How can SO's Help F2M and M2F CD's and TG's

[Sheila]

How can we as SO's help you some of you that struggle with who you are, help you come to terms with your your inner you ??

Is there any one thing that would make your acceptance of your inner self easier ?????????

[Frankie-Dear]

Well, if our SO's accept us, it helps us accept ourselves. If our SO's don't make a big deal of it, it won't become a big deal. It's just another facet, like taking up woodworking or electronics, or something.

[bobi jean]

Jess
There are as many differant ways to help as there are the number of crossdressers in the world.... EACH IS DIFFERANT IN THEIR OWN WAY.
If and when someone comes up with a sure-shot way for (ALL) SO's to accept our crossdressing will you PLEEEESE POST IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THIS IS A GOOD QUESTION AND I PERSONALLY WILL FOLLOW THIS ONE FOR A WHILE.
THANKS FOR ASKING AND BE WELL DEAR

[Sheila]

Well, if our SO's accept us, it helps us accept ourselves. If our SO's don't make a big deal of it, it won't become a big deal. It's just another facet, like taking up woodworking or electronics, or something.

Actually Frankie that is why I asked sometimes we as SO's accept crossdressing when we know about it easier than the crossdresser once the dressing is out in the open

:hugs:

[Roberta Lynn]

Is kind of a tough question, since like Bobi said we are all different.
I think, at least in my case, was being able to talk about it with my wife.
Telling her my whole story, as a child up until now. Having her ask questions. Not being judgmental. Encouraging me to talk even if I was reluctant.
She has done much, much more to help me accept myself but you asked for one thing and I would say that's one of the biggies.

BTW :hugs: To you for asking

[terrilynn]

Jess, I think that the biggest thing an SO could do to help, is to reassure us that it is OK to be how we are, that it's not against the law, or deviant, or the many other things we have heard and been told in our lives.
Positive re enforcment that it is OK would be the biggest help to many of us. I know this would go a very long way in my relationship with my wife, but she is not accepting of my need and desire to be Terrilynn. This does get confusing sometimes, as she is totally accepting of her gay and lesbian friends, and defends them to people that would treat them negatively, but the subject of Terrilynn is 'DADT'.

Oh well. Someday, maybe....................................

Terrilynn

[Valerie Nicole]

I can't speak for everyone, this is only what I seek as far as this goes in a relationship. I would want any (serious) girlfriend to love and accept me unconditionally. That means they would have to love and accept Valerie as much as they love and accept my male side. This means not making a big deal of it, and certainly not trying to make too many rules about my dressing. Also, taking me shopping, giving me old clothes, letting me wear her clothes, helping me with my makeup, and things like that.

In some ways, there is nothing that even a perfect SO could "do" to make things better or easier for me. It would be all about love and acceptance, neither of which are actions. The love and acceptance would lead to the sorts of things I just mentioned, and hopefully both of us could enjoy it. I wouldn't want to be with someone who I couldn't do these things with, because it's not fair to me, and it wouldn't be fair to her to ask her to do them if she didn't enjoy it or if it made her uncomfortable.

There we go, it may be a little long winded, but that's my :2c:

[Wendy me]

hell i accept me hell i love me and more so my wife .........now if i can get my wife to accept me i would be as happy as i can be......

[Emily Ann Brown]

Well Jess,

I'm more TG than CD so I may not be exactly who you are looking to hear from but here goes....hiding is hell on acceptance of yourself. The day I could leave clothing not everywhere but at least "not hidden" every minute I started to believe I was maybe okay. And going out is the same way. If I'm not "dirty" and a "freak" then why do I need to keep it in the bedroom? I realize there are times it is best NOT to be me, but geesh !!! My kids were grown and gone. I sincerely hope I'm not misunderstood here, but all the hiding did sorta make me feel like I have a major contagious disease.

So what am I saying? The very act of "protecting" me hindered my own acceptance of who I am.

Didn't hurt either when she left me and I didn't have to walk on eggshells every moment I was awake.


Emily Ann

[Sheila]

I want to hear from everybody ............ I used CD's as mine is ........... a bit narrow minded of me and for that I apologize :hugs:

[Emily Ann Brown]

No apology necessary at least to me hun. :hugs:

Emily Ann

[Chantelle CD]

How can we as SO's help you some of you that struggle with crossdressing help you come to terms with your crossdressing ??

Is there any one thing that would make your acceptance of your inner self easier ?????????

I would say, help me realize that the feelings and emotions that i feel are real, that they brighten up my world for feeling them, that there not just limited to woman. Understand that by dressing up, it strengthens these feelings inside of myself, and lets me express them in a much more intense a way.

Although cross dressing is a part of my life, it isn't the root of my inner self, that goes so much deeper than the fact i like to dress up and express myself this way from time to time. Yes these feelings and emotions are real, yes i can feel them, i dont think it is my true self, my inner self, my soul. That would encompass, my male feelings and emotions female feelings and emotions, joy, happiness, sadness, fear, anger, compassion, everything that one can feel, and more. I think that linking the term true self to cross dressing, is making a statement that this is how i want to express myself all the time.

[KimberlyS]

Well, if our SO's accept us, it helps us accept ourselves. If our SO's don't make a big deal of it, it won't become a big deal.

Frankie, this works both ways but more so from your side. If you want your SO, or anyone, to accept you, you must first accept yourself. IMHO this makes it hugely easier for others to accept you if you have this confidence about what and who you are. It also is a huge part of going out IMHO.

