Need advice: Talking to a woman I am dating about cding

[Mistress Frillee]

We have been out on 4 dates. We had a little "chat" on our 4th date about where we are going... friends or dating...... so we are dating... she was wondering becuase I have been very casual. The 4th date was the 1st time I kissed her, and it was a quick peck at that. But thats how I am on the 1st few dates, very casual & I told her this.

SO she calls me up Monday night to chat. We started talking about womens fashion & I started up about the double standard. You know, women can wear anything & men are rstricted. I called society a hypocrite becuase if there was TRUE equality, it would not matter what people wore.

She asked ne flat out if I am a cross dresser. I was shocked & unprepared! :eek:

I said no. :(


Now she has seen me with my pedicred , panited toe nails. She can live with that. I have wore womens flared jeans on every date. She is from a small town....


Now I was going to call her tonight & just say that althought I do not do that wig, high heels, and makeup thing, I DO wear womens flared jeans, panties, womens sandals, tights in the winter...but these sandals are unisex looking

I plan to bring this up the next time I see her. I wanted to do this in person, not over the phone....

whatya think? She might be alittle uptight about this...... I will find out soon enough...

SO should I call her tomorrow or wait until I see her again? ... I am just curious as to what people will say...... but I know more or less what I am going to say & I KMNOW I am not going to hide anything from her or compromise becuase this is something I enjoy & its a part of who I am!

[Di]

I am glad you said this....................I am not going to hide anything from her or compromise because this is something I enjoy & its a part of who I am!

Whatever way you are more comfortable with talking.....on the phone or in person...........if on the phone I would call her tomorrow.............you could say her question threw you a bit...then say all the things you planned ( that althought I do not do that wig, high heels, and makeup thing, I DO wear womens flared jeans, panties, womens sandals, tights in the winter..) whatever is YOUR truth......especially since she flat out asked you.....she would feel betrayed big time if you let it ride and she finds out later..........just my :2c:

[Mistress Frillee]

I am glad you said this....................I am not going to hide anything from her or compromise because this is something I enjoy & its a part of who I am!

Whatever way you are more comfortable with talking.....on the phone or in person...........if on the phone I would call her tomorrow.............you could say her question threw you a bit...then say all the things you planned ( that althought I do not do that wig, high heels, and makeup thing, I DO wear womens flared jeans, panties, womens sandals, tights in the winter..) whatever is YOUR truth......especially since she flat out asked you.....she would feel betrayed big time if you let it ride and she finds out later..........just my :2c:


W@W! THank you! I enjoyed reading this. I like the " your question threw me for a loop" idea........ I think I am going to use that.....

Ok, well I just called her & she has someone over, so we could not talk... and her mom is coming into town to visit for the next few days. I am going to call her on Monday as we are suppose to go out for sinner Monday night.

Thats when I will talk to her about all of this.

[Holly]

Well, I think you threw a bit of an obstacle in your path when you denied it. If she has seen your polished toes and your flared jeans, she already probably has a pretty good idea. Be nothing short of totally honest with her from here on. Good luck.

[Mistress Frillee]

Well, I think you threw a bit of an obstacle in your path when you denied it. If she has seen your polished toes and your flared jeans, she already probably has a pretty good idea. Be nothing short of totally honest with her from here on. Good luck.



She did see my flared jeans but I doubt she caught on that they were womens..... and I denied it becuase of the way she asked me, which I am going to mention to her..... its like its some sort of freaky acitivity is the vibe I was getting....

anyways, I sort of felt that she is somewhat uptight, maybe too conservative... I told her I like to visit the edge every now & then, I also said I am alittle quirky & like a quirky girl.....

so if we split becuase of this, I say good riddence!!!!!

[Holly]

...so if we split becuase of this, I say good riddence!!!!!I can tell you with great certainty that she is not the one for you:(.

[Mistress Frillee]

I can tell you with great certainty that she is not the one for you:(.


I am getting this feeling too... thats why I never kissed her on the 1st 3 dates... I gave her a peck on the lips on the 4th date..... but I got a vibe from her that she is somewhat restrained or uptight....

[Angie G]

So tell her and see what go's :hugs:
Angie

[Sheri 4242]

Well, you've got to approach this in the manner in which you are most comfortable.

That said, I personally like the face-to-face approach. You can get a much more accurate read talking to somebody in person. On the phone, you never know if you are taking certain tonal inflections as they are meant to be. It is sort of like sales: it is easier for a prospective customer to say "no" over the phone than in person.

I REALLY like the idea of sitting her down, face-to-face, and telling her that her question caught you off guard, but that if your relationship is to continue to grow, you've got to tell/explain something to her. Then go for it!!! Give her time to respond once you've said what you've got to say. Watch her body "tells" as well as her face, tone, and inflections -- see if her body language matches what she says in response!!!

Good luck and keep us posted!!!

[Brianna Lovely]

She asked ne flat out if I am a cross dresser. I was shocked & unprepared!

I said no.

My first reaction. was to yell, YOU LIED!

Of all the things you could have said, I think this was the worst choice. Of course, I do realize that this is just in the dating stage, but being asked a direct question, I would have told her the truth.

[Sandra]

I think you have caused your first problem by lying when she first asked you, you should have been straight with her then, now you have to undo that when you talk to her she is bound to ask why you lied. As for telling her now for me the face to face approach is better, when you talk on the phone you can't see the body language or expressions which would give you a good idea of how she feels.

[battybattybats]

Denial is a common but bad reflexive action that we normally pick up as small children.

If you want to risk trying again..
I'd suugest you tell her you weren't emotionally ready for the question when she asked and that, taken aback, you denied it. That it was wrong to do so, that you since regretted doing so and that you are very sorry.

If you want to continue with dating I think you should come clean eventually, when you are sure you can definatly trust her and before any strong comittment.

If you tell her and you are thoroughly closeted you are placing a lot of trust in her, in her capacity to respect your privacy if things don't work out. If things become serious you likely owe it to yourself and to her to tell her.. so if you aren't sure you can trust her, don't let things get serious.

[Mistress Frillee]

I cant wait for Monday!..... And I agree, I want to do this face to face...... but I think some are missing the point... The right woman for me is the one that will say my "unique" fashion sesne is a DEAL MAKER!

I do not want to be with someone that will tolerate it, I want someone that will encourage it & help me celebrate it!

I am not really all that worried about her reaction becuase if I have to worry about that then its obvious, she is not for me!!!!!

[bobi jean]

Frillee

1st. You will have a rougher time with your "NO" answer because it was a flat out lie.. caught off guard or not, in any womans(and most mens) eyes, you lied.
2nd. she already had an impression you crossdress, or she would not have out-right asked if you are a crossdresser
3rd. you are already talking to us about it. (moving on)
Actually hoping I am wrong.
GOOD LUCK

[tracigirl_tv]

I've been on both sides of this fence.....hid it from my wife for years, and in hindsight I recognize that as a major mistake. New relationship, I vowed to be upfront from the beginning, a lesson learned.

As for your initial "NO" response, just call it what it was: a panicked, knee-jerk response due to the fact that CDing is still so unacceptable to most of society, and you feared scaring her away. If she accepts the fact of your dressing (admittedly a big "if") I think she should accept (if not endorse) that first answer.

Wishing you well, girlfriend. *hugggg*

[Katie Moore]

I'd be upfront and honest with her asap. I mean hey, she's still seeing you and talking to you. She's interested. If she thinks it's too weird then she'll tell you and then you move on. Just my two cents.

[Josephine 1941]

Ok now you have had your first lession in dating as a CD. So go to her an make sure you have your best foot forward, I think you don't need this girl if you had to lie to her. You got bad vibes so move on , there are many and I mean many women out there that want there man to have a female side . I have dated at least six women that I told up front and they loved it. My present girl friend love me more as a female than male. We also are the same size in cloths an shoes. She came home from shoping yesterday an show me a skirt an shoes she bought for us . Boy life is great,if u are up front you will find a lot of great women out there they love having a girl friend an boy friend all rolled into one.


Josephine

[Chantelle CD]

Maybe part of the reason for her apprehension, is the fact that she asked you things because she sensed them about you, and you denied them, so she is feeling apprehensive. Witch is totally understandable. I would tell her when you see her on Monday or whenever, and simply say that your suspicions were right, and i wasn't ready to handle the questions at the time, and they threw you off guard, that you are sorry for lieing about it, it was a automatic reaction, all you want to do is be totally honest with her. And go from there, i think that if she is intuitive enough to see these things about you, maybe obvious, i dont know, but she may be understanding person, given totally honesty, and truth comes back to her. If its not meant to be, ohh well, least you were honest :) right?

[Stephenie S]

"She asked me flat out if I am a cross dresser. I was shocked & unprepared!"

"I said no."

Well, hon, you blew this one, didn't you? And you were prepared. You were already thinking about telling her.

So now you have lied right to her face. This is a very hard thing to get past, this lying bit. I guess if I were you and wanted to take this relationship any further, I would come right out, without waiting, first thing, and tell her you lied and that it's just eating you up. Tell her EVERYTHING, and then NEVER LIE AGAIN. You have given her a reason to mistrust everything you ever tell in the future. This sort of thing is important to women (ahh, do ya think?), and you might have blown the whole relationship right there.

What an opening she gave you!

Too bad.

But if you just want a casual friend and nothing long term, just keep silent.

Good luck, dear. Now you know you had better tell the truth in the future.

Stephenie

[Princess Peach]

Unlike most here I dont think your chances are completely blown. And hun she knew the flared pants were womens.. we know these things since thats what we wear :heehee: and we usually dont come up with questions like "do you crossdress" without something provoking the question. Eventhough you said no I can almost say with complete certainty she knows you were lying. And if she's still talking to you thats a good thing..Although I warn dont go in with the attitude "i dont care either way" you have to know somewhere already, whether she knows about your dressing or not, that the relationship may be something you want to continue. you mentioned in one of your posts that you got an akward vibe from her from the get go and thats why you didnt kiss her. So my gut is tellin me that you don't really care if this plays out or not. If youre not concerned about her not being by your side then I just wouldnt say a thing and move on.

:doll: Peach

[Kitty Sue]

I think your initial white lie may not go down very well with her. Still you can also tell her you were scared at the time and were surprised when she asked you. Hopefully she will just tell you off and give you another chance. Perhaps a nice dinner would be a good time to tell her.

[Sheila]

if you already feel that this relationship is not going to last why take the risk of being outed .... and this from a GG:eek:

[renee99]

I don't think you're doomed. After all, like you said you don't do the wig and makeup thing. So tell her that's what you thought she meant by crossdresser. But then her question got you thinking about it some more and realized that maybe she was referring to your painted toes or choice of clothing items. Even though you are not using them to present a female image, they are things that society has labeled as female-only. So tell her you changed your mind and you consider yourself a bit of a crossdresser -- but not a wig and makeup crossdresser.

And hey, she can take it or leave it. I think if she was going to tell anyone, she already knows enough about you to spill the beans...

[Mistress Frillee]

No, you see, after I said No she said she was uncomfortable about that... so she WAS NOT giving me an opening........ I got a sense from her the very 1st time that she weas this way.... so I am going to tell her the next time I see her, 1st thing...

Thinking about it, i am NOT worried because I want a woman that is going to accept & encourage me. I have read enough posts on forums about the fantastic lives 2 people have when this is shared.

I cant wait to tell her. I am going to say that I wanted to talk to he rin person & not hide behind the phone. I am going to say that I enjoy this, its a part of who I am. If this is meant to be, then no worries.

I am not upset if this thing ends. It just means I am that much closer to being with the accpeting woman I want. :happy:

[renee99]

Wait, she was uncomfortable with your response that no, you weren't a crossdresser? Or she told you that she asked the question because she is uncomfortable with crossdressing and wanted to make sure you weren't one? In which case she should have been elated by your response.

