Accepting who we are as cross dressers

[Lovely Rita]

My new motto for the cross dresser who has accepted who they are and wish to be comfortable with themselves.

The Truth Shall Set You Free


This will do for now and truer words have never been spoken


Many of us cross dress and are conflicted about it or unhappy with the fact that it is still so very taboo. We may even buy into all the negative junk and judge ourselves harshly which kills all the joy we can be experiencing.

My heart goes out to all who struggle with this part of themselves. I know what that feels like. It is not an easy journey. Many are unhappy with the surreptitious aspects of hiding and scheming inorder to be able to find those precious moments.

I have made a decision to be accepting and happy about who I am. Believe it or not it is a decision we have to make about ourselves. For too long many of us have been made to feel ashamed of who we are and that is so very unhealthy.

My advice is to work through all the junk that may have made you feel that way. Get rid of all the prejidice in your own mind and fight off all the negative thoughts we have been fed. Work through it all with friends on this site or wherever else you can find a supportive group of people.

Really think about who you are and embrace this side of you. Decide to stand up for yourself to yourself for the struggle is many times internal.

It is such a joy to accept who we are. I am blessed to accept who I am. I am blessed that I accept the Truth about me.

Hope you are too.:love:

[Frankie-Dear]

An invaluable message. It's funny... When I'm here, I have all the courage in the world, imagining myself in a department store, and an SA coming up to help and asking if I'm shopping for the lady in my life, and I look her straight in the eye and say, "No. I'm a crossdresser."

And then, when I'm actually in the shops, I turn into Blushing Betty. Sheesh...

[Victoria Anne]

Rita while I do agree with you that we all struggle at some level or another until we accept ourselves and it is truely a vicious battle unto acceptance. When I first saw your motto:Angry3: I think another is in order. "THE FEW,THE PROUD,THE MARINES!!! Semper Fi I do not have another suggestion forone but I do applaud your intent.

[Frankie-Dear]

I think Semper Fidelis still applies, but this time, most essentially, it is to be true and faithful to ourselves. Yes? :)

[Lovely Rita]

Rita while I do agree with you that we all struggle at some level or another until we accept ourselves and it is truely a vicious battle unto acceptance. When I first saw your motto:Angry3: I think another is in order. "THE FEW,THE PROUD,THE MARINES!!! Semper Fi I do not have another suggestion forone but I do applaud your intent.


I think Semper Fidelis still applies, but this time, most essentially, it is to be true and faithful to ourselves. Yes? :)


Don't tell anyone but I changed the motto based on your wonderful feedback. Mum is the word. Thanks for your enlightening replies:love:

[Victoria Anne]

Semper Fidellis.....ok I like that ,as it applies to the Corps but I do agree it does apply to us as well and quite fitting,well done Rita.

[susie evans]

thank's rita for the nice post you have a lot of insite once we learn to be our selfs and get the confidence to live life on that level we become better people and life becomes more meaning full and we begin to have more understanding for others and there challenges in life i like my self even with a few flaws and there are a lot of good people around us we just have to let them shine in there own ways

:love: susie

[Amy07]

No no no no no god damit.
Semper Fidelis is taken, and nobody on this forum, unless they have been there, can take that as their motto. If you have been there, and are on this forum, then God bless you. Rita missed the point.

There is more to that motto than you wistfully assume. Look it up. I may dress up sometimes, but there's a line we cannot cross.

[Country girl]

While I think it is extremly important to be totally comfortable and accepting of ones own self, I do believe that you have to respect the boundaries of other's. As Amy has said, ther are certain lines you just don't cross and this is one of them. Respectfully, CG GG

[Lovely Rita]

No no no no no god damit.
Semper Fidelis is taken, and nobody on this forum, unless they have been there, can take that as their motto. If you have been there, and are on this forum, then God bless you. Rita missed the point.

There is more to that motto than you wistfully assume. Look it up. I may dress up sometimes, but there's a line we cannot cross.

I changed the motto before and I can do it again. I am definitely not here to step on anything others hold sacred. That's just the kind of gal I am. As I expect consideration I must also be prepared to give it.

So here goes my last and I must say favorite sayings which was coined by the man I admire most.:D Trully a wonderful motto to live by because the Truth Certainly set me free:D

"The Truth Shall Set You Free"

This one was given to me but I am willing to share it.

TENSION IS A GOOD THING IF THE OUTCOME IS PRODUCTIVE.

[Country girl]

Well Lovely Rita, I for one think that is a much better motto. I don't know how you could step on anyones toes with that because for sure The Truth Shall Set You Free! Bravo on your new motto!!! :hugs: CG GG

[Kristen Kelly]

Rita you are so right till I accepted myself my life was in termoil. Now I go anywhere, do anything, eyes straight ahead and wide open, head up and proud of who I am.

[Lovely Rita]

Well Lovely Rita, I for one think that is a much better motto. I don't know how you could step on anyones toes with that because for sure The Truth Shall Set You Free! Bravo on your new motto!!! :hugs: CG GG


Rita you are so right till I accepted myself my life was in termoil. Now I go anywhere, do anything, eyes straight ahead and wide open, head up and proud of who I am.

Country Girl I agree that it is a wonderful Motto to live by and if followed could definitely make a difference in our lives. It also requires a lot of bravery to live by it no matter who you are.

Hey Kristen, I always love hearing from you. You are a light wherever you go. You are trully a beautiful person. I am priviledged to know you.:love:

[Billijo49504]

I too think we should at least be honest with our life partners. In my case it was my wife, but if you are of a different persausion, so be it. Just be honest to the person that loves you....BJ

[SandyR]

Rita,

I could not agree more. It took a long time, but "this is me" and I am good with it. So, one of the lucky girls lucky to have a very acceping wife.

Great post!

Kisses....

SandyR

[windycissy]

Amen! Here's another way of saying the same thing, courtesy of Whitney Houston:

Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.....

[BarbaraTalbot]

An invaluable message. It's funny... When I'm here, I have all the courage in the world, imagining myself in a department store, and an SA coming up to help and asking if I'm shopping for the lady in my life, and I look her straight in the eye and say, "No. I'm a crossdresser."

And then, when I'm actually in the shops, I turn into Blushing Betty. Sheesh...


Tonight I was a Walmart and bought a blue with white polka dot dress for my wife. (no, really) I found one in her size (I thought, shes dropped some weight and is a size smaller). There was a small tag with the number 4 beneath that.

Niether of us will ever be a 4! I asked if I was reading the size in the right place, and she smiled and said yes that the other one must be some manufactures mark. We chatted briefly about the clearance items and the fact that the same skirt in red with polkadots was discounted deeper.

Later in line a woman about my age maybe a little older and her two late teen early daughters were behind me in line.

We were chatting about the lack of dividers for our stuff on the belt.

I was joking about how that makes it easier to grab a few items you forgot from the next customers pile if you want to , kind of grazing shopping.

just then one of the daughters put some nail polish remover up. I suddenly remebered I was wearing a translucent pearl pink on my nails. I suppressed the urge to put my hands in my pockets and I displayed them proudly.

I said "Oh speaking of theres an item I forgot to get! We were having some fun the other night, THEN she tells me she's out of remover!"

The girl said, oh then you definately want to steal this. I said "hmm, no, actully I think the shade is growing on me" and I beamed to their smiles.

I was wearing Dees, turquoise shirt that she loaned me today when she thought my drab male self was grouching around a bit. It is like a male polo but the sleeves are shorter and snugger and of course the buttons are reversed. I also had on no show socks, very male cargo knee length shorts and my periwinkle blue Keds. They didnt specifically compliment me on my lovely calves but surely they noticed?? ~smile~

[Lovely Rita]

Hi Billijo I agree wholeheartedly.

Hey Sandy and a big hug back to you. You are a sweetheart.

Windysissy, thanks for that wonderful reminder of the song.

Barbara, you are one of my heroes. You rock!

