So, what does it really mean...

[AmberTG]

to live as a woman? How does a person define that?
My therapist suggested to me that I start living in the lifestyle of a woman on the weekends once the X is finished moving her stuff out of my house.
I must admit that I'm not really sure what that involves. It's obviously more than just wearing women's clothing, and I don't think that clothing is the primary factor in the lifestyle choice. I don't need to wear a dress to feel like a woman.
I would like to think that I already live that lifestyle now, except for the makeup and the frillies. I wear practical womens clothing and underclothing.
( God, I sound like a middle aged woman ):heehee: Shhh, I'm only 51 (and 10/12s)
Anyway, do I have to give up fixing my car? Do I have to give up fixing my house? What is it exactly that is different? I surely don't live like a "manly man"! and haven't for a long time. I just don't relate at all to that way of living.
So, what does it mean to you, to live a woman's lifestyle? All opinions are welcome, including the GGs.

[Nicole]

Great question Amber, and very relevant to my own situation. Sometimes it "just happens". I wake up "as a woman" and carry that feeling with me throughout the day. When I am in the right mindset, others usually respond in kind. In fact I got my first ma'am the other day, and I wasn't even dressed! WOW! The other woman actually recognized the inner me!

I think the biggest problem we encounter searching for the elusive "woman experience" is our own attitude. As men, we have been conditioned to HUNT AND KILL our problems. The irony in searching for our inner femme is that being a woman is not a "problem", but an awareness. Cultivating it requires a different strategy. Being a man or a woman is a matter of emphasis, so I think one of the fastest ways to see things from a feminine POV is to practice the language of emotions whenever possible.

In practical terms, I make a conscious effort to emulate the women around me. If they stop to smell the roses, so do I. When they speak, I give them my full attention. My emotions are an open book. When I smile, it comes from the heart. And I do it often these days. :)

Other things that help me get into the right perspective: Reading women's magazines, eating fine chocolates, practicing awareness meditation, playing "emotional" music (like Anuna), allowing my feelings to flow without shame, and so on. Yes, these are all stereotypical "woman things" but nevertheless help me make up for a lifetime spent on the other side of the fence. It seems to be working!

Best of luck to you hon. Don't worry about giving up your "man things" like fixing the roof. Just make the most of every opportunity to nurture the woman within. :hugs:

[Marla S]

Very good question.

I think there are two perspectives to consider.

Your own perception.
I think here it is only necessary to avoid trained boyish mannerism.
I think there are a lot tiny things we do, we have been told a boy does, but which doesn't really represent ourself.
That doesn't mean you have to stop cleaning your car or fixing your house or the like. This is seen as manly, but actually it is not a gentetical setting. Women can do this as well (some do), but they are usually trapped in the same way we are, having been told "that's not a girls thing".
A lot just will happen/change automatically after a while not living manly.

Perception of other
This part is more "easy."
To live like a woman here means that you are acceptated as a woman by others. That ususally requires that you look like a women.
If you look like a women you will be treated differently, which will have effect on your self-perception and mannerism.

Give it some time, a lot will happen and change without forcing it.

Personally, I would consider myself living a women's routine (whatever that precisely is), but I present as feminine man. So far it works fine. I couldn't and wouldn't want the effort to produce and maintain a "look-like-a-women-look", because this even contradicts the women's lifestyle like I understand it ... no women does it.

[Teresa Amina]

I think your therapist might just mean presenting as a woman. Inside we already are and it's a matter of letting yourself Be. Get up in the morning and get yourself presentable then go about your daily routine as if the body were already in agreement with the soul. When you need to work on the car don't get "guyified" but do it as yourself. Let Being become habit and not a conscious effort.

[Sharon]

I think your therapist might just mean presenting as a woman. Inside we already are and it's a matter of letting yourself Be.

I also think your therapist must mean that your should present yourself as a female. You will still be who you are, but the therapist wants you to do it sans the disguise(and safety) of being male.

I transitioned some time ago, but if you really think about it, the only difference beween now and before are the clothing and adornments I wear. My behavior hasn't changed -- other than just being happier with myself, my interests haven't changed, nor anything else that I can think of. Everybody else's perception of me has changed, however. :p

[Joy Carter]

Amber you have to change a thing that you do to be a woman. Plenty of GGs work on their houses and cars. It what's between your ears that counts.
Now hand me my mauve tool belt with the cosmetic pouch and hammer holder.:D

[Toyah]

Amber you have to change a thing that you do to be a woman. Plenty of GGs work on their houses and cars. It what's between your ears that counts.
Now hand me my mauve tool belt with the cosmetic pouch and hammer holder.:D

I hear what you are saying but women do do things diferently I could never get my head around the way they think guess thats why I am CD not TG. I guess for me its of no interest to try to consider how a woman would do something I am a guy and just get on with it

[Kate Simmons]

I agree with Teresa and Sharon, I think he may be referring to presentation. This always puzzled me as well. What does it mean to live as a woman in RT? I mean we obviously cannot experience the full range of physical things as genetic women do or the emotional for that matter even with hormones. It's more about being a person and the kind of person you are and presenting as a woman on the outside, I believe. Some of us do that even now without going the full route. "Already know what you need to know but you are not a Jedi yet(as Yoda said to Luke). One thing remains--Vader". Our real life challenges and how we react to the "battlefield" of expressing life as a woman are what remain to be experienced. Only then will we have truely passed the "test".;):happy:

[The Gas Man Cometh]

It seems as if your therapist suggested living like a 50's housewife, because you know how all women are supposed to stay in the kitchen and blah blah blah.. :|

But then again, most likely your therapist was just trying to be helpful, but kind of put their foot in it.


Amber you have to change a thing that you do to be a woman. Plenty of GGs work on their houses and cars. It what's between your ears that counts.
Now hand me my mauve tool belt with the cosmetic pouch and hammer holder.:D


Lol! Even I was the kid in my family helping dad smash concrete with a sledge hammer in the back yard, mowing the lawns with him and cutting trees down with the chainsaw.
I also study cabinetmaking in TAFE. [college]

And I am a GG, and have got a result of 13% masculine from the internet quiz linked to from this site.

When I realised they judged on not what a person does around the house or how they present themselves, but their inner mindset such as "Do you ask for directions when lost?" and how you deal with emotions and the like.

:<3:

[AmberTG]

Thank you all for the replies, I appreciate all the thoughts and the angles that you answer the question from.
My therapist is a woman, a Native American with an interesting perspective on life based on her spiritual beliefs. I really like her way of looking at things, plus she's a well respected therapist among her peers.
When she suggested that I start living the lifestyle of a woman on the weekends, she didn't specify what exactly she meant, and I forgot to ask her to clarify the statement. I suspect that she made the statement to get me to thinking about what it means for myself, she's good at making me think in directions that I normally wouldn't go, purely out of old habit.
On a side note, I now have a nice woman's tanktop sunburn from being foolish enough to be out in my garden in the sun too much yesterday, I wonder, does that qualify as living in the lifestyle?:heehee:
Weird thing, I didn't burn my skinny white hairless chicken legs in the hot sun, can't explain that one.
I wore my size 8 girl shorts and my short tank top most of the day, hanging out my laundry, working on my veggie garden, watering the flowers, getting weird looks from the neighbors, you know, just a normal day.
I'll be seeing the therapist on Wednesday, I'll have to ask her what she meant.

[Felix]

I hope ya don't mind me butting in and giving a different perspective. If I was going to a therapist which I'm not and he said 'Felix what are you doing to show that you are living as a man?' I know I've changed the situation around sorry Hun, just a different angle. I would have to say 'dressing as you can see, using mens toilets, getting my friends and those I trust to call me Felix. Although I haven't had my name changed legally yet that might be a future addition. What else would you expect that I should be doing Dr? I know who I am and I know how I feel so what next?' I'm very cheeky and I would probably throw some questions back his way cos that's me.
I think he probably means presentation but he may also mean ya name and stuff like what I included! If I'm way off here Hun slap my wrist and tell me. Just some thoughts really hope it helps xx Felix :hugs:

[Jenna1561]

Amber,

I agree with everyone who believes your therapist meant presenting and being accepted by others as a woman. Living as a woman doesn't mean you must give up the things you enjoy; they are a part of you and while some activities are associated with specific genders, by no means are they exclusive. Continue to enjoy working on your autos and fixing up your home, just remember to be careful of your nails - I absolutely hate it when I tear a nail doing some work around the house.

BTW, I also got a lovely sunburn while wearing my tank top at Six Flags last week, and much like you, my pasty white legs don't sunburn or tan, even though I was wearing above the knee shorts (5" inseam). My legs have never tanned or sunburned as far back as I can remember. Someone once told me that it was probably due to low melanin levels in the skin. Why such low levels? I haven't the foggiest and don't really know if that's the reason or not.

You may be too young to know of Helen Reddy, but her song "I Am Woman" is my personal anthem.


Hugs,
Jenna

[Calliope]

to live as a woman? How does a person define that? [...] Anyway, do I have to give up fixing my car? Do I have to give up fixing my house? What is it exactly that is different? I surely don't live like a "manly man"! and haven't for a long time. I just don't relate at all to that way of living.


After living a year en femme, I'd say "living as woman" means (1) guys consider you a hole and (2) woman consider you OK. I used to surmise there was a lot of tension and alienation between the sexes, now from experience I'd assert that's pretty damn true. Alas.

[AmberTG]

A couple of specific replys here.
Felix, I always appreciate your comments from your point of view. We are the opposite of each other, but yet, we are the same in many ways. We have the same struggles, just from the opposite side of the fence. I think I can understand your issues because they're the same as mine, just opposite.

Jenna, funny you should mention nails, I tend to chip and break them more at work, quite irritating! I only work on my cars to save money so I can continue to get to work.:D
I wish I could pass but I can't at this point in time, still too much beard.

Calliope, I think you've discovered a fundamental truth of a difference between men and women. I know a few men that aren't like that, but most of them are. Basicly speaking, I'm not accepted by either group. Not manley enough for the "good ole boys" and too much man for the women to take me in, they don't trust me like they would another woman, which I understand, they have to protect themselves from men in general and I am still perceived as one.
Again, thanks for the replies, I do appreciate them.

[AmberTG]

Kehleyr, I guess if you don't naturally look like a woman and want to, or need to, look the part, it can be a lot of work every day. I guess it depends on your intent, doesn't it?
For me, personally, I see no reason to get dolled up every day, I know a few women my age that won't leave the house without putting on their "face" but I don't think it's all that common for middle aged women anymore. Most of the women I know just don't worry about it anymore, unless the occasion calls for it. I think for MTFs in transition, covering the beard shadow is probably the biggest issue, a dead giveaway in the real life test. I'll be glad when my electrolysis has progressed enough to not see beard shadow. The rest I can fix quite easily. (except my lack of head hair )
Speaking of the real life test, that's what my therapist wants to talk about next week, it'll be interesting. I'm supposed to write my thoughts about RLT in my journal this week so we can talk about it next week. I have not started the RLT yet, for several reasons. It should be an interesting discussion.

[Katie Ashe]

Amber, This is more of a personal venue then a medical one. "Playing the Women" role is more of being yourself and doing girly things as to mens things. Being a women means different things to different people. You know when your on the right track when you stop pretending to be the person your not and are accually happy, without the side order of guilt. Your on the right track when your feeling good about you, and whom you really are. This will be the hardest thing you will ever do in your life, but it is a realistic goal.

[chantelle]

Amber,

I agree with everyone who believes your therapist meant presenting and being accepted by others as a woman. Living as a woman doesn't mean you must give up the things you enjoy; they are a part of you and while some activities are associated with specific genders, by no means are they exclusive. Continue to enjoy working on your autos and fixing up your home, just remember to be careful of your nails - I absolutely hate it when I tear a nail doing some work around the house.

BTW, I also got a lovely sunburn while wearing my tank top at Six Flags last week, and much like you, my pasty white legs don't sunburn or tan, even though I was wearing above the knee shorts (5" inseam). My legs have never tanned or sunburned as far back as I can remember. Someone once told me that it was probably due to low melanin levels in the skin. Why such low levels? I haven't the foggiest and don't really know if that's the reason or not.

You may be too young to know of Helen Reddy, but her song "I Am Woman" is my personal anthem.


Hugs,
Jenna

LOL that is exactly me, with the nail thing. We were changing the SPark plugs on the Sierra few days back and i swore suddnely. My brother in law was like whats up, i said "I broke a nail" he just looked at me funnily and continue. At some point i gave him the wrench and told him to continue.

As for the question to this post. No one really knows, but those that do know pretends to know. As my experience of a Counsellor, there is one thing that i can tell you to make you more at ease.
No one cares what you do with your life. They have their own little problems and stuff to worry about. So if you follow the advice and follow example of females around you then you should be okay. We surround ourselves with the things we want in our own lifes. Look at the females you have as friends. Then just model yourself around them. That is how little girls do it when they grow up.
Hugs .
Chantelle aka Kristy << Cant make up my mind yet on a name. LOL