Need help with my cd, partner.

[Vichi]

Im gg, and latelly, with my partner who is a cd, which i love and support; have run into comflicts of caracters. when his female personality is out in full his mood changes completelly. I want to be with her as a friend i don't get turn on by seeing her, just sometimes i like to see him with very sexy panties, I think he looks very sexy with them. I think the main problems his her female personality with me; she becomes very rude, unhappy, and complains about everything. I really try te tell her how beauthifull and sexy she looks, but it seems is not enough, becuase there is always a problem by the way she looks; not sexy enough, or not the right wig, etc. is never ending. I just kind of feel hurt, that i can help her or deal with her. So I kind of starting thinking that if his female attitude does not change, I won't be able to be with him when he goes out, even though I like to go out with her, take her to the movies even planning to go out dancing to a place we could go. My question is? Is it normal for a cd caracter to change so dramatically, can the caracter push the love one away.
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post.:hugs:

[Marla S]

Hi Vichi

I think this behavior is not ok.

I'd assign it to a lack of self-assuredness.

I think we CDs tend to have an "excessive" need for approval to compensate this, which makes us too selfish.

On the other side a tiny criticism might lead to a breakdown of the "dream", with the respective consequences.

I think he has to find a way to get this under control.
You can help him, but you can't do it for him.
He might not have found the right way of dressing yet. The one that represents him and not a dream or ideal that is not achievable.

Personally I am doing hard to accept approval when I am not convinced that it is justified. Being frustrated about a result, though I tried hard, can make me unfair. That is not exclusive to CDing.
I see similar patterns here.

[RobertaFermina]

It seems that you are a perfect gift to your CD partner.
You WANT to go out with her, and share her CD experience.
She is irritable over imperfections (surface issues) while you are compimentary and supportive.
You are discouraged, and despairing over her moodiness.

As Marla says "you can't do it for him."

You can be complimentary and supportive, and to that I add patient.

It will take her time to realize she is all over the map about the imperfections while she is enjoying your steady support.

She may need to fret and fuss until she realizes she us trying to satisfy some impossible judge (or inner critic) and confronts the choice she has to "get over it' or become "deeply obsessessed' with it.

Who knows why she is so moody about things....If you are OK to hang in there while she sorts herself out, you will be the person to go to when she realizes what she needs and decides to ask you for it.

Thanks for trusting us and sharing your intimate struggle.

:rose: Roberta :rose:

[Vichi]

Thanks so much for your imput in my dilema. That's kind of we have agreed to do. My partner said to give him so time to adjust, since he/she gets very excited. I gues I was feeling like I was paying the price for imperfections, that I don't have any control over. It does help me to at least have more patient to make me hang on for the sake of our love.

[AnnaMaria]

Vichi,

I know all about the mod swings that you are refering too. Though my own mood swings go the opposite way from your partners. And as one of the other girls said, it sounds like your partner might have some self doubt about who and what she is. Self acceptance is a serious issue for all of us no matter who we are but it seems to me that for those of us who live alternate lifestyles the issue is compounded by the fear of rejection from those around us. I'm not a shrink by any means but I do know from personal experience that at least in my case it was the biggest hurdle that I had to cross before I could be comfortable with my own life in general.

It is a wonderful thing that you are so supportive of your partner, but you also have to keep in mind that you are just as important to the relationship as she is and that if you are not happy with the state of the relationship there will be more strain on the overall situation which could cause other problems unrelated to the dressing. I have personally made the decision to put my fem side second to my family and make my family the most important part of my life. There are times when this choice has caused problems personally for me but I always to my best to try to keep others from seeing my pain though I am not so sure that I do a good enough job of hiding it from my wife.

Personally, I think that the most helpful thing that my wife has done is in letting me know when I am being a b**ch. It lets me know to take a step back and look at the situation and the causes and try to adjust my mood accordingly. The other thing that has helped is having a professional to talk to about everything that is bothering me about life in general.

It might be a good idea to see if you can get your partner to seek some kind of therapy of the same type. It might help her to see what is going on from a different perspective. Also keep in mind that at least for me, when I started to discover who I was I entered a kind of second puberty, during which I am learning how to bring out the fem side and make her presentable. Not unlike what most young teens go through during that phase of life. I don't want you to think that I am saying that what your so is doing when she is dressed is ok because it is not, but that may nun the less be part of the problem.

The biggest problem with being the so of a tg is that there is no handbook that you can refer to for help in understanding what is going on.

I wish you both the best of luck in the journey that you are on and I hope that the two of you are able to find some common ground on which to build the rest of your lives.

huggs
anna

[MJ]

you should set up a cam recorder in your liveing room and tape her reacting to you then play it back to him and show him how you are treated and tell him you don.t like that ...and talk with him

[Amanda Shaft]

Hi Vichi, I read your post with much interest for two reasons: firstly I will soon be showing myself to my SO for the first time, like you she has been very understanding and helpful but it has occurred to me how I would react and interact with her. Having read your thread I will try my best to relax and not become too obsessed with how I look once I’m dressed and made up. Those decisions will have been taken prior to the big reveal so I will try to put that aside and concentrate on making her and the new girl she is meeting good friends. We shall see! What is so good about this forum is that it lets us all learn from each other so that we can develop ourselves allowing everyone to gain.

As for your situation I am sure you can appreciate how deeply insecurities can run surrounding cross dressing. Your partner seems to be exhibiting these in a form that you obviously find detrimental to your relationship with her: she needs to know this! In addition although your patients is being stretched please try to persevere as I’m sure eventually she will calm down and find the inner piece that will allow her to act towards you in the way she can act whilst not dressed. Talk lots and then some.

I hope it works out for you both,

Love Amanda

[christina marie]

might also be a good idea to bring your SO to this forum, let her read some of the old posts from girls who do NOT have accepting and understanding partners. let her see the terrors that some of the others here have gone through trying to find happiness without wrecking their lives. sort of a little wake-up call. maybe your SO will see how good she really does have it, and give you some of the respect and understanding you deserve. if that doesn't work, offer her a midol! :)

[Holly]

Vichi, try and remember what it was like for you when your were a young teen, first exploring your own femininity. Did you have insecurities? Did the makeup always go on just right? Did certain clothing just make you look "gross?" That's probably where your BF's head is right now... just starting to explore his own femininity. And just as you had girlfriends to help you though your own "coming of age" crisis, you can be that person for your BF.

Now, all that being said, this doesn't mean that his behavior is acceptable! And you need to tell him how his actions are effecting you. No ultimatums, no accusations, just, "This is how what you are doing makes me feel and how can WE fix this!" If necessary, when he gets into one one of his hissyfits, just give him some space and let him work it out. And perhaps one of the greatest things you can do for him right now is to model good behavior. More than likely YOU are the single biggest feminine influence in his life. React to him the way you would like him to react to you. Give it a try!

[Chantelle CD]

It is always hard to get the real gist of the situation from just a few words in a thread, but what feeling i get is, he is learning still, the feelings are not all there yet, his femininity is still growing, he goes from male to female while dressed and doesnt hold on to the femme aspect of the personality 100% while dressed, and aggravates him, making his mood go up and down. Also maybe self acceptance will make your mood swing while dressed to, if your not there with yourself yet. Might just need a bit of time to let her personality bloom. Any ideas on weather this may be the case?

[Vichi]

Thank all of you so much for your opinions. I deeply apreciated. I had my so read all your post and he defenectly agrees on all the opinions. My cd partner did gave his opinion that he/she is traying to find its feminitity and what does belong to his/her personality. He does apologise for his behavior and with patiente and little time she will find her self. I love him/her and I will keep help him out to the best of my understanding. So I gues I'm in the right track. I'll keep reading more opinions.