Think of telling someone that you are a CDer like you are selling them something. Which you are trying to sell them something. You are selling them the "Image" of you as a CDer. If during the presentation you are confident, only minor nervous, able to answer their questions about yourself and CDers in general, you may have a sale and they will believe that is you and it is a good thing. Now if your presentation is very rough and you seem unsure about what you are talking about, can not answer a lot of their questions and you are very nervous, there is a huge chance they will not buy what you are telling them. If you do not believe in you, why should anyone else.

Now I am not saying you need to have a perfect presentation and know all the answers. The main point is you must give off a confidence, an attitude, a positive view, that you believe that you are a CDer and this is a good thing. If you present a wishy washy uncertain feeling to them, that is how they will take your CDing.

The biggest thing that anyone can do is believe in what they are doing and who they are. And it does not just pertain to CDing be everything in life.

[Frankie-Dear]

Sage advice, Kimberly. And you're right: What we wouldst have from others, we must first do for ourselves. After all, if we don't love and accept ourselves first, how can we expect anyone else to? :thumbsup: :hugs:

[DonnaT]

If you want your SO, or anyone, to accept you, you must first accept yourself.

I think this is the basis of Jess' question. There are a number of trans folk who do have accepting partners/wives, yet these trans folk still have a problem with themselves.

So, the question is, as I understand it, what can an SO due to help these TGs/CDs?

My response is, talk or go with to a therapist and talk there. Some have deep seated feelings of shame and quilt, and just can't understand how anyone else can accept this, especially if they can't accept it themselves.

Yet, all the talking in the world may not help. In such cases, you just have to let them deal with it on their own, as they have been for much of their lives. As long as they are dealing with it in a non-harmful way.

[Marla S]

So what am I saying? The very act of "protecting" me hindered my own acceptance of who I am.

Didn't hurt either when she left me and I didn't have to walk on eggshells every moment I was awake.


Emily Ann

I subscribe to that, Emily.
I think I have made similar experiences.

What's the most important a SO can do ?

An open mind and interest in the personality.

I hoped, but didn't really expect that my CDing is attractive for my Ex ... I understand that.
But what did hurt the most was the fact that she simply wasn't interested in what it meant for me, how I feel, what struggles I have to fight, etc.

Her fears, dislike or whatever led to ignorance ... that feels like a knife is cutting through your soul and cuts as well the option to take her concern into account.

[MJ]

Is there any one thing that would make your acceptance of your inner self easier ?????????

i would love to be accepted for who i am unconditionally and treated just like any other gg

[Joanne f]

Actually Frankie that is why I asked sometimes we as SO's accept crossdressing when we know about it easier than the crossdresser once the dressing is out in the open

:hugs:

Yes i think that you have some thing there as my wife seams to accept it more that i do .

joanne

[sara_also]

My SO is very accepting. I believe that Donna T. Hit the nail on the head for me.. I have more of a problem with the guilt and the shame than my SO does.
I sometimes wonder if there is a magic pill that gets rid of all emotional bagage that I carry around. What can she do ? you ask.. I really don't know the answer..She shops with me, She goes out in public with me. She helps with anything I ask of her. She will talk with me about anything.
Perhaps this thread will help to answer some of the many questions that I cannot.
Thank You for asking, and I will read every response with eagerness..

[KandisTX]

Honestly, I have found the best thing my SO can do for me is to LISTEN TO ME. Give me time to just open up and vent my little heart out. Let me say my piece first and once I have unloaded the weights I have been carrying on my shoulders, she will help me go through it all. Having someone to listen is very important. While this is good in all relationships, it is most important in a CD relationship.

Kandis:love:

[KimberlyS]

Opps, :boo: Thanks Donna for the getting me on track. I guess that is the problem with starting to read a post and getting interrupted and then looking at the wrong post as the first one. My bad. :yikes: :sorry: :kickbutt: :boo:

[Sheila]

If you want your SO, or anyone, to accept you, you must first accept yourself. IMHO this makes it hugely easier for others to accept you if you have this confidence about what and who you are.

think maybe for me, you have hit the proverbal nail on the head .................. I know that I am far more accepting of his cding than he is, but it may be that because I have not had to deal with the internal years of guilt and shame that I am able to acknowledge without fear, his inner being, so not not :boo: for you but rather you have enlightened an SO thanks

[Holly]

My wife is pretty accepting... has been ever since I told her. She is one terrific lady:love:. But if I was to make one recommendation. Jess, I would say SO's could do the most for their CD/TG/TS partners by supporting them emotionally. My wife, thankfully for me, is way above average in this department. Literally just hours after I told her I cross dressed, she told me that if this was something that I was going to do, then I was going to do it right and not half way. She encourages and critiques my clothing choices, makeup, mannerisms, even my thought processes, all without judgment. I trust her with my life, be it Holly or Harvey and firmly believe she always has my best interests at heart. Conversely, I hope she understands that her happiness is my number one goal. I can honestly say that there is nothing that I wouldn't do for her as I know that she would never ask me to do anything that would make me unhappy. Mutual trust such as that is priceless.

[KandisTX]

Hopefully my SO will be able to figure out what "handle" she wishes to go by on this board and will get herself registered soon. She is super supportive of us and has been key in my own acceptance of myself through some tough times. Yes, even those of us that have been doing it for a long time (33 years) still have some issues that need resolved. ;)

Kandis:love: