Tips On Attitude, Please

[Frankie-Dear]

I just read in another thread, that attitude is 99% of passing. So... What is the proper attitude when going out? Tips, please. I may be making my first outing this coming weekend, most likely, in the evening. Um... HELP! :o

[JoAnnDallas]

I have found that if you

1. Dress to blend in. Don't dress to attract attention
2. Don't overdo you makeup.
3. Act like you do this everyday
4. Don't act nervious

Frankie.....remember the duck saying...

If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, talks like a duck, It MUST BE a DUCK.

Same for us, look like a lady, walk like a lady, act like a lady and most people will treat you as a lady.

[chucks]

step 1: open mind
step 2: open heart
step 3: open gut

then you will be bold and fearless.

[Cai]

Try to project female. I find I pass best if I remind myself that I'm a guy - I move better, stand better, speak better, etc. People pick up on the confidence you exude if you tell yourself that you're passing.

[Karren H]

Confident!! Act like you own the place!! Like you belong there dressed as you are.. Smile!! Fem movements are a must and should be subtle not over exadurated..

I walk through a store enfemme with my head held high.. Looking at people straight in the eyes.. And smiling!!! Almost engaging them... Most smile back too!! Not sheepish.. Or lloking around to see if your clocked.. Not hiding in the shadows...

Do these things and no one will question your presentation and give you a second, closer inspection...

Karren

[Emily Ann Brown]

Walk like a woman......that means slower, one foot nearly in front of the other (your butt wiggles slightly when you do this well), and don't swing your arms like a baboon....for me I hook a hand on the strap of my over-the-shoulder pocketbook. That keeps one hand in a fem position and motion.

Act like a woman.......means you forget you're dressed and be who you are. Nervousness shows, so relax. Most people won't say a word if they DO notice your born gender, and they won't notice if you don't do nervous things to wave a flag that says "Hey, look over here!"

Emily Ann

[Kristen Marie]

Even when I was in Vegas and walked through the Sahara Casino (and are their interior lights bright!!) I tried to thinkof holding my head high, continuing to carry on a conversation with Amy and Aubrey from the Glamourboutique who were with me, trying to laugh and fit in with everyone else. Sure you get some stares, but the more confident you feel in yourself, the better you carry it off. When we were done it was almost like....where can we go next....

Emily, that's a good point..having my right hand/arm on my pocketbook is sooo helpful. That only leaves the left one to worry about.

[Sheri 4242]

I have found that if you
1. Dress to blend in. Don't dress to attract attention
2. Don't overdo you makeup.
3. Act like you do this everyday
4. Don't act nervious
Frankie.....remember the duck saying...
If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, talks like a duck, It MUST BE a DUCK.
Same for us, look like a lady, walk like a lady, act like a lady and most people will treat you as a lady.


Frankie,

The only thing I might modify regarding JoAnn's list is:

2b. In part, your makeup should be aimed at where you are going and the time of day. (I first learned this aspect doing theatre.) So, for example, if you are gong to "Club XY" -- ahem - pun intended -- your makeup would want to be slightly heavier than if you were going to the mall during the day, for example. Depending on your beard growth, if it is heavy and fast growing, be sure you shave extra close. (When I do this, I shave with razor and shaving gel first, then go back and shave with a Norelco electric razor that has those shave lotion dispensers built in -- great conditioner and makes for extra close shave!)

2c. If you expect to be out for a good while, make certain you have used a good concealer as a base. A MAC rep showed me how to use a certain shade of red lipstick, then one of their concealers, as a base to take away the blue hue that will come through on parts of your face. I can give the shades I use later if you want to know them.

3. & 4. Both great pieces of advice. I'd say this in addition, as far as behaviors go, try to NOT call attention to yourself!!! I guess what I am getting at is "act like you do everyday" is good advice as long as you don't act outrageous everyday. Perhaps it would be better to say, let your behavior NOT call attention to you.

Good Luck!!! Let us know how everything goes!!!
Sheri

PS: I'm taking a personal guess at where you live, so is there a MAC counter in the cosmetic section of a local department store? If so, have you ever thought about getting them to do your makeup? They are knowledgeable and good -- and CD-friendly!!!

[Mitch23]

head up, saunter and smile!

Very impressed with the new wig by the way!

Mitch

[Frankie-Dear]

Thank you, everyone. I just ordered Color-tration's primary foundation concealer. I really don't grow a very thick beard at all, (much to my chagrin, back when I was trying to grow one!) but I can see from some recent photos, that I'm going to need to definitely tone things down.

As far as stride and body language, I'm very observant, and I think I'll be okay with that part of things.

Thank you again for all of your suggestions. You are all so very helpful... :hugs::hugs:

[Lilith Moon]

What everybody said, especially about confidence and smiling. I would add....if you do get clocked, and you will sooner or later, then it is not the end of the world.

Here's a :hugs: to help you on your way. Let us know how it goes.

[julie w]

You have to dress like other women you age and yes lots wear a skirt but
older women dont wear mini skirts and high heals to go to the mall (remember Blend in)
in my opinion the main reason cd s dont pass is the heavy make up and they dress in old fashioned clothes or young womens clothes when they are 50
Get a good wig (if you need one ) that matches you skin color and age

Also you have to have thick skin ( something I struggle with) ,and you will get read
but you probably wont know it , the hardest thing for me is get my mind ready

Last but most important plan where you are going as a male go over the root
check whos around ,then you have a mission and wont look lost and uneasy

Do this and in my opinion most have a fighting chance

[tall_brianna]

what emily said en toto plus what others have said about blending (ask yourself: is this really an occasion for 5" stilletto pumps? :D).

plus.... drop shoulders and dont push them back. Let go and relax. Slow and low, that's the tempo.

Good luck!

-b

[Frankie-Dear]

I've got a good wig, I think. (See avatar)

I can be relaxed, but it might take a few minutes to get over the initial heebie-jeebies of nervousness...

As for dressing, I tend towards dressing quite conservatively. After all, I'm 38 years old. Not 28. :)

Thank you again, everyone. I hope this thread helps others out, too. You gurls ROCK!! :thumbsup::hugs::love:

[Kate Simmons]

Frankie, I have enough attitude for everyone. Just act like you belong there and be yourself. That should work, unless you want to go the extra 9 yards and become a tomboy with an attitude like myself.:p

[Sam-antha]

Just be that, your other self. Keep the head up, walk tall and chest out. Do not look behind you, certainly not while walking, especially as you will walk proud. Short steps.... I do not know it depends on your height and balance. One foot in front of the other does help and I like the tip about the shoulder strap. I do it, it is something to hang onto....
Dressing ? Do that for your build first and your age after that, if you are in a city or other busy environment.
Be happy too.
~Samm

[KimberlyS]

I just read in another thread, that attitude is 99% of passing. So... What is the proper attitude when going out? Tips, please. I may be making my first outing this coming weekend, most likely, in the evening. Um... HELP! :o

Frankie, when I say attitude is important for going out, I mean the mental part and it is made of of many things. The other posts give many examples of this. But IMHO the first most important part is Personal Acceptance. You are a CDer. It is ok to be a CDer. It is ok for a CDer to go out if that is what you want to do? IMHO and my experience, "passing" is optional for going out.

A good way to look at it is what type of mentality and attitude do you need to go out as your male self. You know you are a male, and you dress like a male, you go places you go and do things you do. Is it ok for your male self to go out of the house? Why? Is it ok for your girlfriend, mother, wife and other GG's go out of the house? If your masculine presentation can get out what is different from your feminine presentation?

As for other mental / attitude things here are some that I think are important.

-- Think about where you are going. Would you let your SO go there alone? Is it a safe place as in personal safety and personal life safe. I often tell people to get out of town and away from those you know when starting to get out. It is much safer in terms of coming across someone you may know. Most of my personal outings are mainstream public places like stores, malls, restaurants.
-- Think about what you want to wear. What type of look to you want to give off? Do you want to be noticed or just kind of blend in. Personally I go for a middle of the road look for where I will be going but I still almost always wear a skirt. A long jean skirt blends in well places where most are wearing jeans. My dressing goal and image for myself and for others to see is to just be another person in the crowd. We see hundreds and sometimes thousands of people in a day. Most people may see you but only as a person in a crowded picture unless there is something that gets their attention. I do not pass and I have even been out as a guy in femme clothes, no makeup or wig. Usually when I am out presenting a feminine image I am in a long skirt and feminine but not overly frilly top and reasonable shoes. I just try to present a decent feminine image when out enfemme. Notice I did not say female or male but just a feminine image. I allow the other person to have what ever view they want.
--There are many different looks, walks, hair, makeup things you can do. But IMHO it is your mental attitude of what you leave the house with that is the most important thing. Yes you will be nervous, but there is a confident nervous and a scared nervous. A scared nervous will show. It will look like you want to run and hide under a rock. A confident nervous will be, yes they may see you as a male in feminine clothes or even question your looks with their initial reaction. But your confidence/mental attitude that you are here to shop just like anyone else or you are here to have a meal just like anyone else will show through and in most cases that is how you will be treated.
-- And lastly but the list could go on for along time. Some one some time will make you and laugh at you or make fun of you, or even refuse you service. Guess what, even in male presentation there are people that will treat you poorly. Just ask any other minority it happens all the time. Hey there are still people that believe the wrong side won the civil war. I say blow them off and leave with your head held high and move on to the next place. You can do it.

-- Ok the very last thing. Enjoy, have fun and be yourself.

[Frankie-Dear]

Wow!! Thank you SO MUCH!! Such wonderful advice!! Okay.. Back to reading it again, and again, and again, so that it gets through my thick skull, or perhaps, into my heart... Thank you again, so very much. :hugs:

[Lovely Rita]

I just read in another thread, that attitude is 99% of passing. So... What is the proper attitude when going out? Tips, please. I may be making my first outing this coming weekend, most likely, in the evening. Um... HELP! :o

When you walk, take shorter strides. Men take long strides and Ladies take shorter strides when walking.

My two cents. I was at the casinos and practiced taking shorter strides.:D

[Mitch23]

Just be that, your other self. Keep the head up, walk tall and chest out. Do not look behind you, certainly not while walking, especially as you will walk proud. Short steps.... I do not know it depends on your height and balance. One foot in front of the other does help and I like the tip about the shoulder strap. I do it, it is something to hang onto....
Dressing ? Do that for your build first and your age after that, if you are in a city or other busy environment.
Be happy too.
~Samm
I tend to wear tunic tops and 3/4 length stretch jeans, sandals and a little bit of jewellery because thats what a lot of the GGs are wearing at the moment. I get my head high, chest out, smile a lot and take small, slow mincing steps. None of this is natural to me! I don't walk in a straight line very often but tend to flit. I rarely make eye contact and spend most of my time looking at and interracting with the merchandise. I don't worry about who'se looking at me - hardly anyone ever does - and I am sexy after all!

If you buy something of course you are in a whole new ball game because you are in recognition zone - particularly if you speak. You will be read and you should be prepared to interract. Many will just take your money but some will want to chat. Thats where the fun is and thats where you will build your confidence - be positive, smile and ready for anything.

Just enjoy!

Mitch

[joann07]

When I'm in drab, I'm always people watching and so, before I go out, I think of what's appropriate to wear for a woman in my age, late 20's to 30's. Also, I observe what they wear during the work week, as well as on the weekends, and then I pick out what I'm going to wear.

When I do go out, these are things that I apply to help make me blend in.

1. Keep your head up, back straight, and chest out. It helps with your feminine appearance and makes your butt stick out more.

2. Walk a little slower, take short steps with one foot in front of the other, or close together, and make your body movements smoother.

3. If you have a purse with a strap, hold the strap with one hand and leave the other hand free to swing your arm femininely while walking.

4. Don't be afraid to look someone in the eyes every now and then. Just don't look down, around you, or turn away if someone crosses your path. It only gives away suspicion.

5. Show confidence in yourself by smiling and looking like you're having a great time.

Best of luck!

[Frankie-Dear]

Yes, I see what you mean, Joann.

Mitch, I think you nailed it: That recognition zone... Suddenly, instead of being a passive participant in the scene, we are active. We are the focal point of at least one other person... That ups the ante quite a bit, doesn't it?

Kinda' scary... (Probably only until after the first of such encounters, and after that, it'll likely be no trouble at all...)

Thanks again! :hugs:

[Sally24]

The word attitude could be changed to confidence. You want to at least pretend that you own whatever room or place you enter. This is your favorite place and it is full of fun people that like you. Smile, and if you get tense, think of something funny enough that you almost laugh. The smile or near smile is a key element. Many women smile almost all the time. The blank face thing is a real male trait. If you get nervous and need something to occupy yourself with, bring out the cell phone and pretend to call someone or checking you messages. (that's also an important safety item, always have your cell phone with you!)

Your eyes should have as much animation to them as your smile and the rest of your face. Look happy and friendly and smile and that's generally what you will get in return from the people you meet. I spend alot of time in front of the mirrors practicing to get expressions and movements just right.

School is out so there are teenagers around most of the time. Stay with the more adult oriented stores and you shouldn't run into many teen age girls. I haven't had any problems with them as yet but some have.

Above all try to relax and enjoy yourself. You are not breaking the law, you are not being a bad person, you are there to enjoy and express yourself.

Good Luck!

[SandyR]

I think everyone have great comments. The only thing I would add is if you are 6' 2" like myself I almost aways go out in low or flat shoes. Really important to look people in the eyes, just helps you to blend in.

Good luck!

SandyR

[Sam-antha]

Use low heels certainly not flats. Girls do come tall.
~Samm

[SandyR]

Good point Sam-antha....I have had some fun in 4" red heels, just make sure you stand tall.

SandyR

[marie354]

Know where you are going.

Be aware of your surroundings... People, places and things.

Look at people in the eyes. You can tell a lot about someone by looking at their eyes. e.g. Happy, nervous, "don't bother me", mad, etc.

I know you'll be nervous at first, but try not to let it show... Relax.

And most of all... Have fun and keep smiling. Almost everyone will react well to a great smile.

:hugs: I hope that helps.
You have a wonderful smile. Use it well and you'll be fine.

[Wendy me]

leave "him" at home .... sometime "HIM" wants to tag a long .... "HE" will only get in the way ..... and above every thing have fun and be safe......

[Jodi]

So many of the threads have stated "smile". How right they are. Women, in general, smile. They smile while they are walking. They smile while they are shopping. They especially smile when they are looking at others. Women will smile and greet strangers. Men will not.

Just put on your best smile and keep it there. It is a big part of your confidence.

Jodi

[Frankie-Dear]

Thank you again...

*humming, "You're Never Fully Dressed (Without A Smile)" from "Annie"* :):hugs:

[Country girl]

Lots of good suggestions. Karren always seems to have a great time whenever she goes out. What she says is so important. Confidence will make all the difference in the world as to how people percieve you. Good luck. I know you'll do great! CG GG

[windycissy]

I agree, flats give you a little edge if you're tall and they're very hot this year. All of the advice has been spot-on! About shopping, when you do get into that "recognition zone" remember that you can get by in most situations with very few words. Example, say you decide to buy something, when you get to the cashier she will ask you how you intend to pay, so before you go practice saying "cash" in a woman's voice. That should help get you through your first encounter....if you do get read, you're in very good company, happens to the best of us, so stay in safe situations and above all, enjoy!

[Sherlyn]

Attitude is the key ...however dont go pushing the limits ..do you make eye contact or smile at everyone in your path when not dressed ??? I dont do the act of putting it on like I belong there anymore ..does anyone if they are comfortable in their surroundings?? ..I guess what I,m saying is I use to do all the acting of belonging and defiant stares ..but you know just going about your business is the key..I really dont notice what everyone else is doing ...Im sure they dont notice me if Im minding my own ..why be defiant

[Stephenie S]

So many have said this already, but it bares repeating because it is sooo important. . . . . . .SMILE!

I call the smile you want a "s**t eatin' grin". If you want a good example, look at Karren Hutton's photos. Karren's smile goes a long way towards helping her "pass" where ever she goes.

Women smile. They smile at each other, they smile at men, they smile at service people, and they smile to themselves. I greet everyone with a big smile. If you can get a smile in return (before ANYTHING else happens), you have just made that person commit themselves to being friendly. Once they have smiled at you, it will be very hard for them to act mean. So start every encounter with a big smile.

The walk. Fall in behind a GG at the mall and match her stride. You will be very surprised at how small and quick her steps will be. Practice this. You will think to yourself that you are being soooo "gay". But that's what it feels like. Women take smaller steps and take them much more quickly. Try it. Years ago I had a fem coach tell me she could tell the sex of someone without looking at them just by listening to them walk. It's true. And, don't forget to swing those arms! Again, watch women at the mall.

OK, this answer turned out to be about technique and not attitude. Attitude was covered pretty well already. Just know you have every right to be where you are, and every right to be doing what you are doing. That's about all.

And don't forget to smile. After all, if this isn't fun, then why do it? And if it's fun, then SHOW it.

Lovies,
Stephenie

Nice wig, Frankie. You'll do fine, girl.

[Frankie-Dear]

Thank you again... So much good information, here. :thumbsup:

What I'm taking from all of this is:

1. Relax.
2. Don't make a big deal of it, and as a result, neither will anyone else.
3. SMILE

*deep breath...* Okay. Okay... I think I can do this! I'm excited about it!! :hugs::hugs::hugs:

[Kate Simmons]

Hmm, that's all the cutsey stuff Frankie. I have fun with it myself. If someone does give you some sh**, just put on your poker face and say:"You got a problem with that?" or "Hey, you talkin" to me?". Anyway, you know you are "in like Flint" when you get paid the ultimate (in my opinion) compliment and someone calls you a Bi***. I have answers for that too(always with a big smile): "That's Ms Bi*** to you, or "Thank you" or "Your point?" All in a good day's work for me.;):battingeyelashes:. Have fun out there my friend and above all, always be yourself and always, always have fun.:happy:

[Frankie-Dear]

I always reply, "You've heard of 'feeding the inner child,' right? Yeah, well... SCREW that! I'm feeding my inner b'tch!" *struttin' all around...* :heehee::tongueout

[Kate Simmons]

;):thumbsup: My kinda gal.:happy:
I always reply, "You've heard of 'feeding the inner child,' right? Yeah, well... SCREW that! I'm feeding my inner b'tch!" *struttin' all around...* :heehee::tongueout

[joann07]

It sounds like a lot of info to take in, but with a lot of practice you'll come up with your own unique feminine style that'll make you completely passable.
Also, if you have any GG/GW (Genetic Woman) friends who can help, take advantage of them because they are great assets to have.
My GW friend has been very helpful in giving me fashion and beauty tips, how to walk and talk, etc. I couldn't have picked a better person. She's been really great.

[Frankie-Dear]

Thanks! I do have a couple of GG friends who have been a great help, in addition to my wife. :) Life is good! :thumbsup: :hugs:

[Karren H]

Thank you again... So much good information, here. :thumbsup:

What I'm taking from all of this is:

1. Relax.
2. Don't make a big deal of it, and as a result, neither will anyone else.
3. SMILE
:

4. Breathe.....

"Who's that cute girl with the blue face". Thud.... She just passed out!!! Should I call 911.... Nahhh. Just another crossdresser that forgot Rule No 4.... She'll come to in a second....."

:tongueout

Karren

[Frankie-Dear]

:rofl:

"Maybe it's his... er... HER corset!" :heehee:

[Mitch23]

Yes, I see what you mean, Joann.

Mitch, I think you nailed it: That recognition zone... Suddenly, instead of being a passive participant in the scene, we are active. We are the focal point of at least one other person... That ups the ante quite a bit, doesn't it?

Kinda' scary... (Probably only until after the first of such encounters, and after that, it'll likely be no trouble at all...)

Thanks again! :hugs:
Remember you don't have to go into the recognition zone unless you want to. For me it was third time out and only because I really wanted that sexy top and it was the only way I was going to get it! Up to then it was just getting used to being there - just getting all the dynamics of it in my head and getting the 'sick pervie guy in a frock' mentality out of my head!

Mitch

[Frankie-Dear]

Remember you don't have to go into the recognition zone unless you want to. For me it was third time out and only because I really wanted that sexy top and it was the only way I was going to get it! Up to then it was just getting used to being there - just getting all the dynamics of it in my head and getting the 'sick pervie guy in a frock' mentality out of my head!

Mitch

So true. By far, the most ferocious battles I've ever had to fight, have been with things that were within. Thanks again. :) :hugs:

[Andi]

4. Breathe.....

"Who's that cute girl with the blue face". Thud.... She just passed out!!! Should I call 911.... Nahhh. Just another crossdresser that forgot Rule No 4.... She'll come to in a second....."

:tongueout

Karren

Karren, you are such a hoot. Are you this funny down in the mines??? I think you should write a book of "Karren's CDerisms" :D