[Toyah]

I really don't see my dressing as something to be proud of, I enjoy what I do and have fun but that does not make me feel I have achieved anything meaningful with it. It is not like giving blood or helping someone on the street its a frivory or fetish nothing more to me

[Joy Carter]

I struggled in my mind about having to change out of my fem underware and remove my four ear studs. For I had to visit the MD Monday. And I had to make my mind up that was I going to be true to myself, or change into men's under shorts and take the studs out. I chose to be who I am.

[Mitch23]

Yup, the truth has certainly set this girl free,

Mitch

[Fab Karen]

The girls sang:
"free your mind and the rest will follow"

[marie354]

The girls sang:
"free your mind and the rest will follow"

That has been true for me as well.
Once I fully accepted this part of me, I've been a different person totally... Calmer and much more relaxed. Now if I could just wear some of my prettier things when I leave the house...
:hugs:

[Marlena-4now]

I am still strugling with the guilt and the shame. Sometimes I am Ok with it and don't see why it is viewed as such a problem or so terrible by so many people. As is often said - it does no one any harm. But other times I really wish I didn't have this need. It occupies my mind when I should be focussing on my job or my family, it occupies my time when I could be doing something productive or constructive. It seems sily for a grown man to be playing around like this. It makes ity hard for me to feel good about myself when I know it is causing tension in my marriage and stress for my wife and if I slip up and get outted it could cause real hardship for my kids. Sorry to be a downer by this is supposed to be a place where we can be honest and that is honestly how I feel right now. I think I'm depressed about the whole never ending struggle inside myself. I've been a zombie for about the last three days. Sometimes I really wish it would just go away.

[Lovely Rita]

I really don't see my dressing as something to be proud of, I enjoy what I do and have fun but that does not make me feel I have achieved anything meaningful with it. It is not like giving blood or helping someone on the street its a frivory or fetish nothing more to me


Taking the courageous steps of being who we are and not letting society's judgments hinder us from fully accepting who we are.

There are so many brave folk here. Going forward with expressing who they are even if met with adversity.

That is where I believe the pride comes in. Going forward when everything is telling you to go back and hide and be ashamed.

Pride is the opposite of shame and that is one thing I will not allow myself to feel anymore for being me.:love:

[Tamera]

"Only YOU control your DESTINY, make it a GOOD ONE!"
LOL
Tamera

[Patricia Danielle]

Very well put! It's the way society has been groomed. I still remember my grand father wearing night shirts and stocking caps to bed. So whats the diffrence between a night shirt and a night gown? None that I can think of off hand. The only thing I remember is giving him a hug and it was like hugging a cactus.. Patricia..

[julie w]

you are right Rita if I can get all those negative deamons out of my head
and just Julie , and stop thinking of the odd looks and smiles I have had
when out , and concentrate on the many more successful outtings I have had I would be much happier

[Alice Torn]

Pride can lead to a fall, destruction, that same book, says. Humility leads to honor. It is ok to take a certain, non-haughty pride, in ones work, but, a haughty spirit goes before a fall. I hate hearing about feminist pride, gay pride, yada, yada. This whole crazy world needs a lot more humility!! Sorry. Just being honest.

[Lovely Rita]

Thanks ladies for all your replies. They are very inspiriing to me.

Lucille, I took the word proud out because I agree that it may not be the approprite word, and it does come before a fall. I mean't it more in be self accepting and not ashamed.

Thanks

[Alice Torn]

Thanks you for not taking offense at my reply. You have depth.

[nephthyr]

I have to agree, being honest with yourself really is the first step to achieving happiness. For me, accepting myself was the easy part, getting others to accept you, especially people you are close to and that you care for, is the real trick!

[Lovely Rita]

Thanks Lucille, but you know the heart is deceitful above all things and we have to keep an eye on it.
Our hearts can be tricky little things.

Love hearing from you

[Lovely Rita]

I have to agree, being honest with yourself really is the first step to achieving happiness. For me, accepting myself was the easy part, getting others to accept you, especially people you are close to and that you care for, is the real trick!

