A very strange thing!!!

[Felix]

Today for the first time I think I felt like I didn't fit anywhere. What I mean is I was sat in the staff room at work and I watched like I always do and I thought I don't feel like I fit anywhere. Like I didn't fit with the men and I didn't fit with the women. It's hard to explain it was like here I am me I don't fit with the women cos I'm just not like them and I don't fit with the men cos they know me as me and not a bloke. Then I went to the pub and at first it was just me and two males from school who I get on really well with. It felt ok but really I was still me. Then my female friends come and joined us it was good but I still felt that same thing being in the middle. It's a strange place to be but then it is familiar and resembles other areas of my life well except my preference which is and always will be women. I get on with both sexes but I feel I am in the middle when I'm with them. I feel more masculine and yet I am not out fully so am not accepted as a bloke my choice I know. I don't feel I want to be with all the women cos that feels strange. What I mean is I don't want to sit with the little groups and be all girly and giggly but I will have a laugh with them if invited.
I used to get stressed about not being part of the womens circle but now I don't care it just feels weired cos of the situation I am in. I'd like to be more part of the mens circle but that's difficult cos to them I'm not a bloke so I can't. Oh well just a part of being queer I guess and today it makes me feel strange other days it don't. Does anyone know what I mean????

[Emily Ann Brown]

EXACTLY HUN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Emily Ann

[Kate Simmons]

Being your own person is tough sometimes Felix. I know what you mean though. I get along with both guys and girls but still have to be myself. When I'm with girls, I don't do the "giggle" bit and when I'm with guys, I don't do the "macho" stuff just to fit in either. Even with other CD's, I sometimes feel alone because I don't always go along with the "I'm a woman" spirit. Sometimes it feels lonely, yes but I have to be myself in any case. Anything else is a compromise. Most people know that about me and respect me even if they do not understand it. I appreciate you for who you are my friend, you know that.:hugs:

[CaptLex]

I think I can relate, Felix. I feel like that sometimes too - not exactly like the guys and not really like the girls. I used to think I was in my own little limbo until I met the guys in my support group (and on here) and then I realized there is a place where I don't feel like the odd man out. It felt like I had come home. :happy:

[Felix]

Yep I know where ya all coming from. I think my problem is I want to fit somewhere so I know where I am. In the middle is good most of the time but sometimes it's just not enough. Maybe I was having one of those days when I wrote this xx Felix :hugs:

[Marla S]

Does anyone know what I mean????
You bet.

I think it is one of the things one has to get used to.

But there are these days ... well ... these days ... when you just hate it.

[Felix]

Hi Marla ya right Hun somethin ya just have to get used to I guess :straightface: xx Felix :hugs:

[Lovely Rita]

Hey Felix
I really appreciated reading your thread today. First of all, I really appreciate your candor and honesty. It seems you speak for many people and not just FTMs or MTFs but many many more and you also expressed a part of my experience.
Your honesty is really helpful to all of us.

Thanks for that

[Kieron Andrew]

Ive said it before and I'll say it again, i really do think you should talk to someone professional about all your trans feelings........it will help you piece things together and sort things out in your head so that can you feel you fit in somewhere.......

[Felix]

I wish it was as simple as that Kieron my friend but life is so complicated for me right now so it's a mine field :sad: xx Felix :hugs:

[Kimberley]

Felix, around here you ALWAYS fit.

:hugs::hugs:
Kimberley

[Kitty Sue]

Yes I am with you. Sometimes I feel like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole. Thank God for this site where we can all come together for support.

[Charleen]

My address is P.O. Not-in-a-box, Limbo, Everywhere. It's rough, but I guess that's the price of being and living who we are. All in all, I will take the few friends I have now as opposed to the more I had trying to be Charlie and denying who I am as I felt depressed and angry most of the time. It's tough sitting on the fence. Lose your balance and the pickets get ya. At least, as been said, here there are no fences, just friends.
Love and XXXX, Lily

[Felix]

Thanx Ladies. :eek: never been referred to as a fence sitter in here because Ive always made it clear that I have a stronger male side than female. I say I'm gender queer but right now I'm not so sure anymore but more about that in another post xx Felix :hugs: