Help a sister out PLEASE (coming out to co-workers)

[KandisTX]

I am having a serious dilemma here. Okay, maybe not a SERIOUS one, but a dilemma nonetheless, and I need advice.

I work for a large company and have done so for the last nine and one-half years. There are a number of ladies that I have somewhat become “close” with in our working relationship and there are some of these women that I would LOVE to be able to come out to and talk to them about my CDing. The problem is I am honestly not sure if this would be a good idea or not. There are some that I am sure would not care one way or the other, and there are some that I do not have any idea how they would react. Of course, being in Houston Texas could be part of the issues I am experiencing, but that’s not the whole of it.

There is one administrative assistant that is a tall, well built (meaning broad shoulders, long legs, big feet, etc..etc..) who would be PERFECT as a GG friend to share my secret with, but there is really no way to “read” what her reaction might be, and since she is the assistant to the Director of my department it could bode very badly for me in the future.

My issue here is that while my wife knows, and many, if not all, of our close friends know, I still desire someone I can talk to that is “new blood” in that arena. I think I’m going nuts since my time to dress is severely limited since we have my wife’s son with us for the summer (he does not know, but his sister does, and she has been SWORN to secrecy as we do not know how he would handle this type of news).

Any suggestions?


Kandis:love:

[Emily Ann Brown]

Yeah...one suggestion.....don't risk screwing up your employment for a "secret" pal at work.

Emily Ann

[gmss]

Unless you can get a real good read as to whether or not she would be accepting, I would suggest (if nothing else) waiting until you can get such a read.

It's a big gamble because if she is not understanding, it could be disasterous.

I think the trick is to find out how she feels about the subject without telling her anything about you on the subject.

Try and broach the subject with her by way of a story of a third party (make it up if you have to) who had this problem (any problem) oh, and btw, he was a CD....

Definitely go slow, because if it's the wrong turn, you won't be able to "back up".

Just my 0.02

[KandisTX]

Yeah...one suggestion.....don't risk screwing up your employment for a "secret" pal at work.

Emily Ann

Thanks Emily Ann,

I kind of figured that one out :D It's just one of those things that we find ourselves thinking about.. I don't even know if I would actually be able to come out to any of them even if the opportunity arose.

Kandis:love:

[paulaN]

What your thinking........... Don't do it.

[Lydia Hamilton]

Kandis, my input is...... DO NOT Share this information with anyone at work. The word will leak out and then your job or next promotion will be in peril. No amount of mental satisfaction is worth the risk. Lydia

[Jenna1561]

Exactly what you've come to realize - don't do it. If you confide in one person, the word will eventually spread. It's not worth the potential damage to your career.


Jenna

[crimsoncage GG]

I agree with everyone else...Don't risk it.

[Samantha B L]

Kandis,You could get in a lot of hot water. You're batting great as it is,your wife and freinds all know and it's cool with them. So please don't tell any of those women on your job.

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

None of us know all of your work situation to really comment on it. If you are comfortable with everyone at work knowing your crossdressing than tell your co-workers about it. Once you tell one person you should assume that everyone will know about you, that may not actually happen but if it might what will the ramifications be to your work and your personal life. do it if you can live with all the ram's. If this post were an easy answer you wouldn't have to have asked it so good luck. The benefit to telling would be that you could go dressed any day you wanted, does that benefit outway the risk of what may happen?

[KandisTX]

Thanks Gurls,

I really appreciate you all confirming my own "first instincts". While it would be nice to have a GG friend to talk to here. It just would not be worth the possible consequences.

Kandis:love:

[Karren H]

Yeah...one suggestion.....don't risk screwing up your employment for a "secret" pal at work.

Emily Ann

Ditto.....

Karren

[susiej]

Kandis,

Your gut, and all of us here, seem to be telling you coming out to your ladyfriends at work is a bad idea. Mmmm, bad idea. Yup, trust your gut. Bad idea.

So, go back to the problem. You'd like to have more friends to girl talk with. You've jumped to a single solution -- the ladies at work -- and appear to be a little fixated with it. How about if you go back to the problem and look for new solutions? Where else can you meet people like that, who don't also have something major to do with your paychecks?

