SO Purged my clothes - because I cheated

[Sharoncd]

I got home this evening with 3 hours to dress. I had just bought some new white stockings and was looking to dress in a black skirt with a white top and you guess it white stockings, black necklace, and black 3" pumps. BUT when I got into my box there was nothing there. I checked my over flow box and nothing there. I'm devastated.

My SO and I have been having problem and I'm guessing that she thinks that this might help. I'm willing to try this, her way, but I have been down this path before, actually many times before. It has always ended the same way. I re-buy everything, which is actually fun but expensive.

Man this ruins everything. Sorry girls just venting.

Sharon

[Butterfly Bill]

Man, that's stealing and that's a crime. I wouldn't stay with someone who did something like this.

[MJ]

i think it's time for a heart to heart . thats so sad but at least you get to go shopping
try getting some counselling... the both of you ... or this will happen again
all the best

[angelfire]

That sucks. After a long day expecting to come home and dress, only to find its all gone. Bah, thats really awful.

[Samantha B L]

I'm really sorry about that,Sharon. I don't know what to tell you. She's your SO and I guess it isn't anybody's business or mine. But if that happened to me I'd be very shocked,disgusted and disapointed. Well,let's hope that the malls,department stores,shopping centers,Kohl's,Victoria's Secret and of course the wig stores all have "ridiculously low prices" sales out where you live! Cheers,Salu,Samantha

[Barb Valentine]

I would say that you do need to talk to her
It just not fair to you
BTW find a new hiding spot

[Lori SC]

Sharon, What your SO did is really unconsionable. And I think you should tell her how you feel. You just don't throw away another persons things without getting their agreement.

Ask her how she would feel if you just toosed some of her clothes? Actually, my devious mind tells me that I would stuff the clothes in a box, and TELL her I threw them away to make the point. Then I'd give them back. After all, two wrongs don't make a right... But it sure might drive the point home.

Your SO doesn't realize that YOU have to be the one that controls your behavior. Throwing your things out is only going to make matters worse between you two, and will probably increase your desires, kind of like the forbiden fruit.

This is not the way to work together to get through this. She is making it very, very difficult.

Now Sharon, do we have the full story? You did nothing to prompt this reaction?

Hugs, Lori

[Michele]

I am sorry, but you should reciprocate by going through her wardrobe and ditching anything you would deem gender inappropriate.

I know that many of you would wince at that suggestion...


I know.. my suggestion is not productive at all... at least discuss with her what would have happenend if you had reciprocated... and what items would have been dumped.

[MarieTS]

I'm with Lori on this one... I think she has it pretty much right-on. Good advice!

[Stephenie S]

Yeah, that sucks, big time.

But this is no way to run a relationship. You guys need to get on the same page. Relationships (well good ones) run on trust and respect, neither of which are being displayed here.

Lovies,
Steph

[Carin's Wife GG]

the person I trusted would do such a thing. Ask why....


Louise.

[KandisTX]

I would definitely confront her about it, but in a manner as suggested questioning her intentions and asking her how she would react if you threw out all her pants and t-shirts that weren't feminine enough. This is just WRONG and quite honestly she really has no right to throw your things out like that.

Kandis:love:

[Holly]

Sharon, you say that this has happened before. For those who don't learn from history, it is bound to repeat itself. You really must talk to your SO and get this issue resolved. If, as you say, there are "problems," the help of a professional counselor may be helpful. See if you can locate one who is familiar with gender issues as well.

[Miss Terr]

She is treating you as a child, like a mom who finds dirty mags in her sons room.
Or maybe she thinks of you as a hopeless drug addict, and threw away your stash and paraphanalia.

I could not live with someone who made a unilateral decison and obviously has no respect for you, your property, or your feelings (not to mention finances).
I also predict this kind of person would be a big problem if you were to stand up to her; her main threat to "out" you if she didnt get her way.

Who needs to live like that. I'd rather live alone in peace, than be a partner who is subjugated in the"relationship".
I know what I would do. I would pack all my stuff and leave.
Not sure if this is in your capabilities to do, but you need to do something.

[Serena Smith]

Feel free to vent whenever you want that's why we're here

[Stacy GG]

So sorry to hear your clothes got tossed . Have you previously talked about crossdressing with her? You need to ask her why she did this. Do not reciprocate by throwing her stuff out!! You will only make it worse. Talk with her and try to express that it makes you unhappy that she has thrown your things away.
You say this has happened before..her throwing your stuff out? or did you mean the purging of clothes? I would think her continually throwing your clothes out to be unproductive, hurtful and expensive. If this is her way of dealing with problems I suggest serious marriage counseling.
Marriage has to be a two way street, please don't let her think this is okay way to respond to problems.

[Chantelle CD]

I would be very upset too!!! Like ok i can understand a SO for not accepting, but to go ahead and throw everything out, without saying anything? That isnt a purge, thats an personal assult!!! I would take all her jeans, slacks, and tops, and well not throw em away, but to make a point, hide em and tell her, im not going to stand for your cross dressing eather then!!!

[Sheila]

am sorry you came home to find you stash purged, I hope your wife has only hidden and not actually thrown everything out, perhaps it is in sheer desperation to recover some of your relaationship that your wife feels that she has had to take such drastic action ......... I am not defending it but perhaps she saw no other way of letting you know how much your relationship is in crisis.


SO Purged my clothes
My SO and I have been having problem and I'm guessing that she thinks that this might help. I'm willing to try this, her way, but I have been down this path before, actually many times before. It has always ended the same way. I re-buy everything, which is actually fun but expensive. sharon

Do you mean You have purged before by saying ..."I have been down this road before" ....... or your SO has purged for you ????????

:hugs:

[Victoria Anne]

Sharon I am so sorry to hear this news,I must agree with Holly on this, you need to seek professional help in this matter or it will only get worse,the best of luck to you both :hugs:

[Marlena-4now]

Sharon, that's just plain mean !

[karynspanties]

There is obviously a deep rooted problem. She must not be capable of simple communication. I know if my wife did that to me, I would act as if nothing happened and have her served with divorce papers at her work. When she came home that night I would be gone. Period. That, as far as I am concerned is an absolute act of complete disrespect. I would not tolerate it.But then again....my wife would not do that.

[Michelle04240]

That's just wrong. There should have been a discussion (or was there?) on it.

I would be devastated if that happened to me. :(

Have fun shopping, and good luck with your situation.

[Kelsy]

I would just freak! That is such an invasion of privacy. It is problematic when your boundries are violated like that. Are you two able to discuss any of this because this needs to be resolved before the relationship is damaged further.

Jennifer:straightface:

[Raychel]

After I initially told my wife of my dressing, I feared that she may also do something like this, Or use it against me in some way, in an argument. But I must say that is the arguments that we have had, this has never come up.

I too think that you should talk to her and see just what her thinking was here. In my mind this would only add fuel to the fire. Putting more distance between you and her. This is not a good thing.

:2c:

[Ema1234 GG]

Have you spoken to her about this? Has she really thrown them away or has she just hidden them?

Whilst I accept that this isn't very nice of her, and I understand how bad you must feel about this, perhaps this is a cry for help on her part? It's extremely hard for many SO's to deal with, and we often react in very strange ways. I really think you need to sit down and have a heart to heart with her about this.

[Di]

I hope she just put them elsewhere.....but even that is not right of her to do. Looks like you two better talk and get somethings worked out between you.

