Telling children.

[Desiree Marcel]

I realize this topic has been gone over before, but all the ones I found were rather old, so I wanted to ge ta fresh view on what everone thinks. It appears that there are a few schools of thought about telling older children, but I was wondering what everyone's opinion is on telling children from the get-go. My wife and I have never tried to hide it from either of our daughters (aged 5 and 2 now). There have been a few somewhat embarrassing moments (the eldest telling her daycare teacher that 'Daddy has a skirt like that' comes to mind :) ) but all in all, in seems to have worked out for the best so far. It also seems to have instilled more open-mindedness in them. Thoughts/opinions? How have y'all handled the situation?

[Country girl]

I guess it would depend on a number of variables. For me I would have to consider other family members and how they might react if a small child inadvertantly spilled the beans. I know that my daddy for instance at age 80 would not understand. However I also know beyond a shadow of a doubt that all 3 of my kids, ages 25, 22 and 16 would be accepting. Just something a mom knows I suppose. I think the younger they are, the easier it is to get them to understand and accept. It is the older members of society that have a harder time with different lifestyles. :hugs: CG GG

[suzanne]

Tough call. In my own case, my SO is adamant that our kids never find out about me. My 23 y.o. son has a bit of a rigid mindset and would not handle the news well. My 19 y.o. daughter would probably be more understanding, but she has made comments about TS and CD that stop me dead in my tracks. The rest of the world believes I am 100% male, so why not them?

[Sandra]

Told our daughter when she was 14 that was nearly 4 years ago now. She has no problems with it even said she had an idea of what was going on. She asked if she could tell some of her close friends we said yes if she wanted to.

[aka.laura]

I never told the kids. They're 24 and 22 now and I think they don't know, but I'm not sure about it. I never dressed in front of the kids but ofcourse there are plenty of possibilities to find out and they're not stupid. I think they don't mind and I will leave it at that. My daughter is learning to become a goldsmith and has allready made me some rings and earstuds: not very masculine ;o) I guess she suspects something. My son has allways helped me with our computer (he studies IT) and may have seen some funny passwords and stuff, I guess he suspects too. So what, live and let live ;o))

[Darlene Rochelle]

I have yet to tell my own daughter. She has just "come out" herself,and is dealing with her own sexuality issues. She has seen me many times wearing my satin pajamas,and reading Cosmo or Glamour magazines,but has NEVER asked why? Maybe she does know something. My therapist said to wait for now,but is she asks,to be truthful to her.:2c:

[Sheri 4242]

Tough call . . . My 23 y.o. son has a bit of a rigid mindset and would not handle the news well. My 19 y.o. daughter would probably be more understanding, but she has made comments about TS and CD that stop me dead in my tracks.

It is a tough call -- and one that must be made situationally on a case-by-case basis!!!

All of my children are adults -- four of them ranging from 24 to 30. (Actully, two are stepchildren.) Each would (in my opinion and my wife's) handle such revelation differently. One would be aghast and adamantly against it! (She may have suspicions, though, b/c my wife and I joke about CDing around her -- she's the type of child who it is a true joy to irritate -- lol -- :D .)

Another child may also have suspicions -- and we thing they would probably be okay with it, especially after some education. We choose not to tell them, though, b/c of some severe problems they are going through!!!

Another would be rigidly against it!!! This child is very close-minded, though they claim to be the most open-minded person in the world! (They are so close-minded it is frightening!!!)

The last child knows -- and is more than okay with it!!! I dress freely in front of this child -- and they have even given "Sheri" gifts on special occasions. This last child believes as we do, that "the younger generation," so-to-speak (late teens and those in their twenties, are, for the most part, much more accepting than previous generations. The demographics of my family don't support that, but I do think she mat be right!!!