You might consider: http://www.tau-chi.org . This is the Houston chapter of Tri-Ess; while this is not exactly what you said you're looking for, these nice people could easily be the extra friends you need. If you go to one of their meetings, you'd also get a chance to dress in a totally accepting context, without the risk currently associated with your home life.

Which brings me to another thing: how long will it be before your stepson finds out? Seems to me it's inevitable, given the list of other people who know. Assuming you'd rather he learn it from you rather than somebody who may not explain it right -- "your stepdad's gay, he wears womens' clothes" -- you might consider starting to break it to him. This might also eventually allow you to dress at home again.

Hugs,
Susie

[Alice B]

Work and play do not mix. Keep it secret unless one of these co-workers asks you.

[KandisTX]

Kandis,

You might consider: http://www.tau-chi.org . This is the Houston chapter of Tri-Ess; while this is not exactly what you said you're looking for, these nice people could easily be the extra friends you need. If you go to one of their meetings, you'd also get a chance to dress in a totally accepting context, without the risk currently associated with your home life.

Which brings me to another thing: how long will it be before your stepson finds out? Seems to me it's inevitable, given the list of other people who know. Assuming you'd rather he learn it from you rather than somebody who may not explain it right -- "your stepdad's gay, he wears womens' clothes" -- you might consider starting to break it to him. This might also eventually allow you to dress at home again.

Hugs,
Susie

First, I have tried some of the local groups, unfortunately, they are not really what I am looking for.

Secondly, the reason we have to be "careful" is his mental state. While he is not retarded or handicapped, he is somewhat "autistic", meaning his brain functions at a higher level and faster than most kids his age. While I am sure things would work out fine, it's not MY place to decide, while I will have some say in the matter, that decision is his mothers and fathers to make.

Kandis:love:

[bobi jean]

Surely there is another outlet some where in TEXAS, close by.
I would not risk a job just to release a little tension from crossdressing.You'd be better of telling the boy...

[MsJanessa]

What your thinking........... Don't do it.

In Maine it would be ok---this state passed a gay rights bill last year that protects crossdressers from job discrimination---I don't know about Texas--but as a practical matter you should keep your personal life separate from your profressional life---you have enough friends who know and accept you---if you feel the need to tell anyone--do it with people outside your workplace.

[Michelle 51]

I agree with the other's.There must be some support group's (tri-ess or other's) that you can get together with and be yourself.If the wrong person finds out the only thing faster than office gossip would be what you call in Texas a flash flood justabit

[Beth785]

I would suggest against coming out at work, even to only one person whom you trust. It would be a very juicy bit to share at the water cooler. I know in my job, people know your business even before you do. If I told one, everyone would know before the end of the day.

[Jeri.x]

Looks like there are 2 issues here:
First, regarding workmates. I would never lets them know at all. At da risk of da time & work you've put in at ur job. Not unless u have something on them 2 which u can protect yourself (especially ur employer). U maybe close friends now but what about tomorrow. It might also affect ur future employment if you had 2 change, depending on what field & where.
Second, ur step-son. What ever you decide it must b a family thing. Meaning ur wife and ur step-daughter must no b4 u act. Ur at least half the way 'coz ur wife & her daughter I assume accepted u 4 who u r. And so as most of ur friends accdg. 2 u. Let time pass, when people r slowly more open minded. In time so shall you b accepted.

[Di]

Glad you came to your senses....be one thing if you came out to everyone......so that would include your work....but to damage to your career for a pal:rolleyes: So put your energy to finding somewhere you will feel comfortable with. A friend I know visited about 4 before finding somewhere she fit in....................Good luck.

[TxKimberly]

Yes I have advice, and based on experience too - DON'T DO IT.
I told several people at work and it went well for years. Then I went one step too far, told the wrong person, and she thought it was disgusting and was kind enough to share it with at least one other. Now i don't know who does and does not know in my company.
Its not worth the risk.