[lynn27]

I got home this evening with 3 hours to dress. I had just bought some new white stockings and was looking to dress in a black skirt with a white top and you guess it white stockings, black necklace, and black 3" pumps. BUT when I got into my box there was nothing there. I checked my over flow box and nothing there. I'm devastated.

My SO and I have been having problem and I'm guessing that she thinks that this might help. I'm willing to try this, her way, but I have been down this path before, actually many times before. It has always ended the same way. I re-buy everything, which is actually fun but expensive.

Man this ruins everything. Sorry girls just venting.

SharonI wouldn't call it purging. When YOU dump your girly things it is purging, when anyone else takes your things it is called theft. You need to set down with her and talk this out. She should not take things from you, whether she approves or not, she has not rights to your things. She needs to understand that taking your things is NOT going to suddenly "CURE" you. It is just going to cost money to replace the things she tossed. Hopefully you'll find she has hidden these things and after a long talk she returns them to you.

Temporarily taking some of her things might make a point but it could be counterproductive. It could lean to an all out "WAR".

It does sound like you guys are due for a long talk...

[battybattybats]

Strong emotions are not an excuse for criminal and unethical behaviour. If she threw the items away she should apologise and replace them. If it was a 'cry for help' then she needs to go to counselling and apologise and replace those items. If she 'moved' them somewhere then she should tell you where and apologise for moving your stuff without permission.

If she'll cross one ethical line she might cross others.....

Are you sure you are safe?

[Emily Ann Brown]

Here goes Em again upstream against the current here, but it appears she thinks whatever she has said or done in the past was either ignored or unheard .... so she is yelling "THIS IS A BIG PROBLEM AND I NEED YOUR IMMEDIATE ATTENTION TOWARDS A SOLUTION !". You said you two have had a problem, well it's time to put major attention on a solution to that problem, whether that be counselling or keeping your stuff where she can't get to it or a separation/divorce.

For the record I do agree with other sisters that it was drastic and just not right, but sometimes people feel ignored and they do drastic and awful things.


Emily Ann

[Tree GG]

To be honest, I had the thought to do something similar early on. Fortunately I'm too practical (or cheap if you prefer); plus it really wasn't the stuff that I was angry about. It would've just been a convenient weapon to use to make him hurt as much as I was and most importantly, get his attention. Definitely not the most mature or productive course to take if trying to fix something.

Right or wrong - what's done is done. It's definitely time to get to the bottom of "why". Best of luck to you both.

[Kieron Andrew]

She might be your SO but this is invasion of privacy, and thief of your belongings because you did not agree to this in the first place.....shes wrong and out of order!, you need to sit down and chat with each other, cos there doesnt seem much trust between you, oh and yeah find a new hiding place

[Sharoncd]

Girls thank all of you for your input. I read all of the posting and I thought that I would tell the whole story.

#1. When I met my SO I crossdressed. She thought that this was fun and joined into the fun. She would buy me clothes and sex was great.

After several years she thought that I was being obsess with dressing. She thought that she was not being recognized as the woman in this relationship. So I purge and try not to dress but the felling was too strong.

#2. I'm not sure why I have done this but 3 times I have looked outside of our marriage for others. The first 2 times were really nothing but flirting. The last time was different.

The last time my SO was very angry. She says that it was because her sister died. But all that I saw was that she was pushing me out of her live. I met a woman that liked me and I started just gaming with her then it happened and sex happened. This happened just once and it was all over. We both felt the disconnect at the same time.

My SO was questioning my being out late at night, I worked swing shift. She started accusing me of sleeping with others. At this time I was not. She kept accusing me so finally I did. When she ask I lied and told her that she was wrong. I told her the truth this week when she asked again.

#3 My SO and I have not had sex for many years. We just have been friends. The last time we had sex was when she hit 290 pounds. It was not that great. So I turned it off. She hit 330

Now she is asking me what is wrong with her that I had sex with others but not her. I understand her question but I really do not want to tell her why.

PS she is now 250, gastric banding.

Conclusion:
My SO and I have been going to individual counseling and last week we went to our first marriage counseling. I do not want to end this marriage I just want it to get back to where it was. I have tried many times to kill Sharon but she keeps coming back. I have purged many times and at cost of thousands of dollars and she always came back. My counselor does not seam to be concern with my CD.

She has always known where my box was. I have not hiden it for quite awhile And I'm sure that I hurt her, with great regret. But before I started to counseling I decided that 1. I was a crossdresser. I was not going to purge any more; I was not going to hide it any more. 2. That I wanted to stay with her and make this work.

I guess that sometimes we start late in life and I started too late.


Girls thanks for everything. The road that we travel in life sometimes has a lot of bumps. I just hit a pot hole. She has told me that if I leave that she will tell everybody that I'm a crossdresser. I guess that this would be considered a pot hole. I have lived through worst.

Sharon

[samcs]

She was wrong to do this. I guess she does not realize that you will have to buy the stuff all over again.

[Tree GG]

There's alot going on there. I can see why she'd feel so much anger (with both you & at herself).

I'm glad you're both seeking professional help - hope it works out happily for you both.

[JulieC]

She has told me that if I leave that she will tell everybody that I'm a crossdresser. I guess that this would be considered a pot hole. I have lived through worst.

Sharon

I think we just had another thread where the SO threatened the same thing.

Look, this is emotional blackmail pure and simple. It's manipulative, disrespectful, and completely unacceptable behavior. This, combined with the fact that she threw out your clothes...ok you want to make this marriage work and that's laudable. But come on...this kind of crap MUST stop. I would demand this as part of the ground rules for counseling as part of basic respect.

Your wife wouldn't (well, at least I hope she wouldn't) go blasting about town screaming for all the world that XYZ person is gay would she? How does she think it's acceptable to do it to you? Would your wife take things from other people's property and throw them out because she found them objectionable? Your wife isn't giving you the same basic respect she would give absolute strangers. This is absurd.

[sobe1ove GG]

You hurt her. You hurt her by cheating and you hurt her by being unattracted to her. I bet she knows why you are unattracted, and just wants to hear it from you.

Honestly, she JUST found out you cheated. Are you surprised that she threw your stuff away? It was retaliation. You both did terrible things. I'm not going to sit here and talk about how wrong she was, because some people deal with the hurt and loss by acting out this way. Do you think she would have done it if you hadn't cheated?

I bet some will disagree with me and say that there is no excuse for throwing your stuff away. Frankly, I think cheating is FAR FAR FAR worse than what she did. You can buy your stuff again. She can't buy trust for you. Cheating is a permanent affect. That's why, for most couples, the cheating is a deal breaker.

I don't care if you felt she pressured you to cheat. She can't make you do that. You did it on your own. You are a grown up and make your own decisions. You decided to betray her. Honestly, her throwing your lady clothes away doesn't compare in the slightest.

Sobe

[Stacy GG]

You hurt her. You hurt her by cheating and you hurt her by being unattracted to her. I bet she knows why you are unattracted, and just wants to hear it from you.

Honestly, she JUST found out you cheated. Are you surprised that she threw your stuff away? It was retaliation. You both did terrible things. I'm not going to sit here and talk about how wrong she was, because some people deal with the hurt and loss by acting out this way. Do you think she would have done it if you hadn't cheated?

I bet some will disagree with me and say that there is no excuse for throwing your stuff away. Frankly, I think cheating is FAR FAR FAR worse than what she did. You can buy your stuff again. She can't buy trust for you. Cheating is a permanent affect. That's why, for most couples, the cheating is a deal breaker.

I don't care if you felt she pressured you to cheat. She can't make you do that. You did it on your own. You are a grown up and make your own decisions. You decided to betray her. Honestly, her throwing your lady clothes away doesn't compare in the slightest.

Sobe

Actually, Sobe I will agree with you.
Sure she could have dealt with this in a more adult way, but now that I know she just found out this week about you cheating on her I'm suprised she didn't decide to throw all of your stuff ( not just the fem stuff) out on the street. Cheating is almost always a deal breaker.
I have a feeling part of the reason she didn't throw you out is a) she's probably very commited to the relationship. b) since she is having weight issues and you two have not been intimate in a long time she is probably dealing with depression & self- worth issues as well.
If she is still with you I would suggest a lot of work on your side to show you still love her and are committed to this relationship.
I'm sorry to say this but you sound very self centered, you sound more concerned about you box of clothes being thrown out than your marriage surviving your cheating! She did not push you to cheating, you could have talked to her and explained you felt she was pushing you away.

I'm sorry if I come off sounding like a BITCh but I find cheating for ANY Reason unacceptable and personally would have already been out the door. Thank your lucky stars she is still even there and willing to try and work on the relationship. Take good care of her she sounds like she needs all the love you can give her.

[Sandra]

You cheated on her that was wrong she got rid of your clothes which was wrong but understandable with what she has found out.

I just hope the pair of you can work it out

[GACountrygal]

Actually, Sobe I will agree with you.
Sure she could have dealt with this in a more adult way, but now that I know she just found out this week about you cheating on her I'm suprised she didn't decide to throw all of your stuff ( not just the fem stuff) out on the street. Cheating is almost always a deal breaker.
I have a feeling part of the reason she didn't throw you out is a) she's probably very commited to the relationship. b) since she is having weight issues and you two have not been intimate in a long time she is probably dealing with depression & self- worth issues as well.
If she is still with you I would suggest a lot of work on your side to show you still love her and are committed to this relationship.
I'm sorry to say this but you sound very self centered, you sound more concerned about you box of clothes being thrown out than your marriage surviving your cheating! She did not push you to cheating, you could have talked to her and explained you felt she was pushing you away.

I'm sorry if I come off sounding like a BITCh but I find cheating for ANY Reason unacceptable and personally would have already been out the door. Thank your lucky stars she is still even there and willing to try and work on the relationship. Take good care of her she sounds like she needs all the love you can give her.


You hurt her. You hurt her by cheating and you hurt her by being unattracted to her. I bet she knows why you are unattracted, and just wants to hear it from you.

Honestly, she JUST found out you cheated. Are you surprised that she threw your stuff away? It was retaliation. You both did terrible things. I'm not going to sit here and talk about how wrong she was, because some people deal with the hurt and loss by acting out this way. Do you think she would have done it if you hadn't cheated?

I bet some will disagree with me and say that there is no excuse for throwing your stuff away. Frankly, I think cheating is FAR FAR FAR worse than what she did. You can buy your stuff again. She can't buy trust for you. Cheating is a permanent affect. That's why, for most couples, the cheating is a deal breaker.

I don't care if you felt she pressured you to cheat. She can't make you do that. You did it on your own. You are a grown up and make your own decisions. You decided to betray her. Honestly, her throwing your lady clothes away doesn't compare in the slightest.

Sobe

:thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:

[KimberlyS]

Sharon, a few things come to mind when reading your first and now second post under this thread.

Early on in our marriage my wife said some of my old male clothes needed to go. You know the things that you love and cherish, but are old, stained, and a bit thin and tight. I asked her what in her drawers needs to go. So now she lets me know the things both male and female that are too small, wrong color for me, wrong style, do not look good on me and what ever other reasons should be considered to be passed on. But read on for a different view.

The one thing that breaks up a relationship quickly is infidelity. And it almost happened to my wife and I. Your story sounds familiar, my spouse seemed to enjoy the CDing early on and she has struggled with weight and is very self concisest about it. I never let her weight get in the way of our relationship.

Forget her purging your clothes. You are just lucky she did not purge your butt out of the house for cheating on her. Get down to working on the real issues. I gave up CDing for over a year to work on the issues. Was it easy. No. But it showed I was committed to working on things. At this point you need to show the most commitment to working on the issues as you are the one with the lost of trust. Focus on working on things and it will make not CDing a lot easier.

You said that your wife said "if I leave that she will tell everybody that I'm a crossdresser." While I would consider this blackmail, it is most likely a sign of a very scared wife and one going into protection mode. My wife very much so went into a protection mode.

I am proud of you and your wife to seek outside help. So many will not. And it is so hard to find good and the right counselors for both you and your wife and the situation. I hope you have ones that will work for the two of you. If not please look for different ones.

My wife and I have also had "hers", "mine", and our "ours" counselors and it can be expensive. We were lucky in that insurance picked up the biggest share of it. What my wife and I got out of the counseling was dealing with some personal things and things from the past and most important was how to communicate better as a couple. My wife and I ended up spending a lot of time just working on things at home ourselves in between the counseling sessions. And the counselors did very little with the CDing issues as that was done mostly between my wife and I.

You said "I wanted to stay with her and make this work". I hope your wife thinks the same. A great thing my wife said to me was that she loved me and was not ready to give up on our relationship. After we both mutually agreed we were both going to willing work on the issues together. She then said that we got to where we were our selves. We needed help to get back on track. "We" needed to go to counseling...... "so I could be fixed" is how it followed, but that is a novel in itself.

Good luck and I pray it goes well for you and your wife.

[Michelle 51]

Well that is a shame.I hope she did it thinking it would help with the problem's your having and not just to be mean.Not to mention the fact that a lovely black skirt is laying in a dumpster some where. justabit

[Sharoncd]

Thanks girls. This is something that I'm not proud of. I hated myself from the beginning. Maybe that's why I lied from the beginning. Now I have to live with what I have done for the rest of my life and pay for it on jugment day.

The issue really is not the clothes. I really do not want to sound selfesh. Yes it did make me mad but as I stated I'm willing to try it her way. The clothes does not make the person so why toss.

We are working things out. I'm waiting for our couseling session to talk about this. In the mean time I'm trying to not put up any road block and trying to show her who I really am and that I'm not the person from back when. I know she will never fully trust me but this is something I have to live with.

Thanks again girls

Sharon.

[KimberlyS]

..... I know she will never fully trust me but this is something I have to live with. Sharon.

Sharon, trust is a funny thing. We often give or are given trust based on minimum requirements. But once trust is lost gaining it back again can seem un-doable. But in many cases it is very doable. In this case you must continue to be yourself like you always have been, only better. You must be a better person but yet the person she married. Be consistent in what you do from this point forward and go out of your way to do the little things that your wife likes and makes her feel loved. And the tough part is to do this with the attitude that you expect nothing in return. You just need to do them and require no acknowledgment that you did them. She must feel that you will, "and you should", do this the rest of your marriage. You are just doing it because you love you wife.

As one person once said to me. You must continue to court and date your wife through out your marriage.

[Lovely Rita]

ouch!!!

[Jasmine Ellis]

best of luck cos I think it's time for the both of you to sit down and have a long talk.

[sterling12]

I think it's Thomas Hardy. Anyway, the quote is: "You can never go home anymore." I'm sure that Hardy meant that nothing stays the same and you can't recapture what was in the past.

Whatever you do with your marriage, you can't go back to "how things were." All you can do is start a new relationship, which might be better, it might be worse. What you two do with that relationship is all a matter of choices, your choices!.

Having said all that, you screwed up having an affair(s). That never helps anything. You get a short-term ego stroke and then you have to pay the consequences! You need to straighten out that stuff, seek forgiveness, and get on with your life. Doing penance for the rest of your days, gets you NOTHING!

Your wife needs to accept your CD, it's not going to disappear. She needs to understand that it's a part of who you are, whether she likes it or not. Perhaps a lot of the things that initially attracted her, are a part of your femme persona. She needs to understand that, and at least try and cope with the situation. Throwing out your clothes isn't going to make you stop.

There's a final reality to consider. If you two can't get along, if the torment continues, it's time to call it quits. Sometimes, that's the only choice left.

I wish you two good luck, your going to need it! Hope you can find accommodation.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Sarah Rabbit]

I would sit down and discuss the matter thoroughly. You both have to compromise with the situation and set your boundaries. Should that fail, then a choice may have to be made. The relationship can not go forward until this is resolved.

Sarah R. :bunny:

[Leah B]

You cheated 3 times and she just threw out your clothes? You were lucky. Some people murder over things like this.

[Country girl]

I have to say that it is amazing to me that some of you gurls don't see anything wrong with Sharon having cheated on his wife but you are aghast at her having thrown out his femme things :Angry3:. I am glad to see that Sharon at least has remorse.

Sharon it is good that y'all are seeing a profesional and I truly hope you can work through your marriage issues. Trust is a big one. To rebuild your wife's trust in you will be a long slow tedius proccess, one that will be measured in baby steps and constantly questioned, by her. But I know if you love her enough, and it sounds like you do, that you can win her trust back. Don't give up. Your marriage is worth fighting for. If you believe in God, then turn this over to Him and pray that He will help to restore your marriage. :hugs: I will be praying for y'all and I know that God can help to see you through this. Communication is the key . Talk, talk, talk and then talk some more. Reassure her of your love for her. You can never tell her to many times how sorry you are or how much she means to you and how much you love her. Take care. Let us know how things are going.:hugs:CG GG

[Di]

Well then..................hope you can rebuild this......................but I would have done much more than throw your things away.....................hope you two can work through this.........hope she can trust you again.........................and a long time before she will prob trust you if ever.
But what really gets me is you wrote a post about her throwing your things out.....( the orig beginning post) when there is much more going on here to be upset about......things can be replaced. I agree with Stacy........... You sound very self centered, AND sound more concerned about your box of clothes being thrown out than your marriage surviving your cheating!

[amanda barber]

Theft is a crime, there is no grey area or justification.
As unpalateable as cheating is, it doesn't cross that line into criminal behavior, even adultry is a civil matter.

You can't trust a criminal.

[Lori SC]

#2. I'm not sure why I have done this but 3 times I have looked outside of our marriage for others. The first 2 times were really nothing but flirting. The last time was different.

The last time my SO was very angry. She says that it was because her sister died. But all that I saw was that she was pushing me out of her live. I met a woman that liked me and I started just gaming with her then it happened and sex happened. This happened just once and it was all over. We both felt the disconnect at the same time.

My SO was questioning my being out late at night, I worked swing shift. She started accusing me of sleeping with others. At this time I was not. She kept accusing me so finally I did. When she ask I lied and told her that she was wrong. I told her the truth this week when she asked again.


Sharon


OK Sharon, so THAT's what caused your wife's retaliation!

Yup, I'll agree with a lot of others now, you're lucky it was your clothes and not you that she threw out! If you think clothes are expensive, just think what a divorce will cost you, especially since you are the one cheating! Oh yeah, lawyers aren't afraid to use the fact that you CD to get even MORE leverage!

I hope you got your jollies trying to make us feel sorry for you. You knew all the while why she threw your things out.

It's a good thing you two are going to counseling. I do hope you can make things work in your marriage. And please, it's not just about you. You have to try to understand her side of things too.

Lori

[Alex!]

Hm. Getting rid of your stuff is a VERY bad call. I would react to something like that well, I can tell you. And this has nothing to do with girl clothes. It doesn't matter what's been thrown out - a unilateral decision to pitch something that means a lot to you is grossly insensitive.

On the other hand, I know nothing of your situation, so I don't what to judge anyone.

I hope everything works out.

[Miss Terr]

Sounds like a great relationship.
You dont trust her, she doesnt trust you.
:straightface:
I think the damage is irreprable.

[Sheila]

being totally honest .............. had my partner cheated on me, he would be lucky to have an item of clothing other than the ones left on his back, cos I would have thrown him and his clothes ou,t and his clothes (male and female)would have been missing bits ............... you are one lucky guy to have your partner and not me.


Theft is a crime, there is no grey area or justification.
As unpalateable as cheating is, it doesn't cross that line into criminal behavior, even adultry is a civil matter.

You can't trust a criminal.

What she did is not criminal, it is not theft ................ his wife threw out clothes that she deemed for whatever reason to being suplus to requirments .............. I don't think we would have comments like this made had she thrown out his male clothes ..............

[Sheri 4242]

Sounds like a great relationship. You dont trust her, she doesnt trust you. I think the damage is irreprable.

I agree!!!


Theft is a crime, there is no grey area or justification. As unpalateable as cheating is, it doesn't cross that line into criminal behavior, even adultry is a civil matter. You can't trust a criminal.

Some states and countries have statutes on the books that make adultery a crime, and thus potentially a criminal matter. Getting these enforced would be a joke -- just not going to happen. BUT, I have to say that I think your logic is just a bit specious!!! Husbands and wives toss things out here and there without asking the other, and do things without talking to the other. I guess what I am getting at is, on a very personal and emotional level, what Sharon did was the deepest betrayal one can commit against their spouse. What his wife did in return, was mean-spirited, but I would think it would be impossible to prosecute b/c it was an emotionally-charged response in a marital setting.


(N)ow that I know she just found out this week about you cheating on her I'm suprised she didn't decide to throw all of your stuff ( not just the fem stuff) out on the street. Cheating is almost always a deal breaker. I'm sorry to say this but you sound very self centered, you sound more concerned about you box of clothes being thrown out than your marriage surviving your cheating! She did not push you to cheating . . . I find cheating for ANY Reason unacceptable and personally would have already been out the door.

Cheating would absolutely be a deal-breaker!!!!!!! Sharon would be history with me!!!!!!!

When I read Sharon's initial start of this thread, I was shocked at what the wife had done and was going to suggest Sharon pack the wife's stuff up, then when she asked where it was, tell her it was probably in the same landfill as Sharon's boxes. (Then give them back after a few hours to let it sink in.)

Now that Sharon has clarified things -- and Sharon, you knew what was going on, so, just MHO, you should have said so from the get-go -- it angers me that you mislead us --- sounds like you were wanting our deep sympathy -- and make you feel superior to your wife by our stroking your ego by telling you how bad she was and how you had been so'ooo wronged.

You definitely give the impression that you have a self-centered way at looking at things. It is her weight. It is her problems and issues. It is her loosing interest. It is her not appreciating your work schedule. (Etc.) Well, marriage is a two-way street and it takes work. "IF" we got your wife's side of the story, we might just find some strikingly different details. The truth probably would be in the middle.

By the way, you're good at telling us her weight. Is that nice? Or, are you absolutely so perfect that you think it gives you the right to throw in these tid-bits which are clearly designed to give you some justification!!!! What would she tell us about your weight? Other habits?

I am NOT trying to sound mean or bitchy, but I've lived through having been cheated on in my first marriage. My wife lived through the same thing in her first marriage. One thing we both would agree on is that you'd be history if you were the spouse of one of us!!!

One thing I will say without ambiguity: there is NO justification for adultery!!!!!!! It is "the" single most personal way to hurt your spouse!!!!!!! I'd say that porbably the only reason you're still around is b/c she has such low self-esteem -- and maybe also concurrntly worries how sh'd make it financialy -- that she just can't let go. Don't call it an affair, either -- that is just so much sugar-coating. It is adultery, period. And, now that a larger picture has come out, I'd have to say, hey, you want someody else, then get divorced, but keep it zipped until you do!!!


She has told me that if I leave that she will tell everybody that I'm a crossdresser. I guess that this would be considered a pot hole.

With the facts that we have been given , this is the only place I feel I can offer you empathy and support. That would be wrong of her to out you if you left her! That said, the way I feel about adultery, I don't know why she'd want you anyway. Nevertheless, this type of manipulative threat needs to be addressed in counselling!!!

You can call me mean-spirited (I'm not, but you can say I am), or call me one who is adamant, in re tough love. Your thread just got under my skin, especially as you offered up more details that greatly clarified things -- details we should have been given from the start.

[Zely]

^^' what's an SO? Sorry about your prettyful stuff being tossed. *hugs*

[crimsoncage GG]

I am so sorry this happened to you. I know I have my issues sometimes about my CD but I love him very much. My issues are not his issues and I would never do anything like this to him.


ok I screwed up. From now on I will read the entire thread. I forgot that there are people out there who will paint the wronged party as the bad guy to make themselves look good, after all I haven't had to live like that in months. I'm sorry it won't happen again.

That being said...
I am not about abusing others publicly and I wouldn't want to break any rules. You get married for better or worse. There is no weight limit on love and by the way deary you're no VS model;snap; I don't put people down but how dare you? How dare you when she accepted you , BTW people who are severly depressed tend to put on weight and quit doing housework...How could you be so inconsiderate and selfish!? If my man did to me what you did to her, oh that's right he did and I took my kids and moved far away.
But at least he still has all his stuff! You're just lucky she hasn't left your sorry....!


That burns me up! Tamara Thanks for setting me straight on that one. If I had read the whole thread I wouldn't have even responded to this guy. I'm to new to be sure what would count as abuse or even if I would have been alone in my feelings. In real life Natasha woulda had to drag me off someone like that.

[Tamara Croft]

I've read this whole thread and I see it split into two... those who care more about clothes being tossed and those who care for the wife who has basically been treated like nothing but something that was scraped off her husbands shoe.

Why is that?? why is it such a damn crime that the wife threw away the clothes?? it is NOT theft, she didn't STEAL anything.... you can't steal something that is in your own home... and she had EVERY right to be angry and the hubby is lucky that's all she did. And then to top it off, the hubby won't sleep with his wife because she is overweight...

How very sad.... the woman you married, the one you're supposed to love unconditionally.... instead of helping her, you cheated on her, well bravo, well done... you made her worse...

I hope you get the councelling you need, I hope she gets the support she needs and I hope she gets a man she deserves, because she sure as hell doesn't need a man cheating on her because of a weight issue :mad:

[ChristineRenee]

Cheating on her was very wrong. Her throwing out your clothes was very wrong as well, no matter how angry or justified she felt in doing it. This doesn't sound like a recipe for a very healthy relationship to me. Sounds like you both could benefit from some counseling to see if this relationship can...or even should...be saved at this point.

[Holly]

And now Sharon, you've managed to make many of us not trust you as well. Withholding information as you did about what contributed to your wife's actions (justified or not) was absolutely wrong of you. You both are behaving poorly and until and unless you both receive so outside assistance, history is only going to repeat itself... not much to look forward to.:(

[battybattybats]

There are moral/ethical/legal issues involved here.

a) A person has total rights over there own body, even in a relationship. This is important as it protects women from being raped legally by their husbands or otherwise physically abused.

b) A person has the right to their own property even while in a relationship. This is important as it protects women from husbands who are financially abusive.

c) A person has the right to determine the level of their participation in a relationship. so yes someone has the right to not sleep with their partner. This is important as it protects women from from being raped by their husbands, forced to become pregnant to their husbands or be forced into any other practice within a relationship.

d) A person has the right to define the relationship for themselves despite common custom. This is important as it protects women from being forced to participate in abusive cultural practices of their own culture or their husbands.

e) A person has a right to privacy. This is important as it protects women from manipulatively abusive husbands and gives them the capacity to make preperations to flee such abuse.

f) A person has the right to information that puts them physically at risk. This is important as it protects women from being infected by nasty diseases or poisons that their husbands could expose them to.

This ensures men cannot 'own' their wives or steal their wives property.

The natural consequences of equal rights means men get all these right to which also means:
a) The husband can shave or tattoo or pierce themselves in any way irrespective of the desires of their partner.

b) The husband can own a stash of womens clothes or a bank account that is theirs and only theirs.

c) We may not agree with the 'why' but it's still the husbands right to not sleep with their partner. To insist, cajole or force them to is rape.

d) A person may have an 'open' relationship or non-monogamous relationship. (though to do so without the knowledge of the partner is to risk transmission of disease to them and is therefore unethical).

e) Husbands can hve lives outside the relationship, friends outside the relationship and can keep things from their wives that do not risk physical harm to their wives.

f) Husbands have a right to know these same things too fo course. Women cheat just as much.

Therefore a wife cannot 'own' her husband.
The things that protect women from possessive and abusive husbands must be applied equally to men.

Cheating is a breach of a promise (assuming the promise was freely made and not at all coerced), not (in most western democracies at least) a crime.

Also remember that cheating rates are massive.. studies range from 30% to over 50% and are equally comitted by men and women. The number of children that are not fathered biologically by the man supposed to be the father is staggeringly huge!

Now I'm not defending cheating but clearly monogamy is a goal that a huge proportion of the population simply cannot reach! It is high time that the very nature of what we should expect from relationships be thoroughly reevaluated by society as a whole.

Personally I favour monogamy but wouldn't force it on someone else.
Irrespective, theft is a crime and also a direct violation of personal boundaries and is in itself clearly wrong. Risking exposing someone unknowingly to possible infections is also thoroughly wrong. As two wrongs don't make a right I can hapilly condemn theft and risking other peoples lives (like passive smoking!) as totally unethical without entering into the much less clear cut, subjective, culturally specific and gray area that is 'moral' infidelity.

Now if we are going to be relativistic about it where different types of wrong are weighted as being more or less important.. well the problem with that is that there can be no right answers outside a single individuals judgement as that way of measuring right and wrong is unalterably subjective. That's why we can easilly determine ethically, objectively, based on rights, what is right and wrong and judge others accordingly but personal subjective decisions are impossible for others to judge.


Withholding information as you did about what contributed to your wife's actions (justified or not) was absolutely wrong of you.

But people have a right to privacy! It is wrong in that we cannot fairly judge or understand situations without sufficient pertinent data and therefore it is wrong as in ineffective but surely only as wrong as that. We don't have a right to any details of other peoples lives that they do not wish to share.

Lets not disregard all the gains of the enlightenment and feminism please.

[Steff26]

I hate to be nasty here, but her dumping your femme things is not the betrayal, or the worst thing that could have happened. You are lucky you still have a chance to keep her. I would focus on the adultery issue, not go shopping, and pray you could get through this. Good luck. :2c:

Steff

[Tamara Croft]

But people have a right to privacy! It is wrong in that we cannot fairly judge or understand situations without sufficient pertinent data and therefore it is wrong as in ineffective but surely only as wrong as that. We don't have a right to any details of other peoples lives that they do not wish to share.I'm sorry, but this is utter rubbish!!! You don't come on this forum, with a 'woe is me she threw my clothes' thread and then expect everyone to feel sorry for them... and then toss into the mix 'oh but I had an affair too because my wife is overweight'.... get real.... your post has angered me more than the thread starters :Angry3:

[sobe1ove GG]

I agree with Tamara.

And sorry, Batty, but 'everyone else does it' isn't a good defense for cheating. That's just silly. And we're NOT talking about an open relationship here, because then it wouldn't be cheating. I highly disagree with your arguments.

[Kate Simmons]

Hi Sharon. This is something you and your wife have to work out. In my opinion, it is an entirely personal matter and shouldn't have been aired here at all but what is done is done. I do give you credit for having the courage to admit what you did. I only hope the two of you can work this out if that is possible. My best wishes for you with that my friend.

[Sheila]

I had to walk away from this thread to calm down before I got muself banned for what I wanted to say .............. your reply angered me beyond belief.



I got home this evening with 3 hours to dress. I had just bought some new white stockings and was looking to dress in a black skirt with a white top and you guess it white stockings, black necklace, and black 3" pumps. BUT when I got into my box there was nothing there. I checked my over flow box and nothing there.

I'm devastated. Man this ruins everything.
Sharon



Girls thank all of you for your input.

I read all of the posting and I thought that I would tell the whole story.

#1. When I met my SO I crossdressed. She thought that this was fun and joined into the fun. She would buy me clothes and sex was great.

After several years she thought that I was being obsess with dressing. She thought that she was not being recognized as the woman in this relationship.

#2. I'm not sure why I have done this but 3 times I have looked outside of our marriage for others. The first 2 times were really nothing but flirting. The last time was different.
The last time my SO was very angry. I met a woman that liked me and I started just gaming with her then it happened and sex happened. This happened just once and it was all over.

She started accusing me of sleeping with others. At this time I was not. She kept accusing me so finally I did. When she ask I lied and told her that she was wrong. I told her the truth this week when she asked again.


#3 My SO and I have not had sex for many years. We just have been friends. The last time we had sex was when she hit 290 pounds. It was not that great. So I turned it off. She hit 330

Now she is asking me what is wrong with her that I had sex with others but not her. I understand her question but I really do not want to tell her why.

PS she is now 250, gastric banding.Sharon


He cheated full stop no agreement to open relationship here, he withheld sex from her, the lied when asked if he was cheating


Did you manage to miss the pertinant parts of the two posts or did you just choose to ignore them.

I thank god I have the partner I have ......... we may have our problems with or without cding thrown into the mix ......... but of one thing I am absolutely certain for both of us is FIDELITY AND TRUST IS PARAMOUNT without that we would not have a relationship

[Steff26]

Last post for this thread from me. The bottom line is you took away something close to her(security, trust, sex). So she got rid of something close to you(clothes) . However, she could never take enough from you, to match what you stole from her.

Peace,
Steff

[Country girl]

there has been so much truth and so much crap on this thread. The truth is you lied to all of us :Angry3: but the biggest betrayal and the only one that matters in the end is the one you committed against your wife. Tamara and all of the GG's speak the truth in their post to you. A very select few of the CDers seem to have their heads on strait. How anyone can think it is a crime for your wife to have thrown out your clothes OR for you to have lied to us and misled us with this thread to begin with is OK is beyond me. And to try and justify your cheating because of your wife's weight issue's???:Angry3: Have you looked in a mirror lately? How much do you weigh? You don't look like a "small person" in your avatar picture? I'm curious because you didn't tell us any info from that perspective. I'm not trying to be mean or rude, but you did say that you and your wife had become friends and hadn't had sex in years. Maybe she found YOU unattractive just as much as you say you were finding her unattractive? But SHE didn't cheat. She respected her marriage vows. I really hope that y'all can work this out. She sounds like an absolutely wonderful woman. Someone who desreves to be treated with the utmost Love and respect. and Not be stuck with someone who is/has walked all over her. If she does stay with you, you best change your ways. It wouldn't be just your clothes that would be gone had you been in my house. :Angry3:

[renee99]

Is it possible to take both sides in this one? IMO, they were both wrong. Even if throwing away the clothes was retaliation for a heinous act of betrayal, it doesn't undo the wrong that has already been done... so now it's two wrongs... the only question is which one is greater magnitude. Since the husband who came here looking for support was the one who cheated multiple times, his offence being of greater magnitude is why he is not going to get that support.

[Country girl]

Renee99, Perhaps if Sharon had not lied to us or if you prefer, mislead us, then we might have have more support to give, but no matter how you throw the dice on this one, most people are not willing to forgive a betrayal of the most sacred thing there is. I for one would have to say that cheating or having sex outside of the relationship/marriage is definately a deal breaker for me. There would be no second chance with this lady and I dare say with most. Sharon's wife is a woman to be valued and treasured. A rare jewel to say the very least.

[Sheri 4242]

I'm sorry, but this is utter rubbish!!! You don't come on this forum, with a 'woe is me she threw my clothes' thread and then expect everyone to feel sorry for them... and then toss into the mix 'oh but I had an affair too because my wife is overweight'.... get real.... your post has angered me more than the thread starters.


Amen! Ditto! Exactly!

[Joanne_'jojo']

I've read this whole thread and I see it split into two... those who care more about clothes being tossed and those who care for the wife who has basically been treated like nothing but something that was scraped off her husbands shoe.

Why is that?? why is it such a damn crime that the wife threw away the clothes?? it is NOT theft, she didn't STEAL anything.... you can't steal something that is in your own home... and she had EVERY right to be angry and the hubby is lucky that's all she did. And then to top it off, the hubby won't sleep with his wife because she is overweight...

How very sad.... the woman you married, the one you're supposed to love unconditionally.... instead of helping her, you cheated on her, well bravo, well done... you made her worse...

I hope you get the councelling you need, I hope she gets the support she needs and I hope she gets a man she deserves, because she sure as hell doesn't need a man cheating on her because of a weight issue :mad:

Right on!!

I'm sorry that I can feel no empathy here for some lost clothes. To put everyone straight here (IMHO), throwing someones clothes out isn't wrong, unfair, a crime or anything else.

Having 3, YES THREE affairs, and then LYING ABOUT IT, is what's WRONG. Lots of people here write threads about feeling like a woman etc. PLEASE.. put yourself in any SO's position and ask yourself if you wouldn't FEEL the same.

There are for sure more issues going on here, and I do hope you figure them out. Your wife obviously loves you or there wouldn't be anything of yours left in the house. I hope you figure out that you sure as hell love your wife or else she is better off asking for a divorce. If you are really lucky maybe she'll trust you again as well as loving you as much as she does.

Time to see the big picture.

Joanne.

P.S. If this p*%^#@ people off then so be it. I usually refrain from replies that are this controversial and opinionated, but geez sometimes this community needs to think of the SO's first. They love us, they put up with all our self-centred crap and sure as hell don't deserve all that crap dumped upon them.

[sobe1ove GG]

I usually refrain from replies that are this controversial and opinionated, but geez sometimes this community needs to think of the SO's first. They love us, they put up with all our self-centred crap and sure as hell don't deserve all that crap dumped upon them.

Thank you very much, Jojo. I appreciate the sentiment.

[angelfire]

"The most deadly lie is the half truth." ~Anton Szandor LaVey

Now, onto the matter at hand. Clothes are clothes. They are inanimate and incapable of feelings. Your wife, is a person, who is capable of feelings, and quite animate. You cheat on her, you hurt her feelings and betray her trust. She throws out your clothes, they feel nothing. Clothing can be replaced, people who are important in our lives and who support us cannot be so easily replaced. If she has supported you in any way (financially or emotionally), then she has done far more for you than the clothes have, and you treat your clothes with more respect than you did her.

That fact that people are ACTUALLY comparing the act of throwing out clothing to cheating is absolutely ludacris. There is no comparison. One sucks, and one is hurtful and a betray.

Quite frankly, if it were me, the relationship would be over.

[Ekatcha]

Not really sure I can add anything to this thread myself. I read the first page and moved on, having a feeling there was something else afoot... and after browsing came back to pages 2 and 3 with my suspicions confirmed. Easy approach is to say both were wrong, but I personally believe more here is at stake.

Wife's tossing of personal objects is both a retalitory measure and a cry for attention. Given the circumstance, I don't see it as unexcusable myself... in fact, I think its perfectly natural. I think the wife was certainly self consious of herself (why ask questions about infedility in the first place?), but that is in abso-frickin-lutley no excuse for it to happen. While the actual act may have only occured once, the intent was there by the OP's admission at least thrice.

I'd like to be a sympathetic cd'er, really I would... but as someone who's been through a cheating marriage, I can't be. From my own experience, my ex cheated on me a multitude of times and I continued to try and make it work because I felt like I couldn't really do better. I'd married, maybe not the woman of my dreams, but one who I thought loved me more than the world and I treated her as such. Maybe I became fat or was just that way... dunno, but certainly I wasn't interesting enough after a while, according to her. I found out after a while and we tried to work through it, all the while she kept seeking others under my nose.

My point is... I kept at while she didn't... or maybe didn't want to. After a bit, I found a smidgen of self-esteem within myself and friends help and realized I could do better and we split. I was really commited to the relationship, and perhaps she was at the end, I dunno... but I was so bloody paranoid by then that any little thing was proof of what I wanted to believe. Ultimately, for me, infidelity is a deal breaker. It's not a f'ing right to privacy! A marraige is I pledge myself to you and no-one else... simple as that.

You broke that covenant. Tossing out your wardrobe is the least of your problems. You might feel like crap now, but what happens the next time your wife gains 20 pounds? You going out to sleep with the next gal that brings a twinkle to your eye?

Humans, in genreal, f'k up... we all do... I'd say you're willing to realize this at this point, but... my question is how do you really feel about that? Seriously. Is the pain this has caused enough to make you stop and think about it the next time it comes up? I guarantee you it will come up again. Your wife will have weight fluxuations... shit happens man. Will you be able to be one and keep it in your pants?

If you have questions about that, then do you really want to make it work? Do you want to save your marriage and if you do, for what reasons? I think its something your best off discussing with your therapist/couselor... There's a lot to consider here, and while on the one hand I feel a tinge of remorse for what you are going through... on the other hand I suspect you've no idea what it feels like to be really cheated on. If you did, you probably wouldn't do it to someone else intentionally... I can be called a lot of things, but nothing really compares to that experience.

*shrug* maybe I'm out in left field on this. Maybe I'll be banned for it, hell if I know... not trying that. Not trying to be on the attack either, though it may seem like it. I'm just blown away by this thread... There are a few things in life one should hold sacred... commitment via marriage to another is one of them. I'm just really saddened by folks that it's not a big deal to...

Take it for what its worth.

Eka

[dancinginthedark]

No long lecture. Just a bit of 411 for you. Hurt/pain often hides behind anger. You may think she is just really pissed but what she is is really hurt. BTDT Sometimes it is just easier on the pride to be angry than to cry again in front of the one who hurt you so. Trust me you got off easy if all you lost were some clothes. I hope you both get help and lots of it, but got to tell you my sympathy is with her.

dancin

[battybattybats]

I am very, very sorry that I upset some people with my post. I wish to make it clear that I do not condone, justify, defend or excuse cheating.
Discussing right and wrong is always going to be a touchy subject.
I wasn't justifying or defending infidelity, I was though suggesting that the notion that there was a realistic assumption and expectation of monogamy can't be maintained when considering those statistics. I personally favour monogamy but clearly that does not work for a huge proportion of people. To sleep around without ones partners awareness is absolutely unethical as I stated before. Clearly many people should be in open relationships as they can't stick to just one partner. As women cheat as much as men this cannot be seen as related to crossdressing, it is simply coincidental. Also I have known a number of people who think that strong feelings justify wrong acts.. including cheating, and it seems a lot of people cheat specifically as revenge for some perceived hurt against them or failure on the part of their partner to please them. Two wrongs don't make a right. Revenge is not a justification for anything and no-one else is ever responsible for another persons actions!

As for the throwing away of clothes.. to compare the two to each other is logically invalid. Clearly they are both wrong in different ways and for different reasons. Even if one is vastly worse than the other it does not in any way invalidate or weaken the wrongness of the other. They are in effect two seperate wrong things even if one is enacted as a retaliation for the other (two wrongs don't make a right!).

I still state that people have a right to privacy. Regardless. Even if the use of that right is immoral or even unethical. In many countries it is constitutionally or legally enshrined and protected. Did we need to know that the SO had a reasonable grievance when she comitted an illegal (yes illegal, private property is what it was and to dispose of it without permission is a crime, a small one if the clothes were cheap, a larger one if they were worth a great deal of money) and immoral act? It doesn't excuse her actions, though it does explain the motivations in this instance. Does the generally acknowledged as a very poor reason for the CD to cheat make the infidelity wrong? No because it is wrong regardless of motivation. As a breach of promise (which is a serious issue) and potentially risking the life of the partner (easilly even more serious) it is entirely wrong. Polarised thinking makes it easy to excuse wrongs done on people who have also done wrong.. but that only breeds excuses for further immoral behaviour, revenge and wretched abuses and that helps nothing.

Now for the really serious bit. Withdrawel of sex. I'm sorry but if someone doesn't want to do it, for whatever reason, that's it. No means No! Yes, no means no. There is no obligation to have sex. There is no duty to have sex. It requires mutual consent. Withdrawel of sex or other intimacy would be a very underhanded and manipulative tactic if it is done for the express purpose of getting ones way in a relationship, but no one has the right to an expectation of sex. There are plenty of reasons people may have to not have sex and to state that to choose not to have sex for any reason at all ever is wrong is bordering on the tacit approval of rape. Now to make statements like that is to break the law in some countries not to mention how repugnant it is. There are good reasons why laws that required a fulfillment of 'wifely duties' or allowed 'husbands priviledge' have been struck down in all decent and civilised countries.

Strong emotions justify no wrong action. Any coercion, force or obligation on someone to have sex is rape and inexcusable.

[rachel_rachel]

I'm probably gonna get slammed for saying this but.... In the same situation, i'd be doing the same thing. You, and only you have f&#*ed up here.

Some others have said it's theft, invasion of privacy, yeah yeah. You took something away from your wife, remember you took a vow to protect this woman, you haven't.

Now she has taken something away from you that you cherish, your stash of women's clothes.. wipe your tears, get over it.

You have failed here in your marriage, you need to seek the comfort of a stranger to get your rocks off, then it fails. Well your wife wanted to talk, you couldn't even to that..... her weight gain was a cry for help, you couldn't care, you only care about the last time you had sex with her and her weight at the time.


What's more important here?

[Sedona]

Ditto what Tamara said. Here's where I differ. Part of why my girlfriend is with me is because I eat right and exercise. Of course there is much much more that our relationship is based on, but basically, we turn each other on physically. If we end up getting married, I'd expect her desire for me to diminish if I balloon up to double my weight. Let's say I have a genetic condition that causes me to gain dramatic weight when I hit 45. What if I get to the point that I'm basically unable to perform? Should I expect her to live a life of monogamy? Certainly not.

Is cheating wrong? Of course. Still, there's a larger picture, excuse the pun. That larger picture has nothing to do with clothes.

But, let me ask the author of this thread? What are you doing to keep yourself physically attractive for your wife?

[Alexis Sue]

Remember there are two of you in the relationship. The understanding has to flow both ways! I'm not condoning her throwing out you clothes, but it sounds like she's reaching out to you for something.

Best wishes,

Alexis Sue

[Sedona]

Remember there are two of you in the relationship. The understanding has to flow both ways! I'm not condoning her throwing out you clothes, but it sounds like she's reaching out to you for something.

Best wishes,

Alexis Sue


Clothes schmothes. What she's reaching out for is: "Don't Cheat!"

[Marcie Sexton]

Sounds to me that there is a dire need of some serious one to one time needed for the two of you...

[crimsoncage GG]

Sounds to me that there is a dire need of some serious one to one time needed for the two of you...


One on One time...have you flipped ypur biscuit? Counseling won't do it. His wife is irreparably damaged from this. He should have considered how choice to dress was going to affect her in the long run. Even IF he came out early. Natasha came out to me early on too and I said fine no big:thumbup:. Well sometimes it is a big deal. I've never done this before how was I supposed to know. Sharon needed to be more understanding, he isn't. End of story.
He gives our loving, caring, crossdressing men a bad name.:2c:


That's my story and I'm stickin to it.

[StephanieH]

:(I've watched this one a couple days now and it's only gotten worse. The original poster here is the kinda' guy in a dress, for lack of any more polite term, that gives so many of us a bad name and causes trouble for acceptance among wives and SO's.

Once you start having an affair, all prior agreements are null and void. You violate the most sacred aspect of your commitment to her because she's become a fat chick and you expect her to respect you? GET REAL!

If you can't deal with her weight, that's your problem and it sounds like she's taken action now to work on that. And in that regard, most obese people become that way as a by-product of depression - wonder where that may have come from?

Counseling may help, but as for me, I'd have thrown you out of the house, not just your clothes. HONESTY AND TRUST are essential if any relationship is going to succeed.

Seek some help. Take care. :2c:

[crimsoncage GG]

Spontaneous HUGS & SMOOCHIES to Randi from a grateful GG.

[Sheila]

Spontaneous HUGS & SMOOCHIES to Randi from a grateful GG.

I will second that :hugs:

[GACountrygal]

I will second that :hugs:

and I will third that! :hugs:

[mylitta]

And I will say thanks to all of you who have stood up for fidelity and trust within a relationship- it's good to know that a lot of you have your priorities right.

[amanda barber]

It really is scary how common the trend is to see the justification for any action when the partner doesn't obey.
One of the reason I started reading this site again was a grant request for further study and support network for domestic hate crimes. Crimes committed against a domestic partner on the grounds that they are Gay,CD,TS,TG. I was really on the fence but the timing of this thread and the very scary trend to dissregard rule of law for any percieved emmotional hurt convinced me the funding is needed.

[Sheila]

It really is scary how common the trend is to see the justification for any action when the partner doesn't obey.
One of the reason I started reading this site again was a grant request for further study and support network for domestic hate crimes. Crimes committed against a domestic partner on the grounds that they are Gay,CD,TS,TG. I was really on the fence but the timing of this thread and the very scary trend to dissregard rule of law for any percieved emmotional hurt convinced me the funding is needed.

BEFORE I GET MYSELF BANNED THIS IS MY AND ONLY MY :2c:


The SO is the one here who was sinned against ........... had he been my cdr he would have been bloody lucky to have been left with one set of clothes to stand up in let alone to have just lost his FEM CLOTHES

No crime has been committed here ........... the SO threw out clothes in her view (my interpretation on this I will admit) surplus to requirments

Just where is the hatred crime you mention :Angry3::Angry3:

[bobi jean]

I have heen following this thread since the beginning and now I MUST TOTALLY AGREE WITH Randi. I feel that this thread began as a lie and continued to get worse with what ever you want to call it, any way I'M DONE.
don't lie you will get caught

[Wendy me]

OK been reading this all along .....and i got a problem with this .....i felt bad for this poor CD whose wife tossed her things out .... but felt there was more to it than she was saying ........ bingo i was right .... messing around during the marriage is wrong ..... :eek:...... trying to bring up things not going well or that the wife had gained some weight ..... or what ever to make it not look like the affair was all her fault .... like she had no choice is bull S+h+i+t... NOTHING MORE .... our CD here was and still is wrong .... lucky this wife did not through her out as well....

call me old fashion call what ever you like ...... you don't date while your marred .... if your not getting along and you can't work things out and you want to see someone else you owe your so the respect to tell them it's not working out ... and i found some one else .. we need to get a divorce .....

these are people we marry and have for so's not some one or some thing to be taken lightly.......now don't you all think it would be real interesting to have her wife's opinion on what relay went on????............

[crimsoncage GG]

oh oh oh! Do any ladies here share clothes with their CD's? Hands anyone! Well I do, can you say community property. He keeps his clothes seperate from mine but I'm always welcome to them.


This was in response to anyone out there who is calling this a crime. Under the guidelines of community property what she did wasn't illegal folks, their married...she was cleaning house.

[bobi jean]

She Missed An Item!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[crimsoncage GG]

She Missed An Item!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ROFLMFAO! Yes she did!

[gennee]

Some counseling is in order for you both. This will keep on unless it is resolved. I agree with Holly on this one.

Gennee

:straightface:

[Tamara Croft]

I think the message is loud and clear in this thread and I feel it should now be laid to rest. I just hope Sharon can start rebuilding her relationship with her wife and I hope she can forgive her. Sharon still needs our support, she is still a CD, lets not forget that too. What she has done is wrong, but I think she knows that ;) I think we've scolded her enough now, let's try and help her start rebuilding her life ok? :hugs: