Where does the urge to CD come from?

[suzanne]

I know I'm not the only one who thinks about this, so I want to know your opinion: What is it that causes a heterosexual male to have the desire to crossdress? Could it be similar to the in-utero hormonal conditions thought to result in homosexuality for some people? A poor relationship with the CD's father? (this is my SO's theory, because I had a bad relationship with my own father. My response is: which came first, the chicken or the egg?) Could it be something as simple as the realization that the current male/female pigeonholes are too limiting to contain a real 3 dimensional personality.

I have more, but with a group as diverse and articulate as we have in this forum, I want to hear as many other theories as possible.

[Chantelle CD]

Iknow why i like to cross dress, because the female feelings, emotions, and femininity, are all energy's i can feel. And they feel wonderful. I cant stop because they feel so elegant and beautiful for me, i dont want to not feel them. The dressing serves for me, a way to heighten these feelings, and to help sustain them for longer periods of time. To me balancing these feelings inside of my self is important, raising the male feelings and masculinity just as much as i do the femme ones. I also feel that past lives <reincarnation> influences the way we instinctively act and react. That it is also very different for each individual, in the way of how they wish to delve into the personality, and what it means to them.

I also had a bad relationship with my father in the eairly years.

[Alice B]

It's really hard to say. I know that my relationship with my parents was excellent with no restrictions on giving or receiving love. I just think that we all have a female side that socitey dictates how we are supposed to behave. And, that at some point, for some of us, we allow the female side of our personalities to come to a conscious level. Then, through the help of people such as found on this site we allow full expresion of our inner self. Or maybe it is just that we feel cheated by the lack of clothing selection offered to male society.:hugs:

[Patricia Danielle]

I find dresses alot more comfortable than jeans and alot cooler to wear in the summer. there not as confining and every male has a soft female side and some of us enjoy tapping in to it and we're more open minded about it with others. Just like females have a male side and some of them are more open about it than others. We don't want to ram it down anybodys throat, just want to get in touch with others who like myself are open minded and honest with themselfs and not try to make everybody think there better than anybody else.. Patricia..

[Joy Carter]

Rush Limbaugh published a book in the eighties called "The Way Things Ought To Be." I so agree with all his views on how and why things need to be. Just he forgot one.:D

[Sheri 4242]

Could it be similar to the in-utero hormonal conditions thought to result in homosexuality for some people? A poor relationship with the CD's father? (this is my SO's theory, because I had a bad relationship with my own father. My response is: which came first, the chicken or the egg?) Could it be something as simple as the realization that the current male/female pigeonholes are too limiting to contain a real 3 dimensional personality.

I have more, but with a group as diverse and articulate as we have in this forum, I want to hear as many other theories as possible.

Gosh, Suzanne -- if any of us knew we'd be wealthy beyond imagination!!! ( lol -- :D )

Seriously, there are many theories out there, some which make more sense than others. The one your SO opts for is in the "nurture" category of reasoning. (IOW: is it nurture or nature -- or both.) I had an absolutely fantastic relationship with my father, so does that counter your SO's thoughts?!! I had (and still have) a horrible relationship with my mother, so is that the answer? Well, many report great relationships with their mothers, so that counters that.

There's the hormone wash (aka, the hormone bath) in the womb -- this is the "nature" side of the coin -- that some subscribe to, counting, in part, me. We know tis hormone wash happens, so it isn't a far reach to me to think that "if" during this hormone was there is an over-abundance of female hormones, that would have to effect the developing fetus.

New medical research shows that a certain cluster of cells within the brain in GG's are a certain size (v. what they are in GM's) -- and that in the few CDers studied, the cluster is the same size as in the GG's.

There is a lot of speculation -- and a lot to study. Truth be known, many of us subscribe to one realm of thought, while others subscribe to another, etc. Some say socialization, others say CDing often manifests itself at too young an age for that to be correct. In the main, I have my opinions and thoughts, but what I think is most important is that we concentrate on acceptance of ourselves -- and then acceptance by others who are signficant to us. Even those in psychology and medicine are finally saying that accomodation and acceptance is the course of action for CDers. If we accomplish just that much, we will be doing okay!!!!!!!

[Kate Simmons]

I think it comes from that elusive "hole in the bottom of the sea" Suzanne. That's as good a theory as any I guess.:happy:

[Jere Oneil]

Even when I was little I thought girl's clothes looked so much nicer and on the occasions when I actually wore a dress or skirt, I loved the way it felt. However, one thing I found out from my oncologist when I had male breast cancer is that estrogen levels in males that develop the disease are higher than in the normal male, so.....

[Marla S]

Could it be something as simple as the realization that the current male/female pigeonholes are too limiting to contain a real 3 dimensional personality.

That is the very reason IMO. Which causes an enormous social pressure leading to a variaty of "unusual" behaviors of CDs and the need to find some "sedation pills". I think it is no coincidence that there are less FTM CDs. Dress code and roles for women are less restricted today than for men and it is more easy to find a more masculine (less feminine) niche there, without being bothered.

For almost all skills and traits of human beings there is a natural variance and a continuum. Nobody will doubt that. Be it body height, intelligence, skin color, language skills, or whatever you choose.

Why should something so complex like gender identity be an exception ?

Only because it is a cultural setting that there has to be a significant difference between the genders because there are only two biological sexes ?

IMO the biological sex defines only a small part of ones personality.
But society makes this small part, the biological sex, a holy fetish.

There have been times when women were considered stupid (less intelligent than men), because they are physical different from men.
Today CD/TS are considered "pervert", because the are physical different from women (or the other way round for FtMs)

[MarinaTwelve200]

This sounds like y'all are approaching CD as a thing in itself, with a mysterious "cause". ----You can't do that as CDing is but a SYMPTOM or reaction to VARIOUS, unrelated "conditions"---each with its own cause, that only share CDing as a common expression. CD is no nore specific in itself than "a FEVER" is to a disease---and there are lotsa different deseases that can cause fevers.

People can CD in response to TS conditions, or for escapisim, or for fetish reasons, or for thrill seeking. Several more reasons exist. All in all ,there appear to be about 10 to 15 or so reasons hetro (or homo) males would CD and each has a different "why" or cause. No one theory will ever explain a common symptom of several different "conditions".

[Wendy me]

you know it will drive you crazy trying to find out why ..... so don't try just be happy for being this complex wonder full person you are......

[Marla S]

People can CD in response to TS conditions, or for escapisim, or for fetish reasons, or for thrill seeking. Several more reasons exist. All in all ,there appear to be about 10 to 15 or so reasons hetro (or homo) males would CD and each has a different "why" or cause. No one theory will ever explain a common symptom of several different "conditions".
Probably there is more than one cause, but what you call reasons here, are no reasons but manifestations.

I.e. what reason escapism would be ?
Escapism only can be the effect of a cause but not a reason in itself.

[Raychel]

Of course we all know that there are many reasons why a CD is. For me is is the feeling of the clothes that I enjoy. If I were to sit and think about why I actually started I have a pretty good idea what started it all. It had nothing to do with my parents, my up bringing or anything like that. I played with trucks and rode bikes, just like any other boy in the neighborhood.

I was majorly harrassed in school. And by the time I reached puberty, alllthe girls were pretty sure they did not want to be around me. Next best thing, I would try on girl clothes.

18 years ago I did finally meet a girl that says she likes me. I married her 13 years ago, Told her about my dressing 3 years ago and she still hasn't thrown me out. SO I guess maybe she really does like me.
:p

[Glenda]

I do not subscribe to the "hated my father" theory. I have always had a wonderful relationship with my parents. I loved being a boy and was happy to participate in all of the things boys did when I was young. But there was another side to me. I liked make-up, feminine clothing, fashion, listening to the women's conversations in the kitchen, etc. I liked being a boy but also liked the comfort and feelings of the feminine mystique.

I didn't crossdress until I was 45 and knew the instant I looked at myself in the mirror that this was an integral part of who I was. It explained a lot of the feelings and emotions I've had my whole life. Why do I do it? It is a part of who I am as a person and I allow myself to express this side of me. Am I a different person when dressed? No, but I do feel more complete when able to dress openly.

[Kathleen Ann Trees]

I was struck by Marla's comment: "There have been times when women were considered stupid (less intelligent than men), because they are physical different from men. Today CD/TS ar considered pervert, because the are physical different from women (or the other way round for FtMs)."

I don't know the biological, physiological, psycological, or other 'ogical reason that is the root. But I know I like it. When dressing, the more feminine or passable I look the happier I am.

Addiction is not the right word, but when I'm away from it I crave it.

Kathleen

[Mitch23]

I really don't know. All I do know is that inside of me for nearly half a century, there has been a little girl, trying to get out. Now she is out and that is where she is staying - and she is very beautiful.

Mitch

[Sheri 4242]

All in all ,there appear to be about 10 to 15 or so reasons . . . (why one) would CD and each has a different "why" or cause. No one theory will ever explain a common symptom of several different "conditions".

Ha Ha -- Marina, I've missed you!!! :D And, once I saw this thread, I knew you'd probably be responding. I think you've expressed what I was saying except in a different way. There are many theories, ideas, and thoughts -- and I don't think we'll ever isolate it to one. It may be that there are a number of different reasons. I am convinced that the most important thing is to learn to accept youself -- and I'm glad that the current psychological/medical approach is accomodation and acceptance.


I think it is no coincidence that there are less FTM CDs. Dress code and roles for women are less restricted today than for men and it is more easy to find a more masculine niche there, without being bothered.

Don't forget that in our society, it is often chic, sexy, en vogue, and stylish for GG's to dress in some forms of GM clothing -- some actually GM clothing and some an altered version of such. Look at VS's "boyshorts." And, as I write this, The American President is on tv -- a movie in which Annette Benning's character comes out in one sexy scene wearing only a man's shirt. ((( And that brings to mind the song "I Feel Like a Woman" (I think that is the name) where the chorus is " . . . man shirts, short skirts . . . man, I feel like a woman . . ." describing how the woman likes to dress to be uber stylish.


IMO the biological sex defines only a small part of ones personality. But society makes this small part, the biological sex, a holy fetish.

Well said!!! Too often people (people in general) forget that there is a BIG difference in "anatomical sex" and "gender." You're right: society makes anatomical sex a sacred thing v. gender!!!


All I do know is that inside of me for nearly half a century, there has been a little girl, trying to get out. Now she is out and that is where she is staying - and she is very beautiful. Mitch

Bravo, Mitch!!!!!!! And, ditto to all you said!!! BTW: that's where the girly girl in me is staying in my case, too -- out in the sunshine!!!

[Angie G]

I think I got the Gene from my dad who dressed:hugs:
Angie

[chucks]

step 1: get honest
step 2: why do some people like chocolate more than vanilla? is it because their parents abused them?

[Samantha B L]

I think that the urge to CD is inherited and it's either hormonal or neurological.I was reading somewhere a long time ago that CD'rs have things like a kind of female sensitivity to lighting,color,music,sounds,sights. They make "fem" choices of colors of inkpens,pencils and toys and games while growing up. That's all for m to f CD'rs. Of course,all this would be different for the f to m's. I don't think that either of my parents had anything to do with this.

[Holly]

Sometime the correct answer to the question is simply, "Because." I don't have a clue as to why I cross dress... I related well with my parents while they were living, had girlfriends in HS and college, did most of the usual "guy" things, etc. All I know is that being able to bring out Holly, the femininity in me, has brought out a new and exciting dynamic to my life; it's like the puzzle is complete now. There is content and fulfillment. I've been a fairly happy person all my life. Now I feel whole.

[immike]

Sometime the correct answer to the question is simply, "Because." I don't have a clue as to why I cross dress... I related well with my parents while they were living, had girlfriends in HS and college, did most of the usual "guy" things, etc. All I know is that being able to bring out Holly, the femininity in me, has brought out a new and exciting dynamic to my life; it's like the puzzle is complete now. There is content and fulfillment. I've been a fairly happy person all my life. Now I feel whole.
I greatly enjoy the feel of womens clothes,especially pantyhose,and I get
a charge out of secretly sneaking into mothers closet&dressing in her wardrobe,such as her skirts,shoes,dresses,dress slacks,tops,blouses&I
also gently lift a fresh,unopened Pkg of pantyhose,out of her drawer&quickly
replace it.I feel more at ease,dressed as a woman

[Echo Logical]

I am certain that it is a grand conspiracy by fashion designers to sell more clothing. "Versace made me do it!"

[Country girl]

If y'all don't mind a GG butting in, from what I have observed, I think there are a myriad of reasons. The most likely one IMO is simply because somewhere deep inside of you, you have a desire to. All of the CDers I have met in person and have gotten to know have had one distinctive thing in common. They all have an extremely sensitive understanding of women. You understand us in ways most men don't. It's like you "get" us. Almost like you share some of our feelings, thoughts, maybe even our hormones. Anyway, thought I'd give you my thoughts. Hope y'all don't mind. :hugs: CG GG

[Chantelle CD]

If y'all don't mind a GG butting in, from what I have observed, I think there are a myriad of reasons. The most likely one IMO is simply because somewhere deep inside of you, you have a desire to. All of the CDers I have met in person and have gotten to know have had one distinctive thing in common. They all have an extremely sensitive understanding of women. You understand us in ways most men don't. It's like you "get" us. Almost like you share some of our feelings, thoughts, maybe even our hormones. Anyway, thought I'd give you my thoughts. Hope y'all don't mind. :hugs: CG GG

Thank you for that CG GG :D

[MarinaTwelve200]

Probably there is more than one cause, but what you call reasons here, are no reasons but manifestations.

I.e. what reason escapism would be ?
Escapism only can be the effect of a cause but not a reason in itself.


Actually Escapisim is one example of a "non-sexual" reason for CDing. Its still "identity based", however. This, like pure thrill seeking, is a "discovered" rather than inborn CD motivation.

The idea of "escapisim" is to psychologically "detach" ones self from one's personal identity---In doing so, one is able to take a short vacation from one's self and one's worries and responsibilities---The relaxation effect is wonderful and one gets an extra "high" from the brain's "Taboo tripping" mechanisim by violating "identity lines" that the brain strives to maintain---almost as strong an urge as self preservation--crossing thise lines gives a "thrill effect"---

One may DISCOVER that CDing will acomplish the above---usually by accident when one has an ocasion to CD usually, initially, for some "socially acceptable reason---like a school skit or Halloween. It is discovered to feel good--and thus a habbit of CD may be established.

This is but ONE of the reasons for CDing---and very different from satidfying a desire to express a 'fem side" for example. Like I mentioned above, CDing is an expression common to several different conditions and has several reasons.

[Holly]

If y'all don't mind a GG butting in, from what I have observed, I think there are a myriad of reasons. The most likely one IMO is simply because somewhere deep inside of you, you have a desire to. All of the CDers I have met in person and have gotten to know have had one distinctive thing in common. They all have an extremely sensitive understanding of women. You understand us in ways most men don't. It's like you "get" us. Almost like you share some of our feelings, thoughts, maybe even our hormones. Anyway, thought I'd give you my thoughts. Hope y'all don't mind. :hugs: CG GGHoney, you just MADE MY DAY! :koc:

[JacquiUKTV]

I stumbled on this the other day; some might find it interesting, particularly the link to "subpersonalties".

http://www.plotinus.com/ego_soul_personalities.htm

Just another approach I suppose.....on with the cosmic quest then!

:love: Jacqueline.

[Khriss]

Honey, you just MADE MY DAY! :koc:

yep !!! And Holly Knows !! xx"K"

[TerriM]

I have been dressing on and off since I was 11 or 12. For most of that time I kept asking myself WHY? About 10 years ago I stopped asking. I found that gave me peace. I am 58. The question is if you found WHY what would it change?
Yours Terri

[BarbaraTalbot]

all new members of the group wanted to know WHY they were this or that, and people usually left when they were satisfied with BECAUSE! (I am very much in the WHY mode about my CD)

Interestingly CD urges was disclosed discussed and discarded as of much importance in my other issues both in one one one with highly professional and nationally recognized therapists in the field I was doing the therapy for, as well as in group settings.

I think we all missed the importance of this for me , because I couldnt see the strength of the urge.

I still am not sure about the how much, never mind any handle on the why!

[Sugar01]

Don't know where it originates from, but the desire does come and go. My dressing usually lasts about a month or so, then fades for about 6 months. I guess I tire of all the maintenance.

GG's have my utmost respect.

[Marla S]

One may DISCOVER that CDing will acomplish the above---usually by accident when one has an ocasion to CD usually, initially, for some "socially acceptable reason---like a school skit or Halloween. It is discovered to feel good--and thus a habbit of CD may be established.

This is but ONE of the reasons for CDing---and very different from satidfying a desire to express a 'fem side" for example. Like I mentioned above, CDing is an expression common to several different conditions and has several reasons.

Hm. The more I think about it the more it seems to me that there are only very few fundamental reasons, and I wouldn't be supprised if there is only one.
What does differ, (it would be a wonder if it wouldn't differ), is the way it is lived and how people try to rationalize it, because this depends on a lot of influences like the socialization, other personal skills, education, cultural background, "wise statements by experts" that become old very soon after being spoken, personal freedom, peer pressure and the like.

In particular I am doing hard to buy this "it is accidentaly discoverd to feel good". Don't know any other issue that is so non-exchangeable like CDing (feel good wise). That's not sufficient for me, there seems to be more to it. A habit that is established and hard to impossible to stop is either fundamental or an addiction IMO. Maybe it is an addiction.

But what do I know. We enter the field of belief here, nothing to dispute about.

It is just that I think it is more easy to understand a variety different approaches originating from a single cause, than to understand similar approaches originating from various causes.

[MarinaTwelve200]

I have been dressing on and off since I was 11 or 12. For most of that time I kept asking myself WHY? About 10 years ago I stopped asking. I found that gave me peace. I am 58. The question is if you found WHY what would it change?
Yours Terri

I think I have found the WHY for myself, and it really didnt change things too much except to stop my speculations. As a "Scientific" type, things I don't understand bug the hell out of me ---- Finding out ended the somewhat "bothersome" self questioning, and makes my CDing even more relaxing.

[dontay155]

All it takes is a bra and slip, or cami and short skirt, or full length slip, or maybe a girdle, well you get the idea that it just takes some lingerie, and I am ready to play. Who could beat that! Think of all the stupid aphrodisiacs (a billion dollar industry) that have so many negative side effects. If guys just tried on a garter belt or bralette, well, they would get the physical reaction they are after without all the fuss of taking a pill.

So, at the age of 50 (okay 51), a little CDing is like a miracle pill in nylon. And I don't need a prescription.

[KandisTX]

a little CDing is like a miracle pill in nylon. And I don't need a prescription.


I LOVE THAT LINE... I may have to steal that from you ;)

Kandis :love:

[Andi]

If y'all don't mind a GG butting in, from what I have observed, I think there are a myriad of reasons. The most likely one IMO is simply because somewhere deep inside of you, you have a desire to. All of the CDers I have met in person and have gotten to know have had one distinctive thing in common. They all have an extremely sensitive understanding of women. You understand us in ways most men don't. It's like you "get" us. Almost like you share some of our feelings, thoughts, maybe even our hormones. Anyway, thought I'd give you my thoughts. Hope y'all don't mind. :hugs: CG GG

Great answer Country Girl. Yeah that's the ticket, I'll chose your answer, it's better than "the devil made me do it". :D