[Mistress Frillee]

She is uncomfortable with cross dressing. I also got this vibe from her.

I started a thread on this online dating forum called " 21st Century Women & The Metrosexual Guy: How much is too much? "

I have gotten negative ( from dudes & women) respones saying that I am gay & all that. Thats fine. But I am surprised by all the women that are really into a metro guy.

Some even figured out that I like womens clothes just from the nail polish thing. Here is an example of what some women are saying. It makes me feel very confident about who I am. Now I know exactly what type of women I want! SO I was right all along to be very open & upfront about all of this to any woman I am dating.

~ I swear I just wrote an email about a man I dated who was totally metro. If you know of one in my vacinity ~ send him to me, please. I love that. My former was as masculine as they come, but he was so great about spa-days with me, he always looked amazing and he smelled so great all the time it was nearly sinful. You got it right ~ if a woman can't deal with it ~ she's not the one for you. Personally, I'd love to have a metro man in my life ~ just as long as he lets me pick the nail color. You be who you are ~ there are those of us who can find value in the not-so-normal type guy. ~

[Summer314]

[QUOTE=Mistress Frillee;918589]I cant wait for Monday!..... And I agree, I want to do this face to face...... but I think some are missing the point... The right woman for me is the one that will say my "unique" fashion sesne is a DEAL MAKER!

I do not want to be with someone that will tolerate it, I want someone that will encourage it & help me celebrate it!

That's it. If I want tolerance I'll see my minister. Oh, to find a woman who will celebrate and embrace this part of me like I do.

[ChrissyNWUK]

Hi Mistres, I am back on here after a long time away and just adding a few comments to a few posts.
I spent 4 years in a really crappy relationship that didn't end because I lied to her about my dressing, it ended because we just didn't love each other.. however.. I lied.. all the way through it.. I purged.. I hid my clothes.. it was aweful. I then spent 4 years never wanting to commit to a woman again, (long story...) .. then I met Odette.
I was 31, she was 21.. I had no job blah blah.. and so I thought.. tell her.. tell her as soon as you can about what you do.. cause then she will tell me where to get off and I can move on. We were married seven weeks to the day after I told her, this November will be our 11th aniv.
I'm not saying it works for everyone, but I know that what I did was the right thing, and so I do encourage you to tell her. No need to grovel, apologize for lieing, and if she can't accept it, move on.
I wish you the best, hope it works out for ya.
xxx

[Sheila]

Like I said before .............




I can tell you with great certainty that she is not the one for you :(.
I am getting this feeling too... thats why I never kissed her on the 1st 3 dates... I gave her a peck on the lips on the 4th date..... but I got a vibe from her that she is somewhat restrained or uptight....



if you believe that this relationship is going nowhere (your thoughts) ... why would you want to tell her

[Victoria Anne]

Frillee I think first you need to address the "lie" secondly there is nothing I can tell you or suggest that has not already been said. I will however tell you that I told my now wife of 10 years prior to our first date! honesty is evrything,she may just suprise you. Don't kid yourself she does know you crossdress, women notice things we males don't,just be honest about your feelings and what you are looking for in a relationship. All the best.

Viccy

[Country girl]

Honesty is always the best policy. There is no excuse for lying. And as for "little white lies" as one of the gurls refered to your lie, there is no such thing. A lie is a lie. I commend you for wanting to set the record straight on this one. And who knows, you may just get the surprise of your life. She might just be ok with it. She might embrace it and have fun with it and enjoy it with you. Good luck with this. :hugs: CG GG

[Mistress Frillee]

She said she was uncomfortable with my nail poish.... which is what I thought.. anyways..... we parted ways



THANK GOD!

OL

[psion128]

Do let her know. And my 2cents is to do it in person. I would recommend you letting her know on a visit to her place. I personally do not like negative attention drawn at me. Is she a "loud" personality type? You've seen them in public before, they love drama so they make a big scene in public. I just want it to go smooth for you. That is all. :)