Still trying to understand

[Corrine GG]

The other night we were joking around, I injured my foot in january and had major surgery. I have a plate and pins in my heel. When it rains (wed) it really hurts me and I think I hurt it digging my puppy's grave. SO, if I sit for a while it gets stiff and it takes a few steps to walk halfway normal.

I made a joke about Tim Conway, you know, his character who shuffles his feet? I told him he was going to have to dress up like carol burnett, Mrs. Hwhiggens, he laughed and sounded put off by it. Then I said..."Even the heels" He doesn't know that I know about the heels I found. He grunted and said "OK" but still sounded put off by it....keep in mind it was all a joke and we were laughing.

I guess I thought I would get a different response. Then he took his wedding ring off. His fingers were swollen and he made the comment about how he hates jewelry. He hates the way it feels against his skin (he doesn't wear a watch) He knows that I found jewelry that he puts on when he dresses. I am confused about this...any thoughts?

[DawnRodgers]

Well, it likely would be better if you sat him down and had a serious non-confrontational talk with him. Only then can you get the real answer to your questions. We are only guessing, as you seem to be too, at this point.
In any event, realize that a lot of us carry guilt and embarassment because of what most of society think about us. Add that to the loud voices of the religious right and it results in being afraid to come out, even to those close to us. He could certainly still feel uncomfortable having frank, or even humorous discussions. Remember humor is in the mind of the talker. What you may think of as a neutral comment, he may take as a pointed barb. Don'tr think I'd like to be compared to a Carol Burnett character, even if I looked that way when dressed.
As far as the wedding ring thing - who knows? Not being part of the situation, there is not enough information. Could be it's what he says, could be something else. Again, ask and talk. Reveal your innermost thoughts and fears. You must try to get it all out in the open rather then letting it sit and fester. Ignoring it doesn't help as most of us would love to live some part of our "other life" freely and out in the open and with the understanding of our partners. It is much more fulfilling that way.
It's hard for aome of us to open up even though we wish it all were out in the open. Afraid of censure, name calling, ending of relationships, all of that burden that comes from being, as a lot of people think, weird or perverted.
Dawn

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Corrine

He will have taken note of what you said and his mind will be in turmoil

He will be extra cautious wondering if you know then dismissing the thought

It could be he will want to tell you but is petrified as he thinks you see it as a joke following the comments

I dont know if confronting him is the best course of action but it may be your only option

[Chantelle CD]

I think maybe he is still fighting this, and took off his ring as a gesture to show you, I'm still a man.

Had to laugh at the joke, because i just loved those two when they worked together, old memories, many a night watching them and just splitting a gut, Mrs. Hwiggins was classic!!! What was that characters name....Tim portrayed in those skits?

[Holly]

Corrine, stop guessing about what he is thinking and start asking! Talk to him. Some things aren't making sense. How can the two of you be "joking" and he sounding "put off?"

[Corrine GG]

Corrine, stop guessing about what he is thinking and start asking! Talk to him. Some things aren't making sense. How can the two of you be "joking" and he sounding "put off?"

I think it was a normal response for a 'guy' when you ask him to dress asa woman...like..."What? why would i do that?" I guess I just thought that it would start to chisle the stone wall between us in regards to his dressing. We went to bed the other night and it seemed like he wanted to talk to me but just couldn't find the courage to bring it up. (before the carol burnett thing).

I guess for the time being, I will just keep an open mind and keep telling him I love him and I'm not going anywhere. Subtle hints may be helping. When we were channel surfing there was a movie on "Kinky Boots". I told him the true story behind the movie and how cool it was. (trying to show my accepting side) The movie is about a man who inherits a failing shoe factory and decides to start making womens shoes for men.

The jewelry thing bothers me, I guess it's the first time I have experienced the different personality thing.

[Marla S]

The jewelry thing bothers me, I guess it's the first time I have experienced the different personality thing.

Hm.
Jewelry might have two different functions for him.

1.) I just doesn't like it.
2.) It's a feminine symbol too. As such he might want to wear it in order to make the feminine appearence complete (while dressing this could become more important than his dislike)

[christina marie]

oh wow, this sounds just like my house... wife dropping subtle hints and me being too thick to catch on. usually get the gist of what she wanted later when thinking about it, usually too late for the moment. try being more forthcoming with what you really want to talk about maybe? we are after all still trying to learn the ways you GG's do things, dont be dissapointed if we dont catch on right away.

[sterling12]

F.Y.I. Corrine, Conway's Character was called Mr Tuudbowl. I always thought it was one of the funniest bits they ever did. Ranks right up there with her doing Gloria Swanson in, "Sunset boulevard." Still laugh when I think of Corman with the skinhead doing Von Stroheim: "thaaaank you Madam."

Your problem? Yes, lets try it again. My guess is that he has now "gone into The Cave." Total Denial, and "If I ignore it....it will go away." You two are now "mentally fencing."

I'm going to go the other way from everyone else's opinion. Leave it alone! It might take weeks, months, or even years for him to feel comfortable enough to confess his basic truth. Joking with him about it; even gently, will probably just make him more defensive.

If you want to stay with him, then just be supportive and let him know in many small ways that you care and are accepting. Sometimes to prove that sort of thing, you have to give the other person the space to be in denial......until they get ready to accept things.

I know it's not what YOU want. I know that you have had to deal with a lot of hurtful secrets in your life. But, the situation involves two people and nobody's perfect, he's not going to react exactly as you would have him react!! You have said what you felt you had to say. I would advise you to just "cool it" and give him room to adjust. I am not taking sides on this matter, I would like to see you two make your marriage work. If I were in your shoes, this is how I would handle the current situation.

Perhaps, sometime in the future, you might just be pleasantly surprized.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Di]

Hon just my :2c:...Subtle hints won't get it...just come out and ask him.....another thing there are just as many different kind of cd's as there are answers to why.........you will only get the complete story by it coming from him. He is very very very lucky to have you...to care so much....if I were you i'd find a time where you get talk uninterupped....and say...look I found such and such and anything you tell me...I love you...just need you to be honest with me.


About the jewlery........Sher will not wear jewlery in guy mode...what so ever.....but girl mode has a standing jewlery chest full.And has all matching jewlery sets to go with different outfits...............has two totally different sides..........others want to feel the girly side all the time.......in my girls case..there are two totally different sides............

[Stephenie S]

Yeah, I agree. Loose the subtle hints and start talking. You are skating 'round and 'round this thing just trying to guess what's going on. You need to TALK to each other.

Lovies,
Stephenie