Progress along with frustration/Update

[Corrine GG]

Last night we were watching a movie "the dead girl". In one part the wife of a serial killer comes across her husbands 'stash' of womens clothes and jewelry and such. She realizes that he is a serial killer which I found funny because that was my first thought when I found the panties and the jewelry in his bag (cheating was the other thought).
I turned to him and said, "that is what I thought when i found that stuff in your bag." He said I was crazy (most common comment). Then I turned to him and said "I want you to talk to me about it, sometime soon, ok?" He said "ok"

Then, when we went to bed and he was holding me, I told him that I loved him..."I don't care what you wear, I am not going anywhere." He acted surprised when I said that I didn't care what he wore, like it was the FIRST he had ever heard of such a thing. He said that he was glad that I wasn't going anywhere and that he loved me.

Do you think I am making progress in this? THe kids are going to be gone again this weekend, I figured I would give him the week to ponder this in his head and sit down with him and see if he will talk to me about it.

[Megan72]

I think your support and thoughts on trying to move your Hubby to talk to you are beautiful and will prove to him that you are a one in million woman. Good luck to you both.

[Di]

Wonderful progress hon....and this weekend will be perfect since you will have time alone...so if he does'nt make the move to talk...you do it...say this is what i'm thinking....lets work this out...and go from there.....say again i'm not going anywhere...and this needs to be out in the open between us......best wishes:hugs:

[Stephenie S]

Geez, Corrine, I don't know if you are making any progress. It sure doen't sound like you are.

How about making an apointment to talk about this? Set a definate time and date when you will both do it. That way it will be a formal arrangement and harder to put off.

I dunno, hon. Ya gotta get talkin'.

Lovies,
Steph

[Valerie Nicole]

It sounds like you are both on the right track. Try to let it flow naturally...don't push him too hard as this will cause resistance. However, so far, it seems you've given him no need or reason to resist. I think having a talk with him sounds like a good idea.

By the way, I'm always glad to hear of supportive and accepting partners. S/he is lucky to have you. :hugs:

[bobi jean]

Good move Corrine
That actually was the first really good sign that you have shown that he is at least going to be willing to talk to you.
Remember the old choo choo train story, yes i can, yes i can? If my memory serves me right the choo choo was climbing a hill and just kept getting slower and slower but was totally convinced that he/she could/would eventually get to the top and then things would get easier. YOU ARE ON THE TRACK HON!
If you truely love this guy it will eventually be a lot easier for both of you.
Right now it seems as if it is easier for you than him, so just keep telling him, that you love him and on occasion throw in a log to keep the fires burning strong.


GOOD LUCK
Bobi

[Chantelle CD]

excellent progress !!! what you said to him while i was reading made me almost cry, filled my eyes up with tears!! Your heart is pure, is all i can say!! you will help him!!! that i have no doubt about at all!! He is so lucky to have you. and no fluke that you two came together, it seems as if you 2 have a special soul bond to share such a healing together is beautiful!! i can only imagine the energy gained <what you take back to the light> from this kind of healing is so powerful indeed.

[Tree GG]

You can open the door, but they have to come out of the closet themselves. Good luck. I certainly hope he sees your invitation as the opportunity for acceptance and growth that it is.

[Mitch23]

sounds like you are making progress - little steps but significant ones

Mitch

[Angie G]

Go Slow hun it mat take some time for him to open up :hugs:
Angie

[angelfire]

Thats some great progress. He's lucky to have such a wonderful and understanding gal by his side. I hope everything works out, just take things slow. :hugs:

[KimberlyS]

... He acted surprised when I said that I didn't care what he wore, like it was the FIRST he had ever heard of such a thing.

Corrine, There are a lot of sounds that we hear every day. And one would think that if having a conversation with a person that they would be able to hear everything you are telling them. And they most likely do. But to have a full connection with what you say, a person must not only hear it, but the brain must interpret in some way, and then maybe react to it and maybe respond to it in a verbal way. And the brain interprets what it hears based on its current knowledge.

So even though you may have said something similar to him before, it may not have been fully heard or interpreted correctly. Our brain may interpret what is said wrongly or maybe as unrealistic or even not important, or many other ways. One of the best ways to make sure some one has heard exactly what is said is to have them respond to it with their interpretation of what was said. Not just repeating the words, even though that may also help.

I am not saying this is the case, but the first time he heard from you:
"I don't care what you wear, I am not going anywhere."
It may have been such an unrealistic thing to him at the time that he mentally threw it away or just filed in the brain for later reference.

It would be like a friend of yours coming up to you and saying that she won a 100 million dollar lottery and you know she does not gamble and is very much so against gambling. It would take some convincing that she actually won it. It would not be that you do not believe her, but from your past knowledge you thought it was a joke and you were not going to fall for it so dismiss it and try to change the subject.

I hate to say this, but it seems often some of the CDers that struggle the most with their CDing, have wifes and SO's that are really trying to learn, help and are maybe even very accepting. It often seems some of these CDers are bull headed and are unable to accept the acceptance of their SO or even accept the help from them.

All CDers struggle with personal acceptance, some just struggle a lot more. And I feel sorry for the SO's that have the CDers that are struggling with their CD acceptance and accepting help from their SO's. They are usually hurting the one that could help them the most.

Corrine, you sound like a wonderful person. I just hope your CD can accept himself before you give out and give up. Progress often starts small. I hope this type of progress begins to take leaps and bounds.

Take Care,

[BarbaraTalbot]

Divorce papers last week. She found my stash of clothing and sexy shoes first and wondered where i got them and whether someone was missing them or whether someone was about to receive them! scary, and stupid not to discuss this when I got smacked with the realization and urge almost a month ago.

She had actually found traces of Barbara's profile on an adult site (where ostensibly I was getting support and advice from some newfound GG friends, but that support was hers to offer and I had been afraid to ask yet. Amends are in process there). The cutest part was that she briefly glanced at Barbara's poorly done and no-makeup headshot in a wig and missed seeing her husband of nearly 15 years! Yay for passing Boo for keeping secrets. When she saw the makeup, a light went off and she went back and looked at Barbara. She was supportive about the dressing, justifiably angry about the secrecy, and really pissed to see that one of her tops was being borrowed with a belt to serve as a dress and those are her pearls dammit! The sweet girl took me shopping. I owe you, Dee! ~kisses~ (for when she reads this)

I have got to encourage her to post, You will all love her as I do, she is smart, funny, sexxy and open. She was waiting for me to feel comfortable here before using her ID. (I do already, so post away, so you can earn your way to GG status and post some snarky comments among the GG's about that Bitch Barbara's shopping addiction and her annoying crowing about her weight loss!)

Really love to see the love and support of GG's towards their girls. I hope he finds the courage to face things in himself and to be truly homest with you. It was terrifying, but SO worth it. I have never felt closer to my SO and each day together with this in the open yields new treasures.

[Angela d'Evial]

Yes it is difficult to accept the truth about crossdressing.

I have been hiding for 45 years , knowing for myself and really enjoying dressing ,but chairing it with others is really a big problem.
That treshold is so huge , you want to take a go for it but everytime you find a reason to stop just before the jump.
"I wish I knew then what I know now" like Rod Stuart in the song , I would have come out 25 years earlier !!!!!!!

[GlitterGG]

Corrine, he may be having some emotional difficulties within himself. If this is the case, be sure to let him know that you are always willing to talk, even if he needs to wake you up at 3 in the morning because he's been staring at the ceiling all night long with this sitting on his mind.
Be patient, it sounds like excellent progress!! When he does tell you, just remember to let him know that you fell in love with all of him. Let him know, without question, you will love the person he is when he dresses, because that's part of the entire person he is.

[Toyah]

I think if you are happy to accept him as he is and you want to know why and what he is then he should talk to you

[melissacd]

It took me almost 4 decades to accept and embrace this part of myself. Prior to that I hated and wished would the femme side would go away.

Had I had a supportive spouse I am it would have mattered until I reached acceptance of myself, I would have been too embarrassed and guilt ridden.

As it turned out, I did not have a supportive spouse and when she did discovered she did not understand nor accept and that started a 10 year relationship spiral that ended in separation. There was little positive communication on this subject or any subject for that matter. This skeleton in our closet created a level of bitterness that by the time I was okay with that side of myself and totally willing to chat, she was done with the relationship. While it was no the only reason for the split she claims that it is the main reason she wanted to end the relationship (her words not mine).

The way that I reached acceptance:

- read lots of CD websites and life stories
- joined this forum and read more stories
- participated in this forum and started dialogs and friendships
- met another CD for coffee once or twice a week to chat
- went to counselling with my ex
- read books like "My Husband Betty", Peggy Rudd's books, Lacey Leigh's books on the successful cross dresser, the Lazy Cross Dresser
- joined a local cross dresser club
- attended club dinners and week-ends en femme
- made lots of CD friends in the community
- went to more counselling with my ex
- ended my 25 year relationship with a non-supportive non-communicative spouse
- told my mother

All of this journey for acceptance started in 2004 with no dressing until 2006 and caused the break up of a 25 year relationship, but freed me to be me and to look forward to the day when I am in a relationship where I can have the very chats of which you speak :)

It is not an easy path, but I am glad that I started down this road because I am becoming a happier person as I connect with all of who I am and I know that I will be a much better partner to an accepting GG.

Huggs
Melissa

[Holly]

Corrine, you are making progress. Here's a thought... kids are gone. Lay out something "comfortable" for hubby to change into after he takes a nice bubble bath upon arriving home. Maybe have a candle or two burning in the bathroom. When he comes out have a glass of wine ready. The two of you then enjoy a lovely dinner together, just the two of you. After the dishes are cleared, sit with him and tell him the same things you have related to us here... how much you love him, that you are committed to him, how much you want to fully understand this newly discovered part of him. Corrine, if you are half as sincere with him as you have been with us here, there is no way he should be able to resist! But be prepared. It may get rather emotional. This is something that he has been hiding and repressing for years and years. It may take some coaxing on your part. Be kind, but honest in what you say and expect the same from him. Good luck to both of you.

PS- You may want to have something "comfortable" to wear yourself ;).

[TxKimberly]

Lets see - you said I love you and (more or less) no matter what. What can possibly improve on that?
I'd hug you my darn self if I could! :-)
Seriously though, forget about crossdressing - "I love you no matter what " is all anyone in the world can ask for

[Sheri 4242]

Wonderful progress hon....and this weekend will be perfect since you will have time alone...so if he does'nt make the move to talk...you do it...say this is what i'm thinking....

Corrine: From where you were when you first started posting, I'd say you are absolutely making progress, albeit slow, baby-step progress. But, many times it has to be that way -- slow and steady with a great deal of consistency!


Here's a thought... kids are gone. Lay out something "comfortable" for hubby to change into after he takes a nice bubble bath upon arriving home. Maybe have a candle or two burning in the bathroom. When he comes out have a glass of wine ready. The two of you then enjoy a lovely dinner together, just the two of you. After the dishes are cleared, sit with him and tell him the same things you have related to us here... how much you love him, that you are committed to him, how much you want to fully understand this newly discovered part of him.

Maybe this would work -- maybe let him see the "something special" you've laid out after the wine and dinner, and at that point tell him that you love him, are committed to him, and want the whole him -- that you want to share this side of him. Then tell him "if" he is comfortable with taking the next step, you'd be most pleased if he'd change and join you for another glass of wine -- and some light discussion about CDing "if and only if" he is able to accept that you are willing to learn and accept. Tell him you want to share in this aspect of himself -- that there is time for more deeper talks as the two of you grow in this, but for now you'd like to take some baby steps. Put on some romantic music while he changes -- and keep the conversation down to a minimum (baby steps, baby steps, baby steps)!!!!

IF he'll change into whatever you put out, regardless of how your first impression really is, please be gentle -- it can be common to think it is funny with some; with my wife, her first comment seeing me dressed (nightgown, panties, thigh-highs, and MMFMP shoes) will never leave my mind!!!!!!! She said, "Wow! It takes a real man to show this side of himself -- a real man to dress that way and be who he is!!!"

Corrine: That might not have been an exact quote, but it is pretty darned close -- and the thing about it was I melted!!!!!!! I knew in an instant that I had found someone who truly completed me and accepted me unconditionally for who and what I was. In your situation, the goal is to get him to open up, even in small ways. The talk you related from the other night was "just right" -- you conveyed your feelings and he didn't get all defensive. That's why I suggested the scenario I did -- maybe it is time to push it just a little -- and if he'll do it, remember what I told you my wife said. Your response will be the defining mark of everything to come!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good luck -- keep us posted -- and contact any of us if you have questions. Oh yeah -- if he "does" agree to go and change, be a quick change artist -- have something soft and sexy for yourself, ready to slip on PDQ!!!!!!! (with my wife and me, we actually wore matching nighties (and the rest I listed) the first time. It was an incredible evening!!!!!!!

[Alice B]

Increadable progress and I think Barbara4242 has made a great sugestion in how to move him forward in open discussion. You are very special.:love:

[MeraLehanga]

Corrine gg.

Hats of to you, he is so fortunate to have you.

[Corrine GG]

Last night there was something on TV that mentioned lesbians. (I love us watching TV together, so many opportunities..lol)
I said something about Lesbians and he looked down at me, "You know just because a guy likes to wear womens clothes or underwear (first time he ever mentioned clothes) does not mean he's gay." I said, "really? you don't have the desire to EVER be with a man?" He replied, "no, I don't." I leaned my head up to him smiled and said, "I love you," then I kissed him.

I know it's not much but for most ggs it's the first question. At least he is making an attempt to talk about it.

[Emily Ann Brown]

Yeah hun...that's progress !


Emily Ann

[bobi jean]

Not much huh!!!!!
Corrine, I said in one of my posts that I thought you needed to get behind and lead the way, well a lil kick in the butt once in a while probably wouldn't hurt along about now. Up the page here someone else mentioned laying something special out for him to put on after a nice sooooooooothing bubble bath. YEP!!! TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT FOR THAT. ASK HIM WHAT TIME HE IS GOING TO BE HOME THIS EVENING AS YOU WANT TO HAVE SOMETHING SPECIAL READY WHEN HE ARRIVES. Only you know what that something special would be but now is the time.

[KimberlyS]

Corrine you are a keeper. I looks like you are doing things right. I do hope he comes to realize what he has in you.

[MeraLehanga]

Then, when we went to bed and he was holding me, I told him that I loved him..."I don't care what you wear, I am not going anywhere." He acted surprised when I said that I didn't care what he wore, like it was the FIRST he had ever heard of such a thing. He said that he was glad that I wasn't going anywhere and that he loved me.

Do you think I am making progress in this? THe kids are going to be gone again this weekend, I figured I would give him the week to ponder this in his head and sit down with him and see if he will talk to me about it.

Corrine,
I can relate to you, gosh, you are incredibly level headed, a socially unconvential person, a super human being. He is the luckiest soul to have you. You made it so easy for him. Great display of character - thanks! I wish you forward your text to all those who need some inspiration as almost every CD soul is tensed up to reveal his femme identity to his partner.

[Slip Affinity]

Ah, if only more spouses were like you. My wife doesn't mind my dressing but I really don't think she understands just how much I need it and just how much enjoyment I get out of it. She's never really asked me anything about my fondness for lingerie; she just accepts it as something I do. Many times I've wished she'd ask questions about it.

[Corrine GG]

Thank you all so much for the kind words and encouragement. You have all helped me through a difficult time and I couldn't have found a nicer group of people!

I asked him last night if he 'tucked', he doesn't and was a bit confused as to what a tuck was. I guess it's a preference thing that varies along with everything else, makeup, wigs, going out in public. I also asked him if would would wear 'clothes' for me. He said he would :) I just don't want him to feel like he has to hide anything from me. I have always liked those scenes in movies where the guy pulls a girls skirt up...so I thought it would be sexy to pull his skirt up...and find guy parts (cause that is what I like) Does that make me a TEENY bit Lesbo? LOL!

I have also had thoughts on this, reincarnation. I have heard it mentioned a few times but I have really been thinking it over. It makes me wonder if you all haven't been very sexy, powerful or feminine women in past lives. Maybe some of you have never even been men in past lives, like this is your first life as a man. I feel like I have been mostly men in past lives, I think that is what makes me not like the typical girly things. I like fixing things, building things, cars, etc.

[bobi jean]

Corrine
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?????????????
Reincarnation can wait for later, You gained EVERYONES ATTENTION NOW, so.

[JulieC]

... I think that is what makes me not like the typical girly things. I like fixing things, building things, cars, etc.

...and lifting skirts up to find guy parts.

Couldn't resist :)

[Rainbow GG]

I think talking to him about it will definitely make the relationship stronger and more open. Even if he doesn't want to say anything right away, just talking to him, and telling him your feelings will really make him happy and more comfortable to talk to you about it. It will also make you feel a lot better because getting out all your feelings and questions will help you too and make you feel better. I know it did for me, and still does.

What my SO likes the most is that I am always willing to talk to him and ask him questions. He encourages me to ask him and talk to him. I am usually the one to start conversations about CD'ing, and he really likes that, and of course the fact that I am curious and and supportive.<---- that is the most important i think; reminding him over and over again that I accept and support him and won't leave him no matter what.

I'm sure he will eventually begin to open up to you :happy:

[Corrine GG]

Corrine
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?????????????
Reincarnation can wait for later, You gained EVERYONES ATTENTION NOW, so.

Nothing happened with the dressing yet...he just SAID he would. He later said, "I just don't want you to wake up one morning and decide I'm not who you want to be with."

Don't we all fear that? It has nothing to do with CDing.

Besides, all of his 'stuff' is hidden somewhere away from home. The next step is to get him to bring it back. Although, he may need to buy things since I think what he has is 'fashioned' to be worn by him. He is a strange bird, he despises shopping. (guy side coming through, I guess) Seems like he would like going shopping so that he could have some input into the clothes that are bought and then later borrows.

[bobi jean]

Do you have the space in the closet and a drawer cleaned out for her things yet?
I've always told everyone that there is only one thing I hate worse than shopping. GOING SHOPPING. I have about 20 pair of heels, 20 -25 pair of panties. 5-6 pair of jeans 4 skirts and so forth, all purchased within the last year. The only thing I have ever bought while the wife was with me is a couple pair of pantyhose... AND I HATE SHOPPING

[Corrine GG]

Do you have the space in the closet and a drawer cleaned out for her things yet?
I've always told everyone that there is only one thing I hate worse than shopping. GOING SHOPPING. I have about 20 pair of heels, 20 -25 pair of panties. 5-6 pair of jeans 4 skirts and so forth, all purchased within the last year. The only thing I have ever bought while the wife was with me is a couple pair of pantyhose... AND I HATE SHOPPING

Is it that important to have a special place? I mean, can't he put his things at the end of my side of the closet? I have a hard time with there being a 'third' person in our marriage.

[Holly]

You know Corrine, having a "special place" for him to have his clothes in the house is not all that bad of an idea. From what you have shared with us (and I realize that we have only heard one side of this) he seems to be having self-acceptance issues with regard to his cross dressing. I would say that it has much more to do with him than it does to do with you. By you providing a place for him to bring his things home, it would be one more tangible demonstration of acceptance in his life. And that place certainly could be hanging right next you your things. It certainly couldn't hurt.

[SarahLynn]

Is it that important to have a special place? I mean, can't he put his things at the end of my side of the closet? I have a hard time with there being a 'third' person in our marriage.

Yes he can, but you need to let him know that is where you would like to see them. Something like this, "Honey i have cleared this space for Barbara's things, don't you think they should come home now?"

I think he really needs to know you are being supportive of this and accepting and this would be your way of showing it.

SarahLynn

[Corrine GG]

And that place certainly could be hanging right next you your things. It certainly couldn't hurt.

Right now he has them smashed in plastic bags, all tied up and hidden somewhere away from the house. It would be an improvement, although, I think he just needs to get some new stuff. REAL clothing.

Maybe today would be a good day to go through my closet, "Anything in here you want?" Someone suggested that in a PM.

[Mitch23]

I'm still not allowed to have my gear in the house - special place or not!

Mitch

[sandra-leigh]

Right now he has them smashed in plastic bags, all tied up and hidden somewhere away from the house.

Corrine, I don't recall seeing you mention this detail before, and you said that the remark about "just because a man [...]" was the first time he mentioned clothes. Was this part of what his ex-wife mentioned?

[Corrine GG]

Corrine, I don't recall seeing you mention this detail before, and you said that the remark about "just because a man [...]" was the first time he mentioned clothes. Was this part of what his ex-wife mentioned?

I found the makeshift thong and jewelry in his bag. That is what prompted the call to the ex. When I confronted him about it again, I said that they HAD to be his if he wasn't cheating. He admitted it but said it was only panties and it just 'felt good'. I also took inventory of my panties and found that occasionally some went missing then reappeared. I found 4 pair of them in his bag once.
Then he came back from a business trip and came straight home. He curiously left his bag in the car...of course I had to go see what was going on. There was a garbage bag tied up tightly, probably big enough for an outfit. I was squeezing it to see what was in there and I felt the HEELS, which threw me so I quickly put the bag back. That is when I joined this site.

He knows I know about the clothes, that is why he finally mentioned them...he just doesn't know WHAT I know exactly. I hate to be so SNOOPY and he gets on to me about it....that is only because he is hiding so much, but jeez, I know that if I was acting STRANGE he would be snoopy on me.

Does this all make sense now?

[Bobbie cd]

I hate to be so SNOOPY and he gets on to me about it....that is only because he is hiding so much, but jeez, I know that if I was acting STRANGE he would be snoopy on me.

Does this all make sense now?

Corrine, it makes perfectly good sense to me. I do think that you have been getting good advice from many of the nice people here on the forum. I also think that you are one special person to care enough about your husband to be so patient and try to accept all of him. It does sound as though he is having his own issues with accepting the CD part of himself. This is not at all uncommon. Most of us spend so much time feeling confused and ashamed of it, feeling "less of a man", all due to society's general level of disapproval toward MTF cross-dressing.
It may take him some time to accept that you really do love him enough to accept this and are not just setting him up for a big fall.

I think that you are approaching this the right way, with love, patience, and a reasonably open mind.
We should all be so lucky as to have someone like you. :D

:hugs:
Bobbie

[Corrine GG]

This morning we were in bed...both awake. Here is what happened.

Me "Will you do me a favor?"
Him "sure"
Me "Will you bring all your stuff home?"
Him "What stuff?"
Me "Your clothes and stuff, the stuff you are hiding from me. I love you and it's ok, you don't have to hide it."
Him "What stuff? There's no stuff."
Me "The girl stuff, you don't have to hide it."
Him "There is no girl stuff. I'm not hiding anything."
Me "What about the stuff you took on your business trip?"
Him "I didn't take anything on my business trip."

(Surely he knows by now that he is busted)

He rolls over and hugs me really tight and tells me he loves me.
(silence for about 5 minutes)

Him "You are the nosiest person I have ever known."
Me "I only snoop when I feel like something is being hidden from me."
Him "MMMmhmmm."
Me "So are you going to bring it home?"
Him "No, I'm throwing it away."
Me "NO, don't do that...it's ok."
Him "I am, I don't want to do it anymore...I'm throwing it away."
Me "It will come back you know."
Him "What will?'
Me "your need to do it, you know there is nothing wrong with it."
Him "I'm not doing it anymore. And it's not something I want to talk about...ever."

He did admit that he is hiding his stuff at work, however.

What do I do now? Just wait until I notice that my panties have been tampered with? If it's sexual in nature, I am TRYING to bring myself into it. Is that the problem...it's not something he wants to share with me? In that case, I hope he does give it up...I am tired of not being satisfied in that department.

[kathy333]

i'm sorry but i did'nt read all the replys,so hears my:2c: do yoy think you could go get him an outfit that he would like and look good in? you see i think that he has had some of same reactions that i've had. the women in my life that i told that i crossdress sead it was fine and not a problem, but when i was dressed things were not the same and besides it sounds like you are entering a side that he did'nt want you to see.

now theres something that you have to ask him if he don't want to let you in his life.( i say this out of love for ya'll, because it sounds like you want everything to be great with you'r marage.) when he goes on thes trips is he going to gay bars and being pickedup, for one night stands? i fell funny saying something like this,but my friends know that i ask a lot of stuped quistions.

nothing but :love:kathy

[Glenda58]

I think you are doing wonderful. If I had someone like you I might still be married. But he could be afraid that he will lose you if he tells you how he feels. Most of the time we fear something that's not real and after we get though the first time it get easier and this maybe why he's not talking. But keep reassuring him that's it's OK to talk to you.

[Chantelle CD]

When i meet my wife now, i didn't even know what i did was called cross dressing, i just did it, i was fighting it on and off for years, i told her right off the bat, knowing she would be understanding, and really didn't want to hide it from her. She was the one that showed me a site similar to this one, and it helped me a lot with acceptance of this. In all of your posts you haven't said anything that you hadn't or wouldn't tell him, i wonder if it isn't a bad idea to show him this site, and let him read all about it. Would help him realize that he isn't the only one that does this. From your last post showing your convo, the two of you had, he is still fighting it big time, purge and rebuy, so ment times i lost count. Finlay you just give up the fight. Him saying that he is going to give it up may mean 2 things, 1 he really is going to try to, or 2 he just said that so you would think he has, and is going to go on keeping it hidden. How big was that garbage bag you found in the trunk of the car dear? if he dressed all the way, dresses bra, panties, shoes, the works, he may be fully hooked now, cant stop if he wanted to, but if he only done a few items, like panties a bra, he might be able to push it back for a while, even a few years.

I'm sorry that this internal fight we all gone threw is so hard for you now, his past relationship surly doesnt make it any easier for him to come to you, even though I'm sure he knows you are a totally different person, past hurts make it really hard to believe it. Hang in there, keep trying and trying to talk to him about it, He may be totally understanding how special a person you are, and really wanting to stop this, just for you, and more internal fighting is probably going to happen.

[Holly]

Corrine, I know that this isn't the result that you had hoped for:(. I hope that you won't get discouraged. Sadly, for some of us, purging is part of the process (dumb, huh?).

You asked what to do now. I think there is a clue in you last post. You say that you are tired of not being satisfied in "that department" and you wonder if you are going to have to keep an eye on your panties. Perhaps you are the one who is going to have to spice things up a bit. Maybe if you purchased some matching lingerie, something very silky and very sexy, for the two of you. Then, when it is time for well, you know :blushing:, you bring them out and insist he put them on. This is assuming, of course, that this is something that you are willing to do. As they say, talk is cheap. Perhaps a real demonstration will tilt the playing field and assure your partner that you truly do accept him.

Whatever happens Corrine, I wish the two of you happiness with one another and with yourselves.

[Raychel]

It sounds like to me you are doing a great job. In time he will come out more and more. He knows that you know and are accepting. Give him some time and then talk to him again, if he hasn't talked to you.

This all will take time. But I think that making a special place in your home for his stuff will definitly help.

:2c:

[Country girl]

Corrine GG, Keep talking. You are right in the fact, IT WON'T JUST GO AWAY. CDing is a part of who he is. Somehow you have to convince him that it really is ok with you. Maybe take him to the store and buy him a pair of panties or an entire outfit. I'm not sure, but I do know that you have to keep the communication going. It does sound as if he is opening up to you but he is still afraid that you are going to freak on him. Just know that we are all pulling for you. :hugs: CG GG

[KandisTX]

Corrine, You are in an area right now, that I know is not easy for you. You are taking the role of being the one to bring it out in the open, he is still in the denial stage. This is common for many CDs that are still fighting that battle within themselves. You cannot force him to understand what you are saying, but you can continue to let him know that it is alright. Show him this site, or perhaps others like this and maybe he will get the idea that you really accept and understand (the most important of the two) what he does. You are making excellant progress hon. Please be patient, he will eventually come around and open up.

Kandis:love:

[Mary Morgan]

:hugs:Corrine, I think you are incredible. I am amazed at your willingness to deal with this and to perhaps even be a part of it. You have to appreciate how new this is for your man, a man who has apparently received only ridicule and scorn for this in the past. I think his reluctance to deal with it truly arises out of his fear of your rejection or disapproval, or even losing you. This is so hard, and yet the reward so wonderful. I agree with my girlfriends here that you should let go of the "other" clothing if you can, and make a fresh start with some new items that you select. I would continue to encourage him to save the other things until a point when he is more comfortable sharing them.
In any case, I hope that he sees through his own fears and realizes what a wonderful partner he has, and how many of us would love to have this kind of caring concern.

[Chantelle CD]

Corrine GG, Keep talking. You are right in the fact, IT WON'T JUST GO AWAY. CDing is a part of who he is. Somehow you have to convince him that it really is ok with you. Maybe take him to the store and buy him a pair of panties or an entire outfit. I'm not sure, but I do know that you have to keep the communication going. It does sound as if he is opening up to you but he is still afraid that you are going to freak on him. Just know that we are all pulling for you. :hugs: CG GG

I really really like this idea :)

Want to add, try to reinforce the fact that no matter what happens in your life, that this is 100% in confidence, nothing that may happen with the 2 of you, will ever make you spill it to the world or any soul, that it is a pact you are making to him now, and will be honored forever. Also add that you will never hold it over his head, in ways to make you get your way etc, BTW i know you wouldn't do that anyways, can tell from your posts and the way you talk :) but to hit it home to him is a sure way to help him feel at ease sharing it, and helping feel better about himself.

[Corrine GG]

Thanks for all the help. I am depressed, quite a bit actually. I feel like he is not going to give it up...he likes it in private and I feel rejected. He should have just hired a maid/cook and not bothered to marry me.

[Raychel]

Don't be depressed about it all. This is a very private thing for alot of us. But if it is getting you down, Then tell him that. Or take the lead and tell him that now is the time. Go out and buy him some new clothes and request a fashion show. It is important that you be happy. If you are not then it will be very dificult to get thru this.

I just had a second thought. If you are feeling like a Maid/cook, You should also tell him this. Get him a maids uniform and tell him that now it is his turn to serve you.

Take things in your hands, That should turn him around.

[Country girl]

Thanks for all the help. I am depressed, quite a bit actually. I feel like he is not going to give it up...he likes it in private and I feel rejected. He should have just hired a maid/cook and not bothered to marry me.

Corrine, Sometimes the depression can make us feel that way. You have to push past it and keep on going. Believe me I know, easier said than done. You are so positive and you have been such a trouper so far. Don't let him get you down now. Come on girl, chin up! Do you want to share this part of his life or don't you? You have the ability to make this really fun and exciting for both of you, or it can be a weight that can drag you both down like sinking in quicksand. The choice is yours. I say with your enthusiasm for life, GO FOR IT!!! Jump in with both feet. Make this positive for both of you. You love him, he loves you. Think about the exchange y'all shared this morning in bed. It sounded so sweet and loving. I can tell y'all have a lot going for you. Draw on that. Pull on that strength to help keep your courage up. You can do this. I KNOW you can. And he will love you all the more for it. Now get out there and get her done! :love: ya, CG GG

[Corrine GG]

I just had a second thought. If you are feeling like a Maid/cook, You should also tell him this. Get him a maids uniform and tell him that now it is his turn to serve you.

Take things in your hands, That should turn him around.

Thank you all, I always know one thing, someone makes me smile when I log on.

Thanks Country Girl, knowing that you are in a sister state makes me feel better too. I sometimes feel like the only one in Alabama and you all help with that.

He's been so sweet today, I am hoping he is thinking everything over...reading what you all write, I am sure that he doesn't really understand what he has. I think he is still struggling with it all. I'm not sure that showing him this site would be good...he would freak at my posts "do you have to BLAB everything?" I tried another CD forum right when I found out but they were not as accepting. They accused me of being a guy...I offered to let them call me just like they did here to allow me to be a 'gg'. But they didn't. That site would not be good either. I guess I can just keep my chin up like Country said and try again. It's hard though, my frown keeps pushing my chin down.
:sad:

[Glenda]

Corrine,

Please don't become obsessed over this. I am pulling for you but don't want you to push too far, too soon. You have provided an opening on more than one occasion. You are doing your part. This is obviously dangerous territory as far as he is concerned. If I'm not mistaken, you also have children at home so he may really need to feel that he is keeping this side of him a secret. It is such a shame that he is ashamed of this side of himself. It may not be ordinary as defined by our society these days, but it is far from uncommon. It is not wrong.

Trust me, there is no better feeling for a crossdresser than to be able to be dressed, unpretentious and completely comfortable around others when we are dressed. We feel normal and it helps to validate our feelings. When he reaches that stage he will likely be extremely grateful. It is just taking a little longer than you had hoped to progress to that stage.

Maybe you need to take a different tack. Instead of proving that he has his clothes stashed at work (oh my gosh, I hope he doesn't!), why not tell him that you thought he did and that it is something that YOU are interested in. Let him know if he doesn't have female clothes stashed that you would still like him to dress in feminine clothes occasionally because it would excite you. That way it is not his kinky obsession but yours instead.

Just food for thought.

Good luck,

Glenda

[Corrine GG]

Maybe you need to take a different tack. Instead of proving that he has his clothes stashed at work (oh my gosh, I hope he doesn't!), why not tell him that you thought he did and that it is something that YOU are interested in. Let him know if he doesn't have female clothes stashed that you would still like him to dress in feminine clothes occasionally because it would excite you. That way it is not his kinky obsession but yours instead.


Glenda


I think I will just let him do whatever he wants. I am tired of being rejected by him. If he prefers his hand to me, then he can have it. I think my sexuality has just officially been turned off. Maybe it will be turned back on by an outside diversion, he has one, I can have one...maybe it's why his first wife cheated on him.

[Mary Morgan]

Corrine, I'm so sorry that you have to feel this way. You certainly deserve better than you are getting. I'd like to think a little time will settle this all out to a great conclusion, but you are the one who really knows how it feels to you and how much you are willing to wait. His probable shame and self-loathing are real to many of us and it is a big hurdle to get over, and especially to be open to someone else's acceptance even though we want that more than anything. I know you are trying hard to understand and I know that most of us don't understand this after many years of dealing/coping with it. Stay strong.

[Mary L]

Thanks for all the help. I am depressed, quite a bit actually. I feel like he is not going to give it up...he likes it in private and I feel rejected. He should have just hired a maid/cook and not bothered to marry me.

Corrine-I would suggest that he is probably as depressed about the situation as you are. You indicated earlier the willingness to give him some closet space for his femme clothing. Start that for him, if it seems appropriate. Buy an outfit and hang it in the closet. Then, tell him there is a present for him to open. Let him do so without you present because, I am willing to bet, he is probably very embarrassed about the whole situation.
Good luck!
Mary

[Corrine GG]

I am willing to bet, he is probably very embarrassed about the whole situation.
Good luck!
Mary

He told me today on the phone that he is embarrassed by the whole thing. He is giving it up permantly, he wants to be 'normal'. I told him, "Who says what is normal and what isn't?" He said he didn't care..."It's either THAT or you" I told him it didn't have to be that way..I just wanted to be included. He said, "it's not possible, I am not doing it anymore, it's embarrassing and it's a part of my life that is over."

Knowing what I know from the comments here...it is not OVER, and if he has to choose between ME and what he FEELS, I will always lose. What is the point?

[Mary Morgan]

Counseling for him with someone who knows the turf. It worked for me, and I'm sure many others, but he has to learn to like himself before he can be free to be the person he can be, with or without CD.

[Emily Ann Brown]

I'll repeat what I said privately dear, he has to accept himself before he can open up to you. He'll be back, and need a wonderful wife to help him piece it together.

Emily Ann

[Corrine GG]

He said, "it's either THAT or YOU, It can't be both."

I know who is going to lose in this contest....you ALL know.

He said it was an addiction. I wish I could convince him it's just the way he was MADE. He doesn't want any part of me with it. It's ME or the CDing. I know I lose.

[Tip or Ozma]

Is it that important to have a special place? I mean, can't he put his things at the end of my side of the closet? I have a hard time with there being a 'third' person in our marriage.

Corrine,

When I started to open up this portion of my life to my wife, she suggested a drawer for clothes (hers and mine) that we both wore for sensuous activities. In the months that followed I ended up my own stocking drawer, a drawer for my undergarments, space in our closet for all our peignoirs (not sure if I like shoes or nighties best) and a place for my high-heeled shoes in our closet. Our bedroom decorating (because of our shared in interest in fashion and historical clothing) includes high-heels as bookends. Some are classic designs (and a few are in my size). She cannot wear high heels because of foot problems, but likes to look at them, and doesn't mind me wearing them around the house.

Back to your situation--I can relate to feeling very shy (or maybe even embarrassed) when my dressing was first accepted (for those who have not read my introduction, I just dress at home). Now, after a year or so of my dressing more, we recently had several heartfelt and reassuring conversations. The result is I am feeling much less shy and she is more confident that I am going to remain a guy who like to wear women's clothes, but will still be, at heart, the fellow who is her true companion.

[DonnaT]

Corrine, even though your intentions are to be greatly admired, and some of the suggestions seem perfect, there appears to be one major hurdle.

He can't bring himself to accept himself. In fact, he probably feels so embarrassed that he loathes what he does. And if it is sexual for him, he could become quite angry with himself once he's released up that sexual energy.

And if he does have that kind of anger, then he may not want to subject you to it.

So all the cajoling, and understanding talk, is probably not going to help, and will probably make him even more angry with himself.

If it were me, I'd tell him, "I know you crossdress, and am OK with it. What I am not OK with is the lying about it. I expect honestly in our marriage. Dishonesty and lying will break up this marriage before your crossdressing will. So, that's the last you'll hear from me on the subject, unless you lie to me about again."

And then not bring it up again.

[Holly]

Well, Corrine, he has said that he is done with it... that it is over. He may even believe it himself. If experience is any teacher, he will return to it.

So he has made his choice; you or IT. It appears that he has chosen you. That should be reassuring on some level, at least. If he is committed to that, then it would not be at all unreasonable of you to expect more fulfillment in the romance department. Tell him that!

In the meantime, be prepared for the day that we both believe will come when the urges become more than he can bear. Tell him at that time that you know how hard he tried, that you love him, that you have always loved him for the complete person that he is.

As for you, my dear, you hold your head high! You've done more than most... :yrtw:

[KandisTX]

While it does appear that he has made his choice of it being YOU over "it", you know from talking to us here that it is not something that will go away. You also know that we here in this forum are here for you and will give you all the advice we possibly can when his decision that it is needed again comes to pass. Corinne, you are in inspiration to many of the gurls that are not yet out to their SO's and even to those of us that are who wish it had been so easy for us.

Kandis:love:

[Corrine GG]

As for you, my dear, you hold your head high! You've done more than most... :yrtw:

I treasure comments like these.

I know it will come back. He called it an "addiction" that he was through with.
But we all know that is not true. He aslo lied when I asked him if his exwife knew. He said I was the only one...if anyone found out it would "all be on you".
Lies, all lies.

[Joy Carter]

Just maybe there is a dark side to this he can't share with you. Some kind of bizarre sexual attraction he'd rather keep secret from you. Not suggesting this is it. I just know it's not uncommon among us Cd's in some stage of our lives.

Corrine, this is really hard for a man to admit he has a soft side. The whole head of the house. I'm the protector thing. It took quite a while for many of us to accept we have a weaknesses as well as a strengths.


The Best Of Luck To You Joy Belinda Carter

[Lora Olivia]

Corrine,
Been reading this thread for awhile and i just had to say i feel your pain...but (always a but isn't there?) we as cdr's have been locked in the closet so to speak for so long that we are scared of acceptance...even after being out to the wife over a year now i still find it hard sometimes to dress...my only advice is to keep on being you, don't push to hard and hopefully things will resolve....love is great and time does heal

[battybattybats]

I think there are a sufficiency of problems in this situation that truly require careful qualified therapy. At the very least to help unravel the deception and self denial. Your love and support will help but truly qualified guidance seems needed here. You can't provide all that for him and it sounds like your partner isn't going to be able to work his own way through all this very easily.

[Mitch23]

I treasure comments like these.

I know it will come back. He called it an "addiction" that he was through with.
But we all know that is not true. He aslo lied when I asked him if his exwife knew. He said I was the only one...if anyone found out it would "all be on you".
Lies, all lies.
It may not be where you want to go but it looks as though he has drawn his line in the sand and you will have to decide whether you can live with it. Don't reproach yourself - you have done everything you could have done and this girlie for one is very proud of you

love and hugs

Mitch

[bobi jean]

Corrine
Dear, I believe I would walk away now before any more hurt. What he said is that he was giving it up. It is either you or it, but I did not recognize anything you said that he indicated which one he is giving up.Believe me hon, the crossdressing he is doing does not sound as tho it is just for his self gratification. Keeps his girl clothes elsewhere, wont even wear panties for you.... RUN HON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Unless you are willing and open to another man in your life (at the same time)
SORRY FOR YOU DEAR, YOU HAVE GONE WAY ABOVE THE CALL OF DUTY, OR ANYTHING ELSE FOR THAT MATTER, YOU DESERVE BETTER, AND SHOULD BE PROUD OF YOURSELF.. I know I am, and would be even prouder to know you personally.
I wish you the very very best in the future, with or without your hubby.

[Corrine GG]

I think he is in such denial of himself that he can't bear the thought of me knowing his 'secret'.

He said that he doesn't even know if he should be married. I know there are no ohter men involved...looking at his 'stash'. It's his own world of shame and he can't seem to share it with me.

[Raychel]

It sound to me like he has a very long road to travel before he accepts himself. Let alone share things with his wonderful wife. Maybe it is nbest that he does let the dressing go for a while, and just apply all his attention to his caring wife.

:hugs:

[Sheri 4242]

Corrine,

The additional information that has come forward since you first started posting has changed what I initially thought. From what I have read, a majority of those who have been following this thread and giving you advice are changing their opinions to some greater or lesser degree, too.

Therefore, I'd like to run something new by you. You said:


I think he . . . can't bear the thought of me knowing his 'secret'. He said that he doesn't even know if he should be married. I know there are no ohter men involved...looking at his 'stash'. It's his own world of shame and he can't seem to share it with me.


He told me today on the phone that he is embarrassed by the whole thing. He is giving it up permantly, he wants to be 'normal'. I told him, "Who says what is normal and what isn't?" He said he didn't care..."It's either THAT or you" I told him it didn't have to be that way..I just wanted to be included. He said, "it's not possible, I am not doing it anymore, it's embarrassing and it's a part of my life that is over."


He said it was an addiction. I wish I could convince him it's just the way he was MADE. He doesn't want any part of me with it. It's ME or the CDing. I know I lose.

First, crossdressing, as you express with such great understanding, isn't an addiction. It is part of who and what a person is, and you are intelligent enough to comprehend this. Moreover, you have displayed exceptional willingness to explore this side of your husband! I think you can tell that many of us think that you are exceptional -- and that your husband is very lucky to have you as his wife!!!

Second, "maybe" there is something else involved -- something that would make him feel there is an addiction component (and I don't mean to drugs) -- I call it an "addiction transfer excuse" for lack of a better term b/c it is a specious way of thinking -- it transfers one's actions to the realm of "I have an addiction."

I think some of the other girls on here might be able to verify what I'm about to say. And truly, I hate to suggest any of this, but with all that you have been through, and as understanding as you have been, it has made me wonder what else may be at the center of your husband's actions. Three things come to mind:

(1.) Some crossdressers go to "escorts" -- not necessarily for sex, and, in fact, there might not be sexual acts involved. Conversely, sex may be involved, but sometimes not with the escort, but, shall we say, in front of the escort, the CD "taking things in hand," so to speak. This activity reaches into the realm of D/s.

IOW, some CDers delve into some aspect(s) of BDSM. It is the way they can dress and also give up control of their actions. It is complex. but they rationalize that they aren't cheating -- and they mentally formulate that even the CDing is not of their own volition b/c there can be an element of supposedly being forced to be feminized. Like I said, it is complex -- even convoluted -- but it happens.

(2.) In the same vein of thought there can be a much deeper activity that produces the same results as in #1, and that is going to a "Professional Dominatrix." Again, actual sexual relations don't happen -- and there can be a distinct element of supposedly being forced to dress and do whatever, from light BDSM to hard.

(3.) Some other form of activity that he rationalizes as addictive to justify and validate what he does. Pornography is often viewed as addictive. It could be rationalized as addictive and it could include "dressing behavior" with another GM that doesn't involve actual intercourse -- sort of like Bill Clinton didn't consider what he did as adultery b/c it was a bj and not intercourse. Having been around many students in their mid to late teens, and even in their early twnties, it is AMAZING how many do NOT consider some acts that my generation would call sexual acts as not being sex!!!

ALL of these activities could be considered "addictive." They could be a way for him to say, this isn't who/what I am b/c of the way I am forced into it and held in by it being a supposed addiction. Specious, but often the thought pattern!!!

I could be totally wrong here, but I do know this: many crossdressers would give everything to have an accepting wife to dress in front of!!!!!!! That is why I began considering possible other things that would explain his attitude -- especially that he has an addiction that he can supposedly cope with!!!!!!!

My wife just said that I should add that your husband may not be aware of the psychology of CDing -- and she agrees that your husband should be so very grateful to have a wife like you instead of transfering whatever he's up to into some sort of convoluted "addiction excuse."

Our best to you!!! Feel free to contact us any time!!!

Sheri

[Corrine GG]

It sound to me like he has a very long road to travel before he accepts himself. Let alone share things with his wonderful wife. Maybe it is nbest that he does let the dressing go for a while, and just apply all his attention to his caring wife.

:hugs:


I think he cannot accept this part of him. I know it must be common, gays and lesbians go through the same thing sometimes.

I think he feels less than a man when he dresses and he can't be a man to me if he does it. He just has a long road ahead of him in this.

He said that he threw everything away. (I don't know if I believe it) I asked him how long he had been doing it and he said a LONG time. I said, "doesn't that tell you something?"

I told him that I didn't have a problem with it, he just doesn't get it. All I said was that it wasn't fair to me to have a sexual side hidden from me and then turn down my advances all the time. I told him it was cheating even though it did not involve other people. He went through this kick when we were dating, watching porn when we weren't together. About once a week. I would ask him to stop by my house and have dinner with me after work but he always had excuses. Then he would go home and watch porn when he could have been having sex with me. I reminded him of that yesterday...it wasn't the porn....it was the fact that he chose that over me. I said AGAIN, it's the same way with the dressing, if it's detrimental to our physical relationship then there has to be some changes made. MY solution was to include me. THAT backfired right in my face. Hell, I remember a while back asking him to wear panties to work, me knowing about it....then come home to me. That never happened. If he feels like this is freaky and wrong I am not going to get anywhere by forcing it. I am going to be the PERVERT.

We shall see how it goes. He told me I don't have to snoop anymore, there is nothing to find. It may be true but he also may be lying to calm me down and get me off the trail.

[Holly]

Corrine, words fail me to express the level of sorrow I feel for what you are going through. :hugs: It is evident that your husband's failure to admit to his dressing has caused you great pain and has shaken your level of trust. I wish I had a magic word (or wand) I could give to you. There just doesn't seem to be an easy answer here.

I still believe a great deal of his issues stem from his lack of acceptance of himself. This is an extremely difficult issue for most cross dressers to resolve. It took me the best part of fifty years to resolve my own. A pox upon society for enforcing such rigid gender standards! That said, however, I would think that your husband has a HUGE advantage in having a supportive spouse actively declaring her acceptance of him. I know of few CDers that have been in that situation prior to coming out to their mates.

May I be blunt, Corrine? Your husband needs counseling. He needs serious help in resolving his gender issues. If he does not, I fear for the future of your relationship with him. This is something that you should insist upon. Maybe do a bit of research in your area and locate a competent therapist who specializes in gender therapy and pass the information on to him. Some may argue with me that this is forcing the issue... perhaps it is. But by doing nothing, he is putting the marriage relationship in jeopardy.

As always, you have my fondest wishes for a better future.

[Raychel]

Keep in mind that I have never met either one of you and all this is pure speculation. But speaking from my past.

When I was alot younger I was dressing. I met my now wife and I was totally ashamed of the fact that I dressed. I was also unsure that she would keep my secret if I told her. I did keep my stuff hidden from her.

One day she found the stuff and there was a huge fight. I did throw away all those things. I was always ready for the intimate moments with her and the dressing was a secondary part of my life. It still is.

SO he may very well be telling you the truth, If he is beware that someday he may be back at it, and hopefully he will include you in the very personal part of his life. I know that I would be DELIGHTED if my wife would get a bit closer to this side of me.

If he is just trying to lead you off of his path, Then there are some more serious trust issues at hand, and the dressing is a secondary problem.

Either way, I would think that it is best to let the whole issue lay for a while and see just how it plays out over the next little while. If nothing happens, then I would try touching on the subject with him again. Feel him out. Is he telling the truth, or is he still hiding.

If he is hiding then you both will have to work out the trust issues. Hopefully you can. I was there with my wife and it is a VERY dificult thing to get thru. But once you get to the other side, Life is wonderful.

Hope the has helped somewhat.
:hugs:
Raychel

PS: It took 13 years before I came out to my wife. 13 years after she first found my stash of clothes in the shed, I told her thay were an old girlfriends. That did not go well at all.

[Chantelle CD]

I cant believe the lengths we go threw to keep our little secret :( The shame, The self anger, The fear, <sigh> the desire to let these things come out, they want to bloom, if only we could just let it. I'm sorry Corrine

The counseling sounds like a good idea, but will he throw it in your face? " omg, cant you leave well enough alone" He told you that this is been a part of him for a long long time, i would reinforce the fact to him then, well then, you know its not going to go away! you may as well just accept it! I do, No one Else has to know!! The only thing that matters to me is us. Tell him that you have been reading on the issue, to help him, that there is literally hundreds of thousands of men that do this as well, and dates waaay back in history. That the sexual feelings go away the more you get use to the feelings and do it more. He really only has 2 options, 1 throw it away and hope it never comes back <good luck>, or 2 accept it and be happy about it. He defenatly sounds like a fighter, I pushed it away for as long as i can remember, just been the past few years i have accepted it, and still feel shame i have to hide it from the world. The real battle is the sexual feeling that go along with it at the start, the more you add to the outfit, the stronger that gets, but it goes away slowly. I was single when i was fighting this the most, cant imagine being in a relationship and fighting this, that would be so hard!!!

Hang in there dear, I understand what he is going threw right now, you are such a great person to what to help him, Truly an open heart :love:

C

[julie08]

Hi Corrine,
As a CD with a SO that isn't exactly supportive (although she did try), I want to say thank you for trying so hard. I was wondering if you had any new news? I come on every day hoping to hear some good news. Good luck!

[Corrine GG]

Hi Corrine,
As a CD with a SO that isn't exactly supportive (although she did try), I want to say thank you for trying so hard. I was wondering if you had any new news? I come on every day hoping to hear some good news. Good luck!

He made a joke about wearing panties last night...I laughed til I cried and told him I loved him.

Baby steps

[julie08]

Hi Corrine,
I'm hoping you have another update since your last post. This was the most interesting thread which I came on every day to read. Your attitude towards the whole situation touched me. Has there been any more progress?