Comming Out To Family and Friends

[Joy Carter]

Myself I have no plans to do so in the future. But In my view of doing so I find it near suicidal. If you have, and it came out well then I'm glad for you. Just in my case, I'm know as J-- and not Joy to my family and friends.
I think about how nice it would be if I could be comfortable in being dressed within my support structure. But they know me as the a car guy/handy man. Not as a fem in a skirt with boobs.
I know how I respond to females and differently with males. Lets say I show up at the next family function as Joy. How do the women respond to you ? If they get over the shock of the new you. They certainly not going to talk bra fitting or PMS with you. You would be lucky that they would talk clothes or the latest recipe with you. And as the men folk. How are they to relate to you. "Gee Joy pretty shoes." BTW what do you think of Goodyear's tires on my Chevy ????? And what do you do about Uncle Leo of he pinched you on the bum ? LoL
So ladies and gentlemen, what are your thoughts on this aspect of our lives as transgendered beings ?

[Sarah Plumber]

I can understand exactly what you are saying. As much as I'd love to spend time as a girl with my Mum and Sister I'm sure that neither of them would be able to treat me as one of the girls. There has been just to much time with me being male. I'm quite jealous of my Mum giving my Sister all of her unwanted clothes and dream of her giving some to me as well, but she is getting on a bit and was brought up during WW2 so her ideas and thoughts are pretty old fashioned. She would never understand. She would also be lost without her son whom she "boasts" about at every oppertunity....much to my embarrasment.....

My sister on the other hand might be different. She is very modern and open minded but again I think she would miss her big brother with whom she gets on with extremely well. It might be just to much of a culture shock for her and I think she would have trouble adjusting. But then again I'm not 100%. She may just take it in her stride....I have considered telling her a 1000 times but realise that once it's done it's done and there would be no turning back.

[Teresa Amina]

Like the Mel Brooks song, "Hope for the best, expect the worst". People are comfortable in their (superficial) concept of where you fit in, who you are. When they find out otherwise it should be no surprise if they freak out some.
I have a concept I call "semi-out". A friend knows I crossdress, not that it's "more serious". Let him ponder that, get comfortable before the other shoe drops and physical changes become obvious to all.
But ultimately one needs to be prepared to go it alone, finding new friends and a spiritual family of sorts to replace those who fall away.

[Kether]

I also have no intention of coming out to my friends, even though Sometimes I can't get to sleep at night, just lie in bed watching my mind going round and round, I find mens conversation boring to say the least, most of the men I know only think about their self, and I do think women would talk to you about whatever you like cos women by nature think of others (well they do when they have had children) My GF of 14 years has known for about 10 years. But I have two children and my partner doesn't want them to know, but I know that if I insisted she would let them know (children know more that goes on than you think anyway). But I get to dress most of the time when the kids are at school, I work from home while my GF works full time so I get to stay at home and do the girlie stuff. Cleaning, ironing etc. But I hate hate hate the times I have to dress (or should I say Pretend to be) like a man.
What ya think of this
Never whistle while you're peeing
If you're whistling while you're peeing you're in two minds
If you're in two minds there's conflict
And if there's conflict you'll never have peace in the kingdom.

And this I think is the answer.

[Kate Simmons]

Hi Joy. Once people get over the initial "shock" of you being "out there" it can settle into something nice sometimes. The very fact that I CAN discuss fashion and cars in the same breath with my friends is quite refreshing in my mind. I realize it may take longer for family members though. I mean, which "camp" are you in, so to speak? The odd thing I find is that people, especially family members who know you as a certain person have the hardest time relating. Your male cousin may think for instance, THIS is the guy who I used to go camping and hunting and fishing with? They may begin to question their own feelings and that is where the strangeness comes in. They are not quite sure how to act sometimes even though for you it may be no big deal at all and you know you are the same person, just from a somewhat different aspect. Actually, it makes you a better more well rounded person but it takes others a while to see that sometimes. In any case, I would never go back to the monotonic personality I was forced into most of my life and the Genie likes being out of the bottle.:happy:

[Karren H]

My thought's are.... Hell No!!! Why put your family and your friends and yourself through that kind of torment.... Unless you have some overwhelming concience thingy where you have to tell the truch no mater how much pain and anguish it brings on everyone else.... If that be the case have at it.... But that's not for me!!

I really enjoy my average Joe life and average American family..... and don't want to ruin that for myself and for my loved ones..... I just have a slightly different hobby than all my neighbors.... hehe

Love Karren

[Angie G]

My wife knows as for others I'm not telling :hugs:
Angie

[Jocelyn Quivers]

As much as I would like to there is no way I could do it. Just this past weekend I attended an extended family cookout. I'm also known as the rugged, strong, tough, athletic etc nephew, son, uncle etc. If my extended family even knew about "Jocelyn" I would probably be the shame of the entire family and my parents would be constantly asked "what went wrong with him?" I do get tempted occasionaly to tell my parents, but I just can't take or live with the risk that our relationship and how they look at me would be changed forever, and not probably for the best. Jocelyn

[Frankie-Dear]

No way. I'm already the black sheep of the family, and what with having been a soldier, pilot, scuba diver, and all of the other uber-guy things that I've done, to then introduce them to Frankie... It would fry their little brains.

"You know... I always KNEW there was something wrong with that boy!"

:rolleyes: No thanks.

[Julogden]

Hi Joy,

There's no one-size-fits-all rule regarding whether or not to come out to friends and family. You know your situation better than we do, so if you feel that it's best to stay undercover, then I would suggest that you not question your judgement, you're doing the right thing.

If you reach a point in your life where you feel that you have to come out, then deal with it when the time comes.:2c:

Carol:hugs:

[Patricia Danielle]

As for me the SO knows, Three of my sisters know and a very select few of our friends. Oh yea and a few people at the recording studio know. The neat thing about it is 99% of them are ok with it. They all asked me at one time or another if it was sex issues or just expression? I tell them mostly comfort and expression. Patricia..

[Emily Ann Brown]

Other side of the coin.....

I'm out to my adult kids (not my doing). I went to see my son we talked cars and fiddled with dirt bikes with the grandkids (yeah I was in drab). The girls treat me as dad and we chat about life and the grandkids and decorating (yeah I was in drab). Yeah yeah I know, I'm not being female around them, but they want it this way and I can handle being F2M (been doing it all my life). Would I like to once be me with them? SURE ! And I could do dirt bikes in capris and a Tshirt and talk grandkids and life that way too. And one teen grandkid knows (not my doing again), and she comes to me to talk about boys (and yeah I'm in drab).

Find what works and do it. If you get lemons (wasn't my doing...GIGGLE GIGGLE) make lemonade and have a cold glass.


Emily Ann
(Yeah I know I'm awfully blessed)

[Lovely Rita]

My thought's are.... Hell No!!! Why put your family and your friends and yourself through that kind of torment.... Unless you have some overwhelming concience thingy where you have to tell the truch no mater how much pain and anguish it brings on everyone else.... If that be the case have at it.... But that's not for me!!

I really enjoy my average Joe life and average American family..... and don't want to ruin that for myself and for my loved ones..... I just have a slightly different hobby than all my neighbors.... hehe

Love Karren

I also enjoy all aspects of my life and don't have the need to let everyone in, but only the ones that I need to.:love:

[Stephenie S]

Lots of these posts show strong stereotypical biases. My goodness, why can't you talk about carpentry or cars just because you wear a skirt? Why can't you go camping, hunting, or cannooing just because you wear a skirt? Come on, girls. Women do ALL these things too. I have no trouble talking to my contractor brother-in-law about working on my house. That's me. I am still here. I just dress differently.

And about telling your family, they might be more accepting than you think. But PLEASE, don't just show up dressed at the family reunion. For pity's sake, give them a little warning. TALK about it first. If you do plan to "come out", talk to each member of your family separately beforehand. It shows a bit more respect for their feelings.

I am willing to bet that, just like many, many, of our other fears and trepidations, the fear we have about coming out to our family can be mostly in our heads.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[joann07]

Sorry this is a bit long, but please bear with me.

As much as I'd like to tell all my family and friends, I couldn't do it.
On the other hand, I have selectively told two longtime friends because, from my gut feeling, I knew they would be accepting and they have been.

I've been single all 38 years of my life and if I told everyone else, they would probably assume I'm gay, which I'm definitely not. Everybody knows me as a guy who loves cars (own multiple vehicles); cruises out to car shows and meets; plays and watches sports; collects guns, comics, militaria, etc.; works on computers; enjoys watching guy movies and TV shows; etc, etc; in addition to being a kind, gentle, strong, and tough person who's always being protective and looking out for others.