[Felix]

Tough call definitely. When I came out as gay it was handled wrongly by my ex and my eldest child didn't handle things and hates me. My yougest asked me the questions and handled it very well and is a well adjusted kid. My step son has grown up with us so it's only now that the questions are surfacing. I don't think my youngest blood son would be shocked as he sees me dressin like a man anyways and still brings friends around to stay and such like. I don't think unless he asks me it will be a problem. He has asked me if I am a tom boy and I said yes he wasn't bothered about that at all. The eldest one well thats a different issue. His dad has seen me dressed so god knows what he has said to him. So I just leave it to whatever happens and I'll deal with it as it happens xx Felix :hugs:

[Staci G]

I told my 13 year old daughter, But I know her well enough to know her reaction. She just said awesome.. Now I have created a monster she wants to share my make up and knows where i hide it. The only reason I told her is she found a pair of heels way to big for mom so she put 2+2 together and came up with a size 15 pump is dads. She likes Staci more anyways she thinks she is more easy going pluse she likes to do my nails

[Megan72]

Whatever your decision is about telling your young children, remember this. The decision must be made with their interest in mind. You mention the "daddy has a skirt like that comment." This denotes concern that a child might unknowingly out you, we can not think that way. If you tell your children, they will unwittingly out you and you must be comfortable with that. But again the premise must be the children's interest not the parent's.

[Raychel]

My wife and I have discussedthis. At this point the will not be told and everything should be hidden from them. I am not sure in my mind that this is 100% the right way to go. But that is what we are doing for now.

But the kids have come into the room when I was on this forum. I am sure that they must have sen the tab on the bottom of the computer screen by now. And they are not stupid. They sure can do that math. Dad is always on crossdressers.com, Hmmm, must be some interest there.

[Wendy me]

i have no plans at this point to tell my sons .... but i think my youngest son knows .....

[Kathleen Ann Trees]

Note: I'm closeted and my wife gives me time but is not active or particularly supportive of Kathleen.

We have kids 7, 9, and 11. I haven't said or done anything to indicate I CD around the kids. Shoes and clip on earrings would be the only real give away as clothes, make up, and all other sundries are hidden in plain sight.

The only hint of recognition I've ever seen, and it's likely not related at their early age, but one day I made a comment about pulling hairs off my chest, and my daughter said, "You have no chest hair."

We have no plans to tell them. If the time comes, I'll just be honest.

Kathleen

[Joy Carter]

Whatever your decision is about telling your young children, remember this. The decision must be made with their interest in mind. You mention the "daddy has a skirt like that comment." This denotes concern that a child might unknowingly out you, we can not think that way. If you tell your children, they will unwittingly out you and you must be comfortable with that. But again the premise must be the children's interest not the parent's.

Ditto's

If you do raise your child around this I see no problem. After all it's just clothes. But then you do have the problem of being outted.

[Mitch23]

I realize this topic has been gone over before, but all the ones I found were rather old, so I wanted to ge ta fresh view on what everone thinks. It appears that there are a few schools of thought about telling older children, but I was wondering what everyone's opinion is on telling children from the get-go. My wife and I have never tried to hide it from either of our daughters (aged 5 and 2 now). There have been a few somewhat embarrassing moments (the eldest telling her daycare teacher that 'Daddy has a skirt like that' comes to mind :) ) but all in all, in seems to have worked out for the best so far. It also seems to have instilled more open-mindedness in them. Thoughts/opinions? How have y'all handled the situation?
No plans to tell my son aged 10 directly. But as others have said, kids are not stupid! He's seen my makeup bag and must have seen the tag on the screen. Yesterday, we were in the makeup dept at M&S while wife was trying on and we shared some nail varnish samples. I know he is into cosmetics and has an 'unhealthy' interest in wifes wardrobe - so may have to sit down with him soon. Wife would hate this!

So the short answer - case by case - childs interest is paramount

Mitch

[elektra]

I have three kids, 5,4, & 3. I would love for them to know, but unfortunatley my positions in life would not let me get outted. My wife agrees, she believes it would be terrific for them to understand that everyone is different, but at the same time accepted. Just my:2c:

[Melanie R]

My children found out about my dressing when they were teenagers. One became Melanie's top supporter and one did not want to see me dressed. My granddaughter, Misty, who is age 26 met Melanie for the first time when she was age 6. Since both her mother, our daughter, and father both died suddenly, she is now living with us. She has no problem being with Melanie. Misty was featured in the documentary my wife and I did for WE television last year. Her comments about Melanie were awesome. The bottom line is be open amd honest with children and don't wait until they are adolescents.

[KandisTX]

When GlitterGG and I got married, we both knew the time would come when we would have no choice but to tell our daughter. We have custody of her and their father has custody of the son. Their father knows about Kandis and knew that eventually the time would come.

Well, I would come home from work and get comfortable, bra under t-shirt, and so forth. She would give me a hug and occasionally ask "What's that"? We would tell her "It's something he wears to be more comfortable" and leave it at that. Well, there came a time when that explanation was not enough any longer so we discussed it with her dad. He said "Leave it as it is now, but if she asks again "Yes, but what's it called", then you have my blessings to tell her. Well, sure enough in less than a week, she was doing something she ought not to have been doing (playing with a knife while doing the dishes). So, she was getting into trouble, during that talking to, she said "I've figured out what you wear under your t-shirts". I was taken aback momentarily and my heart skipped a beat. I asked her "What do you think it is"?

Her response was quite matter-of-factly "You're wearing a bra, a ladies bra". That lead my wife and I to sit her down and have "The Talk" with her and she listened intently and asked very good questions and we answered them honestly. In the end, the only final question she had was "When can I buy you a bra and panties"?

Now, we have not told her brother, but the boy is not stupid so I am sure there will come a time when we must come clean with him as well. She is under strict orders (from my wife, myself and her father), to NOT say a word about it to her brother, but then we are not all around them whenever they are talking so we never know what she has or has not told him. Someday we shall see, but for now, she knows and does not have any problem with it, hopefully when the time comes neither will her brother.

Kandis:love:

(This was about a year and a half ago, she is now going on 12)

[Erinn]

I realize this topic has been gone over before, but all the ones I found were rather old, so I wanted to ge ta fresh view on what everone thinks. It appears that there are a few schools of thought about telling older children, but I was wondering what everyone's opinion is on telling children from the get-go. My wife and I have never tried to hide it from either of our daughters (aged 5 and 2 now). There have been a few somewhat embarrassing moments (the eldest telling her daycare teacher that 'Daddy has a skirt like that' comes to mind :) ) but all in all, in seems to have worked out for the best so far. It also seems to have instilled more open-mindedness in them. Thoughts/opinions? How have y'all handled the situation?

Please don't screw up your kids head anymore that you already have. When it comes to kids its TMI

[Sally24]

Please don't screw up your kids head anymore that you already have. When it comes to kids its TMI
Well, there's at least one in every room. Looking at her posts you can see that she is less than helpful most of the time.

Anyone who has been to a professional counselor, or who has raised kids know that each situation is different. You can share some of this information with the kids if the situation seems right, and assuming this is not just a sexual thing with you but a true gender situation. I just came out to my oldest, a 27 year old daughter. I did not do it to make myself feel better or to get access to more of a wardrobe, those things happened only as afterthoughts. I was concerned that she knew just enough to be worried about me and her mother. As it turned out, that was exactly her situation. She was very releived to know the whole story and has been tremendously hepful in these last few weeks.

Telling younger children has greater risks and rewards because of the unpredictable nature of kids. Professionals will tell you that putting off telling them things "till they're older" is mostly a bad idea. The high school and college age kids have enough of their own problems then. Younger children tend to be less judging as a whole. There are no guarentees though!

[Dee Talbot]

Since this is new to both Barb and I, and we are still learning/adjusting/growing, we have chosen to not tell our children. At least not yet. We have 5, ranging in age from 17 years to 11 months. I don't see our oldest handling it very well. In spite of our having raised him to be open-minded, he seems to have some very annoying tendencies toward not being accepting of everyone. I SINCERELY hope this is a teenage boy thing and will pass as he matures.

I guess we won't know until some time has passed if this is something we feel comfortable discussing with them.

Dee