Cute and hopeful exchange

[jennCD]

Just had to share this one with everyone. It happened this afternoon. I was walking to the car with my wife and kids and upon seeing that her shoulder bag (not a feminine pocketbook but more of an all-around carryall for personal and family supplies) looked heavy as usual, I extended my hand and offered to carry it (admittedly not something uncommon between us since I used to carry her pocketbook on my shoulder when we went clothes shopping for her pre-parenthood as well... which was soooo nice!).

She said, "Good, you can be the 'man'... thanks" and accepted the offer to which I replied, "I'm tired of always being the 'man'." She quickly responded, "Well you should try being the 'woman' sometime" and I just paused momentarily and said, "I'll think about it."....

...and we left it out there to hang in the air before floating away on the cool, summer breeze.

Lord knows, it wasn't the first hint that I've dropped (tho possibly the longest exchange of this type) nor will it be the last, but moments like those give me hope that, one day, I will feel totally comfortable enough to say in passing, "Y'know honey,... there's something I've been meaning to tell you all these years, and being my best friend, I think you should know...."

Thanx for listening, girls...

[Stephenie S]

Jesus Jenn, just do it!! What an opening. What are you waiting for? An engraved invitation?

Stephie

[Frankie-Dear]

Awesome!! I would continue dropping playful little hints. "So... Since I'm going to be the woman, do you mind if I borrow a pair of your panties?" LOL

Keep it light and fun, and later, if/when you do come out, it won't be this big heavy shock, with deeply serious and scary undertones. :thumbsup:

[christie]

I know how you feel Jenn, I am drop alot of hints, that is all I have the nerve for now. Someday, hopefully sooner than later I will get the guts to tell my wife about Christie.

Christie

[Alice B]

That is a big opening and I'll bet she already suspects. Go through the door and discuss it with her.:hugs:

[Chantelle CD]

How do you think she will react? do you think she will be mad for keeping it from her all these years? Maybe try bringing up the subject of crossdressing to she what her feeling is towards it befor you just come out and say you do it, or do you know her feelings on the matter?

[SandyR]

Jenn,

Don't wait to long. I have been married 23 years, wife busted me last October. Lucky for me she is accepting, and it all working out.

Good luck Hun!

Hugs.

SandyR

[Kate Simmons]

I got the impression she was maybe talking from more of the "Cinderella" standpoint Jenn. Most men can't handle taking care of a household.:happy:

[jennCD]

I got the impression she was maybe talking from more of the "Cinderella" standpoint Jenn. Most men can't handle taking care of a household.:happy:

She knows I am "nothing like most men" (a topic we both enjoy discussing at times). Other than the big "jenn" thing, my wife and I have an almost painfully open and honest relationship (which sounds kinda funny considering the whole situation). Having been good friends since high school and all that we've been through while dating and through marriage, I could think of no one else I could physically stand in front of and say, "I have someone I'd like you to meet". Other than doing it like that not actually being my style, if it does ever come to pass that way (or similar), my expectation is that the knowledge of my last 30 years of crossdressing will be of some interest to her, more as a continuation of our bonding as partners, and less of an issue of misunderstanding (as is common it seems), jealousy (since I'm not looking to expand my physical interactions with anyone else sexually) or any other negative social connotations that may be expected. I can understand a certain resentment would be normal, as in "I'm hurt you never told me after all these years", but knowing both of our personalities and the history that we've shared for this long, that probably would not ring true for us.

... and as for Cinderella, I'd be quick to point out that it's normally me who does the routine chores and duties in our home (not that she doesn't but I prefer to think it's more my thing), from laundry to dishes to sweeping to scrubbing, and utilizing my barely-there culinary skills, I can almost make the kids a somewhat healthy lunch every now and then. This girl doesn't shy from being compulsive about wanting a tidy home.... and don't think a nice French Maid's outfit isn't crossing my mind right now as I type this, ok? LMAO

[Frankie-Dear]

You GO, Gurl!! Why not just tell her, already? I'll bet she would be a little shocked at first, but after that, she would probably be very supportive. Sounds like you have a really wonderful relationship. Congratulations to you both!

[Country girl]

Funny thing about women. Once we find out you have lied to us, it really doesn't matter what the reasoning behind the lie is, we tend to start wondering what else you've lied to us about. Then we start to question everything you tell us from that day forward. It really doesn't matter how "perfect" the relationship is, because maybe that's a lie too. I'm not advocating that you continue to keep your secret, because your wife definately has a right to know, but I think you should choose your words very carefully and perhaps ask for advice from the GG's before laying this info on her. In any case good luck, I have a feeling your gonna need it. :hugs:CG GG

[jennCD]

Funny thing about women. Once we find out you have lied to us, it really doesn't matter what the reasoning behind the lie is, we tend to start wondering what else you've lied to us about. --- In any case good luck, I have a feeling your gonna need it. :hugs:CG GG

Oddly, I don't see this as something I've lied about. My crossdressing was never something that was asked of me, and if it had been at any time, I wouldn't have even paused to catch my breath before I told everything.... but thanks for the GG POV hon

[Sheila]

Jenn,

I don't want to come across as harsh, but having said you have been dressing for 30 years, that you are married and have kids ...... if I discovered all this, then in this situation yup I would feel you had lied to me and it would not be a pretty sight ...... but that is me,....... you know your wife and your relationship better than everyone so am not going to advise you what to do. Please note this is just my:2c:

[Sheri 4242]

Oddly, I don't see this as something I've lied about. My crossdressing was never something that was asked of me, and if it had been at any time, I wouldn't have even paused to catch my breath before I told everything.... but thanks for the GG POV hon

Jenn: The type of logic you use above will get you in trouble!!! There are "sins of commission" and "sins of omission" -- and I have NEVER met a GG who would not feel betrayed if you were to say, "well, I've never lied about it b/c I was never asked." Most would feel such is deceitful!!! Why? Because it is!!!

As I said in a similar thread, you shouldn't make decsions that are her's to make, and for a marriage to be vibrant and solid, there must exist a foundation of trust, honesty, and respect!!!



That is a big opening and I'll bet she already suspects. Go through the door and discuss it with her.

Alice could have a very valid point -- she may already suspect something! Regardless, this is a part of who and what you are, and therefore she deserves to know all of you, just as you deserve to know all of her, before you exchange your vows!!!

[Mitch23]

Thats what I'm doing all the time now - she knows but is unenthusiastic - but light playful banter with lots of humour is the way to go. Some is accepted and some just falls to the floor. I think as she becomes more confident and less threatened by the bombshell I landed on her - then we will hopefully move forward,

And I certainly regard my 12 years of hiding my CD from my wife as lying - even though for much of it I wasnt 'active'. Wasn't it Clinton who said 'I have not had sex with that woman ...'

Mitch

[Country girl]

Oddly, I don't see this as something I've lied about. My crossdressing was never something that was asked of me, and if it had been at any time, I wouldn't have even paused to catch my breath before I told everything.... but thanks for the GG POV hon


Jenn, Please don't misunderstand where I am coming from on this, but your statement to me is just the kind of logic that totally dumbfounds me. We live in a society where CDing is NOT socially acceptable otherwise you and countless others wouldn't be hiding it. So why on earth would your wife at any given time during your 30 years of dating, courtship and marriage ask you a totally bizare off the wall question like, "oh BTW honey do you have anything you need to tell me before our relationship progresses such as Are you a crossdreser???" I mean seriously, let's get real. You have lied to this woman for more than 30 years simply by NOT telling her. If you really think she is going to see it any other way you are in for a rude awakening. I'm not saying she won't be accepting. Some women are. I was and am, but as you can see by reading others post, an accepting GF/SO/partner/spouse is in the minority NOT the majority. Good luck on this. CG GG

[jennCD]

Jenn, Please don't misunderstand where I am coming from on this...So why on earth would your wife at any given time during your 30 years of dating, courtship and marriage ask you a totally bizare off the wall question like, "oh BTW honey do you have anything you need to tell me before our relationship progresses such as Are you a crossdreser???" I mean seriously, let's get real. You have lied to this woman for more than 30 years simply by NOT telling her. If you really think she is going to see it any other way you are in for a rude awakening. I'm not saying she won't be accepting. Some women are. I was and am, but as you can see by reading others post, an accepting GF/SO/partner/spouse is in the minority NOT the majority. Good luck on this. CG GG

Oh, no sorry maybe I misquoted my situation at first. My wife and I were not together for 30 years. I've been crossdressing off (more off after we got together) and on (more often during my teens) for 30 years. I met my wife in '82, just friends until '95 when we began dating. I'm not correcting you about this to change your opinion, just to clarify. Thanx

[Country girl]

Oh, no sorry maybe I misquoted my situation at first. My wife and I were not together for 30 years. I've been crossdressing off (more off after we got together) and on (more often during my teens) for 30 years. I met my wife in '82, just friends until '95 when we began dating. I'm not correcting you about this to change your opinion, just to clarify. Thanx


No need to apologize. I probably misunderstood. BUT, my question still remains, Why would she ask a question as bizare as "Are you by any chance a CDer?" That's just not a question one would ask in a "normal" relationship? So I still stand by my earlier statement that you HAVE lied to her if by no other means than it has been a lie of omission.

[jennCD]

No need to apologize. I probably misunderstood. BUT, my question still remains, Why would she ask a question as bizare as "Are you by any chance a CDer?" That's just not a question one would ask in a "normal" relationship? So I still stand by my earlier statement that you HAVE lied to her if by no other means than it has been a lie of omission.

Understandable, and I can easily see the other side even if I don't personally agree with it. Regarding her asking something that specific, I wouldn't consider that bizarre compared to any other conversation we've ever had about quite personal, emotional, philosophical and physical topics. Some could have been considered "touchy" ones to your average person but that's always been our relationship and the verbal interactions and jousting we've enjoyed over the years.
My relationship with the part of myself that has manifested itself as jenn over the years was simply something i never felt the urge to share with anyone because to me, that was just something beyond personal and not something ever easily expressed for me. Only recently, since joining this board and starting to chat on a TS/CS chat site last week, has jenn come out in public, simply online here, and interacted with anyone ever. That part of my life never seemed to need outside support, approval or validation really.

[Frankie-Dear]

I don't know your relationship with your wife, but if you approached it as something that's been hard for you to talk about, I can't believe she would turn it around to use it against you. I guess it's all in the approach... If I unburdened myself to my wife and she chose that moment of vulnerability to level accusations at me and basically smack me for it, I'd begin thinking that maybe I'd overestimated her, and that it was time for us to part company.

:2c:

[Katie Moore]

Having just told my SO I'm still scared to talk about it

[rachellenicole]

That situation is a double edge sword, you really want to discuss your crossdressing with your partner and hope all goes well, knowing the whole conversation could blow-up and get ugly. If you do decide to discuss it, I hope everything goes great.

I'm very thankful that my wife is understanding. I told her after a couple of dates, we are still together after 20+ years.

Rachelle:2c:

[Sugar]

:2c:

Wishful, you'll feel better and be a better person if you do talk about it. You have found a safe and supporting group here.

Jenn, me thinks your SO has got your number. IMHO


Myself, I have always been upfront about who I am...I told my first wife about my cross dressing before we were married and she said she was ok with it. It turned out she wasn't. Marriage lasted a year.

With my second wife I did the, hint hint thing...Lol (before marriage). So she asked me if their was something I was trying to tell her. So, I told her and am glad I did. She was really into it. We went to Vics, for me. She did my nails, hair and make-up. Sex was great!! The whole thing was a blast!!

But it's over now but not do to my +dressing.

So Jenn, do what you feel is right for you and good luck.


peace,


jaye

[jennCD]

:2c:

...Jenn, me thinks your SO has got your number. IMHO...So Jenn, do what you feel is right for you and good luck.

peace,
jaye

Actually i was planning on having the conversation tonight,.. tho things have not really worked out right to initiate it yet... i'm hopeful there will be a chance before i pass out for sleep.. if not, i expect it will be only days away.... thanks everyone, for the well balanced advice.... i'll keep y'all posted

[JamesAlan]

My girlfriend told me a couple weeks into our relationship that she wishes to be female. I've been very supportive, took her shopping. Whenever she's staying with me, we do "girl nights" where I do her makeup, hair, and facials. It's been bonding for us. She's just getting to the point of coming out to others she knows. It's hard, but I'm glad she told me (I was the first she told).

[Amanda Shaft]

Hi Jenn, I’ve just read through this whole thread and it’s done one of those spiralling double helix things!
I found your opening paragraph touching and sweet: I could sense the playfulness, the banter and the cool summer breeze. Your words made me feel sad and uplifted at the same time, thank you for sharing them.

Okay then some gomp has to go ram the whole thing under the magnifying glass of real life! I didn’t tell my SO for years, she has been great about it, I am so glad I did. In the end I decided that by not saying anything I was doing her such a great disservice: did I trust her or not? Didn’t she, as the women I love, deserve to know!? Yes telling puts it all at risk but it’s not a gamble: if she is the person you think she is then it will be okay, better than okay. If she’s not then you will have learned something about her that you needed to know! So I would create the opportunity to tell her.

Loads of hugs and good luck,
Amanda x

[jennCD]

.... It was Wednesday night, in bed for a bit and, in the semi-dark, I said "I have a question I need to ask you".... and followed that with a not so elegant, not so articulate discussion about my life as a crossdresser.....

Well, judging by her shock and somewhat critical judgement of my worth as a once trusted life partner, there was no mention of the conversation at all since.

I'd looked at all of the posts to my thread here and weighed all of the suggestions, positive and negative for days and felt maybe Country Girl GG was right and I really had lied by not telling her much sooner. Now, as I write this, I know that not telling her at the beginning was wrong, but having let all that time pass, telling her now was probably just as wrong.... and in any case, the price for my error in judgement has yet to be decided.