What's In A Femme Name??? Is It Important???

[Sheri 4242]

Some of you may have noticed that I recently asked for my femme name to be changed (from Barbara 4242 to Sheri 4242). Since I've been posting on here I have seen two others "change" their names. Above and beyond "why," this action begs the question, is it really that important???

To me it is!!! I have long felt like my name was Sherilyn Ann (nickname: Sheri) -- and I mean this goes back to when I was very young. I don't know where the name came from b/c I know of nobody that went by this name from my youth. I "do" know it feels right -- very, very right!!!!!!! I have felt bad using Barbara -- truly bad b/c it just isn't me!!! ((( When my wife and I started talking about doing a wedding ceremony in Las Vegas with me being the bride, we shared a few PM's with Louise and Carin about where and when. I felt so bad about not using what I consider to be my true name, that I told Louise and Carin -- and I told them if they called the same wedding chapel that my name was under Sheri. )))

BUT, is it that imortant??? I guess everybody here will have their own opinion, and that is fine!!!

As far as I am concerned, though, it is as vital to my identity as my given "male" name!!!!!!! It is also as important as the feminine clothes!!! Maybe moreso!!!

A few of you have said you have had a problem coming up with a femme name. And, some of you, as I recall, don't think you even want or need a femme name. That's fine -- to each their own.

To me, it IS a very important part of who and what I am!!! Just as the feminine clothing is an outward and visible expression of my feminine side, the name is just as important b/c it gives this side of my being an identity -- one that I think "fits" and is appropriate!!!

Does anyone else feel this way??? What opinions do the rest of you have on this subjcet???

((( By the way, I signed on as "Barbara" b/c when my wife and I found this site we weren't certain if it was related to another site -- one where my wife in particular, was berated for being an accepting wife -- in fact, any GG on that other forum that was accepting and supportive was, for the most part blasted, put down, berated, and otherwise condemned!!! So, we enetered this site with some due caution. End of story. )))

[Marla S]

I have choosen female name predominately because of the "peer pressure".
When I registered here I have been a bit shy and thought I better have a feminine name, because everybody has one.

Actually I don't care much about it and see it more as a person identifier than a gender identifier.
Today I probably would choose a gender neutral name, having only one self anyway.

In real life I have a very masculine name, which feels indeed a bit strange sometimes. Here a more neutral name probably would be better ... but actually I don't care as long as I know that people address me.

[Kate Simmons]

Whenever I change my name, it more closely reflects who I am at the time. This is my fourth change in my lifetime to match my ongoing evolution as a person.:happy:

[Sheri 4242]

Today I probably would choose a gender neutral name, having only one self anyway.

Interesting thoughts, Marla. I have never really considered things this way, but actually my "male nickname" could well be considered gender neutral. H'mmmm - I truly never thought about that!

ALSO, Sal said: "This is my fourth change in my lifetime to match my ongoing evolution as a person." (Sorry Sal, this came in while I was writing back to Marla.) I have never thought about someone changing names as they evolve. I wonder how many others have done the same? Is it to more acurately identify with your evolving state and identity, or is there another reason? Wish I had thought to include a question regarding this on the poll! Thanks for the thought-provoking comments!

[Wendy me]

Sheri i could not think of a name that i am more happy and comfy with than Wendy..... and a name change .... i don't think so.......

[Karren H]

Mine has always been Karren ..... Its the name in the back of my head for as long as I can remember....

Karren

[Sheri 4242]

i could not think of a name that i am more happy and comfy with than Wendy..... and a name change .... i don't think so.......

Wendy,

That is exactly how I feel about "Sheri." It makes me so very happy -- and, as you say "comfy" -- to be known as Sheri!! It is an incredible high when someone actualy calls me "Sheri," especially regularly.

Sheri

[Pretty Sissy Dani]

I first chose my femme name when I began shopping at the old Lee's Mardi Gras Boutique in NYC. I wanted to be able to give some name, but not something too close to my real one. "Dani" is a feminization of my middle name.

The "Pretty Sissy" part started when I wrote my first forced femme story and it has stayed with me ever since. It's part of me now, how I recognize myself and how others recognize me.

[Cai]

I think names are very important. When you find one that fits, it fits (as you know).
I spent a lot of time and energy trying to decide if I was going to change my name on another forum that I frequent. It's a mental health board, so they know everything about me, which leads to some very close-knit relationships. I had a whole identity built up around the obviously feminine name I used on that board, and I was afraid of losing some of the closeness with a new name. But being Cai just felt so right that I didn't want to be anyone else.
The end of the story is that I changed my name, and I think it made my relationships with those people even better.

So, Sheri, I'm glad you can be yourself with your true name here.

[Sheri 4242]

I wanted to be able to give some name, but not something too close to my real one. "Dani" is a feminization of my middle name. The "Pretty Sissy" part started when I wrote my first forced femme story and it has stayed with me ever since. It's part of me now, how I recognize myself and how others recognize me.

I love it, Dani -- it has meaning to you that is special, and I certainly understand how it becomes a part of you!!! You've touched on another "possible" important source when you say you, "wrote (your) first forced femme story." Was this for a Dominatrix? (I don't want to assume anything, but this is how it sounds -- and it is significant, I think, that the role of many a Pro Domme is crucial in 'forcing' some/many to be what they really are!!! Pro Domme's aren't always about pain -- many times they are about exchanging power and making one become who they are on the inside!!!)


I think names are very important. When you find one that fits, it fits (as you know). I spent a lot of time and energy trying to decide if I was going to change my name on another forum that I frequent. It's a mental health board, so they know everything about me, which leads to some very close-knit relationships. I had a whole identity built up around the obviously feminine name I used on that board, and I was afraid of losing some of the closeness with a new name. But being Cai just felt so right that I didn't want to be anyone else.

"Cai" suits you. What is important is that it felt right -- so right that you didn't want to be anyone else!!!

H'mmm --- I wonder how many of us were named by our SO's? Or by another person, like a Doninatrix? Or b/c of someone we knew? I wish I had added questions to that end on my poll!!!

[Frankie-Dear]

I like mine, since it's gender-neutral. Plus, "Frankie," for a woman, sounds like a gun moll from the Roaring 20's, which is an era that I love and gravitate towards. (Must be a past-life thing....) :heehee:

[Carroll]

For me, the name I use is a precious gift. My wife gave it to me

[Sheri 4242]

Plus, "Frankie," for a woman, sounds like a gun moll from the Roaring 20's, which is an era that I love and gravitate towards. (Must be a past-life thing....)

I know what you mean -- I feel like I should have lived during WW II -- het, maybe I should have been "Rosie" and gotten a job "riveting." :rofl:

(H'mmmm -- did you stay at the same Holiday Inn Express that Karren stayed at???)


For me, the name I use is a precious gift. My wife gave it to me

That is just so'ooooo sweet!!!!!!! I can't imagine a more accepting thing since there is so much to having a femme name!!!!!!! What a gift -- precious, indeed!!!!!!!

[Frankie-Dear]

I know what you mean -- I feel like I should have lived during WW II -- het, maybe I should have been "Rosie" and gotten a job "riveting." :rofl:

(H'mmmm -- did you stay at the same Holiday Inn Express that Karren stayed at???)

:lol:

I honestly do believe in past lives. And I'll bet you were never more sexy, back then, than when you had your sleeves rolled up and a rivet gun in your hand! :thumbsup::love:

[Jannis]

I selected my name on the spur of the moment. I was attending a Renaissance meeting for the very first time and was asked for my name at sign in. I had been admiring a series of photos online by a CD named Jannis in Texas. I wanted to be her so I guess that name was the first one that popped into my head. I have since come to love the name and would not change it for the world. It is who I wish to be.

[Kate Simmons]

Well, years ago, I was Heather, which seemed to suit me at the time and I felt somewhat submissive and feminine. When I officially came "out", I became Victoria as I had named myself after a famous Disco singer plus my middle name was Susan and my last name Richards after Susan Richards(The Invisible Woman) of the Fantastic Four. I was kind of "invisible" yet also kind of empowered since I came out and was still learning who I was. I later changed my name to Ericka, which seemed to reflect more of my attitude, I was one of a kind and knew it. After I integrated all my feelings, I felt another name change was appropriate. I chose Salandra for personal reasons and this is a generic blanket name (title really) that encompasses both my Ericka and Richard feelings under one umbrella. That is my reasoning and my names always have a special significance to me.:happy:

[Emily Ann Brown]

Emily Ann Brown is so far away from my given name, but from the moment I first typed it to get an email account I knew it was who I was. And when my close friends call me Em it thrills my soul.....it's exactly who I am.

My problem is when asked for my name I have to be careful because Em is a F2M dresser and I have to remember to stay in character and use the guy one.


Emily Ann

[Melissa_Z]

Sheri,

Great thread/topic!



As far as I am concerned, though, it is as vital to my identity as my given "male" name!!!!!!! It is also as important as the feminine clothes!!! Maybe moreso!!!

A few of you have said you have had a problem coming up with a femme name. And, some of you, as I recall, don't think you even want or need a femme name. That's fine -- to each their own.

<snip>

Does anyone else feel this way??? What opinions do the rest of you have on this subjcet???



It is important to me to be sure. I agree with your take on this 100%. Actually, I have been back and forth on changing my name for quite some time for several reasons:

- My Wife does not like my name (She is not rude or anything ... She is just not a fan of the name .... she has offered no alternatives yet though :p)
- I feel kind of like I picked my name in haste
- Something you've said here clicked with me .... I've always "liked" my name enough, but it also has not ever ...felt... like a perfect fit. Ya Know? Sort of like what you said above about always feeling like Sheri.

Maybe I'm being kind of silly and narcissistic? I mean -- ya don't get to pick the name your parents give you. Moreover, there are several guy names that I prefer over my own that I don't necessarily IDENTIFY any more with. Hmm.

So ... in summary: While I totally agree that having a femme name is tres important to my trans self, I am stuck rationalizing if I should change my name or just continue to "grow" into it like I did with my homme name. I don't burn tooo many cycles on this matter, but it tickles my brain from time to time.

What a manifesto eh?

Melissa :)

[JoAnnDallas]

I have only changed my name once. I started out on this forum as "JoAnnPlano", which reflected where I lived at the time, Plano, TX. Now we live in East Dallas, so I asked for my name to be changed to "JoAnnDallas". I do have to be careful, I have had some think my name is "Joan" and think my avatar name means "Joan in Dallas". LOL

[marie354]

Originally I was Samantha Marie. It was close enough to my name and I could still be referred to Sam or Sammie. But it never really felt like it was right for me.
About 6-7 years ago, I came up with Sandra Marie, which I feel suits me better.
Sooo, I've only changed it once and I'm sticking with it.

I do think that a name is important, so as to reflect who you are inside.
:hugs:

[Kelsie]

My femme name comes from the protagnist in a series of books (mystery novels) that I was reading around the time that I needed to have femme name (don't recall why but I think that it something to do with joining a chat group).

My biggest thrill came last year when I organized an evening dressed up as a bride. I rented a hotel suite, decorated it with candles and flowers, and bought a gorgous gown, new corset, and silicone breasts. I arranged for a make up artist to do my face. Before we started, she asked what I preferred to be called. I said "Kelsie, please". Thereafter, she called me by name. It was the first time I had ever heard anyone call me by that I name. I was thrilled and terribly excited to be addressed as Kelsie.

When she was done, we shared a glass of wine while we smoked and chatted. She treated me like a woman and continued to refer to me as Kelsie. It was, in some ways, the highlight of the evening.

Hugs,
Kelsie

[Chantelle CD]

Chantelle is just a name, it has no meaning to me at all, honestly i havent really had a need to call myself a name for what i do, i just do it. My SO does call me Sally for some reason, i call myself that more, because that is what she calls me all the time.

[Hermione Simpson]

i think choosing a femme name what suits you is important, as i've been using hermione for 10 years (since the 1st HP book came out), before that i called myself claire, and i'm glad that i'm called hermione as it suits my femme personality perfectly

[chucks]

i have no femme name. i don't like names much and i very rarely call people by name. i like to see everyone nameless because then they are just another face, no matter who it is. i can treat everyone the same and they are all my family.

i don't want to think of myself as a someone. with some name. nameless is much better :)

[LeeAnn_cd]

I choose my name because of a girl that I was very much in love with in high school and into college. Her name was LeeAnn I knew her from grade school all the way into college I finally got the nerve up to ask her out come to find out if I did not ask her she was going to ask me. We dated from 8th grade all the way into our junior year of college. During our spring break she went on vacation and never came back. I was very heart broken. I finally seen and heard from her 6 years after I finished college I was visting my parents and she was home she lived 2 houses away from me growing up. She told me that she needed some space and freedom and stayed with her aunt in Chicago and finished school there. So I guess its my way of holding onto the past a part of me that I don't want to let go of.:happy:

[Jannette H]

Ladies,
I believe that the name has to be in your heart and you want to use it. When en femme Jannette is me and I'll answer to that name and the personality to go with it. It's the extension identity.

[Mitch23]

My femme name is very important. I originally chose Michelle and a dear GG friend shortened it to Mitch. It feels right, its 'me' and its gender neutral and a little bit enigmatic

Mitch

[JulieC]

I am me, all of me. I don't need two names to label myself. I'm opposed to the concept almost on the grounds of it being schizophrenic-like. I don't have a split personality. I am me. That means I have male characteristics and female characteristics...like essentially all people do, whether they acknowledge it or not.

It might be nice to have a more gender inspecific name than the one I have, but other than that...my name is me.

[LeeAnn_cd]

I am me, all of me. I don't need two names to label myself. I'm opposed to the concept almost on the grounds of it being schizophrenic-like. I don't have a split personality. I am me. That means I have male characteristics and female characteristics...like essentially all people do, whether they acknowledge it or not.

It might be nice to have a more gender inspecific name than the one I have, but other than that...my name is me.

I feel that you are doing all this work to try to look like a lady why not take that extra step and have a female name to round out the whole female experience. No one is saying you are schizophrenic. I am also wiccan I do have another name besides my male name, my female name, I also have a wiccan name.

[Cheyenne Skye]

The name I use to post on here is not something I actually use in the real world. I only use my male name. However there is some significance to the name. It is what I would have liked to have named a daughter if I ever had one. (I can't have kids anymore since my wife had a hysterectomy for health reasons.)

[SweetCaroline]

I am Caroline, only because thats the name I chose when I was 19 years old.

Caroline was the main character/ comic book, I wrote back then. Caroline was ME.

I just didn't like the whole, feminize your male name approach. I never liked "Petra" and while I liked "Petronella", my brother informed me it was gross and putrid 'cause sounded too close too "Citronella".

Petula, maybe, cause I like flowers, but I decided on Caroline, 'cause that's the name I like.

So there.:tongueout

[Sandy1967]

I recently changed my fem name due to my wife asking me to think of a new one. I have been using it since I was with my first wife. I thought about it for a while and came up with Allison. I now use it all the time and I really like the name. So the fem name has become part of who I am.

Love,
Allison

[Mary Morgan]

Over the years I have changed my name a few times, not because I wanted to, but because circumstances made it appropriate. While I always picked names that I liked, I also tried not to pick a name that already belonged to someone in the famiily. A few years ago, I told my wife I wanted to choose a new name and out of exasperation, she said "sheez Louise". Well I became Louise on the spot. I chose a middle name that I thought went well with it and so I was Louise Rene. Last year my mother died and as a tribute to her and a symbol of our connection, I decided to take her name, and so I am now Mary Louise. I will not change it again. Yes, my name is important to me.

[BarbaraTalbot]

on the other hand, I was not ready to acknowledge her either. When I got some help from an online GGirl about feeling OK with feelings intrigued at the idea that I could be attractive as Girl. I needed something to call myself. I was casting about looking for something to start with B as my male side is Barry. I thought about a girl I had a crush on in 4th grade. It was the earliest that I remember having a crush on a girl without feeling silly about it. Interesting in addition to feeling effeminate because of stature and build, and comments from people on stance, stride, gestures and the like, My name cause me as much grief as any oter thing. I HATE that during my formative years Barry Manilow was popular. As far as most people were concerned I might as well been named Elton. It still irks me that to me the name seems Fem despite me actually being named for the ultra-conservative Barry Goldwater. I am rethinking that now. I used to hate when people would write my name Barrie. Maybe I might use that eventually.

