Why Get Dress Up And Stay At Home.

[LA CINDY LOVE]

This is something that I just do not get but I do try to understand, it takes a lot of nerves to walk out your front door dress can I pass will people stare at me and laugh.

There are still Cd's who have been dressing for years but have never gone out dress they stay in the closet, I have chat with a few and they say that they would never go out dress I ask why and they say they can not pass.

If you have never been out dress to a club to dance or to have dinner or a move you do not know what you are missing, I feel that of all the Cd's about 5% first step out the front door and there is a lot of room out here.

At first I thought it was about passing, I was wrong it is about freedom to be who you want to be and to enjoy life.

LA CINDY LOVE

[MeraLehanga]

Thanks a million Cindy, that has been a very encouraging/inspirational note. It did give me 1% self confidence, still 99% remains to become an outdoor CD or to get my freedom.

Keep posting such notes of assurances, it helped a great deal. Wish the world understands how desperate I am to move out wearing my pink petticoat and long silk skirts and a very tight bra to make me breatheless.

[barbra]

she is right,get out the front door and enjoy life.there are a lot of girls that cant pass,but they have more love for them selfs to be free and happy.this hatefull world is not on weather you can pass or not,its beying yourself and beying happy.be happy with what you are and whom you are.look all the gays and others are out of the closet why dont you.me i try to pass but cant but i still go out dressed.dont care what anyone thinks or says.:happy:

[prettieboy]

i think i could pass easly ive never been out been out in the dark of late no one i know knows about my cd life hey were would i go im looking for a wife couldent be anything but GG u gurls are trhe only ones thanks i dont have a camera yet working on

[Chantelle CD]

Why do i not want to go out dressed?

1) I have absolutely no desire to go out dressed as a woman, i am a man, and connect to people as one.

2) acceptance for this part of my life, means nothing to me what so ever.

3) I am to manly to pass as a woman, and ridicule is not something i look for.

4) I dont like hiding what i am, a man.

5) I cross dress for the feelings and emotions, to experience femininity, not to become it.

6) My home is not a closet!

7) My voice is to manly, and i like talking to people, i dont want to avoid people because of this.

8) I dont believe in the term, I'm a woman in a mans body, The emotions and feelings, and femininity can be felt and experienced by all, regardless of gender, there a part of us all, and i express enough of this out and about, as a man.

9) I enjoy cross dressing in the privacy of my own home, and with my SO, the amount of time i do it at home is more than enough to balance my energy's <yin yang> anything more than that and i would be lop sided, and unbalanced!

10) Because of my dressing, i have Incorporated these feelings and energies into my person, i express them every day, many times, and still very much a man, and not a flaming man either.

enough reasons for you?


At first I thought it was about passing, I was wrong it is about freedom to be who you want to be and to enjoy life.

Who i want to be is a man, and enjoy life very much as one, again passing means nothing to me. I could very easily get dressed up, with no make up or wig, and walk out that door, and not give a rats @ss if people laugh and point at me, i have a job to keep, people that i dont want to know about this, for i would most likely lose them as friends, and certain family members i would not have the same relationship with, and i would rather meet and greet people with the utmost respect for them, and have it returned to me honestly, not hiding behind a bunch of make up. what is right for one, is not right for all, dont be so shallow, thinking just because you enjoy what you do, everyone should as well, this is just simply not the case, there are a lot of cross dressers that dont give a w00t about passing, or going out.

Enjoy what you do, and ill enjoy what i do, thank you very much

[tanya3]

as for me i have only been out twice . once during the day driving around near the beach , it was a very rainy day so couldn't get out and walk around at all . the other time was at night . we did have to stop for gas so i did get out and pump the gas . both times i was more than a bit nervous but it was alot of fun . i'm not so sure i can pass that well and that is important to me . the reason i don't go out more often is time , i have a very busy life . so having to stay home i take every chance i get to dress and practice . i can understand why others don't want or care to go out . life is about choices .my wife is the only one who knows and i would like to keep it that way . i do hope to get out sometime this summer .:2c:

[DanaJ]

At first I thought it was about passing, I was wrong it is about freedom to be who you want to be and to enjoy life.

LA CINDY LOVERight you are - and my freedom to be who I want to be might not be your idea. Not everyone wants to go out, whether they pass or not. Do you really think that every single CD that does not go out dressed does not enjoy life?

Can I pass? Maybe/maybe not - but I have no desire to go out dressed just because I have no desire to go out.

Read Chantelle's post, and do please come back and post Cindy :)

[Marianna Julianna]

I would love to go out dressed, just as I would love to spend more time dressed as I am now. I have had accept that right now it is not possible, for reasons I am not going to list because it's a personal thing. I don't worry about anything happening to me, I choose to express who I am, but I do worry about those close to me and how it would be for them if anyone around here was to find out how I am. The best can hope for it is that one day I'll be able to find the money to get away for a few days and have some real me time, one day, but for now there is work and family and other things and I just have to make the most of the time I have when I can be Marianna.

[Joanne f]

Yes you might be right it would be nice some times when you have made the effort to dress up and hopefully look nice to go out and interact with other people,BUT when you are married and have children you have to take into account how it will effect them as well .
If you live in a small country town every one knows you and they would soon notice if you were to go out dressed up so i would have to consider how it would effect my wife and children i could not let them pay the price for me to have a bit of freedom .

joanne

[Marla S]

At first I thought it was about passing, I was wrong it is about freedom to be who you want to be and to enjoy life.



Passing is a way to avoid some adverse effects of going out dressed.

If you don't pass, you'll stand out, because you look unusual.

To stand out (and belong to no group) is not what most CDs and most people in general want to do, because it is exhausting in the long run.

I go out without the intention to pass (never would, independend of how hard I would try) almost every day.
The accompanying feeling is much similar to my rebel punk days.
Difference is that I wanted to stand out those days and wanted to provoke and had nothing to lose.
Today it is not really my intention to rebel, I just want to make my way, without being bothered (or the fear to be). That's hard to impossible without passing or going drab.

That makes me quite often think, that it would be better to go out in drab and dress exclusively at home again.
I am not there yet, but it could happen.

[Emilia]

I don't know about the rest of you, but I think I'd be much more likely to go someplace public en femme if I could get dressed up once I got there. The through of driving just makes me nervous.

[Kelsie]

I dress for the sexual thrill. Going out "en-femme" would be quite exciting. However, I don't think that I'd pass and I don't want the attention that it might bring. Crossdressing is something I don't want to share because of the social stigma. Like others, I have a job to keep and there family and friends who simply wouldn't understand.

Occasionally when travelling I am lucky enough to get a room with a balcony and I too venture out there.

Hugs,
Kelsie

[ChristineRenee]

This is the other side of the fence response which needs to be said and probably expresses point blank why so many do not go out. There ARE valid reasons for it that don't have a thing to do with whether or not you think you pass.

Even within our own community, we have a lot of diversity. A lot of subgroups...so to speak....and that is ok. It is not a competition. We don't have to PROVE anything to each other or to anybody else for that matter. We aren't here to play follow-the-leader and if you don't you aren't being true to the real you. Sorry...but that's BS thinking if you believe that is true for all of us. We come to forums like this...or should anyway...to connect with each other and accept and support each other...something that those who don't share our commonalities either can't, or won't, do.

Girls...always do what is best for YOU. Only you can determine that for yourself. We all have our own reasons for what we do...or don't do...regarding this issue. And that's perfectly ok...no matter how you feel about it.

That's just my :2c: on it...and thanks for your post Chantelle and thanks also to Cindy for her thread.

[Erinn]

A man's home is his castle and he is the queen on throne. lol
Going out dressed is fun , and so is chocolate ice cream, but one can get too much of both.

I like to relax at home, maybe experiement with different looks and the digital camera. My garden is to die for, like a resort and I relax in the yard day or night in privacy.

As a group we need to respect the fears and desires of others in the community who are more reserve. There are some areas in my city that I would not even consider going out dressed because of thugs, police and crazy Teens (lol)

Guaranteed though are several times a year I travel to other areas and meet with those who dare to come out. It's a great time for R & R, some singing and dancing.

[Karren H]

I love going out enfemme..... just because I can and it's like seeing the world threw new eyes!!! Passing or not I'm having a blast!!

Karren

[Sharon B.]

I for one would love to go out dressed as a woman but with being 6'-5" and I enjoy wearing heels that would put me close to 6'-7" or 6'-8" with heels on. Also my deep voice would put me at a disadvantage in passing. So I will stay in the closet and only venture out for drives.

[InHerShoes]

I just want to kick around the house when I am dressed. It's comfortable and I find it really relaxing. Going out (and I'm not talking about getting the mail or watering the plants) is a whole different thing and I just don't think about it or care about it. I should say that I'm not into going to clubs etc. in any sort of outfit. For those who are into it: rock on, sisters. We'll keep the light on for ya.

