Answers for Toni

[AnnaMaria]

For the most part I think that my wife enjoies Anna being around as much as Brian. Though I do know that she does have some fears about the future as far as what direction I will want to go is concerned. She also has a fear of discovery due to the fact that we live in a small town that is over-populated with backward minded people.

I think that the biggest help that we have had since she found out about Anna is the fact that she bought Helen Boyd's book "My Husband Betty" and joined Helen's forum. Between the book and the forum she has been able to better see what is really going on and have support from other women who are going through or have gone through the same things that she is.

She still hasn't really seen Anna persay, at least not outright, But she has seen bits and pieces of her without any adverse reaction.

The one thing that I do know that has helped the most is in the fact that I have been willing to talk and answer question anytime she has asked. I don't even try to hide who I am or what I want, I really believe that to do so would be a far worse thing for us than just being honest.

I have not had the chance to read Helen's book as yet because she is still reading it but I plan to and I know without a doubt that it has had a profound effect on the way my wife sees and relates to me. But above all I think that the biggest help from the outside comes from the forum that Helen hosts. She has people that she can talk to and relate to when she has doubts about herself or us or me for that matter.

My only thought is that maybe you should get the book and ask her to read it or leave it laying where she is sure to find it. Maybe she will see something in it that will change the way she thinks about the whole situation. I know how hard it can be to hide who you are. I also know the pain and turmoil that it causes to hide. If there is some way of showing her that she is not alone and that there are people that she can talk to and recieve support from when she needs it she might be willing to at least open her mind to the lifestyle and take a look at what it can bring to her life and your marriage as a whole. Then maybe there might be hope for a understanding between the two of you. Maybe not an acceptance at first or even at all but at least an understanding that will bring about a better chance of comunication.

I know that for my wife the biggest fear is that some day I will want to transition and become a woman. This would bring about the end of our marriage and that would be more than she could handle. I have told her several times that this option is not one that would work for me since I don't have any desire for that at all. I simply want to be able to express a part of me that has been hiden for so long. Not all the time and not in every way but sometimes.

Though I have made certian changes to my wordrobe that could be seen as saying the opposite. For instance I have said several times that I now only wear panties and that I don't even have any mens underware anymore. I have also started wearing womens jeans, though I still have several pairs of mens at this point just due to the fact that we can't afford for me to go out and buy jeans to replace all that I have. But as I need to replace my jeans I am sure that I will start to buy womens instead of mens as replacements. As much for the knowledge that they are womens as for the fact that they are in fact much more comfortable than mens and by far fit better.

Well I know that this is long but I hope that it will help in some way. If you have anymore questions just ask. I am more than happy to help in any way that I can.

huggs
anna

[ToniB]

Thanks very much for such a long and thoughtful reply AnnaMaria. There's a lot of food for thought there, and I'll try what you suggest. It may be a while before I find the right moment to bring up the subject, and I'm sure I'll have to go very softly softly, taking it at her pace, not the one I would like her to go at. Time will tell, and thanks once again.

All the best,
ToniB

[DonnaT]

I am a member of Helen's forum also.

She recommends the CD read the book first, and that the CD and SO then read and discuss the book one chapeter at a time. She also recommends that the SO does not read past the first 4 chapters for a while, as it starts discussing transsexulaism, which most SO's aren't ready for initially.

[malecynthia]

Everything comes to he who waits, Toni. "Life begins at 40" they said. 40, 50 and 60 all passed me by. I'm 64 now, and its only in the past year that things have really taken off for me. I'm not really sure when or how it happened, but my wife is now taking an interest in my crossdressing and we have discovered a couple with whom we have been friends for years are in the same situation. Since my wife outed me to them, and they amazed us by saying he crossdresses also, we haven't looked back. I've got 64 years to catch up on, so I'm making the most of life while I still can. Your turn will come, so never give up hope.
Cynthia

[donnie123abc1]

One day, and one hill at time. The fact that your wife is educating herself is a good thing. There is more to a relationship than just a sex thing, although thats always nice, but a bonding that takes place in the heart can never be broken no matter what clothes you wear. Your relationship with you wife sounds like mine. My wife and I are best friends, we can talk about everything without restriction. Thats what makes a marriage strong! There isn't a "one man and one woman" thing going on, its "two people commited to eachother" forever.


xxx000

Dawn Marrie

[Paula A]

Anna;
Thank you very much, I think you helped me as much as toni.
I am a memeber of MHB forum all though I have not yet read the book, I intend to, right after my tax money comes in. MHB is a good forum as well.