[Emily Ann Brown]

Having been the one to give the hard news, let me now try to give some more pleasant advice........find a sister on here or maybe a Yahoo group or even TriEss that you click with and arrange regular lunch meetings (spelled MEETING-FOR-LUNCH) in guy mode just for fellowship. I found that to really help curb my need for a daily face-to-face chatbuddy. If I may spill some private info, I know Karren Hutton has a "lunch buddy" and I've heard hints that several others here do as well. This method is far safer than feeding the gossip mill where you work.


Emily Ann

[Chantelle CD]

Yeah...one suggestion.....don't risk screwing up your employment for a "secret" pal at work.

Emily Ann


DITTO

[amanda barber]

I am having a serious dilemma here. Okay, maybe not a SERIOUS one, but a dilemma nonetheless, and I need advice.


There is one administrative assistant that is a tall, well built (meaning broad shoulders, long legs, big feet, etc..etc..) who would be PERFECT as a GG friend to share my secret with, but there is really no way to “read” what her reaction might be, and since she is the assistant to the Director of my department it could bode very badly for me in the future.

My issue here is that while my wife knows, and many, if not all, of our close friends know, I still desire someone I can talk to that is “new blood” in that arena. I think I’m going nuts since my time to dress is severely limited since we have my wife’s son with us for the summer (he does not know, but his sister does, and she has been SWORN to secrecy as we do not know how he would handle this type of news).

Any suggestions?


Kandis:love:

Since you describe this co-worker physicly I get the impression that it has nothing to do with work and has no place in a work enviroment. If I'm wrong and it is a genuine need to expess your true self and gender identity in the workplace , do not start with this person, start with your lawyer sending letters INFORMING (not asking) HR department about your dressing at work and a schedualing for reasonable accomodation disscussions to begin. This sets the stage and forces any employer action into the realm of discrimatory retaliation. Be carefull and plan acordingly for roundabout repercussions. Unfortunatly there is always a way to get rid of someone, even in places with good equallity laws. "position no longer required", restructuring. I've seen entire departments gutted with the employees "allowed to re-apply for other positions" in companies just to get rid of one person, and that person and a couple others never get back in. All above board on paper when done right and planned well, all driven by discrimination.

Every company has a anti-discrimination clause in the books these days but the following ones have a fairly good track record of upholding it.

1. Advance Auto Parts(Advance Holding) Roanoke, VA
2. Advanced Micro Devices - Sunnyvale, CA
3. Aetna, Inc. - Hartford, CT
4. Agilent Technologies
5. Air Products and Chemicals, Inc. Allentown, PA
6. American Express Co. New York, NY
7. AMR Corp.(American Airlines) - Fort Worth, TX
8. Anheuser-Busch Companies Inc., St. Louis MO
9. Aon Corp, Chicago, IL
10. Apple Inc., Cupertino, CA
11. AT&T Inc., San Antonio TX
12. Avaya Inc., Basking Ridge NJ
13. Bank of America Corp, Charlotte NC
14. Bellsouth Corp., Atlant GA
15. Best Buy Co., Inc., Richfield MN
16. Boeing Co., Chicago, IL
17. Borders Group Inc., Ann Arbor, MI
18. Bristol-Myers Squibb Co., New York, NY
19. Capital One Financial Corp., McLean, VA
20. CBS Corporation, New York, NY
21. Charles Schwab Corp., San Francisco CA
22. Chevron Corp., San Ramon, CA
23. Chubb Corp., Warren, NJ
24. Cigna Corp., Phila, PA
25. Cisco Systems Inc., San Jose, CA
26. Citigroup Inc., New York, NY
27. Clear Channel Communications Inc., San Antonio, TX
28. Clorox Company, Oakland, CA
29. Coca-Cola Company, Denver, CO
30. Consolidated Edison Co., New York, NY
31. Coors Brewing Co., Denver, CO
32. Corning Inc., Corning, NY
33. Costco Wholesale Corp., Issaquah, WA
34. Countrywide Financial Corp., Calabasas CA
35. Cox Communications Inc., Atlanta GA
36. Cummins. Inc., Columbus IN
37. Dell Inc., Round Rock TX
38. Dominion Resources, Inc., Richmond VA
39. Dow Chemical Co., Midland MI
40. DuPont, Wilmington DE
41. Eastman Kodak, Rochester, NY
42. Eli Lilly & Co., Indianapolis IN
43. Estee Lauder Companies , New York NY
44. Ford Motor Co., Dearborn, MI
45. Freescale Semiconductor Inc., Austin,TX
46. Gap, Inc., San Franciso, CA
47. General Dynamics Corp., Falls Church, VA
48. General Mills, Inc. Minneapolis, MN
49. General Motors Corp., Detroit, MI
50. Goldman Sachs Group, New York, NY
51. Google Inc., Mountain View, CA
52. Harrah's Entertainment Inc., Las Vegas NV
53. Health Net Inc., Woodland Hills, CA
54. Hewlett-Packard, Palo Alto, CA
55. Hilton Hotels Corp., Beverly Hills CA
56. Honeywell International Inc., Morristown, NJ
57. Intel Corp., Santa Clara, CA
58. IBM Corp., Armonk, NY
59. ITT Industries, Inc., White Plains, NY
60. J.P. Morgan Chase & Co., New York, NY
61. Johnson & Johnson, New Brunswick, NJ
62. Keyspan Corp., Brooklyn, NY
63. Lehman Brothers Holdings, New York, NY
64. Levi Strauss & Co., San Francisco, CA
65. Lexmark Int'l., Lexington, KY
66. Lincoln Nat'l Corp., Philadelphia, PA
67. Liz Claiborne, Inc., New York, NY
68. Lucent Technologies, Murray Hill, NJ
69. Marriott Int'l., Bethesda, MD
70. Massachusetts Mutual Life Ins. Co., Springfield, MA
71. Mattel Inc., El Segundo, CA
72. Mellon Financial Corp., Pittsburgh, PA
73. Merck & Co., Whitehouse Station, NJ
74. Merrill Lynch & Co., New York, NY
75. MetLife, New York, NY
76. Microsoft, Redmond WA
77. Morgan Stanley, New York, NY
78. Motorola, Schaumurg, IL
79. Nationwide Insurance, Columbus, OH
80. NCR Corp. Dayton, OH
81. New York Life Insurance, New York. NY
82. Newell Rubbermaid Inc., Atlanta, GA
83. Nike, Inc., Beaverton, OR
84. Nordstrom Inc.,
85. Northrup Grumman, Los Angeles, CA
86. Owens & Minor, Mechanicsville, VA
87. Ownes0Corning, Toledo, OH
88. Pathmark Stores, Carteret, NJ
89. PepsiCo, Purchase, NY
90. Pfizer, Inc. New York, NY
91. PG&E Corp., San Fran., CA
92. Pitney Bowes, Inc., Stamford, CT
93. Prudential Financial Inc., Newark, NJ
94. QUALCOMM Inc., San Diego, CA
95. Raytheon Co., Waltham MA
96. Reynolds American, Inc., Winston Salem, NC
97. Ryder System Inc., Miami, FL
98. Safeway Inc., Pleasanton, CA
99. Schering-Plough Corp., Kenilworth, NJ
100. Sears Holdings Corp., Hoffman Estates, IL
101. Sempra Energy, San Diego, CA
102. Sothwest Airlines, Dallas, TX
103. Sprint/Nextel, Reston, VA
104. Staples, Inc., Framingham, MA
105. Starwood Hotels & Resorts Worldwide, White Plains, NY
106. State Street Corp., Boston, MA
107. Sun Microsystems Inc., Santa Clara, CA
108. SunTrust Banks, Atlanta, GA
109. Tech Data Corp., Vlearwater, FL
110. Toys 'R' Us, Wayne, NJ
111. U.S. Bancorp, Minneapolis, MN
112. Unisys Corp., Blue Bell, PA
113. US Airways Group., Tempe, AZ
114. Viacom Inc., New York, NY
115. Visteon Corp., Van Buren Township, MI
116. Wachovia Corp., Charlottle NC
117. Walgreens Co., Deerfield, IL
118. Walt Disney Co., Burbank, CA
119. Washington Mutual Inc., Seattle, WA
120. Wells Fargo & Co., San Fran., CA
121. WESCO International Inc., Pittsburg, PA
122. Whirlpool Corp., Benton Harbor, MI
123. Whole Foods Markets Inc., Austin, TX
124. XEROX Corp., Stamford, CT
125. Yahoo! Inc., Sunnyvale, CA

Its the small companies that generally have the worst records.

[Priscilla Ann]

I hereby add my "don't do it" to the chorus of others.

[MJ]

i also say don't do it .... for your sake and for your job i will be posting something tonight so watch for it ....... you will understand why

[Melanie R]

[QUOTE=KandisTX;911544]First, I have tried some of the local groups, unfortunately, they are not really what I am looking for.

Which local Houston groups have you tried? You have to be a member of Tau Chi to attend meetings. I do not believe you have ever been to one of our meetings. We have a large number of couples who attend. We meet in a wonderful new place and have many exciting events including a wedding shower recently for a couple who are getting married on 7/7/07. Frequently we have our "Elegant Ladies Night Out" to upscale places such as local theatres such as the Hobby Center. The other groups only go out to the gay and lesbian clubs - and there is nothing wrong with that. This weekend is Pride Weekend with the Pride Parade Saturday night. Come walk with the other local transgendered persons or ride on our float. That is the way to know what is going on in Houston.

[Kate Simmons]

Just remember Kandis, you will have to live with any results and potential "fallout" if you decide to do it. As long as you are comfortable with that, it's your decision, Hon:happy:

[angelfire]

I would strongly suggest against coming out to a co-worker. That could land you in all sorts of trouble. I'd say definitely keep your CDing life, and work life seperate.

[KandisTX]

[quote=KandisTX;911544]First, I have tried some of the local groups, unfortunately, they are not really what I am looking for.

Which local Houston groups have you tried? You have to be a member of Tau Chi to attend meetings. I do not believe you have ever been to one of our meetings. We have a large number of couples who attend. We meet in a wonderful new place and have many exciting events including a wedding shower recently for a couple who are getting married on 7/7/07. Frequently we have our "Elegant Ladies Night Out" to upscale places such as local theatres such as the Hobby Center. The other groups only go out to the gay and lesbian clubs - and there is nothing wrong with that. This weekend is Pride Weekend with the Pride Parade Saturday night. Come walk with the other local transgendered persons or ride on our float. That is the way to know what is going on in Houston.


The last group I was a member of was the TG SIG (Special Interest Group) I founded for HPEP ( Houston People Exchanging Power). Before that (many years ago {almost 10}) I went to a couple of functions with GCTC (Gulf Coast Transgender Community).

I was just not as comfortable with them as I thought I would be. I was a member of Neutral Corner in San Diego California for a couple of years in the mid 90's.

Unfortunately, the pride parade or functions are out this year as we have both children this year. When we have both here, Kandis must go back into the closet for a brief while (until we send the boy home).

Kandis:love:

[Sheri 4242]

Yeah...one suggestion.....don't risk screwing up your employment for a "secret" pal at work. Emily Ann

Add me to the chorus! Its just not worth it! There could be problems on what your intentions are -- you might think, "she seems to be a cool GG and I'd like to 'come out' to her on a casual level." She might think it is a lead to something else -- like instead of a "come out" she might view it as an unwanted and uninvited "come on," and depending on her personal mindset, she might want action b/c it was "so pervasive so as to alter the terms/conditions of her employment." That is a problem/accusation you DO NOT want laid at yor doorstep!!!

I think many heterosexual mtf CDers have the desire to come out to GG friends, ultimate intentions notwithstanding, but there are times when this can bite back hard and harshly. So very many scenarios come to mind that I can't begin to write them all down, so let me just say that this is wholly inapropriate for the workplace environment! Even if it went okay for a period of time, one slip of the tongue, or one minor argument, could lead to it being all over the workplac and you in a world of shoot (I presume most of us know what George Carlin says shoot stands for, don't we??? LOL!!!)


Unless you can get a real good read as to whether or not she would be accepting, I would suggest (if nothing else) waiting until you can get such a read.

I don't think you should even attempt to read the coworker. It needs to be left alone in that environment!


Yes I have advice, and based on experience too - DON'T DO IT. I told several people at work and it went well for years. Then I went one step too far, told the wrong person, and she thought it was disgusting and was kind enough to share it with at least one other. Now i don't know who does and does not know in my company. Its not worth the risk.

You just never know -- and IMHO, the workplace is the LAST place to be playing with this kind of fire, as Kim is attesting to.


Since you describe this co-worker physicly I get the impression that it has nothing to do with work and has no place in a work enviroment.

This was the first impression I got, too! We could be wrong, but if we're not, then it is something to be avoided like the plague!


If I'm wrong and it is a genuine need to expess your true self and gender identity in the workplace , do not start with this person, start with your lawyer sending letters INFORMING (not asking) HR department about your dressing at work and a schedualing for reasonable accomodation disscussions to begin. This sets the stage and forces any employer action into the realm of discrimatory retaliation. Be carefull and plan acordingly for roundabout repercussions. Unfortunatly there is always a way to get rid of someone, even in places with good equallity laws. "position no longer required", restructuring. I've seen entire departments gutted with the employees "allowed to re-apply for other positions" in companies just to get rid of one person, and that person and a couple others never get back in. All above board on paper when done right and planned well, all driven by discrimination.

Yep, seen it, too -- and despite EEOC laws, etc., if the employer wants someone gone, it isn't that difficult. Most states are "at will" states anyway, so while some companies have good track records, many do not. It can get ugly and public fast! I filed EEOC papers for someone who worked for Wal-Mart about two years ago -- one of the clearest cases of "they were out to get her at all costs" situations you'll ever see. With as bad a track record as Wal-Mart has in job discrimination cases, they are winning more battles than they are losing. Another EEOC complaint I prepared (this against Best Buy) -- and perhaps one of the very best formalized EEOC complaints I think you'll ever see -- has yet to get to a freedom to sue letter after two years -- and this was a case where there was sexual discrimintion and gross harassment -- and where management blatantly stated to third parties (without standing to hear such) that they were going to harass the employee out of their job. Still another dealt with a branch of a state government and the so-called "whistle-blower" protections-- yeah, right (said with obvious sarcasim -- lol). The bottom line is, if they want you gone they CAN do it!

The audience falls silent! You can hear a pin drop! Everybody knew it was now time . . .Time for KARREN to enter stage left and make a comedic comment about there being more than one way to skin a cd --- 'errr make that cat!

:tongueout :rofl:

[Joy Carter]

Sounds like a death wish and a trill ride all wrapped up in one. Just what makes you think this GG would understand ? Did you ever think she might think this would be a come on for some kind of kinky sex ? eg. Sexual Harassment ?

I just don't understand the need some of us girls have to come out to otherwise "normal" friends and family. It just complicates the relationships. Like the others have said. Find someone who is a CD and take it from there.

:2c:

[Jocelyn Quivers]

One more thing to consider in reasons not to do it. Consider the possibiltiy of applying for another job, and your future employer contacts the company you work for now. Would you want to risk the possility of this kind of information being passed on to every future employer you apply with?
Should a future employer want to speak with your supervisor.

Yes this is an extreme possibilty but again consider telling one co-worker no matter how confidential you ask her to keep it, there will always be the possibility that she will pass it on to everyone else you work with. :2c:Jocelyn

[Elizabeth Anne]

I tried this about 20 years ago with co-workers who were in charge of planning when we had a costume day in conjunction with Halloween. Luckly, I asked ahead of time in a funny,joking way. It went over like a lead filled baloon!!! NO.Period.
Unfortunately, another co-worker came dressed M-F. What a scene. This was the last year we had the costume party.
Granted, this WAS 20 years ago but I don't think much has changed.