[Tiffy]

I do not go out dressed because my desire is to be a housewife. I do the duites at home dressed and I shop in clothes you can not tell what sex they belong to. I do not want to go clubbing dressed (I am not a people person in any form). I want to stay home, maybe sit on my porch and over look my small farm. Joy and happiness are what you make them. I do not need to go out a blow an money to be happy. Just a nice quiet evening at home with my wife and porch fit me fine.

Tiffany

[JoAnnDallas]

Last year I went to HEF2006. This was my first time outside en fem. It was such a confidence booster, that it started me on the road to going out. I discovered that I could do it and if presented correcly, no one paid much attention to me. So I started going to my Tri-Ess meeting dressed, which build my confidence even more. Then a few weeks ago, I had the chance to dress for a few days in a row. I bought a complete new outfit and that evening went to my favorite Shells station and bought gas. After I filled up, I decieded to walk into the station store and buy something. Well I did it, I walked in, got a bottle of water, walked up the counter, paid for it, got 3-4 "Maams", and walked out. I was on cloud nine. Two days later, I am shopping at a Payless Shoe store, miggling with other customers, using my fem voice, trying on shoes, and bought a pair.

If you had told me back in 2005 that I would be doing all of this, I would have been shocked. Back then I was a closeted CDer.

It feels great to be out and about and additive too. LOL

[Stephenie S]

This is a well articulated and polite statement of your views, which I am sure are shared by many of us. Just because you CAN go out is no reason to assume that you MUST go out.

But Chantelle, Cindy Loves's post was not directed at the members who don't want to go out. She was addressing members who WISH they could go out and are hesitant to do so for whatever reason.

And she is right, it's not about "passing". Passing is something that few of us can do 100&#37; the time. What we do do is blend in, fly under the radar, not attract too much attention, and dress and act so that when we are read, we do not offend.

Nicely put, though, Chantelle.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[SherriePall]

I guess I will weigh in on the subject. I agree that going out is not for everyone. Some will say they will never venture out dressed. Perhaps they won't, but I would guess that some day some of those nevers will turn into "just one try." For those who never do, more power to them. It would be wrong of us to force them out. Just as wrong as those who mock us and threaten us.
As for me, when I started so many years ago, I didn't even think about going out because way back then dressing was wrong, wrong, wrong. So wrong that you could be committed to an institution for doing so.
When I discovered the great internet and started dressing seriously, I wanted to step out of the bedroom. Perhaps, to a support group meeting. That hasn't happened yet, but I have been out to shoe stores, malls, motels, dress shops, etc., dressed.
Luckily, for me, I'm not that tall, not that muscular (though I tried when I was younger), and I guess passable (unless people are terribly polite).
What it boils down to is what has been said before, go out dressed only if you really want to and are comfortable about it.

[JoAnnDallas]

I have discovered that it is in the presentation. Dress so that you don't stand out. wear your makeup correctly, use fem mannerisms, guesters, and walk. Don't act nervious. Above all, ACT LIKE YOU DO THIS EVERYDAY.

I even had these two GG's look at me. One was on her cell, the other looked at me for a moment, then turn away with a bored look on her face.

Going out en fem is kinda like the old DUCK thingie

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, it must be a duck.

[Janailene]

When in my teens and twentys I went out frquently and actually spent more than a month enfemme. Found out that day after day was not all that different but felt normal. Loved it but it became "regular" dressing. Then once married and having kids, I dressed but did not go out a lot. maybe once every 6 months.Felt that being outed was not worth the problems it could cause for my family.

[marie354]

I was out a few weeks ago with a friend at a campsite and it felt great to be dressed somewhere other than my home, out in the open air.
I will do it again. When, I'm not sure, but I'll know it when the time comes.
:hugs:

It's true, it wasn't about whether I passed or not... Just about being out and open and free.

[Sugar]

Hi girl's...this is the kind of food for thought I like to read.

My take on this is what makes me feel balanced (yin/yang). Thank you ChantelleCD. After a long day at work I like to come home and take a nice hot bubble bath with lot's of candle's. Afterwards put on my favorite panties and camisole. Put on just a bit of eye-liner then I'm in heaven. Most times I can't seem to stay away from the mirror..:devil: I really don't have any plans to go out and about. I just do the thing's I would be doing dressed which ever way I please.


Live and let live, you girl's are great!!

Peace,

Jaye

[Sapphire]

I agree with Chantelle's response; especially that your home should not be regarded as a closet. There is just so much at stake if one ventures outdoors while crossdressed that the risks should not be underestimated - and these obviously vary among social environments. There is an awful difference between picking up the courage to shop for womens clothes and makeup etc. while dressed normally and stepping out crossdressed. One is enjoyable and involves very little risk, the other could be disastrous and afterwards there is no way of turning the clock backw if the experience proves distressing both for oneself and one's family and friends. Nonetheless I will always respect thoses who do take this step and I hope others will respect thoses who don't. This forum excels in respect and that has to be good.

[Chantelle CD]

This is something that I just do not get but I do try to understand, it takes a lot of nerves to walk out your front door dress can I pass will people stare at me and laugh.

There are still Cd's who have been dressing for years but have never gone out dress they stay in the closet, I have chat with a few and they say that they would never go out dress I ask why and they say they can not pass.

If you have never been out dress to a club to dance or to have dinner or a move you do not know what you are missing, I feel that of all the Cd's about 5% first step out the front door and there is a lot of room out here.

At first I thought it was about passing, I was wrong it is about freedom to be who you want to be and to enjoy life.

LA CINDY LOVE

Stephinie S


But Chantelle, Cindy Loves's post was not directed at the members who don't want to go out. She was addressing members who WISH they could go out and are hesitant to do so for whatever reason.

Nowhere in this thread do i get the feeling it is directed at people that want to, but dont. unless there is a subliminal message in here somewhere i dont see, can you point it out for me please sister :)

[KimberlyS]

Why Get Dress Up And Stay At Home?

There are many good reasons for a CDer to go out and many good reasons to only dress with their home. The best reason is because that is who you are. We as people have many likes and dislikes, wants, and want to do's, and not just in CDing. We are all different.


... At first I thought it was about passing, I was wrong it is about freedom to be who you want to be and to enjoy life.

Cindy, coming from someone that when I first went out I did not come close to passing, but just did it anyway because I wanted to. Getting out is not about passing for me. I have since improved to a more blending look. But still wearing a wig and makeup for me is just to hide my male identity not to help me pass. IMHO, getting out enfemme for me, passing is optional and not the goal. Just getting out and enjoying being out is my goal.

[Joy Carter]

Everyone has their comfort zones. Mine happens to be out and proud of who I am. I dress as approprate as I can. And I carry myself with confidence. Do I look like I pass ? No not in the least. Just I'm happy to have acceppted myself and I don't have to stay at home any more.:2c:

[gennee]

Each one of us crossdresses for their own reasons. That's OK! Enjoy what you do.

Gennee

:happy:

[Jenna1561]

For those who would like to get out enfemme, but believe that they would not not pass or blend in as a woman, may I suggest a Tri-Ess or other support group meeting. Many crossdressers leave their house en drab and travel to the meeting location where they transform themselves into their femme self for a few hours, then change back and leave for home.

These support groups are great for those who have never stepped outside their own home but have a burning desire to do so. They are a safe place to be who you want to be, with others like yourself.

I fully agree that going out out enfemme is not what it's all about. It's about being yourself, being happy and comfortable. And if that means staying home and doing housework, or watching television, or taking photos, or just relaxing and reading a good novel, then by all means Be Happy.

I enjoy getting out and try my best to pass/blend in and am very happy when I'm out. I sometimes "get read" but it doesn't bother me as much as it used to. And when I'm out doing everyday errands, I AM going to "get read," particularly when I must present my credit cards, check, and or identification. I've come to realize that most business people do not care. Yes, I sometimes see a barely perceptable eyebrow raised when an SA looks at my driver's license - I actually take that as a compliment - they didn't know until they saw the i.d.

Yes, there are still many unaccepting, ignorant people in our world, but thankfully most people are too polite to say anything. Those who do aren't worth the angst and I am coming to realize that. I still wonder what exactly gave me away to a passing stranger and work to perfect/improve my presentation. My voice is not very feminine and almost always is heard as male on the telephone. In person, the presentation helps and the voice may pass as a deeper woman's voice.

Clubs may be fine for some, but this girl is not really into that scene. I do like dancing, but the smoke, drinks and noise are not what this 46 year old woman wants. A nice shopping trip, dinner, a movie, a day at the ballpark, or a stroll through a museum; all are much more my speed. So, if you want to get out and about, try looking for a support group nearby. If you're happy at home, then stay home and enjoy life. To each her own.


Hugs,
Jenna

[JoAnnDallas]

Jenna......When I went to HEF last year, we had a gentleman from a college speech clinic tell us that even TS's have a hard time coming over as female on the telephone. They help TS's with their voices. They said what sounds female in person can very well sound male on a phone. Also laughing is a problem since females laugh different from males. So they use the phone as a measure to see if a client is ready or not. Once a TS has mastered being sensed as female on a phone and from their laugh, they are ready for the world. Very interesting seminar. They also said there are computer programs you can get that will help you train your voice to be more female.

[ChristineHS]

This is something that I just do not get but I do try to understand, it takes a lot of nerves to walk out your front door dress can I pass will people stare at me and laugh.

There are still Cd's who have been dressing for years but have never gone out dress they stay in the closet, I have chat with a few and they say that they would never go out dress I ask why and they say they can not pass.

If you have never been out dress to a club to dance or to have dinner or a move you do not know what you are missing, I feel that of all the Cd's about 5&#37; first step out the front door and there is a lot of room out here.

At first I thought it was about passing, I was wrong it is about freedom to be who you want to be and to enjoy life.

LA CINDY LOVE

A bit of insight here to perhaps help understand..

I'm a clean shaven gal...from the neck down. My male persona is such that it has a beard and mustache and some people recognize me and know my personality enough in day to day activities as a male to recognize there's no way I am ever going to shave it. Were I to do so, people would immediately wonder what's going on and well..too much curiousity and interest sometimes can be a bad thing, even if meant well or in jest, etc.

The feel of silk and satin and the sweet clench of a bra or a corset or the feeling of nylons over hairless skin are all utterly wonderful feelings. It's something to just not be passed or overlooked.

However society has presented us with the scenario that only those sorts of things are worn by the female gender, and for a male to, is indicative of a abberant mind somehow, or a "sissy" sort of submissive personality; neither of which are even remotely accurate in many cases. Resultantly for a member of society to wear the same clothing as a female they must do so in secret, hence the colloquial term we have known as "passing".

Some males realize that their male persona and female persona conflict at very critical junctures and if they are in fact a genetic male it means usually..not always..but usually they are known by that male persona. And because of that critical conflict alongside the societal belief of a person being a submissive or sissy or just plain abberant if they wear female's clothes, the only place they can end up doing so is alone in the sanctity of their own homes.

I'm one of these people you see. My male persona is such that I really can't afford to shave my mustache and beard; doing so makes people wonder what you're up to since you've always been diehard in the past about *not* shaving either.

With that, it's also 100% impossible for me to ever go out into the public eye and "pass" in feminine clothing with a beard and mustache. So the sanctity of my home is the only sanctuary where I can wear and enjoy crossdressing.

It's unfortunately really because from the very few (I can count on a hand and have fingers left over) who've seen me crossdress, I've been told after requests for a honest assessment that I am apparently a attractive woman from the neck down.

Christine HS.

[Stephenie S]

Stephinie S



Nowhere in this thread do i get the feeling it is directed at people that want to, but dont. unless there is a subliminal message in here somewhere i dont see, can you point it out for me please sister :)

Well, hon, that's the way I interpreted it. Perhaps she will have to clarify it for us.

Some of us go out, some of us don't. This is what I thought we were talking about. You presented an articulate post of the reasons why you have no desire to do so. But there are a significant number of people here on the forum who say things like, "Oh, I so wish I could get up the courage to go out dressed. I am just so afraid". Those people deserve some encouragement and perhaps some techniques to asuage their fears.

Far too many of us think that you have to be able to "pass" in order to go out dressed, when in fact it is almost impossible for most of us to pass 100&#37; of the time to 100% of the people. I go out all the time as Stephenie, but it would take a blind and deaf person in the dead of night to believe that I am a natal female. Instead I dress to blend in and not be noticed. And when noticed, I dress so as not to offend. This works. It works. It works. I go everywhere dressed as I like. I get NO flack. I don't go out dressed for the thrill or the excitement. I go out dressed because this is the way I want to dress, and I have to live my life. I have to go to the bank, the supermarket, the doctor, Home Depot, and all the other places involved in living in the US today. If I can offer some encouragement to those who are hiding out at home because they are afraid of other's reactions, I want to do so.

Sorry if I misinterpreted Cindy's original post.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[Chantelle CD]

Well, hon, that's the way I interpreted it. Perhaps she will have to clarify it for us.

Some of us go out, some of us don't. This is what I thought we were talking about. You presented an articulate post of the reasons why you have no desire to do so. But there are a significant number of people here on the forum who say things like, "Oh, I so wish I could get up the courage to go out dressed. I am just so afraid". Those people deserve some encouragement and perhaps some techniques to asuage their fears.

Far too many of us think that you have to be able to "pass" in order to go out dressed, when in fact it is almost impossible for most of us to pass 100&#37; of the time to 100% of the people. I go out all the time as Stephenie, but it would take a blind and deaf person in the dead of night to believe that I am a natal female. Instead I dress to blend in and not be noticed. And when noticed, I dress so as not to offend. This works. It works. It works. I go everywhere dressed as I like. I get NO flack. I don't go out dressed for the thrill or the excitement. I go out dressed because this is the way I want to dress, and I have to live my life. I have to go to the bank, the supermarket, the doctor, Home Depot, and all the other places involved in living in the US today. If I can offer some encouragement to those who are hiding out at home because they are afraid of other's reactions, I want to do so.

Sorry if I misinterpreted Cindy's original post.

Lovies,
Stephenie

No need for sorries sis :) you interpreted it how you did, and i the way i did.

Fear is a funny thing, maybe there are real reasons for it, like if they were pushed to go, and feel fear, something they will regret might happen, or the fear will lead them to places and things not so desirable, <what you feel attracts more of the same> More time is needed so they may feel comfortable, in there clothing, and how they carrie themselves, so they may attract and lead themselves to a happy experience. Like you do, all the time :)Its just not there time yet is all, if they really want to go out, when the time is right, they will walk out that door, what you want always seems to become a reality i think, Timing is a big factor. And it needs to be right for them.

[Stephenie S]

Thanks, hon. Later.

[LA CINDY LOVE]

I have to say that replys are very nice and great to read. but I did not read anything that I have not heard before on why we do not go out dress, I am not trying to put anyone down for what they do or pass judgment for what they do, but I do know that there are those who want to go out dress who want to unlock the door.

I love what Joann did and yes love it is very additive and like Farren said a new world and when I walk out that door as Cindy it is a new world for me, Cindy dresses for attention to get notice to make my statement as to who I am, and I can't do that with my front door lock.

I have meet a lot of newbies at the clubs and they say the same things that a lot of you have said as to why they do not go out dress, and know they see what hey have been missing and they are having a blast dressing.

To let some of you know Cindy has a wife and she dose wear some of my close and uses some of my make up and it is so cool, and yes Cindy has kids and Cindy lives in a small town 70 miles from Los Angeles but Cindy Still goes out dress at lease 3 to 4 times a month on the weekend.

In Los Angeles, CA we have a some places to go but I know a lot of you do not have a place to go to so I can see why you do not go out dress, In LA they have gurls night out you get Cd's and newbies together and go out in a group to shop have dinner and then go to a club, as for Cindy I love a road trip to a club I have never been to it is very exciting.

From what Cindy has seen out 10 closet Cd's only 1 goes out I know or number are down that is why tg clubs are closing and yes I know a lot of you really do not want to go out dress you just love to dress at home and if that make you happy then that is cool who am I to change that I am just like you a crossdresser.................but one day you may unlock that door and take a walk on the wild-side.



LA CINDY LOVE

[Mitch23]

For years, I had not the slightest desire to go out and dressed secretively on my own accompanied by guilt and shame. Then I wanted to go out so badly that it hurt. Off came the beard and moustache, legs were shaved, nails varnished, manbag became prominent, jewellery worn. And guess what ... the world continued to turn. Then I did it and experienced utter terror and exhilaration! Now I do it regularly and .. nobody notices or cares. I can interrract with SAs who are well aware they are dealing with a guy in a frock and still have a laugh and a joke with me, shop girlie, use changing rooms, have a makeover, go out pubbing and clubbing, go to support group meetings. My wife still loves me and I am in tune with myself as I never have before. And no guilt and shame!

Not for everyone I agree, but for this bunny ....

Mitch

[Chantelle CD]

I have to say that replys are very nice and great to read. but I did not read anything that I have not heard before on why we do not go out dress, I am not trying to put anyone down for what they do or pass judgment for what they do, but I do know that there are those who want to go out dress who want to unlock the door.

I love what Joann did and yes love it is very additive and like Farren said a new world and when I walk out that door as Cindy it is a new world for me, Cindy dresses for attention to get notice to make my statement as to who I am, and I can't do that with my front door lock.

I have meet a lot of newbies at the clubs and they say the same things that a lot of you have said as to why they do not go out dress, and know they see what hey have been missing and they are having a blast dressing.

To let some of you know Cindy has a wife and she dose wear some of my close and uses some of my make up and it is so cool, and yes Cindy has kids and Cindy lives in a small town 70 miles from Los Angeles but Cindy Still goes out dress at lease 3 to 4 times a month on the weekend.

In Los Angeles, CA we have a some places to go but I know a lot of you do not have a place to go to so I can see why you do not go out dress, In LA they have gurls night out you get Cd's and newbies together and go out in a group to shop have dinner and then go to a club, as for Cindy I love a road trip to a club I have never been to it is very exciting.

From what Cindy has seen out 10 closet Cd's only 1 goes out I know or number are down that is why tg clubs are closing and yes I know a lot of you really do not want to go out dress you just love to dress at home and if that make you happy then that is cool who am I to change that I am just like you a crossdresser.................but one day you may unlock that door and take a walk on the wild-side.



LA CINDY LOVE

Read my last post on fear again :)

[Emma England]

For me, it seems a shame to buy something nice, yet not show it off to the world.

You can not stay in all the time. Everyone needs to earn a living. Everyone needs gas in the car.
Everyone needs to shop for food. So going out is a must.

Might as well go out looking good and feeling confident by wearing clothes that you prefer,
instead of what a lot of others dictate to you.

Oh the biggest word of all:

FREEDOM!!!

[Toyah]

This is something that I just do not get but I do try to understand, it takes a lot of nerves to walk out your front door dress can I pass will people stare at me and laugh.

There are still Cd's who have been dressing for years but have never gone out dress they stay in the closet, I have chat with a few and they say that they would never go out dress I ask why and they say they can not pass.

If you have never been out dress to a club to dance or to have dinner or a move you do not know what you are missing, I feel that of all the Cd's about 5&#37; first step out the front door and there is a lot of room out here.

At first I thought it was about passing, I was wrong it is about freedom to be who you want to be and to enjoy life.

LA CINDY LOVE

Its nothing about passing or not its about what you want to do, I love clothes but have no desire to go shopping and too old for clubbing, I am happy to chat with friends, gone off pics now but just dont wanna go out, if I want to show something off I prefere showing it to people who will apreciate it

[Tamera]

Crossdressing is not about passing.
There are many levels of Crossdressing and WE(as support groups) need to understand that, and be supportive to that person.

Crossdressing is a Hormonal Imbalance.
LOL
Tamera

[Barb Valentine]

A lot of you make some really interesting points
But for me I guess I'm just chicken

[Raychel]

I like to make myself the most comfortable that I can be at all times of my life. That does not leave me feeling that I should be out on main street in a dress. Where everyone will be stairing at me and making me feel uncomfortable. At home I can do as I wish, especially when I am home alone. No one care how I am dressed then.

But to each his own. :happy:

[stacie]

I would go CRAZY if I couldn't go out dressed, But then again I might be going full time...

[glossy]

Lots of good thoughts here, girls.
I have no desire to go out. My fulfillment comes when I dress up in my home. It is exciting and stimulating to apply my makeup, then slip on my bra and panties and stockings and slip. I don't need to leave the house to meet my needs. But different strokes for different folks.

[Sheri 4242]

Cindy,

First, let me say that from what I can tell by your picture, you come across as a VERY beautiful female!!! (H'mmmmm -- to look half as good!!!)

Pleasantry's aside, this forum is a support group . . . a support group for ALL crossdressers. NOT just crossdressers who want to go out, not just crossdressers who want to pass, and not just crossdressers who are compelled to stay at home. What I like about this site is that it is for crosdressers (and GG's associated with crossdressers) who are at many different stages of CDing. Heck, some come here not even certain that they are crosdressers. From what I've seen, ALL are welcome -- even those who are into some level of bdsm, which is how some CDers find the nerve to get out.

Some crossdressers that are here only underdress, some dress every day of the week, some dress only three or four times year -- some dress all the way, some don't. IMO, this isn't a site for those who are strictly out and about. It is, again in IMO, a site for CDers. Some are actually TS, some are strictly mtf heterosexual CDers, some are ftm, etc. -- it is an all-inclusive site. Your post suggests that if a person isn't a certain type of CDer, then they aren't for real, and that just isn't the case!!! As Tamera said so succinctly:


Crossdressing is not about passing. There are many levels of Crossdressing and WE (as support groups) need to understand that, and be supportive to that person.

You live in a major metropolitan area (SMSA). Some live in towns where there might be one stoplight. Some want to go out, whether they pass or not; still others have no desire to go out at all. ((( On another side of this proverbial coin, some cannot go out at all b/c of constraints of family, or work, etc. Some can only freely CD when thy are out of town on business. For some, it is a matter of personal safety, in re where they live!!! )))

You have to factor in that some who come here have yet to accept themselves. Some do not want to go out b/c they don't feel comfortable doing so. For example, I wear a size 10 and am 5'10", 150 lbs. (with a 9-1/2 woman's shoe). What about the 6'5", 295 lb, GM who wears a 15 in a man's shoe!!! Does not the latter ejoy CDing, even if she doesn't want to go out and about?!!!! This leads to the point that some wouldn't want to look like a bufoon in public, but are quite comfortable dressing at home!!!

As Dana said:


. . . my freedom to be who I want to be might not be your idea. Not everyone wants to go out, whether they pass or not. Do you really think that every single CD that does not go out dressed does not enjoy life? Can I pass? Maybe/maybe not - but I have no desire to go out dressed just because I have no desire to go out.

Maybe Joy summed it up best:


Everyone has their comfort zones. Mine happens to be out and proud of who I am. I dress as approprate as I can. And I carry myself with confidence. Do I look like I pass ? No not in the least. Just I'm happy to have acceppted myself and I don't have to stay at home any more.

You know, some "could" go out (like to Tri-Ess meetings), but there are other factors in play, any of which could be a deal-breaker.

Hey, I enjoy going out!!! I don't know if you would think I pass or not, but it is more important that I enjoy it. If I didn't enjoy it, why else would I come out in broad daylight from a chapel on Las Vegas Blvd. in a wedding gown?!! And, there is not a single day that goes by where I don't dress for bed!!! And, there isn't a single day that I don't underdress when I go out -- and most often that includes outer dressing b/c every pair of jeans that I own are VS or Gap female jeans; every pair of shorts I own are feminine, and I wear female tennis shoes!!! I even have a tattoo on my ankle that says in Chinese "Inner Peace and Happiness to be a Girl" (or to be female, or feminine). I have come to a place in time where I am proud of who and what I am!!!

In the main, it (going out) is an individual thing based (for all of us) on any number of factors!!!!!!!

Sheri

f/k/a Barbara 4242
(EVERYBODY: I'll explain the name change later today!)

[JoAnnDallas]

For years I wore a beard and supressed my CDing. Then one day in 2004 the plant I was working at closed and I was out of work. Being over 55 makes it hard to find new work. In 2005, we decided to sell the house and move to Dallas. Dallas has more job openings. So I cam ahead and stayed with my sister. As result I knew I had to make some changes, so I shaved my beard and started using some comestics to help me look younger. Along the way my CDing came back in full force. I did manage to find a new job and my CDing has continued. Uptill then I was very closeted. I even went thru a period of "Pink Fog". When I moved into my sisters house and I started CDing, I had almost 4 months where I could dressup almost everyday, either all the way with a dress/heel/makeup/wig or slacks/t-shirt/loafers with panty and bra always under my cloths. I started going out en fem and now I have gone to a CD convention, Joined Tri-Ess, and gone shoping enfem. So I'm not in the closet anymore. I do underdress almost everyday now.

I don't really know why I decided to start going out, only that it felt like the correct thing to do and when I did, I found I really like going out all dressed up. Staying in the closet or not is a personnel thing and only that person can decided. If a sister asked me how it feels to go out, I will tell her how I FEEL. I can not tell her how she will feel. If a sister says that no way could she go out dressed, I will never try to convince her otherwise.

Personnly I think I may be more TG than CD. I seem to have no problem going out en fem and miggling with the general public. As first I was scared to death, but as time went on, I noticed that people were not taking much notice in me and treating me like any other woman in her 40's or so.

[trannie T]

I love going out, even knowing tat there is no way that I pass. The only time I dress is when I go out, I don't sit at home wearing a dress.
That is what is what I enjoy. If another person is happy wearing panties only on Saturday that is good for them, another may be happy only when dressed 24/7.
What I'm trying to say is, do what you like, you are an individual, what is good for someone else may not be right for you.

[TxKimberly]

I love going out enfemme..... just because I can and it's like seeing the world threw new eyes!!! Passing or not I'm having a blast!!

Karren

She said EXACTLY what I would have. :happy:

[Sheri 4242]

The only time I dress is when I go out, I don't sit at home wearing a dress. That is what is what I enjoy. If another person is happy wearing panties only on Saturday that is good for them, another may be happy only when dressed 24/7. What I'm trying to say is, do what you like, you are an individual, what is good for someone else may not be right for you. {Emphasis Added by Sheri}

"Trannie T" has hit the nail squarely on the head: it all boils down to what each individual enjoys!!! Maybe the thesis of this thread is to encourage those who want to go out, but have been reluctant, scared, or fearful, to "just do it," and there is nothing wrong with such encouragement. That said, there are a number of CDers who are quite happy "crossdressing in their own way." Heck, there are a great many of non-CDing people who would rather sit home than go out! You've got to do what makes you happy and keeps you in your comfort zone (and the latter often has a great deal to do with the former).

Cindy certainly seems to have good intentions, but she needs to take into consideration that any number of CDers have dramatically different situations! One thing that should be considered as crucial is an encouraging SO v. an accepting SO -- often closely the same -- to one who merely tolerates, to one who is adamantly against it, to one who doesn't even know!!! This is just one example re why one might not be abe to, "take a walk on the wild side," and it presumes that the CDer would want ot anyway (v. someone who would rather dress and be a couch potato). We're all different and it is wrong to suggest that we can't be fulfilled until we go out. I know one CDer who is quite content to dress (totally) and then help cook, do dishes, watch television -- and all sans a wig b/c they give her headaches. I give her just as much validation as I do anyone else -- even the CDer who just wears panties every third Saturday . . . and I think I can speak authoritatively about this since I have stood on Las Vegas Blvd ("the" Las Vegas Strip) in a wedding gown while thousands of car passed by and a photographer snapped photo afer photo. I've walked "on the wild side" a number of times, but I give my sisters as much validation if they can only dress on a business trip -- or just wear thigh-highs the first Sunday of every third month!!!


Sheri

f/k/a "Barbara 4242" - I promise to explain soon!

:heehee:

[Joanne f]

I do not go out but i am certainly not a COUCH POTATO

[Amy07]

Lots of different people here with equally valid reasons for dressing in or dressing out. I agree with Chantelle...my home is not a closet. My closets are fabulous too.

[michellebesweet]

Sometimes I like to stay home and watch a movie or just be alone. You don't always have to go out dressed. You can just chill around the house sometimes.

[elnkay]

i believe that "going out" is different for all of us.
I have been out dressed a few times, but not to the malls for shopping or very public places for sure!. A nice drive, a stroll in a quiet park.... pumping gas is enough. I know i can't "pass" but that's not the reason i dress anyway....it is for the pure change of pace and escape ...call it my mental health time.
That's why i dress...for me.

[Sheri 4242]

I do not go out but i am certainly not a COUCH POTATO

I presume you are refering to what I said -- and I was not saying that just b/c you don't go out that you are a "couch potato." What I said was, "This is just one example re why one might not be abe to, 'take a walk on the wild side,' and it presumes that the CDer would want to anyway (v. someone who would rather dress and be a couch potato). We're all different and it is wrong to suggest that we can't be fulfilled until we go out."

This was just an example. I think I made it pretty clear all through my post that we are all different and find fulfillment in various ways.

[Alice B]

I'm working on it and have to admit I'm getting closer. A little closer all the time.:happy:

[Sugar]

"This leads to the point that some wouldn't want to look like a BUFFOON in public, but are quite comfortable dressing at home"!!!:(

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buffoon

I know I'm a pretty girl even if it's only in my minds eye. But that crack was taken as an insult and I don't think it needed to be said.

Just because you're pretty, sheri4242 and most of the girl's on here are f**king gorgeous doesn't give you the right to malign those of us who are less fortunate.


:bigsmack:

[Sheri 4242]

"This leads to the point that some wouldn't want to look like a BUFFOON in public, but are quite comfortable dressing at home"!!! I know I'm a pretty girl even if it's only in my minds eye. But that crack was taken as an insult and I don't think it needed to be said. Just because you're pretty, sheri4242 and most of the girl's on here are f**king gorgeous doesn't give you the right to malign those of us who are less fortunate.

Jayedude,

I am very sorry you took that as an insult!!!!!!! That is NOT what I intended in any way, shape, or form!!!!!!! And, I am VERY sorry if I insulted you!!!!!!!

Listen, when I was 270 lbs (and the only feminine clothing I could find that I thought looked even halfway decent was one -- count 'em one -- maternity dress), I personally felt like a bufoon.

BUT, even that was NOT what I was trying to say in the post in which I unfortunately must have insulted you!!! If you go back and read what I said, I was making the point that (1.) a 6'5", 295 lb GM who wears size 15 man's shoe (and thus probably has little, if any, luck in finding women's shoes) has the right to enjoy CDing if that is what she is, even if she didn't want to go out in public!!! (2.) I then said, ". . . some wouldn't want to look like a bufoon in public, but are quite comfortable dressing at home." That was me a long time ago. The point was that we all have different comfort levels, home situations, etc. -- and some feel they are prettier than others, and some feel less pretty. I understand "not feeling pretty" b/c of my past -- I even understand anorexia much better today, b/c I have weighed 150 lb's for 15 years, +/-, and yet I still feel like I weigh 270 lbs -- and I still see that person in my mind's eye, though my brain knows I can fit into a size 8 or 10 skirt.

At any rate, my deepest appologies if I offended you in any way -- that was NOT my intention, and while you don't know me personally, if you did you would know that I am as sincere a person as you'll ever meet!!!

:love:

[Chantelle CD]

I dont care what anyone says, if one is not ready to go out, and reads all this stuff, and pressure to go out, they could end up in a heap load of trouble!!!! One case stands to mind, a young CD here went out, and got honked at, called terrible names, and he was so upset, it devastated him, he was lucky a car full of drunk bashers didn't stop and beat the daylights out of him!!!! NOW, if he waited 1 year 2 years, honed his skills to an art you skilled CD's have, he would have blended in just fine. But noooo, pear pressure made him go out to soon and it crushed him!!!! If there skills are not good, and they go out, afraid, full of fear, dont you think that you can lead yourself to trouble, you know, magnetics, what you feel breads more of the same!!! With this kind of situation, TIMING is so so VERY important. a poor girl could get hospitalized, so before you press others to go ahead, whats the problem, its soooo much fun!!! no one seeees me!!! Think of the persons life could be at stake, if there not as good as you are. If not that, there feelings, by getting laughed at and ridiculed to death!

TIMING!!

[ChristineRenee]

Again...I find myself agreeing with another post from Chantelle. I'm not suggesting not going out by any means here either. But be aware of your situation and surroundings. Your comfort level, etc. Confidence IS important because even the BEST get read. How will that affect you?

I understand the thrill and exhillaration of being out in public as I have been out...once. I also understand the fear. The fear of being recognized by someone that I know who doesn't know that I am TG and also a CD. Perhaps it could be someone that knows both my wife and myself. I know that when we still lived in Michigan, and my wife was still working, this was a HUGE concern for her that I might be seen by people she worked with, or current and ex-students. While she may not have a problem personally with my being TG/CD, having to go to her job as a teacher in a high school of a small town where many of her peers and students, both current and ex, work and frequent business establishments, it WAS a concern for her in that regard...which was just one reason...other than just not being ready myself to venture out...that I did not go out.

There is also the very real fear of violence. Unfortunately...for us...this is still a very real concern as there are many out there who, because of their bigotry and ignorance, cannot deal with males presenting as females and will seize an opportunity, usually while in groups, to gang up on you. I don't care how tough a man you may be either (and I'm ex-military and can handle myself pretty well), when you are dressed in feminine attire, perhaps including heels too, and you are outnumbered, you are at tremendous disadvantage. You will also understand why GG's don't venture out alone at night in unfamiliar settings and situations. It is something you must understand and recognize because it CAN, and does happen, regrettably. Again...I'm not suggesting or advocating not going out by any means. But for those that do...just always be cognizant of your situation and surroundings...even the most confident of you.

Girls...as I said in my first post in this thread...do what is best for YOU and considering your own situation and circumstances. Only you fully know what that is too. And if you do go out dressed...above all...be safe!

[GypsyKaren]

Interesting thread, actually what's interesting is the arguments it's caused. Am I detecting a wee bit of the old "I'm trannier than thou" syndrome in places...mayhaps? In any event, I just checked the Tranny Rulebook, and I didn't see anything about having to go out dressed, so I guess it's best left to the individual, ya think?

Karen Starlene

[Sam-antha]

Going out can mean two things.... The first, the basic one is going out into public places, in daylight and mixing with people.
This is fun, a thing to enjoy and experience and I do it whenever I can. It is great. Even now, going out of the door is always a step up in the adrenalin/enjoyment level.
The other going out variety, enjoyed by more perhaps is the quiet walk in the country, alone and away from people. Thats great too for different reasons, no adrenalin, just me alone, being me or whatever.
Both are great and available to most of us. Reporting in these pages does seem to concentrate nowadays on the former though. Rulebook or not do people consider that a quiet walk is not a "tranny" thing ?
~Samm

[Sheri 4242]

Going out can mean two things.... The first, the basic one is going out into public places, in daylight and mixing with people . . . (t)he other . . . is the quiet walk in the country, alone and away from people.

Samm,

You pretty much sum it up. I wonder how many of us started with the latter, then progressed to the former?!! That's how it was with me. At first I'd take a walk down the alley behind my house (I still remember the very first outfit I took a walk in: red/blue print minidress, red panty hose, and black stretch boots). Years later I "progressed" to going out to public places. I remember the first time for that, too. I went to this bar in Atlanta (don't think it is there any more) for a drink or two. There was another CDer sitting at the next table, and I am certain she was much more nervous than I was. I don't know how it goes with most of us, but each time out builds more confidence!!!

Sheri

[Jenniferritchie]

Hi, I have been out and still have the desire to go out as Jennifer, so i will continue to do so, that is fine for me. The whole thing about CD'ing is that it is a personal thing, and as much as it may seem to some girls a difficult aspect of our lives to balance how we feel and how we think the world and all it contains will react to us,comes down to how confident we are within ourselves, and the strenght of the relationships we have with family and TRUE friends. Do i pass as a female when out ? I vbery much doubt it, but then I am a bloke in a frock, yes i am very lucky to be a UK size 6-8 and that in its self allows me to look petite but i am still a bloke who is happy in a dress. Yes this was not always the case, i did hide in the closet for many years, but as time took its toll i realised that this is the only life that i am going to have, so i may aswell enjoy it in its full. Do i need to go out? no Do i enjoy going out? yes, as i say it is truley personal and you will know when and if the time is right for you to venture into another phase of life. I just hope that when that time comes, you recognise it and make the choice that best fits you and your current situation, as well as being ready to life with the concequences of your decision, but we all do that with any aspect of life, it is just the in some aspects society has not preprogrammed us to presume how other people might react to our decisions.

I am sorry if i seemed to have gone on a bit but i realised that i had been tormented for many years and now i am free to do as i please and feel so much better for it, i wish you the best of luck and be brave on your journey through life. Fortune favours the brave.:love:

[Cindi Johnson]

Some of us who don't go out now may do so in the future, or vice versa, so maybe we should not too quickly disparage those in other circumstances. I go out into the world most every day now, and enjoy it very much. But years ago I spent four years in the military during which I never wore anything of a feminine nature, and later, while I was a father of a young child, I rarely dressed and even less often ventured out. Circumstances change.

Chantelle points out that she does not feel herself to be a "woman trapped in a man's body." Like her, I really dislike this phase. Not all TG's are disgusted with their male characteristics, no more than they are disgusted by their eye color or family ancestry. Even fewer, I suspect, hate their body. I may attempt to alter my body a bit, to be more feminine, but that does not imply that I feel somehow "trapped" in a body which isn't mine. That whole idea is ridiculous . Even SRS doesn't swap one body for another, does it?

Cindi Johnson

[GypsyKaren]

Chantelle points out that she does not feel herself to be a "woman trapped in a man's body." Like her, I really dislike this phase. Not all TG's are disgusted with their male characteristics, no more than they are disgusted by their eye color or family ancestry. Even fewer, I suspect, hate their body. I may attempt to alter my body a bit, to be more feminine, but that does not imply that I feel somehow "trapped" in a body which isn't mine. That whole idea is ridiculous . Even SRS doesn't swap one body for another, does it?

Cindi Johnson

Hate to say it, but you really don't know what you're talking about, plus I think you're putting the "one size fits all" tag of TG on transsexuals. While crossdressers may be quite fine with their status quo, I can assure you that us TS'ers are not. Though you may find it all "ridiculous", it's a life or death thing with us, so please speak for yourself, not for us.

Karen Starlene

[Chantelle CD]

Going out can mean two things.... The first, the basic one is going out into public places, in daylight and mixing with people.
This is fun, a thing to enjoy and experience and I do it whenever I can. It is great. Even now, going out of the door is always a step up in the adrenalin/enjoyment level.
The other going out variety, enjoyed by more perhaps is the quiet walk in the country, alone and away from people. Thats great too for different reasons, no adrenalin, just me alone, being me or whatever.
Both are great and available to most of us. Reporting in these pages does seem to concentrate nowadays on the former though. Rulebook or not do people consider that a quiet walk is not a "tranny" thing ?
~Samm


Going out can mean two things.... The first, the basic one is going out into public places, in daylight and mixing with people.
This is fun, a thing to enjoy and experience and I do it whenever I can.

I just love to go out!!!! Meet people in public, it is fun, and i cant wait to go out again, as myself...........a man. That is why we dont want to go out dressed up, we enjoy being a man, and interacting with others as one. No desire to go out in a dress, acceptances has absolutly no meaning for me at all, other than acceptance for being me, a _ _ _ .

[Chantelle CD]

Hate to say it, but you really don't know what you're talking about, plus I think you're putting the "one size fits all" tag of TG on transsexuals. While crossdressers may be quite fine with their status quo, I can assure you that us TS'ers are not. Though you may find it all "ridiculous", it's a life or death thing with us, so please speak for yourself, not for us.

Karen Starlene

Dont get me wrong, others can do what ever they want, i dont judge them, i just speak from my own personal experiance from this cross dressing, the feelings emotions, and femininity are overwelming, and what makes me an addict to it. I experiance these emotions to the fullest i possably can as well, and has taken me places i find uncomphortable as a man to go, but at the time its heavenly, does that make any sence to you? But i also see the male feelings and emotions, and masculinity, being fery powerfull as well, and there are a lot of ftm's that know very well of this :) Just wondering, why is it you feel it is a life or death thing for you, what happened to want to throw away your manlyness? why dont you see it equaly as powerfull and exciting, but on the other end of the scale? Like EEEE Ohhhh owww Hot is Hot, and Cold is Cold, Brrrrr, but Warm is so heavenly. I just want to experiance Warm as a male is all. what i was born as, and because i was born that, it makes acceptance, conecting to others so natural, and easy, life is a whole lot easier as well.

I just wish to understand, i felt i could have easily gone there, but chose not to.

[Cindi Johnson]

Karen, you are putting words into my mouth, I believe, with the following statement of yours:

Hate to say it, but you really don't know what you're talking about, plus I think you're putting the "one size fits all" tag of TG on transsexuals. While crossdressers may be quite fine with their status quo, I can assure you that us TS'ers are not. Though you may find it all "ridiculous", it's a life or death thing with us, so please speak for yourself, not for us.

I in no way criticized transsexuals (nor anyone else); doing so would be hypocritical. I argue that the phrase "female trapped in a male body" is at heart ridiculous. It's not like, after surgery, a TS has a new body. One will still have the same face, the same fingers; one will still be overweight or underweight; the sore knee one had as a male will still be there when a female. One's body, after all, is much more than one's groin. Wishing to change or alter one's body is not the same is replacing a body.

If I visit a hospital for a nose job, I don't exit surgery with new body. Similarly, if I visit Trinidad for SRS, I don't drive away from the picturesque mountainside town in a new body.

Personally, I don't feel trapped. No, not at all. I just feel much more comfortable, more at peace with myself and with the world, when I assume a female identity.

Cindi Johnson

[Sugar]

Hi Sheri,

Thank you for what I felt was an apology from your heart. I feel that I must apologize to you, too. So please forgive me for jumping on you for an innocent statement. I'm having a hard time at the moment with my image of self. Mid-life crisis?? I don't know. But I do that I should have gone to bed instead of jumping you with that post. I pretty much felt like an @ss, a red faced @ss too boot after reading your reply post this morning.

I"ve been reading your post's and the post's of all the other girl's and I get a sense of belonging and I thank all of you for that.

Now, back to topic.....ain't no way I'm going out in drag! I'd be "clocked" in a heartbeat! Back in the day, my friend's that did always carried a gun. I thought that was a wise choice considering the fun place to hang out was downtown on the "block".

peace,

jaye


btw, the little "smack" thingy is kinda cute, don't ya think?

[slamddoger]

what i knows is that if you look like you belonge out ther no body look at you at all but if look funny pople will look at you and pok fun at you

[Cai]

Karen, you are putting words into my mouth, I believe, with the following statement of yours:

Hate to say it, but you really don't know what you're talking about, plus I think you're putting the "one size fits all" tag of TG on transsexuals. While crossdressers may be quite fine with their status quo, I can assure you that us TS'ers are not. Though you may find it all "ridiculous", it's a life or death thing with us, so please speak for yourself, not for us.

I in no way criticized transsexuals (nor anyone else); doing so would be hypocritical. I argue that the phrase "female trapped in a male body" is at heart ridiculous. It's not like, after surgery, a TS has a new body. One will still have the same face, the same fingers; one will still be overweight or underweight; the sore knee one had as a male will still be there when a female. One's body, after all, is much more than one's groin. Wishing to change or alter one's body is not the same is replacing a body.

If I visit a hospital for a nose job, I don't exit surgery with new body. Similarly, if I visit Trinidad for SRS, I don't drive away from the picturesque mountainside town in a new body.

Personally, I don't feel trapped. No, not at all. I just feel much more comfortable, more at peace with myself and with the world, when I assume a female identity.

Cindi Johnson

Just because it can't be done doesn't mean we (meaning TS's) don't want it.

[Staci]

I understand that there are many different desires in different individuals. That is what makes this such a great world to live in. For you, going out seems important and as long as it works for you that is fine. I have no desire to go out dressed as a woman. That is something that I choose to keep private and enjoy with my wife's company. That is audience enough for me. It is important to do what works for you and that I do what works for me. Enjoy your crossdressing gift.

[Glenda58]

I go out all the time and have been out with other gurls that don't pass. They don't care they have fun being themselves. And people don't run from them but come up and talk with them. I even saw a lady come up and ask them what they thought of a top she was thinking of buying because she thought they're taste in cloth was good by what they had on.

So go out and don't worry about passing just be yourself and people will like you.

[LA CINDY LOVE]

Last night at the club I brought this subject up and what I got was that the same things I hear here are the same thing that they all said for not going out, and like one of the queens told me at one point every girl that goes out at one point was a closet cd and wile you are in the closet you work on horning you skills not to pass but to make you feel more comfortable to pass.

what I get a cd is in the closet 2-3 years before they want to unlock the front door, there are three 3 types of cds those who want to stay in the closet those who go out and whose who are in the middle, and those who are in the middle are closet cds who got bored with just dressing at home who know want to unlock the front door and see the world and take a walk on the wild side.

I see the that Chantelle and I are on the opposite side of the fence it seams like she wants to keep you in the closet and I want to free you, she give 10 reasons why she dose not go out Cindy can only give 1 reason why she goes out.........exciting.

A lot of closet cds use words like freedom, choice, fulfillment and say things like I have no desire to go out, the same things that those in the middle of the fence have said the same thing that those have said who have unlock the door and know go out.

What I see is that your freedom stop at the front door, your choice stop at the front door and your fulfillment also stop at the front door know I see why you have no desire to go out the door.

know for those girls who want to get out of the closet you will know when you are ready and when you reach that point you better get a attitude and a killer instinct befor you walk out that door and confidence in what you are about to do you and you only will be your worst enemy.

when I go out I go were I want and do what I want I look to push my limits I look for what most cds run from attention, one time I was standing in line at
7-11 and some brothers came in to the store and I got nervous I took a deep breath and told myself who I was I am Cindy so I push my chest out and lift my head and took a model pose.

When they hit the store they were checking me out and all eyes were on me and I look right back at them I gave a soft smile at them turn my head and keep my pose......they ask my name I told them Cindy they wanted to get my number I said i don't think so......I know I was looking good I was confidence and I had a killer instinct as they keep talking to talk to me,

As I check out I check out I turn and smile at them and said have a nice day as I walk out the door I put a little more attitude in my walk and I just love to show off my body and lower back tattoo so sexy.

I love my body I work out to keep my body tone and in shape and I look dam good at 49 and yes I am a grandfarther.

Yes I know that I am a conceded arrogant SOB and I dress like a tramp but I am Cindy and I am here to stay.

LA CINDY LOVE

[DanaJ]

what I get a cd is in the closet 2-3 years before they want to unlock the front door, there are three 3 types of cds those who want to stay in the closet those who go out and whose who are in the middle, and those who are in the middle are closet cds who got bored with just dressing at home who know want to unlock the front door and see the world and take a walk on the wild side.

I see the that Chantelle and I are on the opposite side of the fence it seams like she wants to keep you in the closet and I want to free you, she give 10 reasons why she dose not go out Cindy can only give 1 reason why she goes out.........exciting.

A lot of closet cds use words like freedom, choice, fulfillment and say things like I have no desire to go out, the same things that those in the middle of the fence have said the same thing that those have said who have unlock the door and know go out.

What I see is that your freedom stop at the front door, your choice stop at the front door and your fulfillment also stop at the front door know I see why you have no desire to go out the door.

LA CINDY LOVEI have been reading this thread, and giving you the benefit of the doubt Cindy - but I find your posts getting more and more arrogant sounding. It sounds to me that you are trying to say that you (and those that "go out", preferrably clubbing) are somehow "better" than those that don't?

You want to free me? Do you think you are some sort of Abraham Lincoln for CDs? You say you see why my desire stops at the front door, but do you really? Your post really has a condescending tone to it, so your "help" rings hollow.

Again, I am completely happy doing what I do, when I want to go out I will. I really don't need you to keep telling me how great you are because there is some sort of CD ranking system, with you being the best. I did not see where Chantelle was trying to keep anyone in the closet, she only explained why SHE did not go out.

I was hoping that after you read many of the good replies here you would have a better understanding of why many CDs are content to stay home dressed, but it seems that you only have your own agenda to shove at us....

[Sheri 4242]

Last night at the club I brought this subject up and what I got was that the same things I hear here are the same thing that they all said for not going out, and like one of the queens told me at one point every girl that goes out at one point was a closet cd and wile you are in the closet you work on horning you skills not to pass but to make you feel more comfortable to pass.

I see the that Chantelle and I are on the opposite side of the fence it seams like she wants to keep you in the closet and I want to free you, she give 10 reasons why she dose not go out Cindy can only give 1 reason why she goes out.........exciting.

A lot of closet cds use words like freedom, choice, fulfillment and say things like I have no desire to go out, the same things that those in the middle of the fence have said the same thing that those have said who have unlock the door and know go out.

What I see is that your freedom stop at the front door, your choice stop at the front door and your fulfillment also stop at the front door know I see why you have no desire to go out the door.

LA CINDY LOVE

Cindy,

You do look very good from what I can tell from your avatar -- and I am glad you have such a great time going out!!! That's your thing, so enjoy to the fullest!!!

I, too, have been out all dressed up and found it quite exciting -- from college days (where I went out all dressed up with a bunch of sorority girls on several occasions -- they found me a minidress, did my make-up etc), all the way to just a few weeks ago when I stood on Ls Vegas Blvd ("the" Vegas Strip) in a wedding gown with my wife at my side. So, I do understand!!!

BUT, you are, IMHO, attempting to impose your values, and your sense of what is fun and exciting, on others, while such should solely be each individual's choice!!! I, like you, know it isn't difficult to go out and about and have fun!!! It isn't difficult -- you just have to take that first step. BUT, it isn't for everybody!!! Some have SO's who don't want their CDer to go out, some don't do the club scene in any mode of dress, some don't drink/some do. Some like to stay home. Some have family situations that prevent them from going out. Some live in small towns where going out could cost them gainfull employment. Some live in places where going out could automatically make them the target of bigotry, if not outright violence.

If you want to live life going out all sexed up, then that is your right and I say, "enjoy" yourself!!! But, it is equally the right of others to find fulfillment where THEY want!!! Some do so by just underdressing!!! (Etc.) Some who could easily pass don't want to go out, pure and simple, while some who have trouble passing do want to go out -- and it can be vice-versa for all the above!!!

Like I said, from what I can tell, you look really good!!! (((I wish I looked half as good as you do!!!))) And, from what you say, you really like to go out -- and that's great!!! I hope you really have some great and memorable times!!! BUT, I do think you are wrong to make it the extreme mission you have made it to decide for others how they should enjoy their own brand of CDing!!! Some people would rather go see Cher or Rod Stewart in concert, while others would rather see Billy Joel and Elton John, and still others would rather see Faith Hill and Tim McGraw. It all boils down to individual preferences, desires, and aspirtions!!! Look at it this way: I have three piercings in one ear, two in the other, and my belly is pierced -- I really like my piercings. As conservative as I am, I have violets and greenery tattoed around my right ankle with Chinese symbols stating I find great peace and happiness in being a girl. NOW, some don't like this, some do. Regarding the earrings, some wear clip-ons b/c some can't chance having piercings for very valid reasons. It isn't a "one size fits all world," so what works for you isn't going to work for another, and what works for that person might not work for me!!! Thank goodness ice cream comes in 31-plus flavors so we can all choose what WE want!!!

Have Fun!!!
Sheri

Dana J -- your post must have come in while I was writing mine, but I agree with you 100&#37;!!!

[GypsyKaren]

Karen, you are putting words into my mouth, I believe, with the following statement of yours:

Hate to say it, but you really don't know what you're talking about, plus I think you're putting the "one size fits all" tag of TG on transsexuals. While crossdressers may be quite fine with their status quo, I can assure you that us TS'ers are not. Though you may find it all "ridiculous", it's a life or death thing with us, so please speak for yourself, not for us.

I in no way criticized transsexuals (nor anyone else); doing so would be hypocritical. I argue that the phrase "female trapped in a male body" is at heart ridiculous. It's not like, after surgery, a TS has a new body. One will still have the same face, the same fingers; one will still be overweight or underweight; the sore knee one had as a male will still be there when a female. One's body, after all, is much more than one's groin. Wishing to change or alter one's body is not the same is replacing a body.

If I visit a hospital for a nose job, I don't exit surgery with new body. Similarly, if I visit Trinidad for SRS, I don't drive away from the picturesque mountainside town in a new body.

Personally, I don't feel trapped. No, not at all. I just feel much more comfortable, more at peace with myself and with the world, when I assume a female identity.

Cindi Johnson

How am I putting words in your mouth? You just said it again...why do I waste my time with this BS? Look, obviously you're not TS and happy being a crossdresser, and that's fine with me and us other TS'ers, you'll never see one of us consider your feelings to be ridiculous. We don't "assume" another identity whenever the mood pleases us, we live our reality every minute of every day, and many of us do feel trapped, and to say that's ridiculous is an insult to all of us. It's bad enough we have to deal with that mindset from the outside world, but to see it here? There's no excuse for it...I'm done with this and with you.

Karen Starlene

[Tamera]

Why are we arguing about something that should be SUPPORTIVE.

I support all people. From the casual CD to the SRS and everything else in between.

Yes I like to go out, but thats MY style. I am not going to look DOWN on the ones that don't.

Reading some of these threads and studying GG's(as CD's do) sure have similar characteristics.

Love you all no matter what LEVEL of CD you are.
LOL
Tamera

[Sheri 4242]

Why are we arguing about something that should be SUPPORTIVE. I support all . . . (f)rom the casual CD to the SRS and everything else in between. Yes I like to go out, but thats MY style. I am not going to look DOWN on the ones that don't. Tamera

Tamera,

You've hit the nail squarely on the head, to quote an old adage. I agree with you 100% -- which is to say I support all!!! The problem, as I see it, is that Cindy seems to adamantly suggest that all CDers want to go out, and that those that don't are, shall we say, "of a lesser degree." IOW, Cindy has increased her rehtoric against those CDers who don't go out. She, in her last post (above), even indicates that maybe she is somewhat arrogant. I've been "out and about" many times, but I recognize and respect those who haven't for whatever reason. I know that some cannot b/c of home and/or family constraints, or locale (and possible safety issues), or concerns about their jobs and the size of their communities, or plainly personal desires. Read the post Cindy most recently made (about three above, followed by a post by me and one by DanaJ). Cindy is trying to tell us that if we don't go out we aren't in the same league as she is -- that she is somehow superior. I don't buy it!!! Regardless of how we express our CDing, as far as I am concerned we are "equal among equals." (Maybe my "31-flavor ice cream" analogy will break through to her - lol!!!)

Sheri

[Chantelle CD]

Why are we arguing about something that should be SUPPORTIVE.

I support all people. From the casual CD to the SRS and everything else in between.

Yes I like to go out, but thats MY style. I am not going to look DOWN on the ones that don't.

Reading some of these threads and studying GG's(as CD's do) sure have similar characteristics.

Love you all no matter what LEVEL of CD you are.
LOL
Tamera


I agree with you, except for one sentance in your reply....


Love you all no matter what LEVEL of CD you are.

Whats the low end of this level? trying on moms panties, and whats the last stage of this level? going out?

Cindy my dear, you are missing the point, those that dont want to go out dont for 1 simple reason, our gender is male and love it!!! dressing is only a way to express certin feelings, and te feel a certin way for a period of time, that doesnt involve others, I rather be a man and be around others, because that is what i am. Again, my HOME is no freakin CLOSET Uggg

[Chrysoprase]

A lot of closet cds use words like freedom, choice, fulfillment and say things like I have no desire to go out,


Generally this translates to they don't want to go out in an imperfect world or do anything to puncture the safety bubble protecting their current everyday life.

I have never met a CD that didn't want to be a happy open person. What happens is that the ideal conditions that they imagine would allow them to get out never really happen. Without those ideal conditions, whether they be passing*, complete anonymity, universal acceptance, they take the safety of not taking risks as a seemingly pleasant substitute to being whole.

*Passing for the fledgling heterosexual crossdresser is often equated with appearing exactly like an example of what is (or what was at the time thoughts first emerged) sexually attractive to the crossdresser. Not being able to recreate this narrow image leads many to the conclusion that "I cannot pass" when the truth is that they could easily pass if they were emulating the 1000's of women that they just don't happen to see on a daily basis.

[Chantelle CD]

Generally this translates to they don't want to go out in an imperfect world or do anything to puncture the safety bubble protecting their current everyday life.

I have never met a CD that didn't want to be a happy open person. What happens is that the ideal conditions that they imagine would allow them to get out never really happen. Without those ideal conditions, whether they be passing*, complete anonymity, universal acceptance, they take the safety of not taking risks as a seemingly pleasant substitute to being whole.

*Passing for the fledgling heterosexual crossdresser is often equated with appearing exactly like an example of what is (or what was at the time thoughts first emerged) sexually attractive to the crossdresser. Not being able to recreate this narrow image leads many to the conclusion that "I cannot pass" when the truth is that they could easily pass if they were emulating the 1000's of women that they just don't happen to see on a daily basis.

First off, the world is perfect, i choose to see it that way, if there is illusion, i choose not to see it, and let others be as they will, and not judge them, so it is perfect. My everyday life doesnt have a safety bubble around it!!! OMG Pffft i am more open being myself a MAN, how is that a safety bubble!!!

i am a happy open person, maybe more so for I'm not hiding behind a ton of make up. "IDEAL CONDITIONS" there are none!! passing, acceptance for dressings means nothing to me at all!!!! Universal acceptance comes to me naturally being a MAN!!

they take the safety of not taking risks as a seemingly pleasant substitute to being whole. this statement blows my mind completely at its silliness!!! and closed mindedness!! Bing whole obviously means something different to me, the dressing is a mask i put on, to express the opposite side of my gender, why would i want to portray something i am not!!! IT is a part of me emotionally not physically!!! and i allow this emotional part of myself to express itself naturally,as a MAN!! <shakes head>

The last paragraph tops it all!!! IT is TOTALLY not about IMAGE, its about FEELING and EMOTION, The dressing ONLY serves to strengthen this, the more i do this, the more i deepen my sense of masculinity as well, i get more pleasure for feeling and being myself a MAN but i now have a deeper sense of being, THAT YES IS EXPRESSED TOTALLY as a man.

[Tree GG]

Why are we arguing about something that should be SUPPORTIVE.
...

IMO (better spell that out), In my opinion, there's arguing because there are so many levels/contengencies of transgenderedness. It's the same reason there are not "normal" CD role models in the public eye (at least fewer than is representative of the CD population).

1) To go out all sexed up?
2) Is a CD just a TS in denial?
3) To go out at all?
4) To come out of the closet at all?
5) To want different social activities when dressed than in male mode?
6) What to do when I receive the sexual attention I've dressed for?
7) Why would a man/woman be upset if they found me attractive only to learn I was not the female I appeared to be?
8) Why does a biological man need to dress in stereotypical women's clothes to express feminine personality traits? Behave as a female w/o the clothes? (Heresy!)
9) Why does a CD want society to dismiss it's stereotypes for male appropriate dress so he can openly conform to the female stereotypes of dress? (I want to conform by not conforming?)

There are so many reasons/levels and desires/needs of TG persons in this community that when you split the 7-14% of human population affected, you get itty bitty sub-cultures & groups that weild no power or influence.

Who speaks for the women's movement - the ultra-macho rivetter or the bra-burning hippy? Who speaks for the homosexual populace - the lesbians, the gays or both?

Who should say how a CD is suppose to behave? Personally, I think as with most things, somewhere in the middle lies the truth, the balance and the power.

Quite frankly, it's a good day when Tree can figure out how a Tree GG is suppose to behave :D.

[Sharon]

Let's see if we can come to some sort of agreement here, so you can all stop bickering, calm down, and I can stop babysitting this thread.

How about..., drumroll here..., to each their own?

Going out is the right thing for some people to do, but not for others, for any number of reasons. How about we try to understand that not all of us have the same goals, the same needs, and the same desires? How about if we don't impose our own opinions onto others and behave as if everyone who disagrees with you is wrong?

Okay, I said my piece and this thread is now being put to sleep.