Thanks for that Nephthyr

It must be the hardest because we can only control our selves and not others so at leaste we can get our selves to accept and that is a biggie:love:

[Kate Simmons]

Been thinking about this one Rita. I don't know if it's pride as much as it is happiness. I was showing my Son a new look I was trying out last night and he made the comment that my eyes looked happy and he's never seen me as happy as when I am Salandra. I realized he was right and that it absolutely makes me a much better and happier person.:happy:

[Lovely Rita]

Been thinking about this one Rita. I don't know if it's pride as much as it is happiness. I was showing my Son a new look I was trying out last night and he made the comment that my eyes looked happy and he's never seen me as happy as when I am Salandra. I realized he was right and that it absolutely makes me a much better and happier person.:happy:


Happy is a great way to look at it, and happiness comes through fulfillment, freedom, love.

Yes thank you for pondering that one and expressing something absolutely beautiful. How touching it is to read what your son said.

It sounds like he was very loving in that moment himself.:love:

[Ericka2]

It would be easier to accept ourselves if only the world in general wouldn't be so judgemental, i love your character and every time i come in to this site,(which is the only one i visit when i got time) i'm always hoping to get messages like yours and maybe meet in a one to one basis friends like you, i don't have as yet, thanks for the words of insipration and i'm trying very hard to accept things and not to change things that i finally relize that i cant.


Love, Ericka

[Lovely Rita]

It would be easier to accept ourselves if only the world in general wouldn't be so judgemental, i love your character and every time i come in to this site,(which is the only one i visit when i got time) i'm always hoping to get messages like yours and maybe meet in a one to one basis friends like you, i don't have as yet, thanks for the words of insipration and i'm trying very hard to accept things and not to change things that i finally relize that i cant.


Love, Ericka

I agree with you that positive messages are so very helpful. I would love to hear more from you.

Thank you for your kind words:love:

[Jenna Lynne]

It's the way society has been groomed. I still remember my grand father wearing night shirts and stocking caps to bed. So whats the diffrence between a night shirt and a night gown? None that I can think of off hand.
This is an easy assertion to make. Shall we talk about kilts for a while? But really, there is a huge difference. The difference is in the social connotations -- the meanings that our sexy brains attach to various things. The social connotations and codings may change from decade to decade, but in some form they still exist, and will continue to exist always. Instinct guarantees it.

As I skim through the messages on this forum, again and again I see people expressing the wish/hope/fantasy that there would be no difference -- that everybody ought to be free to wear what they feel like wearing, with no negatives attached.

But it seems pretty clear to me that if the world were really like that, there would be *no such thing* as cross-dressing. In other words, there would be no emotional "charge" attached to wearing lip gloss or dangly earrings. Everyone on this forum would be out bowling or playing the bassoon or something, whatever your fave hobby is.

The essence of trans-whatever is that it's a trans-gression. It's an intentional violation of bi-gendered social norms. If there were no polarized norms, there would be no transgression, so it wouldn't be any fun!

Sure, I want to be accepted for myself. I'm for sure not saying I relish the prospect of being stared at or ridiculed. I guess maybe what I'm saying is that the danger comes with the territory, so maybe the challenge is to manage the danger so it turns into spice.

I've always wanted to be a spice girl!

***Jenna***

[Chloe Jean]

For a long time i fought my Femmy desires to wear dresses and put makeup. I have come to accept my feminine side and am so much happier now. There is still so much that I have to do before i become the complete girl. Knowing that there are so many other girls out there really helps. It's nice to have company. I wonder just how many "Real Men" really want to turned into ladies. I think alot guys would love to do it.( If you go by e mails, message boards amd I messages anyway)
hugs
Amelia

[Mitch23]

For a long time i fought my Femmy desires to wear dresses and put makeup. I have come to accept my feminine side and am so much happier now. There is still so much that I have to do before i become the complete girl. Knowing that there are so many other girls out there really helps. It's nice to have company. I wonder just how many "Real Men" really want to turned into ladies. I think alot guys would love to do it.( If you go by e mails, message boards amd I messages anyway)
hugs
Amelia
Like you Amelia, I'm a work in progress - I don't know if I'll ever get there - not sure if I know where 'there' is - just love the journey and exploring my girlie nature. And yes, I think a lot of guys would love to be turned into ladies!

Mitch

[Angie G]

Rita well done Semper Fi hun :hugs:
Angie