help (on coming out)

[Michelle B Smith]

Hi I am 30 year old m to f crossdresser in Australia.
I need help I want to come out to my mother about my crossdressing and I do not known which way to go about it can you help me?

[KandisTX]

There are questions you have to ask yourself first.

1. Do you think she suspects anything?
2. Have you seen her being open minded about alternative lifestyles?
3. Have you been able to talk to her about other "sensitive" subjects?

Okay, if you answered yes to any of these questions then you are ready to get in touch with her and arrange a meet with her to talk. Then you have to decide if you want to just spill it all out at once, or if you want to take it slow (recommendation: TAKE IT SLOW). Allow her time to absorb and process this new information. Answer any questions she may have honestly. Do not hide anything about it from her as there is a trust issue that comes into play.

Best of luck,

Kandis:love:

[Sheri 4242]

I'd like to add a few questions to what Kandis suggested -- and while what Kandis asked was more for you to ask yourself, what comes to my mind is that, for us to advise you, the fact that we need to know more. For example: (1.) Are you married? (2.) Do you live with your mother? (3.) If so, does anyone else live there?

Any answers we come up with could be affected by this information. For example, it is one thing if you are not married and live with your mother (and just your mother) v. if you are married and don't live with her (or even if you aren't married but don't live with her. Your relationship with her and this type of revelation could well be affected if other variables are in play -- like your father is still living and is with your mother . . . or if sibblings might be involved.

[MeraLehanga]

Barbara is spot on. Yes all those points are vitally important to analyse your situation. The only first liner which is to justify our femme side is, we are born such and we pride ourselves to be what we are. Its so personal our CD's desires, feelings and the energy that comes through, and in no way we mean to bother or disrupt anyone's life pattern, thus, why should we feel guilty about anything?

[Country girl]

I think it all depends on what kind of relationship you have with your mother. Are you really close to your mom? Is she accepting of alternative lifestyles? Do you think she would be accepting of this? If you have a really close and loving relationship then she should be ok with it, however that isn't always the case. Whatever you do it is important to take it slow and be sure to explain it throughly to her. Explain the differences between a crossdresser and someone who is gay. If she is unaccepting of gay people she might be more accepting of CDing if she understands the differences. Good luck and keep us posted. :hugs: CG GG

[battybattybats]

It's one of those play by ear things as there are too many human variables but for me, I just umm'd ahhh'd and then blurted it out. I then went moderatly quiet (for me anyway) but there wern't a lot of questions, just a simple few. She hasn't had a problem with it but it hasn't been discussed in more than a passing mention since, mostly because I'm still a little awkward discussing it with her.

[Michelle B Smith]

I dont close to my mother and I see my mum once a year and I dont know if has a open to crossdrssing. Do I meet up with her dress as a woman and say Here i am here is your new daughter michelle. or I go easy on her.

[Di]

Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm if you only see her once a yr .....WHY TELL HER?..........unless you are out with everyone 24/7.......if not...my opinion why tell her...and NO you don't just show up dressed............you talk to her explain everything step by step...what you do...why you feel you need to....and so on.

[Marla S]

Do I meet up with her dress as a woman and say Here i am here is your new daughter michelle. or I go easy on her.

You better don't. Talk to her in drab. If she wants to see it, it is still early enough.


I dont close to my mother and I see my mum once a year and I dont know if has a open to crossdrssing.:straightface:
Why you want to tell her at all ? What's the profit, what's the risk ?

[Michelle B Smith]

The only reason I want to tell my mother that I cross dress that I love being a woman at home.Two years ago my mum did something wrong and ask me dont tell no one what she died could I do the same thiing and her to tell no one eg.family, use it like back mail. My mother miss my growing up because my mother and father split up when I was thirteen, that when I start to dress now my father has been dead for five years now my dressing has getting more often now.
My mum live more tow hours away from me I think it would be nice drive to as woman before I see my more.

[Marla S]

Well. It could be a chance to strengthen the relationship to your mother, but it could also damage it. That is hard to tell.
From my own experiences and what I have read here mothers seem to be quite accepting. But you know your mom best, it might be worse, it might be better.

IMO you shouldn't make the mistake of your mom a profit for yourself.

My mom knows that I dress "unusual", because by accident she saw me partly dressed, but we never have talked about it (probably a mistake).

What I would do is to tell her about feeling feminine, or not really fitting in the boys club, or something like this and see how the talk evolves.
But I wouldn't talk to her dressed (dolled up). That might become a shock for her.

If she accepts you, and wants to see you dressed she will ask for photos or are ask you to dress. If she doesn't approve the both of you have a little backdoor, the more when you fear she could tell others.