarlly a forgiving person, but what he did was wrong, he violated your privacy and then tried to make out you were wrong and out you behind your back! Dispicable! I would demand an apology, and if one is not forthcoming your SO should suggest to her sister that the guy be given the boot!

[Dasein9]

I wouldn't have him in my home again.

I'd also mention something to the bandmates. If it were along the lines of, "This guy went snooping on my computer, saw some pictures, and drew his own conclusions." then you're neither lying nor coming out, but if you say it before he speaks to any of them, then they're most likely to believe you.

[Frankie-Dear]

Y'all are much too kind. If I would have caught him, I'd be dunking his head in the toilet so he could bob for brown trout. :mad:

[crimsoncage GG]

One of my favorite movies is Maximum Overdrive. Way to steamroll over that creep. He's lucky you didn't knock his block off.

[JulieC]

So, long story short, while I was on vacation last week my SO's sisters boyfriend decided to snoop around on my computer and found my "girlie" pics and decided to confront my SO about it. I happened to overhear what was said and he told her that he found the pictures and that I was "A very ugly woman". He apparently was trying to "out" me to my SO, which is laughable, she is a VERY supportive SO. Upon hearing this I went inside and told him to "**** off and never come back". I have been a mess since then, I almost feel violated and it is one of my worst fears come true. I know better than to let this rule my life but it's hard. What should I do? Nothing? Should I let him back into my home? Am I overreacting? I feel lost...

Bottom line issue here to me really isn't that he attempted to out you. What is most bothersome to me is that he violated your privacy by poking into things he should not have been into. That's none of his damn business. I would NOT invite him back into my household until he agreed to abide by common, basic, respect and decency with not violating other people's rights.

What a jerk

[Angie G]

Keep him out he will never be a friend or someone you can trust. Don't let him back in :hugs:
Angie

[tammie]

Hi Everyone: Dear Jessi IMHO your GG SO sister's "friend" is a coward and a person of low character. Should your SIL decide to marry the jerk then U might have to "see" this cretin occasionally, but stick to your guns and don't let that trash ever into your home.

If the worst case scenario happens and U end up being related to him. Offer him an opportunity to apologize, after all it says in the Bible to forgive as we R forgiven. Other than that my guess is your SIL will also see he is lacking in character and jet the jerk.

[AmandaM]

Take some fake Holloween pix where you look like you did a really bad job crossdressing. Then, if it comes up, you show your friends these pix, and say, "Oh, you mean THESE dumb photos". And tell them he's freakin' out over nothing and must be seriously homophobic if your cartoonish attempt at Holloween creeps him out.

[MsJanessa]

I volunteer to flog him:dom:

[Rebecca-L]

You were right to throw him out. He had no business using your computer, let alone snooping on it. That's just wrong!

Perhaps your SO should talk with her sister, since she should also share at least some of the blame for letting the boyfriend mess around with your computer.

And, for heaven's sake, at least password protect the pictures, if not the entire computer.

[Dasein9]

Thinking about this later, I'm finding myself very amused that he felt it important to comment about how attractive he found you as a woman.

Hmmmm...

Maybe he's just pulling the typical male chauvinist thing, wherein a woman's existence only matters insofar as her attractiveness to him is concerned.

Or maybe he was aroused... :D

[Cristi]

I agree that he should be 'disinvited' from your home. BUT if there is any chance that he and your wife's sister end up being together permanently, I'd hate to see this cause a rift that keeps your wife and her sister apart.

I think that along with making him no longer welcome in your home, you could also let it be known that if he could ever HONESTLY come back to you, apologize for his actions and admit that he was wrong, then you might, some day, be able to forgive him. This puts the ball in HIS court and also lets you know that as far as you are concerned, he was 100% in the wrong, not you.

As it is now, he might still even believe that you are keeping him away out of shame or guilt. If you ask for an apology, it puts you back in the driver's seat again.

[gmss]

Hey JessiRed - I can totally relate.

Some years ago, summertime, my wife and I went to Central America for a three week vacation. Meanwhile, my car (1995 Mustang GT) was in our garage, all by itself.

So we get back from the vacation and I notice several deep gauges on the side of my car. Turns out that my wife's nephew's girlfriend took it upon herself to park in the garage (without our knowledge or permission), and everytime she got out of her car, WHAM, into my car with her door.

Well, after talking with the police and spending a very difficult week with the wife, I ended up letting it drop. After a few years, I eventually forgave her, but I never did forget.

My final analysis of the situation was that she would never change her attitude, and the only thing that saved my marriage (and my sanity) was that they eventually split up, and we never saw her again.

True story.

Personally I am convinced that some people never change, and every once in a while it is necessary to effectuate change by your own efforts.

Granted, it is not easy.

My own experience. YMMV.

Good luck sorting it out.

p.s. I also agree with the others - you are attractive in girl mode. :)


Or maybe he was aroused...

Don't rule out that either!

Sherry

[Holly]

I think he likes you! :doll:

[Stlalice]

Unfortunately people like him are far more common than we would like to think. To some people an unsecured computer is an outright invitation to snoop. If you are prone to leaving your computer powered on at all times you need to log off when you are done and use a password on your account. It would also be wise to set your screen saver to start after a short period of time and require the same password to get back to the desktop. You never know when a short interruption can cause you to forget to shut down or log off. A PITA to be sure but better than dealing with problems like you had. PM me if you need help setting up passwords/log ons. :2c:

[julie w]

I would never have anything to do with him anymore and if you bump into him at a family function look staight through him . sorry but that ones difficult to forgive it could of cost you your marriage

[battybattybats]

Jessired, you look good to me. I saw the avatar and then was surprised not to see GG on your name. You look like a redheaded GG I sat next to on a course I did some years ago.
Your upset is understandable, your privacy has been deeply violated.
Give youself time to get over the anger and don't let this morons worthless opinion upset your confidance.

[kaitlin]

Hey Girl, Number one...you are cute,very, would love to see a head to toe pic, number two...you did just what you should have and kicked his sorry butt out of your house, would not let him back, family or not ! And number three...if he keeps running his mouth, I would meet him somewhere remote and then he could tell his friends how an "very ugly woman" CD beat the living crap out of him with her purse! Kaitlin
PS...I think naked and handcuffed to a stop sign in a small town in Ark. would be just what he needs!

[Bridget Fitzgerald]

Take the highroad. Family is important. You dont have to like or respect one another to be in the same room. You dont want to be part of a wedge between sisters unwittingly

[rachel_rachel]

If it had have been me it was said about and in my house, he wouldn't have been walking out the door... Or walking for that matter. P$#&k would have left in a body bag.

Nobody comes into my house and tells me what i should and shouldn't do.

To quote a line from a classic aussie movie, the castle... "a man's home is his castle"

[Fab Karen]

A lumberjack convention would be better. I hear they get pretty lonely up in those camps.
I hear some of them in the evening put on women's clothing and...:D

[Kate Simmons]

I hate nosy people. I figure if they want to know anything about me, they can have to guts to ask me to my face rather than sneaking around. This is one reason I use the screen saver which requires re-using the password. Where does this guy come off anyway, especially since he's not even a part of the family? You have every reason to be upset Jessi, I wouldn't ever thrust this guy again.:straightface:

[Fab Karen]

Ouch!!!

I'd say we hunt him down, dress him up like a woman and drop him off at the mall...... Hmmmm. Doesn't seem like punishment to me!!! Never mind......

Karren

No, dress him up & drop him outside a naval base.:devil:

[Sheri 4242]

Bottom line issue here to me really isn't that he attempted to out you. What is most bothersome to me is that he violated your privacy by poking into things he should not have been into. That's none of his damn business. I would NOT invite him back into my household until he agreed to abide by common, basic, respect and decency with not violating other people's rights.

What a jerk

What a jerk! Banish him for the immediate future (I say that b/c you never know how things might change in five years, or ten, or twenty -- and not even then until he sincerely apologized -- and not even then until he earns back a modicum of respect, which is something he needs to sincerely work for). It is wonderful your SO is behind you and that your family knows -- you've got unity there! What does your SO's sister have to say about the incident (not that her opinion should give you pause to rethink your very justifiable reaction)???

[ashlee chiffon]

how many Red Flags do you need? He's probably checking out your dressers also! The guys a flake and is going to cause you more trouble if you let him!
move on and forget him...

[sarahdavids]

I think pretty much everything that needs to be said on this thread has been already, i just wanted to reinforce that if he thinks you're a "very ugly woman" then he's never seen an atttractive one. you look great.

And i think you handled it much better than i would have. you "almost feel violated"?? I would definately feel violated. Total invasion of privacy, and that doesn't fly with this girl.

[lynn27]

So, long story short, while I was on vacation last week my SO's sisters boyfriend decided to snoop around on my computer and found my "girlie" pics and decided to confront my SO about it. I happened to overhear what was said and he told her that he found the pictures and that I was "A very ugly woman". He apparently was trying to "out" me to my SO, which is laughable, she is a VERY supportive SO. Upon hearing this I went inside and told him to "**** off and never come back". I have been a mess since then, I almost feel violated and it is one of my worst fears come true. I know better than to let this rule my life but it's hard. What should I do? Nothing? Should I let him back into my home? Am I overreacting? I feel lost...But I'd make it clear it is because he snooped around on your computer. Don't let him believe it is because he knows or because he told someone. Hopefully, your SO made it clear that she knew and that she supports you and has by now had a long talk with her sister.

He was wrong, you not an ulgy betty.

[JessiRed]

Thanks again for all the compliments and advice ladies, everyone here is so wonderful!

An update: My SO and her sister have been trying to figure out a way to resolve this. Apparently this guy has played dress up with the sister and she seems to think that if I tell him it was just something similar he will believe it. Also, because I was a little tipsy when I confronted him AND I was a little tipsy in the pictures they are also going to play the intoxication card.

The underlying story here is that I had previously offered one of this guys friends a job. This friend is a good guy (unlike johnny snoop alot) and he is getting married next spring to a really wonderful girl who I am friends with. Now I don't want to hire the friend for fear of my "habit" being made public knowledge in my workplace. The sister is best friends with the bride to be and she is really just trying to keep this whole snooping scenario under wraps so that I will hire this guy.

What I really want to do is tell the snooper that I am TG and that he needs to get over it, not hire the friend, and move on with my life. I guess there is no simple solution.

[Dasein9]

What I really want to do is tell the snooper that I am TG and that he needs to get over it, not hire the friend, and move on with my life. I guess there is no simple solution.

Sounds simple enough to me. I think that since what you really want and what is sensible are pretty much the same thing, you should get what you want (and what you need) in this case.

Mixing personal life and work too much can be bad for both, especially if it means spinning a web of lies and complicating the whole TG issue too much. Also, can you trust your SIL? If she's willing to lie to her boyfriend about you, then I'm not sure I'd trust her to keep your secret from him or someone else, should you and she get into a fight or something.

[bobi jean]

Jessi
Did the SO's sister know of your dressing habits, before this incident?
If she did then I believe I would oust both, the ass wipe that was on the computer, and the sister, until each of them offers a VERY sincere apology, and I mean one that really comes from the heart.
Right now I, would believe that most of the friends know, unless (as mentioned) the, ass wipe himself does crossdress on occasion (for sex or otherwise), in that case things could be at the very least interesting later on but that would never change the fact that HE DID INTENTIONALLY INVADE YOUR PRIVACEY AND THAT IS NEVER ACCEPTABLE.
Tipsy had not a damned thing to do with it. The son of a bitch invaded your private life without permission.
Bobi

[Sheri 4242]

i just wanted to reinforce that if he thinks you're a "very ugly woman" then he's never seen an atttractive one. you look great.

I meant to "ditto" that!!! You do, indeed, look great!!!


Apparently this guy has played dress up with the sister and she seems to think that if I tell him it was just something similar he will believe it. Also, because I was a little tipsy when I confronted him AND I was a little tipsy in the pictures they are also going to play the intoxication card.

H'mmm -- was he jealous? Trying to deflect what he might be? What's his agenda? Is he a CD, and by being a snoop and seeing your photos (and by verbally putting them down), is he trying to gain some advantage with your SO's sister?

There is a lot it could be, but besides the fact that what he did (by invading your privacy) was so'ooo wrong, it could be that he has some sort of agenda to push with someone!


The underlying story here is that I had previously offered one of this guys friends a job. This friend is a good guy (unlike johnny snoop alot) and he is getting married next spring to a really wonderful girl who I am friends with. Now I don't want to hire the friend for fear of my "habit" being made public knowledge in my workplace. The sister is best friends with the bride to be and she is really just trying to keep this whole snooping scenario under wraps so that I will hire this guy.

You're right, this sounds complex and simple solutions aren't "simple" to come by. If the guy you want to hire would make you a really good employee, which should be the major factor, you could have some sort of "light talk" as part of the pre-hire process, and then work in (delicatley) that you understand (or definitely know) that "johnny-employee-prospect" is friends with "jerkoff-snoop." You could then say that you'd hate to loose a good prospect over something that somebody else did, but that "jerkoff-snoop" did something devious and very wrong (invading your property the way he did), and (slight "ahem-type" laugh inserted here) in the process of invading your space in a devious way, he happened to see your Haloween pictures from (insert 2 or something) years ago -- AND that you and your SO have a problem with his having snooped; that he isn't trustworthy in your book, besides the fact that he must not have any sense of taste not to recognize real beauty! (Insert: laugh, laugh, laugh.)

In this manner you've let the guy know that the other man is POND SCUM, and (laughingly) obviously has NO taste.

