Who and What am I???

[Felix]

Ok a hard question!! I have been conditioned from a child to be a female every body part I have says I am female. I've even reproduced as a female. So why do I feel like a man and feel more comfortable around blokes? Confusing seeing as I can be very feminist too. Ok as I see it. I have delbt with horrible people on both sides of the gender divide and have been hurt by them badly in the past and not so distant past. So one could say its because of these factors that I am confused, who knows? I can see where they may be coming from but if I am honest with myself I don't really feel confused, well 95% of the time anyways. I feel comfortable in the way I dress everything about it although a real chest would be great and preferable. I like to be called mate again preferable to love girl, lady or anything along those lines, darlin isn't so bad. I feel more comfortable with the men in work and yet I can do women if I feel comfortable with them. When I do my weights I see a bloke in the mirror not a woman even though I still have boobs. I tend to ignore them now. I cringe when I am called my female name not in school cos I accept this is a delicate place to be called Felix but when I am out and about I don't really like it. So if I am totally honest which I like to be with my friends in here I see myself 95% male and 5% female so I don't think I can label myself gender queer anymore as the proportion of male to female is too disproportionate. Yet I am not ready to fully say some other things which go with this so I am not going to label myself I am just going to say I am what I am, this is me my friends xx Felix :hugs:

[Kate Simmons]

Whoever and whatever I am, I'm 95% attitude (therefore myself) and 5% appearance. I really don't care how others view me as I know who I am. You know who you are as well Felix and that is the person we all love and appreciate. I've considered you a man from the beginning my friend and that is how I will always see you.:hugs:

[Cai]

so I am not going to label myself I am just going to say I am what I am

Exactly. I don't like labels. You're attracted to whomever you're attracted to, you dress the way makes you more comfortable, and you behave the way that you behave. There's no reason to force yourself to fit a box.
I use labels to explain things to people outside the TG community, who might not understand otherwise, but I don't feel like I need to fit that label.

And you're more tolerant than me, because the next person who calls me "darling" (especially if I'm trying to be in guy mode) earns themselves a death glare and possibly more.

[Charleen]

We are who we are! You got that right my friend! That puts us in a tough spot doesn't it?
My comment about the fence was not about us but how we're perceived by others. We are no longer confused but the people that have know for years, well, they're another story huh?
Me, I know I'm Lily, as you know you're Felix.
People know me as Charlie though. I am Charlie at work. Have to be or no job. Now I'm playing at being Charlie. I'm good at it too! I've been playing that part for all my life. Lily's there though. Long hair, polished long nails, earrings, jewelry, mascara, you get the idea. I am even growing my goatee back. See I have this wattle under my my chin (I'm ancient!) and I hate how it looks and how it makes me look, hence the growth. Might come back off. I'll see. Anyway, A good friend that knows Lily, when he saw the chin spinich coming in asked "What about Lily?" You know what I told him. I know who I am inside. The beard is like putting on a fake one to play a part and that's what I'm doing. Out of work, I dress en fem. If I am looked upon as "walking light in my loafers" I don't care! I am expressing who I am, and dressing the way I need to to be at peace with myself. It's who I am, and natural to dress like I do.
So back to the fence. We know who we are but others don't. They have known us before we accepted ourselves, which is the case for me and you at work, or meeting us for the first time. Work is work and you sound like you enjoy what you do as I do and don't want to jeopardise that so we're stuck there. Outside, for me, I'm still stuck. Everyone in town knows me so I can't be too blatant. You though might have an option. Talk to your good friends. Explain the situation. Who you are. Felix. When meeting new people, introduce or be introduced as Felix. If this is how you want to be recognised, take the bull by the horns and assert yourself in that direction.
I wish you well my friend! The growth I've seen in you is astonding! Coming to terms with who we are is a major step. You've taken it! The rest will come. I've heard we have to give time, time. True. Most of the time it's not in the amount of time we think it should happen. Hang in there Mate!
Love and XXXX, Lily

[Felix]

Thanx Lily ya a gem. I am out in many ways in work just haven't labelled myself to management. I have told my friends my preferred name but don't think many of them will use it. Patients patients!! Thanx again Lily for your support xx

Hi Hun thanx for your response to my post I appreciate it very much xx

Hi Sal :hugs: Thanx sweetie for that :thumbsup: xx Felix :hugs: