Coming out

[chellebaby]

I had a moment of realization a few weeks ago. A ground braking moment where I was blessed with clarity. I finally realized that the me I present was totally with out substance. Nothing more then my defense to keep my little secret. And through that realization came though. I've spent this week in in-depth conversations with my wife about 'Michelle'. Although to be fair to myself I should say me. Last night we had a conversation about my personality. We both realized that the only things about me that either of us likes is all Michelle. All week I have been taking steps to "come out" to friends and people that matter to me. Step one was finding a place where I would be accepted for who and what I am... *looks around...wave* Thusly I am here and loving the acceptance I've found amongst this group. Step two was coming out to my rather small number of friends. With the exception of one I have. The one I haven't is pregnant and I don't get to talk to her right now. Only our weekly emails.

My problem is the family aspect. My Aunt is no problem. I think she know already because she is my very closest confidant. But I am so scared about what my family will say. Especially my mother. Sense the age of fourteen we have gotten in to full screaming fights when ever she sees me in anything fem. I really hate confrontation but not as much as I hate hiding who I am. I just don't know how to go about this and not loss people who are so very important to me. My wifes family thinks that her and I are crazy anyway so they will accept it with out to much fuss. But my mom will likely go nuts.

Anyone have any ideas to put my mind at rest and my stomach out of its misery? Because I've blasted the door off the closet and it isn't going back with out a whole lot of glue.

Hugs,
Michelle

[Chrysoprase]

My problem is the family aspect. My Aunt is no problem. I think she know already because she is my very closest confidant. But I am so scared about what my family will say. Especially my mother. Sense the age of fourteen we have gotten in to full screaming fights when ever she sees me in anything fem. I really hate confrontation but not as much as I hate hiding who I am. I just don't know how to go about this and not loss people who are so very important to me. My wifes family thinks that her and I are crazy anyway so they will accept it with out to much fuss. But my mom will likely go nuts.


Hugs,
Michelle


You have no control over how a bigot thinks. There is absolutely nothing you can do to make that situation go better. Tell your aunt and friends, then go about your life ignoring your mother and any other unhealthy family members. It won't be hiding and when (if) she earns the right to be in your life you can start rebuilding that relationship.

[BarbaraTalbot]

You have no control over how a bigot thinks. There is absolutely nothing you can do to make that situation go better. Tell your aunt and friends, then go about your life ignoring your mother and any other unhealthy family members. It won't be hiding and when (if) she earns the right to be in your life you can start rebuilding that relationship.

You do get to pick how involved as an adult you want to be with them.

My older sister cut off all contact with my parents by about age 23 with the help of a lot of therapy.

It took me until late 30's to come to the conclusion that , not to be mean, catty or hateful, but as people I just don't find them interesting and they don't seem to make me a better person by being around them. The way I look at it is, If they weren't my parents, and they lived across the street, I would wave to be neighborly, but I wouldn't strike up a conversation.

I wasn't even really aware of my CD urge when I cut them off. Now (vindictively) I'd like to send 'em a pic just to get a rise out of them.

[Angie G]

You got ot do what you got to do if out is better for you then go that way
you won't make everybody happy and if the wife is OK with it then make you happy and get out there :hugs:
Angie

[Sandra]

Families hey,

Your immediate family is your wife and her supporting you is great, as for your mum yes she's family but you have to do what is right for you and it would help if she tried to understand this. I do hope you can work things out with her but it could take a long time.

Just do what makes you happy.

[Joy Carter]

Don't understand why we girls feel the need o come out. They know you as a male. Not a female. The whole family dynamics would be upset.
But if you really feel the need (???), then I'd say the aunt would be good expierence in your need to comeout. BTW stay away from you mom is she means anything to you. Somethings are best let alone.

[bobi jean]

Chellebaby
Please dont give up on your mother.
Sit her down, tell her that you thin,k you know how she must feels, but that you must be the one that is happiest within your own life and that you are a crossdresser. If she can not or will not accept that fact, then you will keep it away from her until she can accept it or at the very least tolerate it and that your love for her will never change no matter what. You still want to be a part of her life as tho nothing is changing but that you do have to change to be happy. Every thing else sounds like you are in an extremely good position to fully come out, if that is indeed what you want.
Good luck hon, my thoughts and best wishes to you and yours

[Chantelle CD]

Chellebaby
Please dont give up on your mother.
Sit her down, tell her that you thin,k you know how she must feels, but that you must be the one that is happiest within your own life and that you are a crossdresser. If she can not or will not accept that fact, then you will keep it away from her until she can accept it or at the very least tolerate it and that your love for her will never change no matter what. You still want to be a part of her life as tho nothing is changing but that you do have to change to be happy. Every thing else sounds like you are in an extremely good position to fully come out, if that is indeed what you want.
Good luck hon, my thoughts and best wishes to you and yours

Very good advice here :)

You only have 1 set of parents, and though there beliefes may be different from your own, doesnt mean you have to toss em out like a old pair of shoes, its not hard to be selfless and please others to have relations with them, for one day they will be gone, and then the regrets come in to play. Even if they say that to get there own way. Let them have there own way, there own beliefes, doing this will free you from the constraints of them, and alow you to still have a relationship with them :) They still love you, even if there beliefes get in there way, if not for them <beliefes> they would accept you anyway you chose to be.

[DonnaT]

Once you tell your mother, let her react anyway she wishes.

Simply repond by saying, she can get as upset (if she does get upset) as she desires but it won't change who you are.

Don't get upset with her, and remain calm the whole time.

Play that scene over in your head a few times, and your ready.

[Sinthia]

Letting your Mom, or anyone else, dictate your desires and wishes is not acceptable, but shoving something down someone's throat is not either. If you tell your Mom, be sure to leave some leeway so you can see her without offending her. Ask her call when she is coming over so you can be in male mode seems appropriate.

[Julogden]

Hi Michelle,

I agree with the sentiment that you need to give your mother a chance, don't write her off, but also don't expect miracles. I know how badly it can hurt to have a parent disapprove of who you are, but you have to be yourself.

Carol:hugs:

[GlitterGG]

Michelle, you have to be true to who you are. If you choose to tell her, don't expect miracles. Remain calm, and if she can't accept who you are, remember you have a wife who loves you, and that's the relationship you can revel in. Plus you have your aunt. Don't worry about the things you can't control. If your mom won't come around immedieatly, there's the hope that one day, she just might. She's always going to be your mom, but remember that she doesn't get to dictate how you live or how you feel. Be you, hun!! Good luck in whatever you choose to do!