If I come out, I know that everyone would be totally shocked and their image of me would crumble down like a building going down in an implosion.
My parents, for example, were born during WWII. They grew up in the 50's so they were brought up in a conservative time and up bringing. They're parents were very strict and old fashioned and so if told them, I don't think they would understand. In their native country, there are a lot of homosexual males who are not shy about being gay. In fact, they're flaming so they know about homosexuals from what they've been exposed to. For me to tell them would probably automatically trigger in their mind that I'm gay and they would most likely dishown me, as well as the rest of my extended family. Then, it would filter through the grapevine to friends and so I then I would have to find a cave.

However, my older sister might be accepting, and possibly my younger brother, but still be shocked.
With regards to my sister, I'm kind of in the same boat as Sarah Plumber.
My sister is only 11 months older than I am and we're very close. Plus, we get along very well.
There are things that I've told her which I would never tell my brother or my parents.
She's open minded about things and has been through a lot of drama throughout the years. Because she's the oldest, she deals with a lot of issues when I comes to family and friends. She's one tough gal who doesn't put up with the BS and she'll tell it to you in your face. That's why I could never win an argument because she's always right.
Because of the way she is, and how we're so close, I think she may be my next candidate, which I've been thinking a lot about lately. Since she's the only girl in the family, she probably wouldn't mind having someone as a sister she never had.

My younger brother, on the other hand, is the youngest and the ultimate black sheep of the family. He's done so much crap that almost tore our family apart. I'm three years older than him, but I'm not as close to him as I am with my sister.
He's spoiled, manipulative, a liar, and only cares about himself. He's done so many stupid things that has gotten him into all kinds of trouble, including financially and eloping (because of pregnancy), and yet we're always there to bail him out. Even if we say "No", he'll go to his friends and manipulate them and then word gets back to me and my sister.
If I were to tell him, I'm sure we would be shocked and accept it, but if I was to put my trust in him not to tell anyone, he'll probably use it against me to get something in return. My only option would be to tell everyone else so that he couldn't use it as a bargaining chip then I've really screwed myself.

Of the two friends that I've told.
The first person is a gay male who I've known since we were little kids.
He's just like another brother to me and I felt like I owed it him since he came out several years ago and told me that he was gay. When I first told him, he asked if I was gay and I said "no" and that I just liked to wear women's clothes.
I don't think he completely understands why I do it, but he's been very supportive and accepting.

The second person is a Genetic Woman I've known since my college days, almost 20 years ago.
She and her husband are very good friends of mine and we're very close. I'm even a godparent to one of their daughters so I have a lot weighing on my shoulders.
I chose her because she's super nice, sweet, down-to-earth, and just an all around great person.
She's always wearing very stylish clothes and so I knew that she would be a perfect candidate, as well as be a great fashion consultant.
When I first told her, she asked the same question whether I was gay and I said "No". Then, she asked if I had any intentions of having a sex change and I most definitely said "NO". I told her that I'm happy being a guy, doing guy stuff, and being attracted to women. Its just that whenever I see an attractive girl in a nice dress, I also want to wear that dress.
She didn't seem really shocked when I first started off my conversation by showing her my nylon covered feet. In fact, she made a comment that my toe nails looked really cute with the red nail polish.
After I had finished telling her, we went shopping and she helped pick a new outfit for my next Tri-Ess support group meeting.
Every now and then, I will go to her house and model my new clothes and she would tell me which skirt, top, or shoes would go with which.
She's great!


Hugs!

[Teresa Amina]

And what do you do about Uncle Leo if he pinched you on the bum ?

They call that Sexual Harassment, against the law in most places, though a good girly slap across the face would be appropriate :D

[marie354]

When I was telling my family & friends, I was a bit nervous at first. But after I got it out, everything turned out OK. I was actually relieved that my secret wasn't a secret anymore.

Not everyone knows yet, I still have 7 to go on Regina's side and I'd like to tell my older sister that I'm moving a bit farther out as well, if I can find where she is in Mexico. Once that's done, then it'll be time for the general public. :happy:

I'm sorry that some haven't gotten as good result, but maybe in time everyone will be more accepting. I hope so.
:hugs:

[Joy Carter]

They call that Sexual Harassment, against the law in most places, though a good girly slap across the face would be appropriate :D

S H is only in the work place silly. Now might this be insest ? LoL:eek:

[Joy Carter]

[QUOTE=Stephenie S;925549]Lots of these posts show strong stereotypical biases. My goodness, why can't you talk about carpentry or cars just because you wear a skirt? Why can't you go camping, hunting, or cannooing just because you wear a skirt? Come on, girls. Women do ALL these things too. I have no trouble talking to my contractor brother-in-law about working on my house. That's me. I am still here. I just dress differently.

And about telling your family, they might be more accepting than you think. But PLEASE, don't just show up dressed at the family reunion. For pity's sake, give them a little warning. TALK about it first. If you do plan to "come out", talk to each member of your family separately beforehand. It shows a bit more respect for their feelings.

I am willing to bet that, just like many, many, of our other fears and trepidations, the fear we have about coming out to our family can be mostly in our heads.

Lovies,

I take it your comfortable dressed while with your family and friends Stephenie ?

[eleventhdr]

but my family does not they might suspect something but they do not know about Suzy at all she is just who i am suppose to be and I keep that to myself mostly it hurt's sometime's not to be here in the flesh but who know's she may yet emerge someday and take over and then i would be here and who i am suppose to ahve been oh well until that time until that time!

Suzy Ann!

[Mitch23]

comes up quite a lot in casual banter with the girls at work. After all, I carry a bag, shave my legs, paint my nails, wear jewellery etc. Am going out with the girls as a girl at the end of the month - that will be interesting!

Mitch

[Mary Morgan]

Joy, for me part of coming out to anyone has been the intimacy of the moment, not the dressing but being real. I have a girlfriend and her husband that I have known since my teen years, to me she is like a sister and was and is my sister's best friend. I see them a couple of times each year but chat witht them frequently. We have developed a new relationship that is closer and more natural than before I came out to them. They both love me, we talk about the usual things, but are free and comfortable talking about most of the other things I need and want to talk about. It also has helped my wife to accept my dressing in that she also loves these people and sees that the fear is unfounded at least in them. I do not dress when I am with them but would be comfortable if I did. I am no less my real self, both sides, dressed or not. I think Salandra has said it best. You make peace with your self and the rest takes care of itself.

[Stephenie S]

Dear Joy,

Yes, I am comfortable dressed around the family and friends I have told. Not all my friends and family are aware. Well, I guess all my family is aware because my sister talks to everyone. This is just my brothers and sisters as my parents have passed away. My wife has not told her children yet and she has requested that she be allowed to tell them herself. I will respect this request. Many of my friends and many of my wife's friends are aware. Not all. I am going to have to tell everyone eventually, I know. Most at work are aware. More and more are becoming aware in my day to day life, as I go to the bank, the gas station, the convenience store and the market. It is, of course, harder to tell people who are close to you than it is to tell people who are essentially strangers.

Pretty much, I am comfortable dressed. Please remember that my dressing is fairly low key. Those that have been reading my posts know that I wear low heeled shoes, don't own a pair of pantyhose or stockings, don't wear much, if any, makeup, own (but don't wear) a set of breast forms, don't wear a wig, don't wear girdles or corsets or the like, and I like to wear jeans. So I am not very outlandish in my dress.

Stephenie

[immike]

I can understand exactly what you are saying. As much as I'd love to spend time as a girl with my Mum and Sister I'm sure that neither of them would be able to treat me as one of the girls. There has been just to much time with me being male. I'm quite jealous of my Mum giving my Sister all of her unwanted clothes and dream of her giving some to me as well, but she is getting on a bit and was brought up during WW2 so her ideas and thoughts are pretty old fashioned. She would never understand. She would also be lost without her son whom she "boasts" about at every oppertunity....much to my embarrasment.....

My sister on the other hand might be different. She is very modern and open minded but again I think she would miss her big brother with whom she gets on with extremely well. It might be just to much of a culture shock for her and I think she would have trouble adjusting. But then again I'm not 100%. She may just take it in her stride....I have considered telling her a 1000 times but realise that once it's done it's done and there would be no turning back.
I could never tell my mother or sisters that I have worn thier clothes& shoes,
I would be disowned?