See, without really being dishonest, you could put this totally on "jerkoff-snoop," makig him look bad, and presenting a plausible cover to the prospective employee without dwelling on it too much. IMO, this would work very well!!! Puts the onus on "jerkoff snoop" to defend his indefensible actions, and makes him look foolish for trying to make something out of nothing!!! Who knows, such a talk might reveal that the prospective employee thinks "jerkoof snoop" is bad news!!!

[JessiRed]

I meant to "ditto" that!!! You do, indeed, look great!!!



H'mmm -- was he jealous? Trying to deflect what he might be? What's his agenda? Is he a CD, and by being a snoop and seeing your photos (and by verbally putting them down), is he trying to gain some advantage with your SO's sister?

There is a lot it could be, but besides the fact that what he did (by invading your privacy) was so'ooo wrong, it could be that he has some sort of agenda to push with someone!



You're right, this sounds complex and simple solutions aren't "simple" to come by. If the guy you want to hire would make you a really good employee, which should be the major factor, you could have some sort of "light talk" as part of the pre-hire process, and then work in (delicatley) that you understand (or definitely know) that "johnny-employee-prospect" is friends with "jerkoff-snoop." You could then say that you'd hate to loose a good prospect over something that somebody else did, but that "jerkoff-snoop" did something devious and very wrong (invading your property the way he did), and (slight "ahem-type" laugh inserted here) in the process of invading your space in a devious way, he happened to see your Haloween pictures from (insert 2 or something) years ago -- AND that you and your SO have a problem with his having snooped; that he isn't trustworthy in your book, besides the fact that he must not have any sense of taste not to recognize real beauty! (Insert: laugh, laugh, laugh.)

In this manner you've let the guy know that the other man is POND SCUM, and (laughingly) obviously has NO taste.

See, without really being dishonest, you could put this totally on "jerkoff-snoop," makig him look bad, and presenting a plausible cover to the prospective employee without dwelling on it too much. IMO, this would work very well!!! Puts the onus on "jerkoff snoop" to defend his indefensible actions, and makes him look foolish for trying to make something out of nothing!!! Who knows, such a talk might reveal that the prospective employee thinks "jerkoof snoop" is bad news!!!

Very good advice indeed. Thank you so much, you put a lot of thought into your response and I appreciate that. I am going to have a discussion with the sister today (she WAS aware of my "habit" before this and she has sincerely apologized). I don't want to renig on my promise to "prospective employee" but I don't want to be "outed" at work and if he is working here that possibility will always exist.

[bobi jean]

Jessi
Ever hear of a location between a rock and a hard place????
You are there.
Be careful!!!! DO NOT PISS ANYONE OFF ANYMORE THAN THEY ALREADY ARE.
YOU MAY JUST HAVE TO BITE THE BULLET ON THIS ONE...
A talk with the employee prospect not only is a good idea, it is a must now. Especially to let him know what kind of a jerk he has for a friend. Just be careful doing it.
I'm sorry if I sound unsympathetic, I'm not, I'm just pissed about the invasion of privacey thing. Other than that it sounds as tho you have a really wonderful relationship with the SO and maybe a few others as well, which is GOOD. Its to bad you don't feel you can/could expand your field of friends.
Good luck dear and may all thing work out for you.

[Noel Chimes]

First of all you look fantastic.:love: Now as far as using your computer without your permission, OH HELL NO!!!!!.:mad: Snooping through your personal material is like going through the drawers in your bedroom. This is unforgivable. And as far as him blabing to others about what he saw, go with the costume party. It will make him look like a fool and a sneak and no one will trust him. No apology from him would be enough to undo the damage he has tried to cause. What a jerk. i hope your SO's sis will take a second look at this guy.

[Billijo49504]

Me thinks your lookin'good!!!! If you ever want to straighten him out. And you get arrested for assault. I donate towards your bail......BJ

[Alice B]

There is not a lot you can do except bar him from your home. If you really want to push the issue you could file a criminal complaint for unauthorized access to your computer system as this is a form of burglery. But, that would be ugly and not worth it. I would simply tell him to f--k off and also tell your sister that he is not welcome in your home and why. If she did not already know of your dressing, you can be sure she knows by now. It is a chame this had to happen, but don't fret over it. Just move on and enjoy your self as before.:love:

[MarieTS]

Oh come on, Jessi. You've got to learn how to "forgive and forget"!
First you've got to Forgive him... and then you've got to forget the gun is loaded when you're teaching him how to clean it as its pointed towards his crotch. LoL

[Alice Torn]

This sounds like great material for Dr. Phil Show. Go for it!

[trannie T]

At least he didn't find your panty drawer or your undies would have been strewn all over the house. What an ass, you did good by not pounding his head soft.