Crossdressing as a way of letting go

[LindaMarie]

I'm not at all sure how to express this and the Title line is probably not great (this start really makes you want to keep reading doesn't it?) but here goes...

I'm very conscious of being pretty inhibited as a guy. I'm definitely not a party guy - far from it. I'm kind of shy and it takes a while before I open up to people. I'm usually quiet at meetings. I'm friendly at work and get along with people, but I tend to kind of fade into the woodwork. I might go so far as to say I'm kind of boring.

I'm much less inhibited as Linda. Being Linda seems to give me permission to be a little less shy, a little more gregarious. As a man, I tend towards very conservative clothing, nothing to stand out. As Linda, I'm pretty conservative, too, but I also enjoy the occasional short skirt and tight pair of jeans. I'm much more willing to take chances on clothing as Linda. I love my red high heels and my multi-colored summer dress (not at the same time :) )

I think part of my shyness as a guy comes from feeling from an early age that my crossdressing was shameful and no one must ever find out. So I suppressed any clues that might give me away. I don't mean I did that consciously but I think at some level I wanted to be sure people didn't see or suspect the part of me that loved to dress in skirts and high heels.

As Linda, I also feel more free to try to look good. I don't mean I dress poorly as a man, just very much that I don't draw attention to myself. People would be surprised if I wore something as a man that was unusually colored. It almost seems wrong to try too hard or to try to draw attention to myself.

So, sorry for the rambling quality of this post. I'm sure other people are like me - inhibited as a man and not wanting to be noticed, but loving the idea of trying to look pretty and, yes, complimented on my appearance as a woman. I'd love to hear what other people think about this (and hope that you do a better job of writing about this than I have).

[Karren H]

Hey Linda Marie!!! Haven't seen you around in a while..... Same here.... Though I like to look as good as I can when dressed as a male.... my only options are typically what tie to wear and lately what color to color my hair... within reason.. But in girl mode, it's like everything is fair game... what I wear and how I do my hair and makeup!!! Way more fun!!

Love Karren

[LindaMarie]

Great to see you here, hon.

I wish I had access to a place like crossdressers.com when I was 20 and especially the wonderful attitude and self-acceptance I see from people like you.

[CharleneCD]

I think you did a good job writing about it. In many ways I see you describing me. I have just taken it a step further. I have let my female personality seep into my drab life. He was such a boring guy anyway, that he needed some spicing up. I am slowly finding a balance with the two sides that allows me to lead a more daring and fulfilled life all the time.

[Marla S]

Sounds familiar to me.

In drab I am less confident with myself ... it feels a bit empty and pointless.

I feel the shyness too, ever have felt it. One part certainly is trying to avoid anything that could be "read" related to CDing, but I think a major influence is a lack of socialization.
I always had this outsider feeling ... to feel like an outsider is nothing to increase self-assuredness and nothing that helps to search for someone to talk to when someone to talk to is needed.

[Donna506]

Linda Marie,

I agree with your observations and conclusions. The same seems to have been my experience over the years. It’s sort of like wearing a uniform so as not to stand out when around others similarly dressed. But when you are still in uniform and seem to be the only one dressed that way, you want to become invisible.

The shameful aspect of CDing certainly influenced my self image. Anything that would invite questions that might lead to revelation of my secret was to be avoided. This included clothing, relationships, social involvement, etc. The result was a distant individual, not fun to be around.

I think the act of CDing gives us a second chance to assert ourselves and be more open to having a good self image. As we gain confidence in emulating the many aspects of the female gender, we realize we are unique individuals who can freely express our emotions with a variety of looks. With experience, we can begin to be fun to be around (Karren seems to be a perfect example).

Personally, I am looking forward to loosing my inhibitions in the male mode by applying experiences learned in the fem mode. Hopefully, good will come from an aspect of our lives that has caused many of us grief and shame. That’s my hope for me.

[rose382832]

i'm almost the opposite as a guy i've learned to be very out going( was very shy till i reached 25) but as a girl i try to hide in a corner so no one sees me(very hard to do with the clothing i wear but):heehee:

[Ellie C]

ellie for me was my escape , she made me feel good about myself :) , , over time you will without knowing it become 2 ppl . ( a small part ) , will miss ellie but have made my choice for to me the right reasons , enjoy your softer side hun :D xxxx

[Kate Simmons]

Usta be Hon, but now being in touch with my feelings has enhanced my interpersonal skills and now there is no shutting this guy/girl up. You are not only stuck with a "Chatty Cathy" but a "chatty Salandra" and a "chatty Richard" as well. There is no escape, you are trapped with a talker and a socializer who will talk your ear off if you let her.:p

[sandra_j_gervais]

Linda:

All of the thoughts you expressed have been my own over the years. That is why I feel compelled to tell my story (and you thought YOU were shy !).

Yesterday was the first time I out en femme in public (after 30+ years). I had just been fitted for a wig by a superb stylist in Minneapolis after working all week on feminization. Yesterday morning I applied my make-up in the car and drove to her salon an absolute wreck but resolved to go thru with it. I had the dress I wanted to try with the wig, and jeans and top I would wear out of the salon. She did the rest ! I left the shop as a gal. What a relief and a liberation !

The transformation started this spring, and I could really feel it Thursday evening. We were at one of my boys numerous sporting events. Usually I am to myself (or coaching), or I will talk only with the parents I know. But for some reason, I chatted with everyone, introduced myself to 10 parents of the new High School sophomores I hadn't met before. I hadn't been that happy in years. It seemed that everything good mentally happened, I could take the chance I needed with our start-up biz, I resolved to get involved with other things like music and some of the civic activity I wanted to start. Getting out of the closet seemed to make me gregarious ! I knew the following day would be it. There was no turning back, I had the appointment and I was going through with it. Other than for family experiences, it was the best personal experience I have had in years. Coming out was completely non-sexual: it was just a wonderful affirming experience of coming in touch with my feminine half. I realized that suppressing my female gender identity was supressing other interests and social interaction. I only wish that I had done this sooner.

I have been transgendered since 1971 at age 12. I have purged a wardrobe countless times; I don't even delete my Goodwill donation listing on my taxes anymore because every year I toss $500 of perfectly good clothes.

I have some catch-up explaining with my wife. She knows, but assumes I keep it in the closet. I can't anymore, and she'll just have to learn why.

Thanks Linda for affirming my experiences,

Very Happy (finally) Sandra

[LindaMarie]

Sandra,

What a wonderful story!

Linda

[jacquie randall]

Linda may i thankyou so very much for your wonderfull but more importanly truethfull desription of you feelings on this matter . Darl you could not have put it any better as you hit the nail on the head so to speak . it looks like im not going mad lol . Oh well thanks for putting so clearly and god bless you allways . love jacquie renee randall :love: From AUSTRALIA XXXX

[Joyce1702]

You described me to a "T". All my life, I've been extremely conservative, quiet, and slightly introverted. As I grew up, I always tried to stay "stone cold", never displaying emotion, not showing anything that might make me appear "less than manly". I rarely got up to dance, never joined in any singing (although I love to sing when alone), always stayed on the sidelines and basicly tried to be invisible.

Joyce is more fun-loving and out-going, although it's hard sometimes to fight the old habits. I do believe that, overall, crossdressing has made me a better male. And now that I have grand-children, I'm more likely to do goofy things and make a fool out of myself.

Joyce

[Mitch23]

I also find that I am far more outgoing now as though being ok with my feminine side has made me more confident. I also find myself getting on better with folks that I don't normally click with at work. Mitch is quite a party animal and loves to dance - she doesnt care whether its with others or on her own. Now Mike wouldn't like doing that ...

Mitch

[Alice Torn]

LM< I am from Illinois, too, Rockford! I moved out here, 26 yrs ago, still miss Illinois, some. You sound like me. I am an old bachelor,though, and dress conservativiely drab, but dress conservative, classy, modest, yet sexy, as a lady. I don't like "in your face" ****iness, or sloppiness. Must be our midwest roots.

[Lilith Moon]

Linda,

Thanks for that ! You got me thinking about my own extreme shyness in male mode and, for the first time ever, I have made a connection with my early shame of crossdressing and my need for secrecy during my early formative years. Nowadays, I'm much more comfortable with my TG-ness (thanks in part to the lovely people here) but I think that I will always be a shy retiring type. :hugs:

[Terry]

Dear ; LindaMarie

I also love the way ,that I feel as well as many other girls here have also stated ,You just put in the such an understanding way , There were many times when growing up that I also had those same feeling . It is sites like this that have given us a way to be ourselves and enjoy the company and the closeness we have for one another and also share some tales or two but for the most part we can be ourselves, Thank you

My love as always

Terry XXXX