I, too, have several GG co-workers that I would die to tell about Beth but I am with the others as I don't feel comfortable what the outcome would be.

One way you could check them out is to plan a Halloween party of your own & invite them & others & dress as Kandis.

Finally, my day will come on the day I retire. It is going to be a hoot!

Beth

[KandisTX]

I tried this about 20 years ago with co-workers who were in charge of planning when we had a costume day in conjunction with Halloween. Luckly, I asked ahead of time in a funny,joking way. It went over like a lead filled baloon!!! NO.Period.
Unfortunately, another co-worker came dressed M-F. What a scene. This was the last year we had the costume party.
Granted, this WAS 20 years ago but I don't think much has changed.

I, too, have several GG co-workers that I would die to tell about Beth but I am with the others as I don't feel comfortable what the outcome would be.

One way you could check them out is to plan a Halloween party of your own & invite them & others & dress as Kandis.

Finally, my day will come on the day I retire. It is going to be a hoot!

Beth


Funny you should mention Halloween. The first year I was with this company, we were told that we have a costume contest on Halloween, so Kandis came to work that day. MAN OH MAN you should have seen some of the looks I got. Though it was a good day (I won FIRST PLACE in the contest, I didn't have the heart to tell them it wasn't a costume). ;) The next year I did the whole renaissance Vampire thing, and the folloiwng year I came as Kandis again (may have to post the pic of that one, though it was not as good as the first year, that year I was in a black short skirt, black hose, black heels, red blouse, goddess I was one sexxy woman)..

Kandis:love:

[immike]

I agree with the other's.There must be some support group's (tri-ess or other's) that you can get together with and be yourself.If the wrong person finds out the only thing faster than office gossip would be what you call in Texas a flash flood justabit
Tell absolutely NO ONE! I keep a secret now-I have been dressing in my
mothers clothes for years-all her dresses,skirts,blouses,tops,shoes,dress
slacks,all of her business wardrobe.I happen to be wearing one of her outfits
right now

[renee99]

1. If you are going to do something this bold, you had better go check your company's discrimination policy first and make sure 'gender expression' and 'sexual orientation' are included. (Both are necessary, though you'd rarely find the former without the latter)

2. Do not approach someone else and inform them about your crossdressing. They can refer to that as harassment. If you really want someone to know, you have to let them know in a passive, indirect way that doesn't look like you planned it. You have to be able to at least act genuinely embarrassed about it to your superiors, which you can't do if you were the one that brought it up.

3. You can 'come out' when you no longer need a job. Plan for it when you're close to retirement anyway, or when your savings and investments have done you well.

[amanda barber]

3. You can 'come out' when you no longer need a job. Plan for it when you're close to retirement anyway, or when your savings and investments have done you well.

I don't a agree with this. Come out when your ready and fight the discrimination head on. NO ONE would defend accepting sexual or racial discrimination until close to retirement, NO ONE should suggest that a CD/TS/TG has to live under discrimination.

[KandisTX]

I appreciate all the advice and comments. This situation of course will NOT be coming to fruition. I will NOT jeapordize my families only means of support for my desire. ;) I have to be responsible with this side of myself and of course I do have the one or two friends that do know (who are NOT associated with my chances for promotions or any advancements), so that will do for now. ;)

Kandis:love:

[renee99]

I don't a agree with this. Come out when your ready and fight the discrimination head on. NO ONE would defend accepting sexual or racial discrimination until close to retirement, NO ONE should suggest that a CD/TS/TG has to live under discrimination.

I hope you don't have a wife, kids or a mortgage to take care of, otherwise that is simply foolish behavior imo.

[kathy333]

girl i know what you mean. their is the shock factor when it comes out, but i can tell you this, if the daughter knows something like that about you the son does to! dunt you remembeer whay it was like to tell your frend about secrets you had "iknow something you dont and if you bug me enough i tell you.":2c:

[rachellenicole]

Yeah...one suggestion.....don't risk screwing up your employment for a "secret" pal at work.

Emily Ann

Yup, you could get trampled later. maybe you can find someone outside of work.