ups and downs

[chris]

Hi everyone, I know you senior members are all gonna roll your eyes and say OMG not another one of these posts, but well.........Briefly then. I'm new to the forum so those who didn't read my intro, I've been a closet cd for 20 yrs (?) off and on. I'm finally starting to break out of my shell and simply accept who I am, meaning: All I really want is for my wife to be accepting of what I do, preiod end of story. I don't have any urge to dress and go out in public...yet (although the thought is very exciting :p ) I just want her support. I will say that she knows I like to wear fem cloths there is no doubt of this because I've told her and she's even dressed me once about 2 years ago.

It seems within the past 4 weeks It seems that I've come to a crossroads of sorts and have given her some pretty strong indications that this is me and not just a passing fancy. I'm even paying good $ to go talk to a pshrink once a week, not just about being a cd but other issues which really aren't important to this conversation and she's really supportive of that. About two weeks ago I told her I wanted to get a manicure and petticure, she didn't blink an eye, the only thing she said was "no polish buff only" wow I thought ! so I did and it was awesome, I can't wait to go again. Then last week was her b-day :) So I got her some really cool stuff at Victorias, I was in heaven in that place it had just opened and so I was the only one in there and I had a really cute gg as my personal sales girl :D and can you believe I didn't even get anything for me ? So just last weekend I casually said I wanted to shave my legs, after a pause she said ok, so I did. I really liked it and want to continue but yesterday she told me she's not real keen on the idea. So for all my rambling (sorry) it comes down to this. It seems like I'm getting mixed messages from her, on the one hand she knows I like to cd but I don't think she knows just how much a part of me it's becoming. Shes cool with my fem side coming out but only to a certian extent. Should I spell it out for her ? Should I just be dressed when she comes home from work ? I personally think that's a pretty radical approach and I doubt that would happen. I am somewhat mixed up as you can all see. At this point I think I need to find a happy medium with her, maybe draw up some do's and don'ts so we both know where each other stands on the issue. Any ideas ?

Signed,

Confused Chris :(

[Julie York]

I haven't any advice as I am not in the same position but I didn't want you to feel ignored. When the married people get here you'll have plenty of responses.

But, even as someone who doesn't know much.....I really don't think doing the ..."TADAAA!" routine is a good idea.

[Wendy me]

rolling eyes .............no not at all ......batts eye lashes because its fun to do.........
oh yar you ....ok your wife is like ok with your cd ing wow huge start ........nails done no polish........veary doable ...................the the shrink (wrong word to use thay helpe you to grow not shrink you ........)yes a lot of us got that .........ask abought your wife next viset...........v.s..........crossdresser in a candy store............
sounds pretty normal to me .........your getting into your fem side faster than your wife can or want to handle ..........if you see this once here you will see it like a zillion times yes zillion times.............go slow and like be real loveing to her
hope this helpes some..........

[Fallen Angel]

hi theres alot of ladies here that have been thru the same, and they will answer you. iv been on this forum a while now and all the ladies here are wounderfull xx

[malecynthia]

Hi Chris,
My wife seems a bit vague on just how far she wants me to go with my crossdressing, so my approach is to tell her that I love her so much for being so accepting of my liking for ladies clothes. I have never been a man who gives my wife flowers or cards, or even say that I love her. After 40 years of marriage, I think we'd just got into a comfortable rut.
Its only in the past few months that she has started helping me to choose items of clothing, and I have started being a bit more demonstrative towards her. My reasoning is that if her acceptance of the new me results in a more loving relationship she will be more likely to continue encouraging the Cynthia side of me. Sorry if this sounds a bit convoluted, but its difficult for me to express my relatively new feminine side. Things seem to have happened so quickly that I find it hard to accept where I'm at.
Cynthia.

[paulaN]

I find that sometimes my SO. is more supportive and sometimes not it depends on her mood. that by the way can be very hard to read until it is too late. but most time it is easy to read. So I think the word to use here is to be cautious. and to try and read her mood. take it slow, and don't try to be a pain about it all the time.even though you want to dress and do more because of her acceptance. take it slow and have fun with it and try to talk about dressing as much as you can without beeing a pain, like I said. good luck and have fun.

[micheller]

For me its only been a week, and its been a wild emotional roller-coaster ride....for both of us. For starters I immediatly shaved my legs, I had done this three or four times before, and started dressing mostly en femme around the house. When my wife and I first started talking we set down some boundries. She said no body modifications (fine with me) and she wants me to dress as my "other" self 3-4 days out of the week while at home. She has purchased clothing, shoes, lingere for me, and even painted my toes one night. With all that being said, it seems like she is pretty excited right? Well Monday she got pretty depressed, even requested that I put on my male clothes, and I did. And last night she was depressed too. She just started reading "My Husband Betty" and I think that is helping her to cope better. Even right now, I am depressed. Depressed about not knowing who I am, what I am, what "classification" I fit into. Can I get away with this, or with that? I have tons of questions running through my head, and yet, she probably has more.

During the day I dress as a man (however become more effeminite) and at night I dress as Michelle, do yoga, cook, clean, etc.. Yesterday was supposed to be the first day this week not dressed as Michelle and I was miserable.... I had to be Michelle..I'm not happy unless I am Michelle and my wife saw that, and told me it was ok if I dressed as Michelle. It is'nt going to be easy I can tell. I know my wife is going to be there, I need to be patient and she needs to be patient. But how I, how any of us do that is beyond me.
My wife does love how my demeanor (aside from the depressive periods) has changed, I've lost weight (11 lbs since coming out) I eat better, I do yoga, I take care of my skin, and I am generally happier.
But I know its got to be tough for her to see her husband in a chamis, or floral print skirt and 4" heels.

Find friends, for both of you. Maybe she has a close friend that she can talk to about it, not for counseling, just to "talk". Have her join and read the board, and check out other "hetero friendly" CD (TG/TV/TS/etc.) sites. I know some of women's fears with this is that we will becoming bi, or gay or that we will want to modify our body up to and including SRS.

From their perspective it can be just as scary as it is for us....

Michelle

[chris]

I want to thank you all for your really kind and insightfull thoughts, it really helps....I know I need to take it slow but they way I am I want results yesterday ! Thanks again girls, xoxox chris :)

[Priscilla1018]

Hi Chris,

I have been crossdressing for46 years.I came out to my wife two months ago have also talked to therapist and my Psychiatrist, who I see for other problems. My wife is very supportive and even did my makeup for photo shoot. Everyone is going to tell you to take it slow,some wives can have a hard time adjusting. It is a lot to accept at first and they feel threatened. So , give it time and treat her like the special lady she is. Wendy's idea about talking about your wife with the psychiatrist is a good one.You may ask if she can join you for a session,it does help.
Best of luck to you and your wife.

Love and Hugs,
Priscilla

[Roberta..]

Chris,

There is an awful lot going thru both your minds at this point. You want to run, she wants to go in reverse. You must realize that if you are going to be happy, then you have to make sure that she is estatic. Easier said than done. Do not act like there will be no tomorrow, or, and you better believe this, there won't be one. GO SSSLLLOOOWWW! If you must be Michelle, especially when it isn't that time of the week, then try wearing something under drab, like stockings, or panties & bra. But at least present as male to your life mate. She married a man, not a sister, so live up to your end of the bargain. It will be hard for you, and heaven knows it is equally as hard for most of us girls out here, so don't think that you are alone in the boat.
Just keep in mind that the future possibilities of your relationship just might outweigh the present anguish.

Sincerely, Roberta..

[Richelle]

Chris,

We all have different experiences with our SO/wifes. Mine has not been good. She knew when we got married, but thought she heard it was only a phase. Then after, she said OK and we tried it a couple time together. Now, she wants nothing to do with it, does not trust when I say I am not gay or want to change. We have come to an agreement that I do it when she is not around and will not find out.

This is not the best, but it is what it is. Hope it turns out better for you.

Richelle

[Holly]

Chris,

I hope you can find some comfort in the fact that you are not alone. Many of us with wives or SO's have walked or are walking down the same path. You've already heard it and you will continue to hear it over and over again... go slow. Be supersensitive to her needs and constantly reassure her of your love for her. In the discussions that you do have with her, emphasize the benefits to her of your more feminine nature... compassion, sensitivity, nuturing, etc.

If your wife is willing, there is a forum here just for GG's. The idea behind it is to provide a place where they can discuss those issues that impact their lives. If you stop to think about it, they are deeper in the closet than we are. If she's interested, she'll need to join the forum and PM Tammera-GG to request access to the GG's forum. Just a thought.

And besides, if she gets to know the rest of us, she'll see that we're not a bunch of weirdos... what's that Nina? No, I haven't seen the duct tape. Sorry.

[racquel]

Hard to expand on Holly's advice:
' I hope you can find some comfort in the fact that you are not alone. Many of us with wives or SO's have walked or are walking down the same path. You've already heard it and you will continue to hear it over and over again... go slow. Be supersensitive to her needs and constantly reassure her of your love for her. In the discussions that you do have with her, emphasize the benefits to her of your more feminine nature... compassion, sensitivity, nuturing, etc'
It's good advice,Chris.
Huggs.