Help!! Am i really a x-dresser?????

[Chantelle CD]

I am very well grounded as a male, i love being a guy, i feel right being a guy in the public, have no desire at all to pass, or go out dressed, at all!!! not even the slightest. No want or desire to tell anyone either, and telling people would not affect me or make me feel more whole, or accept this in me at all. Dressing up, does however allow me to feel so much more, being human, than if i had never done it, i can feel everything not dressed as i do dressed, by simply focusing on it, and i have done this for 6 years, when i had to live with a family member, without putting on even panties, however i totally love how the clothing accentuates the feelings. I have a wig, rarely put it on, was wanting to try makeup, to see if it would make me feel more passable, or give me a want to start going out, but i really dont want to lose the face hair because as a male i love how it looks on me, and i wont degrade my male image to be more like a woman. I do shave my legs and chest, and underarms, though, but my male side love this as well, i dont miss the hair at all, skin feels so much nicer in both rolls. I only say male side, female side, to relate to how i am feeling or focusing my energy's at the time, not at all a gender thing for me, but a emotional and feeling thing. Yes when i dress up i feel like a woman, have a womans feelings, emotions, movements, and my male energy's pop in from time to time and i totally forget what i am wareing, and I'm just me, a guy, living my life, and then i go about focusing and feeling girly again. this happens over and over again, and doesnt bother me one bit. I dont feel like i have to be one or the other, but how i feel like expressing myself at the given moment, ill even dress up and feel like a guy, and that doesnt bother me one bit. I totally love how dressing has changed how i look at woman, sense and relate to them so much better and with a lot more understanding. But honestly have zero desire to really want to be one at all!! When i dress up however, i feel totally female, and like that a lot, but also know that i can change and be me, or just change focus and be me. To me cross dressing is all about the energy's, the feelings and emotions, and not at all about gender really, I believe that these feelings are ment to be shared by both sexes naturally, and see woman all the time doing so in public, reaching down inside them and pulling out there male sides to handle a certain situation. And even watch the different woman and how they carrie themselves, there are some that walk and hold themselves really femme like and some that have a bit of a male gate to there walk. I also see a lot of men that do the same, not so much there walk, but stand in a femme pose, or sitting femme like, smoke femme like ect, so i think it is more of an energy thing, <feelings> than it is a gender thing.

And to be totally honest, i feel as though i am a outcast amoungst you all, like i dont fit in at all, and my opinions mean nothing, so i may as well stop replying to threads here, and move on. Is there anyone here at all that has my feelings on this???? Am i really a cross dresser, or do i just love to play with reality, and question it, and want to explore it for what it is?

I really dont like labels either, I guess I'm looking to find one for myself arnt i LoL Replys from GG are appreciated on this as well as ftm, anyone really, thank you for reading.

[ronna]

That's the fun of it, Chantelle.
If you for a moment thought other people would mistake you for a real girl, then would be entering that "tween" stage where you might do things like forget you're wearing women's clothes.

[Kate Simmons]

Chantelle, it doesn't matter if you are a "crossdresser" or not, you are yourself and we appreciate that. There is so little honesty in this world and it's refreshing to come here to get the thoughts of our friends and their heartfelt expressions. I don't care if you dress up like a gorilla, I appreciate your feelings and feedback. I don't always dress like a "girl" anyway, sometimes I'm Salandra being Eric. It's all according to the way we feel and that is what matters. I hate stereotypes anyway of all kinds, even in the TG community at large. My main message is enjoy being yourself, whoever that "self" happens to be and appreciate others for who they are. That in itself reflects the simplicity that life should be all about. I agree with you about the energies BTW, let's just say something I found out these last couple of years and work with. You are always welcome here my friend, don't think otherwise, okay?:hugs:

[Nikki A.]

There are no rules or set expressions in all this. We all have different feelings and expectations. If you enjoy it, it is right no matter what may feel. You want to call yourself a CD fine, your opinions are as worthy as anyone else's except Karen she is more equal.

[angelfire]

Chantelle, it doesn't matter if you are a "crossdresser" or not, you are yourself and we appreciate that.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

[sterling12]

Hun, we can't decide that for you. We can give opinions, but you have to decide "what you are."

Once you figure it out, learn to live with it. That's the most important thing.

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Amy07]

Wow Chantelle! I agree, that there are no absolute classifications for anybody on this forum. We all do what we all do. I have no desire to pass, since I tried that and it don't work, but I still love to relax, kick back, and slip into my fav fem outfits. I think reality is what YOU make it, and play with it all you want!

[ChanDelle]

Chantelle--there's a very large multi-variate spectrum of us here. Sometimes I feel like you, and sometimes I really want to be a girl. I don't dress as much as many here, and I'm so far in the closet, I can't find the door. I enjoy my maleness when I'm with a woman, and I also enjoy my femme understanding at the same time. It really opens up the world to me.

I think it's truly the diversity of viewpoints that keeps me coming back here. I don't participate as much as I probably should; but I read the posts almost every day, and sometimes several times a day.

I enjoy reading what each and everyone has to say. This is a comfortable place for me to be, and if you feel the same, please stay. If not, we do understand.

Offered with love and respect,

ChanDelle

[Jeri.x]

Chantelle, ur da definition of a crossdresser. Ofcourse wearing a woman's clothes would keep u intouch with ur feelings more 'coz dats da feminine side of ur nature. And da essense of being a woman. U can definitely feel da separation of a man & a woman in u. Dressing up n going out in public is just another step, and trust me it's very liberating. Most especially when they (men) notices u as a female. But dis falls on what is da state of ur mine and wats ur reason 4 dressing. I can't speak 4 everybody here, but da way I see it is we're afraid 2 take da step of going all the way of being a total woman for 2 reasons:
First, there might b more masculine side 2 u than feminine side.
Second, we all have someone to answer to (may it b family members, relatives or friends).
4 my personal, I don't care about da first one 4 I already no wat I want & how I feel. What holds me back is da second one.
So in the end, I always say "Enjoy it while u can, and be happy with what ur decision leads u".
Hope dat helps...:2c:

[Fab Karen]

"so i think it is more of an energy thing, <feelings> than it is a gender thing."

Gender roles are just made up by society.

[Marla S]

.... so i think it is more of an energy thing, <feelings> than it is a gender thing.
Interesting idea and probably not too wrong. Gender is a very diffuse term anyway ... energy too though.
Maybe you are up to something.


And to be totally honest, i feel as though i am a outcast amoungst you all, like i dont fit in at all, and my opinions mean nothing, so i may as well stop replying to threads here, and move on. Is there anyone here at all that has my feelings on this???? Am i really a cross dresser, or do i just love to play with reality, and question it, and want to explore it for what it is?
Well, like everywhere there is a mainstream, the "normal" ones, among CDs too. And like everywhere everyone wants to become normal.

If you can't be a normal man or a normal woman, let's try to become a normal CD who mimics a normal woman ?:p

That's the wrong approach.

Normalism is the real disorder.

Just be what you think is the best way for you to be.
Finding the own way is a lonely way sometimes, but that holds true for everybody, CD or not.

Having a closer look, we have a few things in common but are all very different indeed. Everybody has a different life, which also causes different approaches.

[NewBetty]

Chantelle,
I think this is an excellent post from you!
OK you said:"i feel as though i am a outcast amoungst you all, like i dont fit in at all, and my opinions mean nothing, so i may as well stop replying to threads here, and move on. Is there anyone here at all that has my feelings on this???? Am i really a cross dresser, or do i just love to play with reality, and question it, and want to explore it for what it is?"

I don't go out dressed.
I hate to shop.
I own no wig, and have hardly ever experimented w/ makeup.
I just happen to love the way girly clothes feel
and how I feel when I wear them.
I"m occasionally actually frightened as th where this could lead,
or maybe this is as far as I'll ever go.
If I can feel relieved and comforted to have found this site,
and that I can fit in here,
I believe you can too.:hugs:

[marie354]

What classifications? Do you want to be classified? OK... You're you! Is that good enough? Hehe.

Years ago I was a guy that had a dream of being a girl, now I feel more like a girl that has dreams of being a guy. Teeheehee.
I'm still one person, and that will never change. Same persona modified by both the male & female parts of me. (Although I prefer the female part.)

And... Your comments and thoughts are always welcome here.
It's nice to know that there is at least one place that you can be honest and open and voice your opinions about the issues that concern us all.
:hugs:

[Toyah]

Of course you are a CD and please post to stop the TG fits all brigade taking over

[Mitch23]

What I love about this community is that it embraces everyone and treats them with the dignity and respect that they deserve. Whether you are a crossdresser, a Crossdresser, or a CROSSDRESSER Chantelle makes no odds to me - you are very welcome here and your opinions are valued.

Mitch

[Kahlan51]

I couldn't have said it better. I love being Male. I love being Female. No conflict for me. Freedom and full self expression is what my life is about.
Love Kahlan

[rose382832]

somedays i dress as rose but make no effort to pass, still other days i dress up in early tudor costumes(male) and escape that way. and there are even days when i've put on a tuxedo and enjoyed being james bond.:eek: it doesn't really mater cause i'm still me and nothing has changed except the clothing.:hugs:take care and realise that you are a valued member of this forum and that your opinion is as valuable and important to us as anyone elses.:love:

[christina marie]

you sure you really want this label? ok well sit real still while i take a few measurements. ok all set. click click click pop pop click. now your gonna feel a slight pinch, dont move. all done! you have officially been labeled. you are a human. now when you go to take that off...

[Chantelle CD]

Thank you all for the warm comments :) It is nice to know i can reply to threads and post my views, without judgment for my beliefs, thank you all very much :)


Gender roles are just made up by society.

Gender is not a role, you are what you are born, one can take hormones, have an operation, get all your parts cut off, and implants galore, i dont think one can become a woman born a male, or vise versa, they can feel the feelings, and the emotions, but you cant become a woman for real, you can make a good and in a lot of cases, a very good expample of one, but not until you can give birth to a baby, and grow it inside your womb can you become a woman. Or plant the sead that starts the life to grow, can you become a male, and that my friends is gods gift that was given unto us. What would a woman be if there was no males? There ARE males, and there are females, its not a role, its a reality, The emotions and feelings that we feel are the roles, that we all can share regardless of gender. there is nothing wrong however, in alowing those feelings and emotions, to overtake you, and swing one way only, however if you do, you will become depressed and unhappy in a female role, all the feelings and emotions is what makes us compleat, not what gender we are, or chose to portray. For this i imagine is why there is a lot of depression among the TG/TS/CD comunity.


Well, like everywhere there is a mainstream, the "normal" ones, among CDs too. And like everywhere everyone wants to become normal.

If you can't be a normal man or a normal woman, let's try to become a normal CD who mimics a normal woman ?

That's the wrong approach.

Normalism is the real disorder.

Just be what you think is the best way for you to be.
Finding the own way is a lonely way sometimes, but that holds true for everybody, CD or not. Quote by Marla S

I respect you a lot Marla, you are a thinker, every post you submit shows this, you seek out answers to your questions, and like me i think you only will settle for truth. Very factual indeed, and there isnt a lot one can argue with your replys <tips hat> <curtseys> <and hugs>


Chantelle, it doesn't matter if you are a "crossdresser" or not, you are yourself and we appreciate that. There is so little honesty in this world and it's refreshing to come here to get the thoughts of our friends and their heartfelt expressions. I don't care if you dress up like a gorilla, I appreciate your feelings and feedback. I don't always dress like a "girl" anyway, sometimes I'm Salandra being Eric. It's all according to the way we feel and that is what matters. I hate stereotypes anyway of all kinds, even in the TG community at large. My main message is enjoy being yourself, whoever that "self" happens to be and appreciate others for who they are. That in itself reflects the simplicity that life should be all about. I agree with you about the energies BTW, let's just say something I found out these last couple of years and work with. You are always welcome here my friend, don't think otherwise, okay? Quote by Salandra


My main message is enjoy being yourself, whoever that "self" happens to be and appreciate others for who they are.

A double quote here Solandra because my friend this main message is the real key to life, and your atidude here has set you free!! If you totaly apprecate other for who you they are, you do not judge, add forgiveness, for there faltering, and you will never be hurt again!! Very wize words from a dear soul, Thank you!!! <hugs>

Thank you all, i shall be me!!! A spiritualist, a healer, a man, a CD, an artist, a lover of life :)

[Chantelle CD]

A few posts back i stated in a thread that crossdressing is an obsession, i want to add a few words to that here now, i do believe it is, anything one focuses there atention on is an obsession, weather its a hoby or CDing, just how much you obsess, will deturmine how good you become at it, i do not think that obsession is a bad thing at all!!! It is what makes you good at what ever you do.

I never had lessons for oil painting at all, none, yet i obsessed in art for a lot of years, and learnt all i could by jumping into the canvas and doing it, i got into soft pastels as well, and obsessed in that as well, so much so i went out and got a ton of raw pigments, and hand rolled my own pastels, back then i did a lot of nude pastel paintings of woman, and because i didnt have models, i took only the classy shots in playboy mags for models, did some nice stuff i wish i still had, threw them out in a fight over my Cding, thinking i was over doing it bahhhh ohh well.

This is a painting i did a bateman copy, remember i had no lessions, when i look at it i see a lot of mistakes still, but thats the way of an artist, if you make a perfect painting you may as well give it up LoL


49539



I have also obbsessed in photography, and again not a single lesson, not even in school


49542


So obsession isnt a bad thing, but it can be if you let it over run your life.

[Chantelle CD]

I would say are more of a flaming Homer!
Reality hurts doesnt it :P

[Kate Simmons]

I would say you "obsess" very well my friend, with all that you do. In my case, I always obsessed about different things as well to the point I mastered them. I always found myself being driven to CDing but didn't know why until I began mastering that also. What I learned was that, for myself anyway, it was more about things on a spiritual level than the physical, even though the "glitz and glitter" is nice. As you pointed out, we are who we are and we cannot change that but we can learn about who we are, get in touch with our feelings and discover our purpose. It doesn't have to be all work though and we can definately have fun along the way. Works for me.:thumbsup::happy:

[Chantelle CD]

Welcome to the club, you want pity, see a priest.

pity is a low vibration energy bordering on the dark side, i seek the light. You know the stuff we all see when we pass, go back home.

Spiritual, not religious :)


What I learned was that, for myself anyway, it was more about things on a spiritual level than the physical, even though the "glitz and glitter" is nice.

Solandra, i to see it this way, for me feeling and emotion is energy, it is felt and resonates threw the aura, and is my whole point in what i am trying to say. The glitter just helps me to focus on the feelings and emotions for longer lenghts of time, it doesnt change what i think my gender is, but it lets me feel femme energys compleatly, well or as best i can atm. I am not all that i ever feel at one moment, rather all that i can possably feel, and free will is simply the abuility to change my focus when i want to.

[mellisa]

Chantelle, you couldn't have described ME any better then what you said at the beginning of this thead. I am glad there are other like me. Clothes, shoes, jewelry,my home office, and of course my wife are all I need for dressing.

[Sheri 4242]

Hun, we can't decide that for you. We can give opinions, but you have to decide "what you are." Once you figure it out, learn to live with it. That's the most important thing.

Obviously, Joanie is right -- only you can decide what/who you are on any different level. We can give you our opinions, and that in some part seems to be what you want: input to help you decide who and what you may or may not be regarding crossdressing. You may not like labels -- many-to-most don't -- but I look at it this way, we need generally accepted terminology to be able to clearly discuss things . . . I mean, isn't that what language is all about?!!!

It has taken a very long time for many of us to come to terms with who and what we are -- and I'm talking about decades and decades. Once you discover and/or accept what you are (whatever that is), you must begin to seek a certain peace about yourself!!!


Chantelle, it doesn't matter if you are a "crossdresser" or not, you are yourself and we appreciate that.

Sal is also right -- your input is welcome and appreciated. Sometimes we might disagree, but the trick is to learn to disagree without being disagreeable.

[Chantelle CD]

Melissa

Thank you for the reply, it is nice to know isn't it? That is a big part of the reason i started this thread, to see if i am not alone on this. Thank you again :)

Barbara

My search for who and what i am, goes way beyond the desire to dress up, it encompasses where did i come from, The answers to this miracle of life, are the stars and galaxies really a part of everything needed to be here, am i a part of that is some way??? I fully know and understand that when i die, my ego will be no more, for my brain has died with my body, but my spirit will continue, and all that i have learned to feel and express, all the joy and love that i have shared, will continue. my soul. This is who i am, my true self, not a tiny label for my cross dressing. Its what is my soul, where did it come from, that i ask who am i. Like Malissa said, i wanted to know if i was the only one here on this forum like me, where i have no want or desire to throw away the sex i was born, for a lot of what i read here, most want to kill this part of themselves!!! I dont understand this at all. If i was a GG i would want to express my male side for balance, like so many do now. This is all i am doing now. Who am i, my ego will never know completely, it is way to much for it to comprehend, but i will always ask for more understanding, and spirit gives me lil bits because i asked <ask and ye shall receive> Its mt ego i try to shed, so that i may sense what is real, sense it as a part of myself, that is called faith, and knowing, and true seeing. To me life has purpose, To learn lesions, to grow from these lessons, evolution of spirit, that is why we have dejavo <spelling> feeling that omg, this is just totally right for me.
I totally have peace with myself, i am learning to accept this desire to dress up, and not allow how most would judge me for it, and not let this affect me anymore. But i put it in its proper perspective, and that is to balance myself, I have grown in leaps and bounds because of cross dressing, not in knowing who i am, but in expression and what i can feel, and now relate to. And its starting to come to a plateau!! And i chose not to push it to the limit, and try to pass and go out, this will take me to a place i dont want to go at all. At times i feel i need to hold dressing, so that i can balance my male energy's more, and when i dress again, that excitement of the femme energy's comes back again renewed, and i obsess in it for a while again. I just wanted to know, if there are more like me, that dont want to discard there given gender, sorry if i was misunderstood here :)

Speaking of these feelings and energy, a little story...

My cat jumps up on me, and wants attention, i have 3 cats, and they all have there own little egos LoL personality's made from what they experienced in life< all 3 are shelter cats rescued> this one jumps up on me, and looks up at me with 1/2 closed eyes, buries her lil head under my arm, and literally hugs me, purring away, she is absorbed with love, and i realize, that she is sharing this feeling with me, so not only can i feel this energy, so does she!!! the very same feeling i feel!! its not limited to gender, or humanity at all, but because she is alive here, she too can feel this energy, simple observation i know, but when i touch her tummy and tickle it, she doesnt like that, and her claws come out and she turns from this feeling, to mad at the flick of a switch, and i see what she is feeling at that moment, and recognize it, it is also a feeling that i can feel!!! and i laughed with recognition, and hugged her, and her anger fades. Then i realized that this lil cat just tough me a lesson, that we share with our pets our emotions, we help evolve there souls too, as well as they ours. there is a lot more to feelings and emotions than i can imagine!! Just wanted to share that with you all :)