For now having a name gives Barbara a Voice. It is so wonderful to hear my SO say that name softly. SO most likely I'll stay with Barbara.

[MeraLehanga]

A BIG YES! It is as important to me as a reverse gear is for the car!

[Sheri 4242]

Wow!!! I never imagined the variety of answers this would generate!!! Reading what everybody has had to say has been very interesting!!! The results of the poll have, thus far, likewise been quite revealing!!! I hope more will answer the poll and post their comments on the topic b/c I truly find this very revealing!!! It is like with some of us, our femme name goes to the deepest part of our femme personna -- yet, with others it is unimportant and a non-issue.


I'm opposed to the concept almost on the grounds of it being schizophrenic-like. I don't have a split personality. I am me. That means I have male characteristics and female characteristics ... like essentially all people do, whether they acknowledge it or not.

I don't think schizophrenia is appropriate b/c it is defined as a mental dissociative disease where one deteriorates in character and personality. Perhaps it is much cleaner and accurate to say crossdressers have a dichotomous psyche -- one divided into two (the two being divisions of the one) . . . therefore, I am convinced that having a name that truly fits your "second self" if you will, can be a very special thing!!! To me, "Sheri" IS a very important part of who and what I am!!! Just as the feminine clothing is an outward and visible expression of my feminine side, the name is just as important b/c it gives this side of my being an identity -- one that I think "fits" and is appropriate!!!


When I got some help from an online GGirl about feeling OK with feelings intrigued at the idea that I could be attractive as Girl. I needed something to call myself . . . (f)or now having a name gives Barbara a Voice. It is so wonderful to hear my SO say that name softly. SO most likely I'll stay with Barbara.

It seems to fit you well -- and if you feel that way when you hear your SO say it, that is a pretty strong confirmation. (By the way, I've got to ask: how old are you in your avatar photo? Was that your natural hair? The style "dates" it as having been a while back, but if that is how you looked as a mid-teen (or older), you made a very attractive girl!!!)



I believe that the name has to be in your heart and you want to use it. When en femme Jannette is me and I'll answer to that name and the personality to go with it. It's the extension identity.

I agree!!! If it is in your heart it IS an extension of you!!! That is what the name "Sheri" is to me!!!


My femme name is very important. I originally chose Michelle and a dear GG friend shortened it to Mitch. It feels right, its 'me' and its gender neutral and a little bit enigmatic. Mitch

Maybe we're both a bit "enigmatic," Mitch - lol!!! :rofl:

I am fond of the name "Michelle," but you have to do what feels right -- what IS you!!!


A BIG YES! It is as important to me as a reverse gear is for the car!

Good analogy!!! Though, sometimes I think I am stuck in reverse!!! :rofl:

*sigh* Funny but true!!!

[sweet_tina]

Funny, I have always thought of my self as Tina. I have even given myself a new surname to go with it. Strangely it took no thinking about. The name was just there as though it had always been there and I feel comfortable with it and very happy to be called by a female name. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Tina

[Kathleen Ann Trees]

I had a friend in high school named Kathleen. We went to homecoming once, but never "dated" in that way. We were friends and classmates. I've always liked names with the "K" sound... Kelli, Carol, Casey, etc.

I chose Kathleen not because of my friend, but because I liked the name. It has a feminine formality to it that I like. But there are also some nice variations that come from it. Kathy, Kate. I look forward to the day when someone is so comfortable with me as Kathleen, that they use an abbreviated version. (Kind of like, "Hey, Kev" when talking to Kevin.) The stories above where you gals have been called by your femme name sound so endearing.

Ann is just a good follow up middle name. It also allows for a cool KAT when using just initials. (Although it's KTA if monogrammed.)

Trees is just a cool last name. It has a nice nature feel. Like me a tree continues to grow, has deep roots, and will change it's colors through the seasons. An annual renewal is part of the life, and I like that thought as well.

So there you have it. Kathleen Ann Trees

Final thought, I still don't have what I'd call an emotional attachment to the name. It still seems put on. Like a nice skirt.

KAT

[Angie G]

Sheri yes I do feel that way I knew an Angie An older woman who I thought was sexy but a lady :hugs:
Angie

[Sheri 4242]

My wife was lookng at the replies to this thread that I started (and the results of the poll) and she said I should have made it clear that I wanted GG/SO input. I agree! So, what do you wives and/or gf's think? Does your CDing husband (or bf as the case may be) have a femme name? If so, do you ever use it in conversation? Do you think the femme name is important to the identity of your CDer? (Or, in the alternative, do you think it is silly and/or unnecessary?) Did you help pick the femme name? Or, if there is no femme name, would you encourage picking one? Does your husband's (or bf's) femme personality gve you any ideas as to what an appropriate femme name would be???

I -- well we -- would like to know your input and thoughts. Sometimes I think that a CDer having a femme name is a foreign concept to GG's/SO's. At other times, I can see where it might be something that would help conceptually. What do you think?

[Sandra]

Ok since you asked ;)

Nigella wanted a fem name when she joined another cd forum so we sat and talked about it and agreed just to lengthen her male name seemed the right thing to do. She has had it change by deed poll and is officially Nigella. I use her name 99&#37; of the time, one thing you got to remember is that after nearly 20 years of marriage it is hard not to say the male name but it is not done intentionally.

[Lovely Rita]

Rita is who I am and it was the name I felt more comfortable with. My SO and I actually threw a few around and Rita stuck.

I never had a say in the name they gave me when I was born and so I really enjoyed participating in my female name.

I really believe I am Rita it just feels so right:love:

[tracie674]

I've used several femme names in the past. Some more femme than others. Teddie, Lola (think Kinks), among others. I came up with Tracie when I was working in the Northern California town of Tracy. I was shoping in the local mall while under dressed. In the Lane Bryant store I asked to try on some dresses. The sales women were very friendly and let me try on several outfits. They kept bring me more. I was in heaven as this was one of the first times I tryed on womens clothes in a store. I femminized the spelling to Tracie and have used Tracie for many years now. Sounds more femminine than Lane or Bryant.

[Charlotte1]

Well, seeing as i'm new here i thought i'd add my two penneth worth!

When I started dressing, a lot of my 'role' models were girls at school (if only they new:heehee:) so i have used 'similar' names. My ex GF called me Karen, which i liked and stuck with for many years, however my new GF 'named me' (if that's the right phrase) Charlotte. I like this name for a few reasons; there were a couple of very beautiful girls at school with this name, i think it;s a bit of a minx's name too, which suits as i can be a handful!:eek: and.................it rhymes with 'Harlot', cool!

If i changed my name again it would be either back to Karen, or to Abigail or Rebecca, no real intense reasons behind these, i just love the names:happy:

There we go, my first post, rambling perhaps, but done!

'Lotti -x-

[Victoria Anne]

Absolutely yes my name is very important to me,it is after all who I am. when it came to choosing a name there was no choice Victoria Anne Cassell just came out , it seemed as though she has always been there.She is me,I am Victoria Anne Cassell, Viccy .

[Patricia Danielle]

Well I got my femme name from one of my sisters and like my given nick name it just kind of stuck. People who have known me for a long time call me Trish for short or Patricia or some of my musician friends still call me Aardvark. My grand father gave me that nick name because every Saturday morning I would watch The Ant and the Aardvark cartoons. When my wife asks me a question I ask her who's point of view she wants. When I'm playing music my femme side is more at work trying to put my feelings and emotions in to music and Patricia does a fantastic job..:drink::drink: I have coffee life is good.. Patricia..

[Country girl]

IMO I think it is very important to give your femme side a female name. I know you were probably asking this question mostion to the M to F population, but I just wanted to give my opinion. I didn't answer your poll since I am a GG. :hugs: CG GG

[Sheri 4242]

Strangely it took no thinking about. The name was just there as though it had always been there and I feel comfortable with it . . .

That's how it was with me, and I can offer no resonable explanation -- no thinking about it, it was, as you said, just there as though it always had been there.


I really believe I am Rita it just feels so right:love:

Ditto, Rita! I understand completely -- Sheri feels so very, very right, and it is who I believe I am! My given male nickname is gender-neutral, so some might wonder why I didn't go with that. But, while I am quite comfortable with that name when drab, Sheri suits me better (IMO) and feels like who I am at heart!