gender distress

[princessmichelle]

Nothing makes me more distressed at not being female than the sight of happy confiedent female teeens: I want to _be_ them. Adult woman too, of course, but the thing about teens is that THAT is the age at which it is most acceptable to discover one's femininity:

experimenting even more than before with makeup and girly clothes, and of course the physiological changes that I've wished happened to me ever since I was that age.

Crossdressing barely helps my "I wish I was female" feelings, because crossdressing usually just makes me feel like a guy in a dress. The clothes are nice, but my angst is that I want to _be_ female.

And of course women of the modern era have options open to them for careers and activities that even my mother's generation could not have.
It's not just that I want to be female anyway, it's also that I don't like being a guy.

But it's impossible. :wall:

Michelle Elizabeth

[Joy Carter]

Michell I feel your pain. I'm twenty years your Sr. and I still have not figured out what's wrong with me.
So now that I'm in for a life sentence as a man there is nothing I can do to change it.
Have you ever talked to a gender therapist ? That is something I have never had the nerve to do.
Just know that your not alone in this.

Take Care Joy Belinda Carter

[Kate Simmons]

Actually Michelle, I'm wondering how many teenage girls really want to be female or have just accepted being themselves. Many hormonal changes happen during that time to both boys and girls and it's confusing to say the least.Young people realize they have a body to deal with and have to live with. They take cues from others of the same sex both older and the same age as to how they are "expected" to act. When we, as adult men, go through our "feminine puberty" it's much the same thing. We are experiencing feelings and trying to establish an identity as a person. If we are to be successful, we have to realize we are who we are, accept that and move forward.
Having been "taught" to act one way and then having contrary feelings is not easy for sure and the angst comes from fighting who we really are. No one is "born" masculine or feminine really and it's all learned behavior.Despite our circumstances and our opportunities, we can still get in touch with ourselves and accept ourselves and that goes a long way in making things just a little bit better in regard to our feelings.:happy:

[The Gas Man Cometh]

As a GG, I actually feel kinda bad about myself that it's so easy for me to just be a girl and stuff..as I can imagine your angst. Like, I can feel it resonating even from your post.

I kinda wish I could give you my female-ness just to help you out. :(

[Marla S]

It's not just that I want to be female anyway, it's also that I don't like being a guy.

But it's impossible. :wall:

Seems that not liking to be a boy is major driving force for me too.
I am one and can't really change that (I wouldn't really become a woman with HRT/SRS), but I don't have to play the typical boy.

That thought calms me down a bit and opens a door to the fem world.

Just by avoiding being boyish some of the "girls' things" happen almost automatically. These are surprising and happy moments.
Moments when I am not haunting for ideals that are not reachable ... not even knowing if the ideals are ideal ... but also not try to flee from myself ... not even knowing if this is all that bad.

Finally the own personality has to pave its way and not some traind roles or dreamed roles.

Hear, hear ... words of wisdom :straightface: ... I wished I would be there already ... but heck ... angst ... doubts ... fear ... are still very vivid.

[Teresa Amina]

The clothes are nice, but my angst is that I want to _be_ female.

The clothes I think are a way of "getting close". Sometimes that can be an agony as well, though, to look in the mirror and see how close you are, yet so far away from what you want to be. Luckily for me I don't envy the teens, just the really good looking middle-age women :D That isn't an unreasonable goal. We live in an age of medical miracles and not everything is "impossible" :happy:

[AmberTG]

I was reading this thread and a really strange thought occured to me in regards to being so close, yet so far away. This must be how Data felt about wanting to be human instead of an android, so close, yet so far away.
I told you it was a strange thought.

[CindyFinalyFree]

I used to feel the same way, michelle. Even now that I'm tredging along my own road of discovery, I am saddened when I have to remind myself that I am grown, and will 'NEVER' be able to experience the things that a 'girl' will. However, I at least have the present and future, and am making the most of both. Sure, I'll never be able to dress in 'teen' fashion, or know what it's like to experience the sensation of the 'first kiss' as a girl. However, I am happy nonetheless that I still have the opportunity ahead of me to openly express those feminine urges that persistantly try to show through my 'mask' of masculinity.

I digress....
Oh, how I wished I could have been the young girl that pushed the boundaries on how short a skirt her father would permit or to be the tease that I actually admired as a teen boy.....:tongueout

[Felix]

I feel for ya Hun :hugs: I know what ya mean though cos I envy young guys that have the perfect physique that I would like to have. It does my head in at times, but I just think oh well do the best with what ya got. I do worry about the summer and how I'm gonna cope on holiday as I don't know what to wear. Oh well will cross that bridge when it comes, like soon lol xx Felix :hugs:

[Jenna1561]

Michelle,

I am totally with you sweetie. At times I feel that I was cheated out of growing up as a girl. As you said, experimenting with fashion, makeup, hair, and learning about being a girl/woman - all the rituals and activities of growing up a girl and developing into a woman. I will never experience those feelings and moments and I am saddened knowing this. But, I now do my best to live the life I have. I learn about fashion, makeup and such now and apply it to my life the best I can.

While I missed all the girl things growing up, I also missed much of what boys experience, because they just didn't feel right and I had no real interest in them. Many of those activities I did take part in as a boy was to please family or an attempt to fit in.

I envied my sister, her clothes, her dance lessons, her friends, and her sweet memories. I have attempted to live that life vicariously through my teenage daughter. Though much to my disappointment is not a girly girl. Don't get me wrong though, she is great and I wouldn't change a thing about her. I just wish that she'd wear a few more skirts and dresses instead of wind pants, jeans and pajama bottoms.

But I digress, Michelle, I understand and share your thoughts. BTW, interesting thought about Data from ST:TNG.


Hugs,
Jenna

[eleventhdr]

I can remamber when i was very small a looking at the girl's and thinking that they were somehow magical and had power's that boy's did not have oh sure we had masculine strength but somehow that was never the same ans then when i got into grade school it was drummmed into you at least back in the 1950' and 60's that if you wanted to be a girl you were weird or something why would anyone desire to be female when you could be a boy and have all of theses said advantages of being mlae adn being strong ah but what a sham that all was then still later you go though the i hate girl's phase where you learn or are taught to hate girl's just because they are suppose to be soft and pretty but you see through that after a long time and realize they are a lot tougher then you might think just being a girl would want to make you tough enough to survive and grow up into women so that you can go out and prove that being female is not all that easy sometime's but still if a guy can make it through all of that and still want's to be female then he is just as tough as a reall gg who has to make it through the teen year's of being sweet and pretty and has to go through all of the growing up to become a women but the guy's who make it through all of that and still want to be female well it is just as tough for them if not tougher because they still want to become female and have all of the experiences that reall gg's have the cloth's and the phiyical change's that gisl's go through and i for one am one of those who has survived all of that myself and still want's to change into a women and be female so what's the big deal some of us are just boy's who have alwasy just wanted to be girl's and i see nothing wrong with that if everone would finally accept that what a wonderful world it would finally be oh well one of these day's one of thses day's but i can understand just what you mean i too find that i still wish that i had been born female and could have grown up that way but am stuck a guy until someone finally discovers a way for us to be able to be changed without all of the mumble jumble of mondern science and i for one am looking forward to that in the mean time i just keep wishing that i will become a girl hey maybe it just might happen you never know stranger stuff has in this old world.

So yeah i know the pain myself too and i feel for all of us girl's out there who just want to still be free and to become what we have alwasy desired to you gg's you are still very lucky in a lot of way's dispite all of the disadvantages of being born female you still have a whole lot of advantages in this modern world and here's hoping you continue to get there yet a lot of us both male and female are all for you.

[Calliope]

Nothing makes me more distressed at not being female than the sight of happy confiedent female teeens: I want to _be_ them.

Are they confident?

Most teens are totally bugging out, pressured to act confident and conform.

Cutting themselves, dieting to death - freaking out alone.

So maybe your pain gets you already there.

[princessmichelle]

Are they confident?

Most teens are totally bugging out, pressured to act confident and conform.

Cutting themselves, dieting to death - freaking out alone.

So maybe your pain gets you already there.

Calliope,

You raise a good point: some of the women I imagine as happy and confident may not be, for many of them it may just be a false front. And in the process far too many women hurt themselves, both physically and emotionally.

But there are women who are genuinely confident, self aware, loved, happy, achievers without being overachievers. I think of women who do well in school, have hobbies that are fulfilling and families who love them and friends who really would be there for her. Smile and have a light sense of humor.

Teens who are female role models.

My point in all this: the qualities that I admire in people are qualities that I would rather achieve as a woman than as a man. I'd like to be happy and successful as a man, but I would rather be happy and successful as a woman.

--Michelle Elizabeth

[LisaRose]

Nothing makes me more distressed at not being female than the sight of happy confiedent female teeens: I want to _be_ them. Adult woman too, of course, but the thing about teens is that THAT is the age at which it is most acceptable to discover one's femininity:

experimenting even more than before with makeup and girly clothes, and of course the physiological changes that I've wished happened to me ever since I was that age.

Crossdressing barely helps my "I wish I was female" feelings, because crossdressing usually just makes me feel like a guy in a dress. The clothes are nice, but my angst is that I want to _be_ female.

And of course women of the modern era have options open to them for careers and activities that even my mother's generation could not have.
It's not just that I want to be female anyway, it's also that I don't like being a guy.

But it's impossible. :wall:

Michelle Elizabeth


WOW this post is so close to my own feelings I'm feeling enlightened but depressed at the same time. A big 'What If' and 'What do I do Now".

My point in all this: the qualities that I admire in people are qualities that I would rather achieve as a woman than as a man. I'd like to be happy and successful as a man, but I would rather be happy and successful as a woman.

Thanks for the post. These are inspiring words.

[Charleen]

I also feel like I lost alot growing up. Both sides as I fit into neither.
Today I can say I don't like being a guy. At all. But que sera.

[Kimberley]

I guess I have given up on trying to "be" a gender. For me it just didnt work and still doesnt. Yes, I can see the GG's and wish; but I also know that it will never be. I also remind myself that I am looking at the surface and not what lays below. As Calliope pointed out, it isnt always pretty.

What I do know are my own feelings and how they relate to the binary gender roles. This places me more to the female side of the equation than the male; a lot more to the female side. Still, I do know that I have male traits and they can no more be ignored than my female traits. We are all a mix of gender, just to greater or lesser degrees and that applies across the spectrum.

When I finally realized that I couldnt fight the male, life became a lot easier. What did happen though was that a lot of my male traits "softened" and some of my female traits hardened. So in all, an uneasy balance was reached. I still have moments where I will flip flop one way or the other but I simply try to accept them for what they are; a mood change.

I occasionally lament the fact that I missed that female experience of growing up but dwelling on it always drags me down too. All I can do today is be me; as I am. Sometimes it is very difficult, sometimes not.

Of course, if I could change it I would but that isnt in the cards and not likely it ever will be. So I live in the moment and try to relish every second of it no matter if it is good or bad. At least I know I am alive when I am feeling.

:hugs:
Kimberley

[Marla S]

I guess I have given up on trying to "be" a gender. For me it just didnt work and still doesnt. Yes, I can see the GG's and wish; but I also know that it will never be. I also remind myself that I am looking at the surface and not what lays below. As Calliope pointed out, it isnt always pretty.

What I do know are my own feelings and how they relate to the binary gender roles. This places me more to the female side of the equation than the male; a lot more to the female side. Still, I do know that I have male traits and they can no more be ignored than my female traits. We are all a mix of gender, just to greater or lesser degrees and that applies across the spectrum.

When I finally realized that I couldnt fight the male, life became a lot easier. What did happen though was that a lot of my male traits "softened" and some of my female traits hardened. So in all, an uneasy balance was reached. I still have moments where I will flip flop one way or the other but I simply try to accept them for what they are; a mood change.

I occasionally lament the fact that I missed that female experience of growing up but dwelling on it always drags me down too. All I can do today is be me; as I am. Sometimes it is very difficult, sometimes not.

Of course, if I could change it I would but that isnt in the cards and not likely it ever will be. So I live in the moment and try to relish every second of it no matter if it is good or bad. At least I know I am alive when I am feeling.

:hugs:
Kimberley

Words of wisdom :clap::clap::clap:

[Stephenie S]

Well you girls can spend all the time you want lamenting a past you never had and never will. . . . . OR . . . . You can get up off your couch and do something about it. Just when do you think the good farie is going to wave her magic wand? This is the only life you are going to get. This is it. It's not a dress rehearsal, it's the real thing, and you only get one try at it. Perhaps St. Peter is going to meet you at the Pearly Gates with a new pair of 4" heel red pumps? NOT! What has gone before is gone. Today is here now. Live the life you want, now. NOW. NOW! Life is so short. It's gone before you can blink an eye. Don't regret something all your life and then not be able to do anything about it. Because that day is coming. Get out there and live!

Stephie

[Siobhan Marie]

Well you girls can spend all the time you want lamenting a past you never had and never will. . . . . OR . . . . You can get up off your couch and do something about it. Just when do you think the good farie is going to wave her magic wand? This is the only life you are going to get. This is it. It's not a dress rehearsal, it's the real thing, and you only get one try at it. Perhaps St. Peter is going to meet you at the Pearly Gates with a new pair of 4" heel red pumps? NOT! What has gone before is gone. Today is here now. Live the life you want, now. NOW. NOW! Life is so short. It's gone before you can blink an eye. Don't regret something all your life and then not be able to do anything about it. Because that day is coming. Get out there and live!

:iagree: with Stephenie as she is so right.

:hugs: Siobhan x

[Joy Carter]

Well you girls can spend all the time you want lamenting a past you never had and never will. . . . . OR . . . . You can get up off your couch and do something about it. Just when do you think the good farie is going to wave her magic wand? This is the only life you are going to get. This is it. It's not a dress rehearsal, it's the real thing, and you only get one try at it. Perhaps St. Peter is going to meet you at the Pearly Gates with a new pair of 4" heel red pumps? NOT! What has gone before is gone. Today is here now. Live the life you want, now. NOW. NOW! Life is so short. It's gone before you can blink an eye. Don't regret something all your life and then not be able to do anything about it. Because that day is coming. Get out there and live!

Stephie

Ditto's !:hugs:

[CaptLex]

Well you girls can spend all the time you want lamenting a past you never had and never will. . . . . OR . . . . You can get up off your couch and do something about it. Just when do you think the good farie is going to wave her magic wand? This is the only life you are going to get. This is it. It's not a dress rehearsal, it's the real thing, and you only get one try at it. Perhaps St. Peter is going to meet you at the Pearly Gates with a new pair of 4" heel red pumps? NOT! What has gone before is gone. Today is here now. Live the life you want, now. NOW. NOW! Life is so short. It's gone before you can blink an eye. Don't regret something all your life and then not be able to do anything about it. Because that day is coming. Get out there and live!

Stephie
Stephenie,

I was trying to find a nice way to say the same thing, but you said it so much better than I could. I don't want to offend anybody, but the past is past and we can't change it - all we can do is move forward. No regrets about yesterday - make tomorrow worth remembering. :hugs:

[loriannetucson]

I agree with Stephanie 100 percent. In fact, CARPE DIEM... seize the day! It was always one of my favorite mottos, but I never seized the day until this year. Being 35, I know I have lost a lot of time being the woman that I truly am inside. But, if the Good Lord so wills me to be around longer, I will seize the remaining years of my life finally being me and being free. True, being on HRT for 4 months, and the prospect of possible GRS someday, might never give me the same opportunity that young teenage girls have in exploring their femininity, but I have reentered a new female puberty even now, at 35. My wife has even noticed this. She said it's as if there is a teenage girl living in the house now, and she's referring to me! So I choose to enjoy this... today.. . NOW. What a wonderful feeling to see the sun rise over the mountains in a new light, to smell the morning dew in a different way, to touch and hold my SO in an amazingly intimate way as never before.

Yes, girls, SEIZE THE DAY! CARPE DIEM!

I LOVE and THIS SONG from PINK FLOYD called TIME is one of my all time favorites. It says so much...

"Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day,
You fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way,
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your hometown
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way...

"Tired of lying in the sunshine, staying home to watch the rain,
You are young and life is long, and there is time to kill today,
And then one day you find, ten years have got behind you,
No one told you when to run... you missed the starting gun....

("Time" from Dark Side of the Moon)

[AmberTG]

Scary how true the Pink Floyd words are!
My therapist is always telling me to stop living in the past, it wastes so much mental energy that you have none left for the now. Live in the now and look toward the future. Be who you want to be because time is short for you to start. Start now, you may not get a "later" to use. Many of you don't have to transition all the way to be happy, some of you do need to transition completely. Only you can decide that. You better decide soon, you may not get a later.

[princessmichelle]

Well you girls can spend all the time you want lamenting a past you never had and never will. . . . . OR . . . . You can get up off your couch and do something about it. Just when do you think the good farie is going to wave her magic wand? This is the only life you are going to get. This is it. It's not a dress rehearsal, it's the real thing, and you only get one try at it. ... Life is so short. It's gone before you can blink an eye. Don't regret something all your life and then not be able to do anything about it. Because that day is coming. Get out there and live!

Stephie

Stephie,

What you said feels right. I'll add _my_ voice to the list of people who agree with you. Captain Lex and Lorianne and now me.

But "carpe diem" is like eating my vegetables: a good habit that is difficult to develop. But of course I should not just give up...
I can carpe diem
I can carpe diem
I can carpe diem...

Michelle Elizabeth